The Horror that had befallen me, had now became a mere nightmare, a dream that was burnt into my brain, like a scalpel left in a kids heart, an Obese man who choked on a Mc D's Burger, I was mentally scared, Physically traumatized, a teenager, who had suffered through so much turmoil these past months.. For that matter my whole life leading up to this point, so I had sought out freedom. Today was my birthday, I had turned 14, I had stayed home these past few month's, it was more a relief than being in that hospital, I felt to much like a resident in that place, being feed daily by the most horrible food that i have ever had, almost as bad as the food my mother used to feed me, their was this nurse, who I had a crush on, The only positive thing about being in there. She'd always come in an see how i was, sneak in desserts and decent food, that the hospital would never allow,(Yes I’m sure you can relate, food of death, cooked by fat chef's who themselves sanitize everything or douse it in urine, not enough pay for them to even bother feeding the Ill and dying) My Nurse was very young about in her early 20's or so, a fiery brunette, huge breast's, perky and edible and legs that went up into her very short hospital skirt, the sweatiness dripping from that area, was so lustful, I could feel my own sexuality beginning to grow, expanding like a balloon, but with her delicious bright red lips around the tip.

Dreams of her kept devouring my own thoughts, perversions of a young teen and his first crush, It felt like I was losing control but she was the only reason why I wanted to be in that cursed place, with sick, smelly, dying people. It was awful the smell of their stench, rotting my youthful lungs, the horror of grotesque human beings laying in their own filth, reverting back to there baby nature and having someone clean it up for them at night I was horrified more, scared some sort of entity would come in the room and either devour me or brutally murder me, I even began remembering the mad man, who slaughtered that family with a sword, expecting to see him dressed in a black shroud with a sickle instead of a sword, tearing my flesh apart bit by bit as i lay there half unconscious or even aware that the sadist was enjoying my pain, gaining some sort of pleasure, by playing with my insides with that sinister sickle, blood spurting onto his violent stature and laughing madly, the horror of my dreams kept consuming me for months, to only think that in future Carol and Jason threw me an exciting birthday party, since i hadn’t been at school it was only us four, i didn’t mind it though, I guess knew that this moment would be the only point of existence of happiness, in my entire life, without even thinking about it, I could feels the changes, some say it was puberty! But I always believed till this very day... that it was a premonition. Not to wreck anymore of the events that befall me after my birthday or the experiences that i later suffer through out my school years, I shall go backward in time a bit, only a few months and to conclude my fascination with my sweet nurse ohh and don't you worry readers of the abyss this will keep you entertained a bit more or a bit less if which i certainly hope that you have abandoned all reading pleasure, for your eyes, mind and sexual organs may have had to much intercourse in the very first chapter and here we are, not even half way. Do you dear me to continue, for if you have not yet been put into an asylum or had committed suicide from what i have revelled to you all. Now where was I then ahh yes The Nurse what’s to say! she worked fulltime, spent most her time looking after these sick people, lived at home with a dog, blah blah blah, drove to her work in an upbeat brown station wagon, obliviously not getting paid enough to be here, but she does it anyway, for she hopes to help those in need, much like the hard candy underneath this drape of a cloth that I’m wearing, all these sexual thoughts entering my head, wanting to see her naked or catching a glimpse of her breast, almost falling out of that skimpy top of hers, I then started to have an apthany!! I had started thinking the way my uncle had thought, I began freaking out that I was going to become exactly like him, (Womanizing Psychopath) the nurse saw me panicking, she came in to check me, lent over where i saw her bare breasts hanging out more closer than the usual times that I hoped to catch a view like this, the motion of my heart beating tenfold, the blood flowing only to my sexual organ, my eyes blurred and i became faint... Shortly after i came to, she was still checking me in a similar position, she had asked me if i was ok, i could still barely speak or if i had tried i would've sounded like a blown rock singers voice after screaming for hours. As I could just watch her movements, my thoughts became perverse, an uncanny eruption of words, feelings and visions that had no names yet or for that matter didn’t even exist or was probably illegal.

