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Benjamin



Last Updated: 12/13/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 20
Sign: Aquarius

City: North Mexico
State: California
Country: US
Signup Date: 12/30/2005

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Monday, November 03, 2008 

Current mood:  miserable
Category: Life
Do you ever have one of those days where you want to get out of bed but realize that there is no point in doing so?  I hate those kind of days.
Monday, September 01, 2008 

Category: Blogging
Most of our population does not understand our drive as humans to create, discover, invent, and learn. The majority of us writes this compulsion off as simply a biological need to do these things. However, I have recently realised why we do all of these things in the world, and why most of us do not simply lay on the same place on the ground until we die.

All our creativity and our willing to learn new things stems from our fear of being forgotten. Those who do something of significance in this world leave behind something after they die that others don't. They are the things that we are remembered for. Even the things we do that are of the most little significance mark who we are on this planet, in this fragment of time.

What we do gives us a sense of continuity and permanence. We may not all realise this, but we do everything to make our mark, so that we cannot truly die. You may write a book to share forth a fantastic tale with the public, yet at the same time you are writing the book in hopes that this book will live much longer than you. Perhaps you would someday be remembered by this book? After all, how would this book have existed had you not written it? Maybe this book means something to some people? Because what you have done in this world will outlast your human existence, you have now become immortal in some way.

Of course this is not limited to artistic endeavors. What about all of the discoverers, explorers, cartographers, and inventors in history? Though they have all lived in centuries past, what they have done affects our lives today. In that way, they have lived beyond their time, and may very well continue to live until the end of the earth.

What we want in the end is a feeling of security, and the immortality that we may get from all that we do in this world gives it to us.

So do we need some form of eternal reward (I'm referring to religion) in order for us to have a reason to live? Absolutely not. Instead of waiting around for an afterlife that may not come, focus your time on making yourself immortal here and now.
Thursday, July 10, 2008 

Current mood:  okay
Here's a thought. If there is a God, why did he invent mildew?

Here's a thought. If there is a God, why did he give the amoeba a longer genome than that of humans?

Here's a thought. If there is a God, why did he create so many different varieties of pine trees?
Currently listening:
Volk
By Laibach
Release date: 2007-02-20
Sunday, June 08, 2008 
Burzum ended black metal. While this statement will be protested by those many who participate in black metal "in form" and not as an active movement of art toward change, the evidence is overwhelming. Burzum set a new level of musicality and thought which others couldn't surmount. It was a challenge to all future black metal to join it at this new level, and since most people lack this capacity, they were revealed to be hangers-on and not innovators. The new standard of Burzum separated sheep from shepherds, leaders from followers, artists from scenesters. Any band that came after Burzum was judged by how well it stood up to the power and honesty of the music and ideas of Burzum.



After all, black metal was a movement against modern society and its lack of value, in theory. The founding bands like Burzum, Immortal, Emperor, Darkthrone, Enslaved, Gorgoroth, Ildjarn and Mayhem upheld a Romantic vision of a more primal time: the meaning found in conflict, the beauty of nature, the secondary importance of comfort toward epic achievement and conflict, a desire for a less plastic and democratic time. They unconsciously expressed what many in modern society feel, which is that humanity has domesticated itself and is comfortably breeding idiots and parasites through the wealth of its technology and fossil fuels and global domination. Capitalism and democracy are card-shuffling that redistribute wealth among those low-minded enough to be fascinated by it, the implication goes, and the Crowd is always present with its desire to tear down the independent thinkers and leaders and replace them with "safe" ideas and institutions for the education of more people of specialized ability but no leadership prowess.

Those who came after this initial wave, with a few exceptions like Graveland and Absurd and Averse Sefira, were those who thought more like modern society. They saw black metal as a riff style, a clothing style and a series of attitudes one could repeat like dogma. Hail Satan, burn churches, worship darkness and hate all humanity... and keep on drinking beer, watching TV, going to pointless jobs and doing nothing about the problem. This was the face of the Crowd. They saw no reason to change society as it is, or even change themselves, but wanted to be "part of" the black metal movement so they could have an identity to show their friends, a reason for living, an accessory on top of a normal life which never considered the "dangerous" Romantic idealism of black metal.

It is not like black metal is unique in this regard, for it is only the latest of many Romantic movements in art. Romantic art sidesteps moral questions in favor of a worship of power and beauty and the satisfaction of the individual in intangible and ephemeral achievements, like moments of contemplating natural or ancient beauty. Romantic artists turned from the control structures of Church and State to look inward for meaning, seeking a correspondence between their feelings and the mechanism of nature. They were heretics, at first, but over time their words took on new meaning as the continuing degradation of European/American culture turned these societies into industrialized nightmares of ugly cities, boring jobs serving mass tastes, void culture and directionless, anti-creative "consumers" who poured into any new region with no regard for natural beauty, tore down the trees and left concrete and endless stores catering to the lowest tastes imaginable.



