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Dame Stjernelys



Last Updated: 12/9/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: Married
Age: 29
Sign: Capricorn

City: Solrød
State: Sjælland
Country: DK
Signup Date: 3/28/2009

Blog Archive
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01 Dec 09 Tuesday 
I can't take anymore and I don't want her here the woman who brought the devil into the house she's coming in ten days and I don't want to see her face to face she'll bring all the memories crashing into reality as if they weren't already coming into my head more and more with each passing day so vivid it's like I'm standing there as a witness to them when they happened reliving them over and over and over again all the shit I want to forget and I can't take it I can't take it I can't take it and damn it why does she have to come I didn't invite her fuck mom why do you have to come why do you have to come I do n't want to see you nothing but panic and terror every damn day unending over and over unending terror and panic unending stronger and stronger it doesn't want to stop I can't make it stop hel p help I need help to not do what I want to do because I'm home alone with trygve and I can't have him see what I want to do but I can't hold out forever and I don't want to ruin his holiday and fuck fuck fuck fuck I can't take this and why do you have to come in ten days I can't stand it can't stand it no no I don't want to stand face to face with you and have you in my house mom I can't stand the thought you'll play nice and pretend the bad shit never happened and ask me if I'm better yet and I'm not I'm not and I can't stand you and I want it to stop and go away h elp help I need help but where is help when I need it don't come don't come don't come pleasee don't come destroying me inside the thought of you here it's making everything worse for me no no no I don't want to go to the nutbin but what will help except to die I want the shit to stop stop stop stop stop I can't make it stop you are coming and I can't make the bad shit stop peace I want peace I want peace and what is this doing to my son and what is this doing to my husband and what is this doing to everyone else and you brought the evil into my life and you didn't believe me when I first needed h elp and you are coming and I can't stop it terror terror terror make it go away make it stop stop stop I need it to stop please please stop please stop
12:33 
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21 Nov 09 Saturday 




19:23 
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20 Nov 09 Friday 

Category: Life
11:02 
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12 Nov 09 Thursday 

Category: Life
So, last night I couldn't fall asleep (again!) because my mind kept swirling with worry after worry. My mother's coming to visit next month for three weeks.. how is that visit going to go? Will it be a good one or will she drive me completely insane, thus having me be at her throat the entire time? Will Trygve enjoy having her here? Will she like the food I cook?

I turn 30 next month too.. I'm not looking forward to it. I don't want to be old; I don't want to cross into this stage of existence. I'd rather go out in a blaze of glory then head further down the road to becoming decrepit and even more disgusting than I already am. But, a birthday/New Year's party will be thrown. Will people enjoy themselves? Will everything turn out all right?

The box of gifts for my father, his wife, and her daughter have to be shipped out on 1 December. Will I get them all completed in time? Will they like everything I've made?

Someone I've known for a couple years isn't talking to me. Why? What did I do? Did they finally get tired of me? I apologised in case I said or did something to piss them off, but they haven't even replied to that! I must've said or done something.. or they just got sick of me. What ever it is, I know it's my fault....

I registered Trygve up for school next year. Oh fuck, are the worries about THAT starting to pile up, even though it's a year away. Will he be one of the popular kids or will he end up sharing the same fate I did when I was in school? If he ends up like me, will I be able to handle it? Will HE be able to handle it? I don't want my son suffering like I did (and do.) Will he settle in well at school? What if he doesn't? Am I going to be capable of providing him with the right sorts of advice and guidance?

These are just SOME of the worries that keep me up at night and keep me on edge during the day..

12:52 
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25 Oct 09 Sunday 

Category: Blogging
Our Halloween decorations (interior):





Our son going amok hopping on my husband:





Our son just going nuts:

10:27 
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19 Oct 09 Monday 

Category: Life
Jens carved this:

11:33 
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15 Oct 09 Thursday 

Category: Life
13:06 
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15 Oct 09 Thursday 

Category: Life
10:21 
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12 Oct 09 Monday 
11:40 
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07 Oct 09 Wednesday 

Current mood:  sick
Category: Life
The past couple of days has marked the beginning of a new project: Embroidering a tablecloth. Progress is slow, mostly because I've been plagued with fucking headaches all week and haven't really been motivated to sit and stare at my embroidery as a result. I'll be making myself work on it a little bit each day, though, just to ensure it gets completed in time to ship to my father and his wife for the holidays.

Of course, I want to do TWO of them, so I suppose I should kick my ass into gear and embroider through the headaches, but it's just really damn difficult to do when one's vision gets blurred..

In other news, we're going to be eating dinner at my in-laws today.. I would refuse, but my mother-in-law is amending her tomato soup recipe just so I will be able to eat it (she's removing the bacon,) so it'd be 'rude' for me to not show up, even though I feel like a semi truck drove over my body and I have two warring factions duking it out inside my head.
11:00 
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