Days in and out i felt like a stalker in a room, watching observing, I felt like apart of my innocence was lost, damaged... It wouldn’t recover as far as i was concerned; maybe death to me seemed like an easy way out than surviving this traumatic experience. So I felt and thought in my first month here. My nurse, oh my sweet beautiful nurse if not for your salvation, i would've surely ended my existence by jumping out the window. The few times looking down to the ground, imagining what it would look like when I’m falling, hitting the ground with an impact, splatter on your local dinner whore, would anyone miss me? I had no real parents, family so the question in my mind was who would truly care another death, people off themselves all the time another statistic in the world of unimportance... I also questioned religion (Not that i believed in it in the first place) But my eyes where more open, i had became more aware of the world and all this falseness... To think schools were a dictation, parent Nazis and Slaves of religion, death in general being some sort a farce, a power trip put humans into fear, afraid to live a little, thinking that some great being would send them to a fiery pit called Hell... Close your eyes for a second and truly think and i mean actually think, I’m not telling you all how to live, how to eat, how to shit, sleep, breathe, read, watch, worship or even fuck, choices are up to you all, as my decision to live was not and i repeat NOT influenced in anyway by those god loving bible bashers (Yes they too came to visit me and try to convert me at my weakest, they seem to be attracted to those who have hit a dark moment in their life, Recovering Junkies, Satanists, Children, People grieving over the death of a lover or another etc), my reason to live was simple! To fuck the nurse repeatedly... fuck her over and over and over again till i stop, cant continue anymore then fuck her some more. spread those mouth watering legs and fuck her, make her scream, it wouldn’t be noticeable here with all the sick people that make a lot of noise, all the sick kids crying, they'll just think she’s a sick patient complaining, Yes i can see it in her look... she's a screamer.

The meaningless day dreams (wet dreams) of a young teenager, who has reached puberty, my first real crush, obsession, sadistic perversion, a lust of hope of her to notice me in a way where i can touch her in everyway perverse, A Disillusion from the world around me, it distorted into something so simple only me and her left. Is it wrong of me to have these feelings, the fact that I’m so conscious of understanding my uncle or even Bobby; i said it once the fear of turning into them, and maybe it’s not a bad thing...? So far i had been scarred physically and psychologically, abuse is my rebirth, a reincarnation into the being i shall become, I could benefit from this in a more positive manner and ignore it or even worse become more fearsome than Bobby or my uncle... It’s now your choice to decide! Salvation or destruction? My hospital experience gave me a new found interest... that interest being Sex! Even though in my mind i had my way with the nurse, constant dreams of taken her, and pummelling her with my constant hard erection, pressing into her moist flesh, piercing her in all positions that were in my mind, all unusual and even impossible for any man.. woman to do, something so harmless as what i dreamt were only the beginning of what moulds into sadistic violence and unnatural perversions of a boy yours truly Giles. A new year had begun, after a few months of being home schooled Jason and Carol had found a new school for me to go to, as they had felt the confidence in me to start anew, The shame of going back to my old one resulting in shame and fellow students onlooking me as if i was a freak, Children/ Teenagers can be more sinister to each other than a lot of people think, they'll attack the weakest in the pack, toy with them: mentally, (name calling, Rumours so on) and then physically (Throwing stones, being bullied etc) they can be like angry drunken midgets, much like there parents, its hard to say if they would be worse, the world we live in these days parents tend to be too lazy to actually look after their children or even accept responsibility for their child’s actions, they tend to have a nasty habit of finding a scapegoat to blame to solve all their problems, to pathetic and weak to deal with it, I realised this with my own former parents and my uncle... with that said, the age limit these years of having children is sad, girls at a tender age of 12 having babies, The sex education is obviously not getting out their message, lazily teaching the wrong things and even that the board of trusties even wanting to shut the entire program down in general... come on people where are your brains at... Has mankind forgotten how to think, society is going backwards as far as I’m concerned, The Monkey, the ....Man........ The Idiot. I myself shall admit, i had/ have and will continue to do all these things, but at least i can think, at least i can use a condom... what use is it pillaging young virgins, whores and all sorts, when you’ve got a kid to deal with, restrictions are not in my being (my DNA) and making a mistake like that would guarantee this book being shorter than expected, or boring for that matter. But then again, i have not even revelled to you everything, do you really think the story itself would be that predictable, come now do not assume unless this is your 2nd or 3rd read, or you’ve cheated and skipped pages to the exciting bits (ha). My return to school was an interesting one as i mentioned my mind was different, my view on the world was more simple...  the idea to fuck countless girls was needed to be feed, in the last year or so i had viewed the woman as a mere experiment before my horror with Bobby, Now my eyes were filled with a perverse new nature, deviant and created through my obsession with the ever so seductive nurse, I read in a paper that the very same nurse, who nurtured me back to my own salvation, to my own existence in the world.. had meet a certain horrible fate, she was being stalked by another one of her patients, his obsession much like my own went a bit to far (He turned what i imagined into a surreal reality)  he had followed her home one night, broke into her home while she was asleep, and kidnapped her, a search for her happened when she did not report into work the next evening, as investigators found her house was broken into and they had realised a struggle had happened, indications that she tried to fight back. blood was found on her bed sheets, they even ruled in murder, it didn’t take them long to find out who had kidnapped her, they found that she was kept in her captives basement, bound in a sadistic position, this was her final place where she was constantly raped and tortured for months till she gave in and he took her life, her beauty now tainted, scared. She gave into submission in the ultimate form by giving him the power to take her life, with that all he did was smile, her rotting carcass, was left in the basement with him still masturbating over it, to my amazement i was so surprised with how much detail the news had went into on this, some news reporters couldn’t physically say it on Television, but the network wanted it, the price of death for them equals high ratings and that means more salary in their filthy pockets.      

