I left a status this morning here on Myspace that went like this:

The list of things I'm leaving behind: (1) Grief, (2) Regret, (3) Indulgence & Gluttony, (4) Inattentiveness, (5) Sad Songs.. So I'll be able to breathe again.

(1) Grief: My wife, Donna, passed away July, 16th.. Sometime that morning.. Nothing could have ever prepared me for that. This grief of mine, I can carry no more. At least not the way I've been doing it. I went up to her grave site Christmas Eve to say a release prayer. Something I had read about that a person could do to help with releasing grief, and releasing the spirit of the departed one. I took a few photos while I was there. I posted two of them at the bottom of this blog; they both were taken from the same spot. One before my prayer, one after. I believe I see something there. It's what I needed.. I'm not carrying this type of debilitating grief with me to the next year.. I'm releasing that away..

(2) Regret: I should have been there for her even though she didn't want me there at the time. I should have noticed things I didn't want to see. How in the f*** can I ever forgive myself? I don't see how I can leave this one behind. But I got to try. Maybe I have to forgive myself. I think she already forgave me. I'm pretty sure of it. Thats what kind of angel she was.. See ya later regret!

(3) Indulgence & Gluttony: Those two words speak for themselves. I'm going to value every penny that comes my way from here on out. I've had every material thing that I have ever wanted, every luxury I could have imagined. But it did not result in happiness. It only resulted in not having it when I really needed it. So as I start over, I only hope I have learned a lesson. Better yet, I know that I've learned a lesson.. The real luxury in life is waking up with a smile every morning, knowing that you did everything possible the previous day, just to live a good life..

(4) Inattentiveness:  I have three beautiful kids, and four grand kids who are just the most precious angels. They have never left my side. They watched the roller coaster ride I have lived the past 10 years, and never, ever, once, said anything negative, or ever thought about giving up on me. My parents; my back bone. Always there to pick up the pieces. The most loving two people you could ever meet. Married over 54 years and still going strong. While living high on the hog, I felt that material possessions, what I had, what I could give; were the most important things about me. Boy was I ever wrong. All they ever wanted was me.. All they ever wanted was for me to be happy. My turn to pay them back.. Not in a material sense, though I will strive to give my kids and parents an even brighter future than they already have, or are already pursuing for themselves. But to give them more of my heart like they used to have.. They will see what I am capable of. They will be proud.

(5) Sad Songs: Well this one should just happen naturally, as I progress to a happier state of mind. I can only write songs about my life. Therefore, as my life proceeds to a happier state, I will put out more happier, uplifting lyrics. I want to party, and I want to sing about it.. I'm working on half a dozen songs, that I think I can finish now. Listen for them real soon..

                                                 



                                                                                       



                                                I see what I see... I wanted to share this picture, because I believe in God, and I believe in the hereafter. I believe we will all be there together one day. I miss her so much.


I welcome 2010, and wish all my friends in real life, and here on Myspace, a very good year! Cheer's everyone..!!

Miguel

Through all her trials she experienced in life, she never lost the love she had for everyone around her. Its been almost four months since she died, and not a day passes by that I don't say a prayer to her, hoping she is fine, and asking God for a knowledge in my mind, that she is fine. She was my wife, and I was blessed for the time we did have. I'll live my life complete, with her in my thoughts. Remembering not the way she died, but the way she loved. She will always be in my thoughts. God Bless you honey.. You will always be the most beautiful woman I ever loved..


What I would give to have that morning back.. My God honey..




If I knew that God would let me be with you, I'd go find you. But thats not how it works honey..


I performed in her memory, and the memory of Heather and Antonio.
Survivors Day in Cedar City, Utah

The woman I wrote "This Angel" for, my Donna, passed away on July 16th, 2009. Our world lost a bright star that day. Those of us who knew and loved her are devastated. I am so blessed and grateful to have had her in my life as my wife. Though life prevented us from always being together, we still loved each other and I thank God we both knew it. I will never forget our time together and will always honor her memory with my love. God bless you honey. I wished you would have let me in sweetheart. I will always and forever more, love you.