Well, Stunt Doubles… it’s that time again..
Okay, I have taken some time to really think about the topic for today’s edition. I have racked my brain as to how can I comment on this without unloading both barrels in the back of its head? It’s something that makes you cringe when you hear about it, kind of like nails on a chalkboard. When you see them, you immediately look for the nearest blunt object or projectile and seek to cause violence. Do you know what I am referring to?
Of course you know what I’m talking about, Willis. I’m talking about the arrogant, self-serving, whining, belligerent, idiotic, double-digit IQ’d celebutantes. Examples: Heidi Montag/Spencer Pratt; Paris Hilton; the Kardashian Klan, Lindsay Lohan, etc.
Example #1 Most of you have seen the recent interview on “The Today Show” where Al Roker interviewed Speidi about their recent problems on the television show “I’m a Celebrity…” They did the interview, and then went on Ryan Seacrest’s radio show and complained about how Al Roker is the devil…
Yeah, I can see how people think that he can be the devil. Speidi is just trying to get another hour out of their 15 minutes of fame, which by the way Speidi, expired a half hour ago.
Also funny and worth mentioning: During the interview with Seacrest, Spencer Pratt said he would have “ripped [Roker’s] head off, had he not recently been saved.” HUH? Saved by what? I’m not a Biblical scholar or anything, but I think ripping someone’s head off constitutes murder. If you’re “recently been saved,” you probably shouldn’t say that you want to kill someone ON THE RADIO. Plus, after talking about her recent “spiritual” journey, Heidi tells the world that she is considering posing for Playboy Magazine. Okay, I will admit that I am not the smartest guy in the world, but why? You say you’ve found Jesus and you’re causing guys to lust after your body? And furthermore, doesn’t Playboy reserve celebrity pictorials for stars that are falling? You see? This is why I feel the need that they should have stayed in Costa Rica or Honduras or wherever in Central America, and left there.
Example #2: Lindsay Lohan. Okay, What went wrong with this picture? She was a cute wholesome child actress who won over the hearts of Disney fans for her remake of “the Parent Trap.” Now, she is almost 23 years old, with acute liver failure [if she doesn’t have it now, she will soon] from drinking, smoking, snorting just about whatever is out there, and wonders why she isn’t picked for movies anymore? Well, besides being just a horrible actress. She’s been in rehab more times than Eminem’s been in trouble for writing songs with curse words.
She hasn’t been chosen for movies because no one wants to work with her. She was in 1 film for the entirety of 2009, and 4 episodes of “Ugly Betty,” in 2008 according to the International Movie Database. Maybe 2010 will be the year she finally realizes that she’s an idiot and decides to try acting classes rather than whiskey glasses. Or she just be typecast as the drunken dumb anorexic chick.
People’s Exhibit #3, your Honor. The Kardashian Klan. Their only claim to fame is that one of them has a ‘known’ sex-tape, and therefore entitled to a television “reality” show on E!. Isn’t one of their like 5 dads Bruce Jenner? I’m asking because I have found more important things to watch and do rather than see them on tv. Here’s my briefly complied list of things I would rather do than watch “Keeping up with the Kardashians”: play with rattlesnakes [for those of you who don’t know me very well, I am terrified of snakes]; watch the grass grow; count potato chips out of a box of Doritos; look directly at the sun with a pair of binoculars… okay, you get the idea. And everyone on the show is a moron with a lot of money, so that makes them popular and worth television air time. I’m not even sure if any of them could figure out the “Chicken of the Sea” tuna cans. Sorry, I had to jibe another idiot on television. But I do have to give Jessica Simpson a little credit. She got away from her reality show.
Okay, I feel I have fairly exhausted my rant about the idiots on television for today, but I am by no means saying these few examples are all of them that are on television. Let’s not forget: Brooke Hogan, Kendra, The Real Desperate Housewives of [Insert City name here], Tori and Dean and whatever, plus more I don’t remember nor care to remember.
We’ll see ya next week. Same Bat time, Same Bat channel…
-SJ
AUTHOR’S NOTE: Please note that the previous article is the ramblings of one Irish radio personality and does not reflect the station’s viewpoints as a whole. If angered, please refrain from slashing my truck tires. Thank you. - Shawn