CHAPTER II

As we arrived to my new destination, a quiet suburban town, with a name I could never pronounce, upon the arrival i saw people laughing and having a good time on the streets and in their front yards, younger kids than I walking home from their schools, it was like a surreal dream state image, which I felt like i had never seen before but then again I was half dazed from the nap I took, the car ride felt like it took a century. I was also surprised that there were barely any prostitutes on the side walk, showing off there bra-less breasts, mini skirts that show there crab infested pussy hair, flabby unromantic bellies and there 2 dollar shop tranny makeup (and yes they were that desperate and worked during the day). Carol turns over and in an excitement of positiveness tells me that where nearly home, "you are going to love our home" she then starts telling me that I will be going to the same high school as her eldest son, Bobby (The sense of excitement on her face showed an expression of doubt and even fear, especially after she said Bobby's name. I later on soon found out why she was hesitant). High school! I never even went to a primary school and also felt anxiety and fear of what it would be like, but a slight excitement but not to much since i would feel alienated an extraterrestal being coming into a society who have lived in ignorance without a ripple of something new, possibly even threating if I became or was too different for them. I soon found out schools were nothing like they show on tele, the whole jock and cheerleader (Fuckable in every virgin mans fantasy) thing to me was always an excuse for the perfect ....America.... crowd, to show the world that they are the dominate country. But there was this falseness and bullshit about how the media pigs generate and boost about its perfection and the so -called working class hero average Joe- Fuck a lot, receiving achievements, going to college and making the foot ball team, having the perfect marriage to a God-slaved Christian partner, living in a white typical fucking fence, gromley cut grass and pretty fifties style home and not to mention the godman Gnome (Spying on the neibours, like a pedo does to little boys or girls). lets all then start having children at the age of 25 and working for the rest of our pitiful life in a stupid job, watching our children’s, children grow up and go through the same process in a repetitive fashion and last but not least finally die as an old couple after being sent to the local rest home, and thinking that this is all there is to life! I say that’s a load of shit spread among the weak minded to find comphat in stupidity an easy way to live life to THEIR fullest, but truly it's those that want to escape the fascism of the fake, struggle through their art, undergoing the hardships of life that know how to live, "Live fast and die young". We finally reached our home, my new home; it was a large house with two garages, which it looked like a castle to the imaginative. As we went in through the front door Jason took me up stairs and showed me to my new room, their was no one else home at the time so I began to unpack my valuables, 'the kids would be on their way home from school' so Carol had mentioned to me, she then asked me to take a break from my duties so she could give me the house tour and also when the boys return she'd take me out in the car and give me the town tour