This was the challenge black metal offered, and Burzum stated most explicitly, and this separated those who liked black metal into the ones who understood it and those who imitated it, much as happened with death metal (a genre of more modernist Romanticist, emphasizing the importance of personal mortality in reducing the power of false idols like money, religion and social prestige). In this black metal was a further development of the ideas that had followed metal since its inception with Black Sabbath as a revolution against the idea that hippie ethics could make society "safe" through love and peace, and redirect us from our path to doom. Hippie idealism was after all mostly a restatement of the liberal democratic principles that engendered revolutions in America and France and Russia, albeit from the viewpoint of bored middle class kids who saw a future of corporate jobs and suit-wearing obesiance as not only tedious but destructive. However, they failed to out-think the philosophy that brought about this existence, and instead repeated its dogma in a new form, which explains why so many embraced the corporate lifestyle after a token decade of protest.

In its most primitive formulation, metal is a worship of power and the beauty that can be found in darkness, as exemplified by its distorted chords strong together in melodies which rise from chaos to order. It is esoteric and occult in that it does not believe the world can be neatly divided into public categories of good and evil (consonant/clean versus dissonant/distorted), and instead pursues the course of what is right in meaning as defined by a symbiosis between humans and nature. This collaboration occurs both in practical terms, and in that most amorphous of descriptions that covers "spirit," meaning that we feel healthiest when our thoughts are arranged in patterns that are coherent with those in nature. This sense of well-being is based upon having both a realistic view of the world, and a sense of striving for an ideal regardless of the costs (suffering/mortality), in contrast to the modern state ideal and the Judeo-Christian ideal which holds that avoiding suffering and death for the greatest number of people is the greatest good.

This sense of striving, and the warlike but sensitive value behind it that corresponds to the ancient European concept of vir, or the virtue of having intuition that knows when to nurture and when to prune both plants in nature and human beings, burst forth in the form of black metal after years of lying dormant under the influence of the Cold War, civil rights and myriad political fears. As the only popular music that still upheld ideas outside of humanist morality, and the only one to oppose the hippie sensibilities upon which all rock since the 1960s excepting punk hardcore and metal have been built, metal naturally branched to stay ahead of its mainstream emulators. After speed metal sold out and became whining about high school, and death metal converted itself from a forboding genre of mortal warning to a clubhouse for idiots chortling out gore lyrics, black metal rose as a more potent antidote to the modern mental virus.

Like his hero Tolkien, Kristian Vikernes desired to create art that "awakened the fantasy of mortals" and joined the ancient spirit of vir with modern knowledge. Artists in European society emerged from historians who coded their verses so as to both remember the past and warn of present dangers by making that wisdom "poetic," or appealing to the emotional state in humanity which loves life and wants a meaningful experience; art does not just warn, but it portrays the path between dangers as a great adventure which can culminate in even higher satisfaction. Burzum upheld this vision in both lyrics and music, throwing down a challenge which those who did not share this vision not only could not master, but did not understand. This was the ending of black metal, in that its first generation had come full cycle from the beginnings of a vision to its fulfillment, and it remained to be seen whether newer generations could carry this on.



In many ways, Burzum also ended the early era of metal by bringing the initial concept of Black Sabbath from a rough offshoot of rock to different ideas to a fully developed vision that had more in common with the ancient philosophers such as Socrates and Arminius than it did with the modern logic of rock bands. Modernity, after all, is the idea that we can control people externally much as we use technology and Christian morality; metal's Romanticism is the opposite principle, which suggests that we must look within for meaning to control ourselves, and that those who cannot... might not only be extraneous, but destructive in their passive tendency to curdle into Crowds that demand vengeance against their superiors in the name of "freedom" and "liberty," which are thinly disguised pleas for a sharing of the wealth from those who create it to those who cannot unless instructed by creators. Burzum brought metal from being a mainstream genre which disliked modern society to being an outlaw genre completely opposed to it.

When we speak of the significance of Burzum, it is this change we refer to: Burzum legitimized metal by making it an artistic genre with a unique statement in a world full of popular culture repeating essentially the same thing. The modern mythos is that of the Crowd, or individuals united together to preserve their equality so they may partake in the dream of wealth that modern society represents. The problem is that modernity cannot control itself, and threatens to consume the world with selfishness, and only a few (who are not of the Crowd) can understand an opposition to something that like a poisoned gift is on the surface good. Who could be against everyone having life their way, with freedom and equality and opportunity for all? Burzum suggests that not only is that vision practically unstable, it is also bad for our spirit.

Through this vector we see what makes Burzum and metal music distinct from other genres. Individuals, depending on ability, view life as one of two extremes: either it is a continuity ("When the doors of perception are cleansed, man will see reality as it is, infinite") between human ideals and a natural world, or we relapse into being individuals alone with only our comforts and desires. We feel best when given a chance to help others and do creative, positive things, but in us there is also a fear that engenders this relapse, by which we lack the confidence to do more than please ourselves and develop a masturbatory ideology of individual freedom and equality to justify it. Some have said there was perhaps no legitimate protest movement of the generation that matured in the late 1980s, but the truth is that it was both a new kind of protest movement and its most ancient form: black metal was art that stood for the continuity principle, and not the shallow individualism of modernity.

