I dont know anymore, at first I thought I was sure. But now, no..or maybe..or yes. There are too many questions in my mind, some I'm dying to ask, and others I'm too afraid to ...ask/know the truth?? I mean being honest is really important to me, but am i really being honest to myself ? Or am I just confused...about life...work...decisons...love? Have I made the right choices ?? Is this where I really want to be now ? If not, where do I want to be? Or better yet, Who do I want to be?....I dont know...about life...al that I know is that its a good ceral, and was an ok game. Well kiddies, its time to go mimis. I'll tty...or some of u's later. and anyone other than my subscribers should read this let me know what u think..

Night, Jose

 Well folks, I don't know how I'm going to say this so I'm just going to spit it out. I quit drinking this year, and right now you have no idea how badly I want a drink.  Currently there's some heavy shit going on in my life, and as I was driving home today I realized something. I don't have one person that I can turn to when I'm feeling down. Let's go back 2 years, I was very close to my friends and open about what was bothering me.  But due to my drinking I started bottling my feelings up and keeping to myself; I also had alienated some very good friends of mine. Ones that could read me like a book and are able to tell if something was bothering me just by the look in my eyes. And as I was driving home I also realized that I really don't trust anyone enough to open up too.  I've made it almost 6 months now that I haven't had a drink, and as I type that's the only thing on my mind. Right now I feel like that my whole world is crashing down on me and I did it all to my self, and I cant do anything to stop it.

When we were kids all we wanted was to be grown up and be free, but now I wish I was a kid, no worries, no cares, bills, job, just enjoy  life everyday, and take it for what its worth…..Maybe by writing this I can see If, there really people that care and worth trusting. I know that I have subscribers, but what I want to know is there really anyone else out there that cares enough and reads my shit?

Well it's late, and I should be going to bed

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Alright, I've been thinking about this for a while now and it's time I say a little more about this subject. O.k. maybe kids arnt that bad, last week I've been spending time with my sis and her son. And you know what that kid really likes me. I don't know why, but he does. It seems kinda weird to me, I dunno am i crazy. Well I've come to the conclusion that kids arnt as bad as I thought. Kids need to be cared and watched ALL the time, and i just dont want do deal with that. So if kids are in my future, I'm just not ready for them.

So with this being my last written blog, I'm left thinking if I really know that if I'm making the right choices for my life?

    Well folks it's been a while since I've written a new blog. So I decided to finally stop being so fuckin' lazy and write one. So what's going to be about well I Got an idea why not record a video blog then post it here...in my mind it would be alot easier, cause I can say alot more and not have to type it. Just push record then upload. its that easy....Well what else has been going on with me, not much just workin, and sometimes hardly workin. Ive got another blog about kids comming up too. Ive just been really thinking about the subject and I wanted to elaborate more on the subject.  Well I guess that's going to be it for now. So untill then, rember.........."If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid"

Jose

Well christmas is finally over. yeayyy well every thing went good for me this past holiday. and now back 2 work 2mrrow booo. Stil debateing what my new years resultion will be. well thats it for now. stay tuned cause my end of the year rant is comming soon

Alright, people as if you cant tell christmas is here. And I'm fucking hating it! For those of you that dont know I also work part time at Macy*s. They put the christmas decorations up before Haloween, BEFORE HALOWEEN ! ! wtf, i wasnt even thinking about Turkey! Now, what really gets me is that everyone is supposed to be jolly and happy (you know goodwill on to all mankind ) that shit. But NOOOOO! everybody is gimmie gimmie. What ever happened to "its better to give than recieve" ? Now I'm not a complete asshole towards christmas ill give my family presents, and some of my good friends. But the whole jollyness, cheerful, joy to the world, happy crappy shit isn't me. Go ahead and call me grinch (look at my profile pic) or scrooge. I dont give a damm! I'll be happy once the holidays are over.

Bah Humbug