Domestic Violence Is Everyone's Concern
Don't Turn Away from Abuse

 Victims of domestic violence are not always easily recognized, but many hide the results of abuse in the workplace, in the neighborhoods, on the streets, and in families.

The victim could be young or old, male or female. The scourge of domestic violence in this country recognizes no social or demographic boundaries, and its consequences affect everyone.

How big is the problem? The encouraging news is that the United States Department of Justice reports that the number of nonfatal acts of violence declined between 1993 and 1995. In 1993 the rate was almost 6 incidents per thousand, and in 1995 the rate was just over two per thousand.

Domestic Abuse Underreported
Many domestic incidents never get reported, making it difficult to get an accurate count, according to Becky Mabry, assistant editor of “Inside Illinois.” Sometimes women don’t recognize domestic violence for what it is, or they think that nothing can be done about it.

Some women report abuse, then change their mind about pressing charges because they are afraid of repercussions or because they believe the partner has changed for the better.

The public’s attitude toward what it once considered “a family matter” has changed, and domestic violence is seen for what it really is: a crime. Media attention to domestic violence has made the public more aware of the problem, and of the ways in which it affects everyone, including men, women, and children. Television newscasts and radio talk shows have helped to raise the public’s awareness of the prevalence and seriousness of the problem.

Awareness of Domestic Violence
As a result of the growing awareness of the problem, the government, schools, churches, businesses, and individuals are taking action to prevent or stop the devastation cased by this epidemic. The Family Violence Prevention Fund (FUND) is an organization that works to develop innovative ways to combat the problem of domestic violence.

The organization works with judges, law enforcement officers, health care providers, and others, teaching them ways to identify and help victims of domestic violence. One of the functions that FUND undertakes is to collect and disseminate information that shows the effects of domestic violence on children.

They have seen that one-half of the men who abuse their wives also abuse their children. Children who see violence in their homes while they are growing up are more likely to be abusive to their wives and children.

Children who are victims of abuse display a range of behavioral and emotional problems that includes aggression against their peers and family members. One study showed that a history of family violence was the significant difference between delinquent and youths who were not delinquent.

Be Informed About Domestic Violence
What can one person do to help? Don’t look the other way, say experts. Be informed about domestic violence and be prepared to help both victims and perpetrators. Let the person know about any concerns about them and offer to help. Offer to listen, and respect their choices, but be ready to refer them to professionals about safety issues.

A friend can give someone help, but it must be done without risking one's own safety. One can help by offering transportation, a place to stay, child care, financial assistance, or a place to keep a victim’s escape bag, packed with the things she will need when she leaves.

Get involved and help eliminate this shameful scourge. Speak up and set the record straight about any misinformation about domestic violence, or information that minimizes the problem. Help find opportunities for shelter managers, law enforcement officers, and the victims themselves, to speak up and tell the truth at public meetings. The next victim could be one's own relative or friend.

Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD)

 (I use "she" throughout this article but it applies to male victims as well)
Contrary to popular misconceptions, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Acute Stress Disorder (or Reaction) are not typical responses to prolonged abuse. They are the outcomes of sudden exposure to severe or extreme stressors (stressful events). Some victims whose life or body have been directly and unequivocally threatened by an abuser react by developing these syndromes. PTSD is, therefore, typically associated with the aftermath of physical and sexual abuse in both children and adults. One's (or someone else's) looming death, violation, personal injury, or powerful pain are sufficient to provoke the behaviours, cognitions, and emotions that together are known as PTSD. Even learning about such mishaps may be enough to trigger massive anxiety responses. The first phase of PTSD involves incapacitating and overwhelming fear. The victim feels like she has been thrust into a nightmare or a horror movie. She is rendered helpless by her own terror. She keeps re-living the experience through recurrent and intrusive visual and auditory hallucinations ("flashbacks") or dreams. In some flashbacks, the victim completely lapses into a dissociative state and physically re-enacts the event while being thoroughly oblivious to her whereabouts. In an attempt to suppress this constant playback and the attendant exaggerated startle response (jumpiness), the victim tries to avoid all stimuli associated, however indirectly, with the traumatic event. Many develop full-scale phobias (agoraphobia, claustrophobia, fear of heights, aversion to specific animals, objects, modes of transportation, neighbourhoods, buildings, occupations, weather, and so on). Most PTSD victims are especially vulnerable on the anniversaries of their abuse. They try to avoid thoughts, feelings, conversations, activities, situations, or people who remind them of the traumatic occurrence ("triggers"). This constant hypervigilance and arousal, sleep disorders (mainly insomnia), the irritability ("short fuse"), and the inability to concentrate and complete even relatively simple tasks erode the victim's resilience. Utterly fatigued, most patients manifest protracted periods of numbness, automatism, and, in radical cases, near-catatonic posture. Response times to verbal cues increase dramatically. Awareness of the environment decreases, sometimes dangerously so. The victims are described by their nearest and dearest as "zombies", "machines", or "automata". The victims appear to be sleepwalking, depressed, dysphoric, anhedonic (not interested in anything and find pleasure in nothing). They report feeling detached, emotionally absent, estranged, and alienated. Many victims say that their "life is over" and expect to have no career, family, or otherwise meaningful future. The victim's family and friends complain that she is no longer capable of showing intimacy, tenderness, compassion, empathy, and of having sex (due to her post-traumatic "frigidity"). Many victims become paranoid, impulsive, reckless, and self-destructive. Others somatize their mental problems and complain of numerous physical ailments. They all feel guilty, shameful, humiliated, desperate, hopeless, and hostile.

