The top 25 Most Redundant,
Repetitive Cliches in Music:
25. Stripping down for Rolling Stone :: Why, yes, we would like a little T&A to go along with that promotion, please. Nothing says "take me seriously" better than showing a little flesh on America's best-known music magazine. Just ask Janet, Christina, Britney, Chilli Peppers, or.. Blind Melon? Hey, if it's good enough for John and Yoko...
24. The Post-Retirement Comeback :: Club kids shed a tear when Cher hung up her wigs in '03, only for her to announce a Vegas residency starting in '08. Boomers shelled out mad money to see Barbara Streisand's 2000 Farewell Tour.. only to drop hundreds more to see her Comeback tour in '06. We've been duped many times before, but come on -- did you really think Jay-Z was gonna put down the mic for good?
23. The Third-Single Power Ballad :: It's a well-documented fact that any successful album's third single will be a power ballad. Doesn't matter if it's rock, pop, or even R&B. Country albums are exempt from this phenomenon, however, as they're 50 percent power ballad anyway.
22. Long-Ass Emo Song Titles :: Those emo boys sure have a lot to say. Fall Out Boy and Panic! At the Disco both have song titles that exceed 15 words. Impossible to remember and forcing the publishing world to revive the use of "...", we can only hope it's a mere adolescent phase, much like their asymmetrical haircuts.
21. Rap Stars Acting in Horror Movies :: Do your research, playas. If you're being chased by a masked man with a machete, and your name is not LL, you WILL die. Like a suck. Look what happened when Busta fucked with Michael Myers. Isn't the rap game dangerous enough?
20. Thanking God :: Because our God is an awesome God, many awesome artists acknowledge Him. He returns the favor by engineering Grammy, VMA, and CMA wins for these performers, who then sing His praises, not so much in their songs as in their acceptance speeches. Wars, floods, diseases? Let Zeus or Ra take care of that boring stuff! The Lord is too busy scanning CD booklets for mentions of His name.
19. The "Featuring" :: Remember when rappers wrote songs without inviting all their boys, brothers, moms and managers to drop a verse? Neither do we. A couple of guests are welcomed, but damn, Game - 18 different rappers?!?
18. Rappers Telling Us to "Bounce" :: Jay-Z loves to do it, Jermaine Dupri can't seem to live without it... hell, even Bow Wow named a song after it. Commanding listeners to "bounce" is as much a hip-hop staple as chronic and hos.
17. The Guitar Smash :: When Townshend or Cobain destroyed their instruments, they meant it. Now it's mostly macho posturing exhibited by guitarists who can barely play the thing to begin with.
16. The Diva Wave :: Does your hand unconsiously wave around like a wild turkey when you're singing in the shower? If so, you either haven't gotten the hang of masturbation, or you're a million dollar diva in training. Could Mariah, Whitney, and Celine hit those same notes if their hands were tied behind their backs?
15. Guyliner :: Culprits - Jared Leto, Duran Duran, Pete Wentz, David Bowie, Panic! At the Disco, Green Day, My Chemical Romance, Prince...
14. Dating Winona Ryder :: Beck. Evan Dando. Dave Pirner. Ryan Adams. Tre Cool. Pete Yorn. Damien Rice. Paul Westerberg. Hell, raise your hand if you're in a band and haven't dated Winona. The world's most famous shoplifting groupie has been around more times than an old Beatles 45. Courtney Love put it best when she said, "You're no one in music until you have feuded with me or slept with Winona." Which means Dave Grohl is the biggest rock star EVER!
13. Firing the Drummer :: Ever since Pete Best gave way to a guy named Ringo, bands have notoriously had a revolving door of drummers. Pearl Jam and Smashing Pumpkins both had five, GN'R has had six (and counting). Stickmen will forever be on edge because they all know in rock, when the going gets tough, the drummer gets fired.
12. Courtney Love :: 'Nuff said.
11. The "You're Ugly, But It's OK" Song :: Everyone - save maybe Beyonce - has had an "awkward stage" riddled with acne, braces, and a disproportionate body. Some of us never outgrow it - and pop stars like to think that they can alleviate the pain with an uplifting power ballad. From TLC's 'Waterfalls' to Christina Aguilera's 'Beautiful' to most Destiny's Child songs, we are taught to love our flaws - and our big booties.
10. Attacking Photographers and Reporters :: It used to be that only burly, Hollywood brat packers like Sean Penn got into scuffles with the paparazzi, but now even wussies like Chris Martin and Jamiroquai's Jay Kay are putting up their dukes instead of saying cheese. Still, we'd do battle with either of them over Bjork any day.
9. The Rain Sequence in Music Videos :: Nothing says devastation quite like willingly standing in a downpour.
8. Fog :: Whether the lights are going down for Pink Floyd or Green Day, nothing says "we will rock you" like a stage full of dense, white smoke. Plus, it makes it nearly impossible for security to tell which fans are puffing smoke of their own.
7. Rehab :: No. 1 album? Check. Sold-out arena shows? Check. Groupies? Check. Piles of money? Triple Check. We'll see you in rehab.
6. Bum Rushing the Show :: Sorry, Kanye. Your hissyfit at the MTV Europe Awards was entertaining, but you'll never top O.D.B's Grammy barage. "Wu Tang is the best!"
5. Working With Timbaland :: We get it, Tim is a genious. But how innovative can his beats sound when he's written 75% of the songs on the radio? Justin, Nelly, PCD, the Game, and dozens more all got the Timbaland Touch in '06, and the queue of artists waiting to work with him is longer than Tweet's weave. It won't be long before Chris Martin is trading in his arena rockers for club bangers.
4. Dating a Stipper/Porn Star :: Rock stars can date whomever they want. Still, it seems music's bad boys most often make love connections in the back room of a shady strip bar where neither clothes nor class is required. That, or they use Vivid Entertainment as their personal dating service. You can't deny the perks though. Outside of pole dances on demand, the T&A obsessed are assured at least two flotation devices if they're ever in a transatlantic plane crash.
3. Lighters :: The most predictable concert-going behavior is often accompanied by swaying and closing one's eyes, serving to a) let the band know that you are totally feeling the ballad and b) let potential mates know that you're 100% down for making out.
2. Beef :: When MC Shan sparred with KRS-1, Kool Moe dissed Cool J and Nas ripped each other new assholes over slick grooves, fans got classic records in the process. Now with entourages getting shot (the Game vs. 50 cent) producers are taking jabs (Jermaine Dupri vs. Timbaland) and even pasty-white rock bands getting into the game (the Killers vs. Fall Out Boy) hip-hop's former Grade-A rivalries taste more like corner store jerky.
1. Yelling "FREEBIRD!" :: The all-time concert constant is the one idiot at every show who thinks requesting "Freebird" between songs is, like, dude, the funniest shit ever. It doesn't matter what band is on stage. Hipsters scream it because it's ironic. Metalheads shout it cuz it's obnoxious. And Skynrd fans yell it because, well, they actually want to hear it. Not even the freakin' Blue Man Group is safe anymore. Musical fads and fashions will change with the times, but "Freebird" will, unfortunately, live forever.