Many of course will claim that these assertions are mere fantasy of the author's mind, but looking practically, we can see that the ancient Greeks and ancient Germans upheld a similar vision and that thinkers such as Friedrich Nietzsche and Ted Kaczynski have resurrected it in a modern time. We know -- going about our daily lives in ugly cities full of tedious tasks -- that there is something afoot here which is wrong, on some level which is invisible beneath the potential of personal profit, the empowerment of clueless millions, and the new technologies we see. It forms a sublimated dread with which we live daily. We sense that this way of life will not turn out well, but we lack a tangible reason to oppose it, a justification. Black metal cut past the waves of this neurotic confusion and found a single metaphor for our desire, which is that of the lonely spirit desiring a more "real" existence than the plastic world offers, and Burzum crowned this vision with an articulation that remains popular to this day. It is hard to find a greater importance than this in any genre, or a voice more clearly heard by the generations with which it grew, and the hope of better future it suggests.
Friday, May 30, 2008 

Category: Life

(This is from an article that I found in the newspaper.  I absolutely love it because it reflects everything that I tell the people who don't listen anyway.  So here it is:)

     Juror 80249878 reporting for duty.  Group 8, Court Location 05, which is Van Nuys for those of you yet to be called.

     My time of the year has arrived again: Like the swallows returning to Capistrano, it's one of the rights of spring, the annual summons to jury duty for Doug McIntyre.

     Of course, they never pick me.  They never, ever pick me.  Year in, year out, I get the notice and dutifully dial 1-800-SRV-JURY to register.  Then, on my appointed day, I call again, enter my pin number (2782) and wait to learn my fate.  Will I or won't I be asked to judge a fellow citizen?

     Damn, if I didn't get skunked again.  See, I'm one of those odd birds that like jury duty.  Not because I have some super-sized portion of civic-mindedness, exactly the opposite.  I like jury duty because I can't wait to sit in judgement of someone else.  Yes, I admit it - I am a judgmental person.

     There are very, very few places left where it's cool for someone as judgmental as me to practice my craft.  (Fortunately, we still have talk radio and newspaper jabbering, otherwise I'd starve.)  In modern Los Angeles, we are expected - check that, required - to passively accept whatever is dished out by whomever and take it with a smile.  We must absorb the latest assault on common decency with the benevolent spirit of equanimity.

     C'est la vie!  Live and let live!  Who are we to tell someone else how to run their lives?

     I'll tell you who:  Juror 080249878, that's who!  And I'm not alone.  Somewhere out there is Juror 080249877 and Juror 08024970.  I'm surrounded by judgmental people.  If only they'd let us go at it.

      I dno't know how using our God-given judgment became a societal taboo, but I do know it's contributed greatly to the low-level rage simmering just below nearly every political issue or discussion of practically anything; from the elections to sports, from religion to Macs vs. PCs, you'd better keep your pie hole shut.

     By brainwashing two generations into thinking they're bad humans if they dare make distinctions between people and their behavior, we have become emotional frauds.  We have taken honestly out of discourse.

     If we don't judge others, we wnd up hanging with the wrong crowd, supporting the wrong causes, using the wrong brand of paper towels, rooting for the Clippers, sending our kids to LAUSD schools.  Without judgment you could find yourself living in Reseda when you're really a Tarzana kind of guy.

     Human beings are born with judgment.  We have likes and dislikes.  This tastes good; that makes me want to barf.  I like blue; some idiots like tangerine.  The nonjudgmental crowd expects us to live like squirrels, and it's driving us nuts.

     So nuts we've come to accept much that was literally unthinkable just a generation ago: mobile hordes of homicidal maniacs tattooed on every body part, preening and sign-flashing their way in an orgy of reverse Darwinism.  We keep schools so awful they barely qualify as schools.  We traded Kenny Hahn for Janice Hahn!

     I remember sitting with my father at a ballgame 30 years ago when the first group chant of "Bullshit!" erupted from the bleachers.  Three decades later, I still remember my father's shock and disgust that other fathers would scream a foul word like that in public with their children sitting on their laps.

     At opening day this year, I sat behind a young man with a buzz cut and a tattoo on the back of his skull to bleep out 6 of it's 10 letters to put it on this paper, "Fucking a Bitch!"  He has this tattooed on his head!  I assume voluntarily.  And he was sitting with his arm around his sweetheard, who was also covered with tattoos.

     She must be the bitch he wants to fuck.  No wonder my dad stopped going to ballgames.  I guess that makes him judgmental, too.

     "Guilt is a wasted emotion," said the self-centered crowd, and far too many of us adopted this ethos with disastrous results.  And this is why I love jury duty.

     It's like a private club where you can still drink too much and smoke, and tell dirty jokes, and spit in the corner if you please, and wear that loud tie you picked out yourself even if everyone says it looks like a lobster bib.

     On a jury you get to vote the uncivilized off our island.  It's so much better than "American Idol."

     If only those killjoys would pick me. 

     -Doug McIntyre

Monday, April 21, 2008 

Current mood:  melancholy