PTSD need not appear immediately after the harrowing experience. It can--and often is--delayed by days or even months. It lasts more than one month (usually much longer). Sufferers of PTSD report subjective distress (the manifestations of PTSD are ego-dystonic). Their functioning in various settings--job performance, grades at school, sociability--deteriorates markedly. The DSM-IV-TR (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual) criteria for diagnosing PTSD are far too restrictive. PTSD seems to also develop in the wake of verbal and emotional abuse and in the aftermath of drawn out traumatic situations (such as a nasty divorce). Hopefully, the text will be adapted to reflect this sad reality. We tackle recovery and healing from trauma and abuse in our next article.

A Poem That Gives You Goosebumps...
 

 A drunk man in an Oldsmobile
  
They said had run the light

That caused the six-car pileup

On 109 that night.

When broken bodies lay about

"And blood was everywhere,"

"The sirens screamed out eulogies,"

For death was in the air.

"A mother, trapped inside her car,"

Was heard above the noise;

Her plaintive plea near split the air:

"Oh, God, please spare my boys!"

She fought to loose her pinned hands;

"She struggled to get free,"

But mangled metal held her fast

In grim captivity.

Her frightened eyes then focused

"On where the back seat once had been,"

But all she saw was broken glass and

Two children's seats crushed in.

Her twins were nowhere to be seen;

"She did not hear them cry, "

"And then she prayed they'd been thrown free, "

"Oh, God, don't let them die! "

Then firemen came and cut her loose, "

"But when they searched the back, "

"They found therein no little boys, "

But the seat belts were intact.

They thought the woman had gone mad

"And was traveling alone, "

"But when they turned to question her, "

They discovered she was gone.

Policemen saw her running wild

And screaming above the noise

"In beseeching supplication, "

Please help me find my boys!

They're four years old and wear blue shirts;

"Their jeans are blue to match.""

"One cop spoke up, ""They're in my car, "

And they don't have a scratch.

They said their daddy put them there

"And gave them each a cone, "

Then told them both to wait for Mom

To come and take them home.

"I've searched the area high and low, "

But I can't find their dad.

"He must have fled the scene, "

"I guess, and that is very bad."

"The mother hugged the twins and said, "

"While wiping at a tear, "

"He could not flee the scene, you see, "

"For he's been dead a year."

"The cop just looked confused and asked, "

"Now, how can that be true? "

"The boys said, ""Mommy, Dad dy came "

"And left a kiss for you."" "

He told us not to worry

"And that you would be all right, "

And then he put us in this car with

"The pretty, flashing light. "

"We wanted him to stay with us, "

"Because we miss him so, "

"But Mommy,! he just hugged us tight "

And said he had to go.

He said someday we'd understand

"And told us not to fuss, "

"And he said to tell you, Mommy, "

"He's watching over us."

The mother knew without a doubt

"That what they spoke was true, "

"For she recalled their dad's last words, " " I will watch over you."