Because I was 13 I had to go to a high school, being that to the teachers surprise on the first day with meeting them, they were very impressed with how I was extremely intelligent considering i never went to school thanks to my uncle's personal views on me being a useless dumb arse and that it'd be a waste of his money. I do have an IQ of 169, 69 also being a number that seems to be a sexual position in some of the many erotic novels that i later had read and collected which reside in my private basement as well as I had found out what it was when I was 19, I had a sexual relationship to 16 year old high school student 'Stacy' who was better known as the local town bike and everyone got a ride, even those of the same sex, I guess that was because she was but a mere Nymphomaniac a sexual demon- esk whore willing to find pleasure at any and every cost, I later heard that she ended up getting pregnant to a much older man, a farmer and old enough to be her grandad, guess she'd go that far to even fuck a senile coffin fodder (No regret in my heart I assure you that my follow perverse beings, for I'd imagine I might've caught a disease known as Chlamydia or worse herpes). So i was welcomed in a sleek manner to become apart of their school family. When it came to subjects I found a passion in History, Art and English, which I later began to have a general interest in creative writing and its freedom to express one self in the form of literature and I almost forgot I also enjoyed Drama, the times of seducing my fellow student companions I had performed with, younger and older, we'd go behind the back of the stage, and spread our self’s onto the props, make out, oral fuck and leave our dripping lust all over the steps as a symbol of freedom, our purge to the school education system and dissatisfaction towards their bland rules and lame Nazi like tendency's to make us think and act one way like the sheep that we are, guess I started hating the school system within a few months of becoming a student, there were to many rules and restrictions and a dictation of our own views, image, and expressions, the "board of trusties" (The Ones that fuck our minds/ our mouth's to a degree) wanted to cancel funds to the drama and art classes also saying teenagers should be doing more sports than learn about artists, writers as the imagery, Literature promotes violence in the community and birth’s serial killers, if you ask me sports is more violent than that of a painting of Dali, and more sexual than that of pornographic novel, men running around in short, shorts tackling each other, getting covered in mud and throwing a ball around and making grunting noises, now you cannot say that’s not sexual. The skater and Goth crowds were the only ones who tried to stand up, but most the time the B.O.T found or made excuses up to get them expelled, I had observed and automatically saw that so I remained under the radar, pretending to be a good student, but secretly rebelling against their dictation.