The firemen's notes could not explain

"The twisted, mangled car, "

And how the three of them escaped

Without a single scar.

"But on the cop's report was scribed, "

"In print so very fine, "

An angel walked the beat tonight on Highway 109.

"The 7 Second Prayer, Just repeat this phrase and see how God moves.

"Lord, I love you and I need you, come into my heart, and bless my

family, my home, my friends, and me. Amen. "

Erik Kristian Moller

FBI

Each year 1 million women suffer nonfatal violence by an intimate partner; 4 million American women experience a serious assault by an intimate partner during an average 12-month period. Nearly 1 in 3 adult women experience at least one physical assault by a partner during adulthood.

A story:

After six years of marriage, I couldn't put up with the abuse anymore. I asked for a divorce, I couldn't stand anymore.

He said to me, "You're not going to get a divorce". He walked away from me into his office, took a gun, loaded it and walked into our daughter's bedroom. Our little girl was standing in her crib and he put a gun to one of her ears and then the other hand was over the other ear and he said, "Now tell me that you'll leave me and I'll blow her brains out, and then I'll blow your brains out and then I'll blow my brains out". I fell at my husband's feet and I said, "Please don't kill my baby".

That's when I decided that I needed to reach out and to talk to someone to tell someone what was happening in our lives because up until that point, it was just a secret.

How many these kind of stories with very different endings we can read from daily newspapers? Yes, far too many. Most of the victims of domestic violence do not open their hearts and talk about the problems they have in their homes, or try to find solutions BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE.

What is domestic abuse?

There are many forms of domestic abuse, ranging from screaming threats to pushing and shoving. Contrary to what many women think, abuse isn't just physical battering.

Domestic abuse may include emotional abuse, economic abuse, sexual abuse, using children, threats, using male privilege, intimidation, isolation, and a variety of other behaviors used to maintain fear, intimidation and power. In all cultures, the perpetrators are most commonly the men of the family.

Nearly one in three adult women experiences at least one physical assault by a partner during adulthood, according to the American Psychological Association in a 1996 report.

Domestic abuse does not discriminate against race, age and socioeconomic background. No specific type of woman is more prone to being battered by her partner, nor is one type of woman completely safe from abuse.

Signs of Domestic Abuse:

Acts of domestic violence generally fall into one or more of these categories:

If you have been assaulted, you can report it to the police:

The Criminal Code says that assault is a criminal offense. The Code describes three types of assault and sets maximum penalties (called sentences) for each type.

The three types of assault are:

Getting Out:

What to do when leaving an abusive relationship? If you are contemplating leaving an abusive relationship, there are some things you should do that may assist you in the process of leaving:

Make a safety plan:

You can get medical help:

If you have been hurt you can go to your doctor or to the Emergency Department at a hospital. If your injuries are visible you can have pictures taken. They can be used in court should you decide to lay assault charges.

There are special medical and police procedures for sexual assault cases. For more information, check the Sexual Assault Department and the law in your country.

You can apply for a peace bond (in the countries where this system exists):

A peace bond or 'recognizance' is a paper signed by a person (such as a spouse) promising to keep the peace and be of good behavior. The peace bond may have other conditions such as requiring the person to stay away from your home or place of work. A peace bond may last for up to one year. The judge decides how long it will last.

You have to go to court to get a peace bond. You do not have to be assaulted to apply nor do you have to lay assault charges. You do have to convince the judge that you have a reasonable fear of the offender. The offender will also be in court.

Finding a Place To Go:

When an assault occurs you should attempt to protect yourself. One way you might do this is to leave the home. If you don't have a friend or family member with whom you can safely stay, and cannot afford a motel, there are shelters in your country which will accommodate you in an emergency. The RCMP or the police, if requested, will escort you out of the family home to any safe place you specify.

If there are no shelters for you in the vicinity, the Salvation Army may be able to provide temporary assistance. It might also be worthwhile to check with the local Crisis Line or Help Line which may be able to provide a list of the organizations that can help during a crisis.

National Domestic Violence/Abuse Hotlines:

This is a vital lifeline to anyone - man, woman or child - who is a survivor of domestic violence, or who suspects that someone they know may be the victim of abuse. Calls to the hotline are confidential, and callers may remain anonymous if they wish.