Now we come to Bobby! He was at his 6th form year when I joined high school, I was just a year older than his brother James, and I got more along with him, I suppose he looked up to me more than Bobby.. Bobby was more an angry teenager, he always bullied James, making him eat worms and tricking him into drinking urine pretending to say that it were alcohol, at high school I usually avoided him, but he always seemed to be absent most days, probly of out at his mates place, his group of cronies, Rugger’s, fellow bullies among each other who enjoyed making those much weaker than themselves life’s shit (Sad to see them as Head's of the High School Committee). I found out shortly after how demented Bobby truly was, he and his mates used to force me down into the basement and used to lock me into various constructions, one time being a box, they forced me to take my clothes of and used fishing line and extension cords to bind my arms and legs together into a standing hogtie position, they also gagged me with my own underwear, and Bobby then would threaten me not to scream for help, or if i had or tried he'd slit my throat when i slept at night, Id be in the box for hours a cold damp box that smelled of piss, only to let me out before Jason came home from work. They also Shoved a bottle of Gin down my throat forcing me to drink it, Waking up the next morning in a dumpster down the road from home, I find my belongs burnt to pieces, my face was shoved in the toilet after they shat in it (Typical High school Bully Bullshit), Forced to wear women’s clothes and they'd hit me with their belt. The last time that they had tortured and tormented me, Bobby had Brought me to his friends place, he was having a party with much older people, the smell of weed coursing throughout the house, drunk people half comad on the carpet with naked trannys and high school girls, and of course meeting Stacy for the first time, but only a glimpse of her sucking a guy off in the bathroom, she would've been at lest 11. They took me up stairs and went up to the roof, Bobby showed me a cage and mentioned to me "Welcome to your new prison", once again going through the same process as they had done many times, I became a toilet for them as i was covered in their own faeces and urine...gagging from the smell, i tried not to throw up as if i did, I’d surely choke and maybe drown in my own vomit, which was an end that I did not wish among myself(They were too intoxicated to even notice if I had). Bobby virtually became a reincarnated form of my uncle, which I swear it was him seeking vengeance among me, sadly it was far from over this time his mate got a vibrating dildo from his parents room, probly from under the bed, my mother kept hers there in a locked case, it was about 20 inches long and extremely thick, the look on Bobby’s face was but a mere example of sadism and Evil, he then looked at me and opened up the cage and... I screamed like there was no end to tomorrow, it was shoved up my anus so far and hard, I began to bleed constantly screaming like a possessed animal, Trying to get out of the restraints, the more i move it became more painful, But I didn’t care, I just wanted to get free. Bobby’s friends got nervous and they tried to take it out but they ended up having trouble removing it from up their, I felt like I was about to pass out, my vision slowly blurring, the pain became more unbearable that I think I became numb to the horrid feeling. They all then began to freak out and didn’t know what to do, except for Bobby, I swear he was a demon, finding sexual excitement in the fact that a human being had been pushed beyond his limits and feeling pain and humiliation like an experience that have never expressed ever in ones life. Luckily for me the police turned up, there was a complaint made by a neighbour, they found me in a tortured state and quickly got me out of the cage.

I don’t recall much of what happened after that, as i must of gone unconscious I just remember waking up in the hospital, with doctors and nurses talking above me, I remember seeing a shocked look on Carols face and a disgusted look on Jason, mostly the thought of his very own flesh and blood being the reason why I was in here. Being in this place smelt like death, hearing another patient next to me coughing up a disgusting mucus sounding cough that would surely give the grim reaper jelly knees, I could barely move my lower back and there was a drip beside me leading from it a liquid substance to my veins that they shoved a needle into my right hand. This was my first time being in a hospital, I do remember my mother being in a hospital when i was younger, I pretty much stayed with my uncle for a couple weeks, lingering in and suffering physiological torture, its amazing with how my uncle and Bobby had so much in common, after the hospital I never saw him again, Jason and Carol had got fed up with him and sent him away to the army, hoping that he would at least get some discipline, that of course did not help him as he escaped the army a few months being sent their, and ended holding a family hostage, for his own stupidity he then was arrested, Bobby suffering a sleep walking disorder, fell asleep and had wandered outside where he was ambushed by the police and was hogtied and then dragged off in the car to his new home and final destination. Jason and Carol never visited him, they could never forgive him for what he did to me, but Id' assure you he found his perfect soul mate(s) in there.

Chapter I

My dear readers beckon me to allow you to enter into a world of perversity, deprivation and madness. Seduction, drugs, sex and murder. But first I shall give you the pleasure to know my name, I am Giles and I am a sex addict, for me to give you this full exposure or should I say an open confession of my life a perversion of a mad man, a philosopher and the hardships of life and the things that would bring an average man to the fall of his knees. But do be wary my fellow perverse friends for if you are not, you may be deeply scared beyond contempt by the end of this book, but for the more timid minds, you might already be traumatised just from reading the first sentence. Well then allow me to begin.

I was brought up in the most dirtiest filthiest of cities, almost a visual aspect of the atmosphere being black and grey to that of a creative mind and being subjected to sexual violence of my own uncle on my mother, I was victimized by him when I would stay with him as well, he'd lock me in his closet and feed me only bread and soup, being beaten and humiliated was also my education since I never went to school, he didn’t believe schools could make me smart, he said it'd be a waste of their time and his money. Our street being a place that had allot of crime and street prostitutes looking for money so they could get a quick fix of drugs, like the pitiful junkies that they were, I remember constantly hearing Police sirens all the time and one particular night was that of a gruesome murder of a family who lived only two houses down from where I was, the parents were sliced in half by a drug abused mad swordsman and the son was bound to the heater and left to be burnt alive, he survived though but was severely scared with 3rd degree burns on his back and neck, the police then shot the man on site as he charged at them with the blade. I still remember hearing inhuman screams that night, I never really recovered from that, since to this day I still have nightmares of been sliced up by the man, or sometimes being the one getting shot by the police, I truly didn’t know which was worse the Police or the man with the sword, they’re both equally dangerous. I lived with my mother in a disgusting flat with a stale smell and decaying wall paper, and a constant annoyance of pests and insects, fly paper was used to catch all the fly’s, there was an unlimited amount of them so I swear there was a nest of maggots under the floor boards, in my food I’d usually see dead fly’s and spiders, my mother made me eat it all up though, she didn’t want me to be a skinny boy, she used to give me canned meals that were two years old, and always complained to me saying that if I didn’t eat all my food, all the children in a third world country would die because of my selfishness, my uncle who would make frequent visits used to always give her bags of coke and speed, he loved to drink.. Whiskey was his favourite. My Mother was a night worker who used to tell me she's a Broadway dancer, but I always saw her bring in a different man every night as they would go off into her room or sometimes the couch in the living room and do things that would scar your average 6 year old child for life, as I once went out there wanting to get a glass of milk, I then encounter my mother and a strange man doing bizarre things that reminded me of what those wrestlers do on tele, but without their clothes on them, I never forgot that night. I also grew up not knowing my father he apparently was deemed by the local authorities as missing, but I soon later found out that he had been murdered by my sadistic uncle through his connections to a gang, I suppose in a way he and his sexual fantasies with women (Including my mother) were later incorporated in with my own sexual perversions at an early age of 12, but unlike most boys being at that age, I found myself masturbating with a hard erection, but not at your typical Playboy magazine or Girl on girl action pornographic films, but with books, videos and torn out pages my uncle left lying around in his apartment, of women being bound in painful positions and them having sexual intercourse with animals of all sorts.

My uncle was a man of very little words, but his dis-respect towards my mother showed me that he was a controlling womanizer who would get off at abusing the farer sex than romancing them in a fashion, which most tele- vision shows perceived us viewers to believe, but much like the loss of innocence and the realisation the way the world really is, being that of a dark demented fucked up place, it’s no wonder people do drugs to ease the pain of living and to be in an almost fake temporary state, a point of sur-reality. For the so called Tele- people they become brainwashed into believing that this is the way we should live, put blinds over their children’s faces to hide them from the real darkness that is... REALITY. Not knowing though that they could be held responsible for the cause for rape and murder and the real problems in the world, we are but mere animals so why try to hide it? Why try to lock it up? you only end up creating something far worse, the suppression of hate can be a bad thing as well as Love can become dangerous, much like that of the ever so romantic story of Bonnie and Clyde and here you go now for some reason I've given you the answer of all your problems, but the ironic thing is there will always be violence from the first murderer Cain son of Adam, killing his own brother Abel, then to the brutal murder of Christ, up to the medieval witch hunts (which in some ways haven’t really changed) you could have a beautiful young maiden and the town folk redneck midwives which they may get jealous of her beauty so they persecute her as being that of a spawn of Satan, a heretic so she then gets tortured and executed (I wonder how long it took them to realise that what they were doing was wrong) to the Holocaust and the birth and death of Hitler, the end of the hippie dream and the Charles Manson murders and to an ongoing almost infinite War between America and Iraq. And yet people complain about it every day, in the next decade there will be more violence or maybe the destruction of mankind, which might actually be doing all of us a favour.

My friends I dear not ramble on, about the world’s problems, that is for someone else to dictate about or should I say... protesters to bitch about, that’s what their there for, and not like they have anything else to do in their miserable life. As for my uncle he meet an untimely death at the hands of his own doings, during a fight at home with my mother he stormed out, she was bruised on her thighs and in tears she was in a pool of her own urine and filth. I later found out he brutally sexually beat someone’s daughter, much younger than myself and he got caught by the police and was arrested on charges of rape plus other multiple charges including ones my mother made, during his court appearance the father of the girl in a violent rage then later shot him in between his devious eyes, it of course was all over the news for all the tele- monkeys to watch in terror as it became the next big thing for them to talk about for the next year or so, but I shed no concern for him though, as I didn’t even go to his funeral and at that time I found out he did murder my father so in somewhat he got what he deserved. A few years later my mother had committed suicide, slashed her wrists in the bath tub, maybe due to the fact of all the abuse she had received from my uncle all her life, I knew she was not right in that head of hers, all that pill popping and drug use and abuse she had done was her way of numbing the pain and as I've mentioned earlier escaping the harsh reality of living in this imperfect world of ours. Myself being a young teenager the police tried to restrain the truth of how she died from me, treating me like some ignorant child but I managed to steal a copy of the report of her death, finding out that it was reported as a suicide and seeing that there was a strange substance in her system being that of Lsd, which later in life I came to becoming acquainted with, and having interesting journeys talking to rocks, walls and experiencing the very fabric of reality distorting into another plain of existence plus viewing people transforming and deforming into nightmarish creatures.

Because I had no other family members (among the living that is), the local authorities then put me up for adoption, I felt like a misguided puppy being on for sale to the public at the local pet store, for if no one would pick me, I'd surely be put to death, or so that’s what it felt like. The so called Family affairs was a horrid place to be in, I saw them as vultures only greedy for vast amounts of money, I do not bare any children myself, I am too selfish to even want to express any emotion to that of which is a part of my body, anything that would have my DNA in it should be put to death instantly or if I did want any they would surely be put through a similar trauma as I had experienced and I would not wish that among any innocent mind, most women I had encountered wanted children, or they'd try and force you to abandon any freedom of your life’s work or interests, being that I then saw that as a prison, that I did not wish among myself. I remember being sat down by this fat grotesque looking lady with a grin that showed her unbrushed, partially missing brown coloured teeth, guaranteed to bring nightmare's to any 13 year old boy or girl, she was explaining to me that there is a family wanting to adopt me, but due to the horrific nature of the filthy hag and her disgusting figure I barely could pay attention to what she was talking about so in the end I began to zone out and started thinking of the all pictures my uncle used to have spread around his apartment bedroom floor, I then began to question myself if this lady was a bi- product of a pig after impregnating a girl, much like some of those pictures expressed, would it even be possible? Later in life I did became fascinated with that of Charles Darwin and his book The Origin of Species, which Christians tried to portray him as a Satanist, saying that his teachings are untrue and blasphemous but after reading the bible it seemed more relevant that we would be an evolved version of the ape, than created by a being that could be vengeful and would determine how long we should and could live, the thought of worshipping a being of that much mystic and power would really seem more like a suicide cult than a religion, there are some similarities in the two, except for the fact that you don’t kill yourself, but in some cultures its consider a sin not to kill yourself for your god, I'd prefer to rather have control of my own destiny than a higher power that would prefer to view us as mere ants. I later came to realise that Christians attack peoples weakness, the majority of humanity is that we are all weak minded, fearful of the unknown and are submissive to manipulation and media provokivenes and they would find comfit in the worship of a God or Idol, it's also funny to see how stupid people really are.

Upon meeting my new family it was nerve racking, that hag brought them into my room, and introduced us to each other, I still felt like a puppy meeting its new owners, but I was just happy to get away from the beastly looking family affairs lady, I swear she reminded me of that witch that used to turn children into sausages and eat them.. What was her name again? Carol and Jason were their names, my new parents, they seemed nice and had more of a positive aura than that of my mother and uncle, Carol smiled at me and gave me a hug, I remember leaving that horrid town that I was stuck in for years and from the look of it, it looked like it faded into the distance like it was only a nightmare as I turned around to the front of the car with my new parents, everything began to change for the better, I had a feeling of relief like an innocent man walking out of the gates of a prison and seeing the sky for the first time, without its smoke stained blue/ grey but an actual pure blue, it was an astounded scene, for I remember crying, no tears of sadness but tears of happiness.

(Chapter two still in progress, but will be shown soon)