go out and buy it now.

Time to start catching up on AMC. Whee.

you get double charged on your check card over $500 and checks therefore bounce all over town. Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee! Someone's going to pay and that someone isn't me.

again, bite me, and thanks for proving my point. Loser. Bite. Me.

Hope that got your attention.

What I meant to say was -

Halo 3: The favorite game for American Gamers with NO TASTE and a tolerance for games that run at 15 frames a second.

You LIKE this game? Bite me. Get a life, loser.

Go to my ebay auctions and buy my CRAZY DEALS!!!

WHEEEEEE!!!

Visit My eBay Store: The Control Pad

Yeah, yeah, I just finished reading the supposedly still unreleased Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows. If you don't want any SPOILERS then STOP READING THIS NOW. Don't come crying to me when you find out who DIES! And believe me, LOTS of characters die.

I'll hide the SPOILERS with a firewall made of poo. Scroll down if you want to see. Here we go, spoiler-mania...

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Stuff happens
Moody dies.
Fred dies.
Wormtail dies.
Hedwig dies.
Snape dies.
Dobby dies.
Harry pretends to die.
Voldemort dies.
Harry marries Ginny.
Ron marries Hermione.

THE END

There, now you know.

what a rotten day. poo.

I went to see it last night at midnight. It was good. People that read the book were all upset by it. But I liked it. I have no review, cause I'm too tired. Zzz.

This review may contain spoilers, but you're probably going to still read it anyway...

Let me start by saying that the special effects in this movie are AWESOME. I mean, I've never seen such cool looking robots that turn into cars and boomboxes and... cars... and more cars... wasn't there more variety in the original Transformers? That doesn't matter, they need to save something for the 18 sequels.

Let me also say that Even Stevens kid as the lead actually works, and his acting is great. Also, using the voice of the original Optimus Prime was perfect.

But that's all I can really say that was positive about Transformers.

I went into this movie with zero expectations. It's been made fun of for a year, as most people suspected that Michael Bay would ruin it. So I figured, how bad could it possibly be? Well, it LOOKS nice.

The movie suffers from genre-confusion, first being a realistic and serious war film, then a kid-friendly action movie with no blood or gore whatsoever, then to a suburbia comedy, then sci-fi and back to real war again. Perhaps if the movie was called "Big Robots Come From Space To Eat Us All" would I have given it more slack? Would hardcore Transformers nerds be more accepting? No. Here's why...

The movie never really manages to find its audience either. Part of it is for kids, with scenes like the family dog peeing on a Transformer's leg. The creators must have had a pee fetish, as there is also the part with Bumblebee the friendly Transformer, urinating on an FBI agent's head. That one got a good laugh from the little brat behind me. His mom wasn't too happy about that, but hey, she'd probably still let him watch Sesame Street if Elmo only dropped TWO F-bombs in this episode.

The hardcore Transformer fans got some of what they were waiting for. They got their Peter Cullen. They got their... wait I swear there was something else. Well, they didn't get their Matrix of Leadership. So what? No one that moved out of their parent's basement remembers what that is anyway. They didn't get the Megatron they all knew and loved. He looked like 1000 pieces of scrap metal glued together. And, no, he doesn't transform into a tiny gun. No Soundwave? No Shockwave? No Any Cool Villians That Was The Reason We Watched The Show? No. Sorry. None.

But who cares about that, let's talk about the depth of the characters, both human and robot. Wait, there's supposed to be depth? Oops. Can we get a rewrite?

Besides the lead character of Sam, not one character in this movie ever felt real. They were two-dimensional at best, and you didn't really care if they lived or died. But don't worry, nobody dies. Oh except a Transformer or two, but it's nobody you like.

The best example of cliched and flat characters are Sam's parents. They are caricatures of cartoons and an all-out joke. Oblivious to everything going on around them (and yes they were purposely written this way or else the movie would have been over in 30 minutes) they can't even tell that half a dozen giant robots are in their yard. Look out a window you idiots. Oh wait, they do, and the robots "hide". There's a lot of unrealistic "hiding" in this movie, as giant tons of animated metal sneak around like they were made of plastic. But that's fine, this is a movie based on a cartoon after all.

Without spoiling anything else, let's make a list of The Top Ten Things I Learned From Watching The Transformers Movie:

10. Transformers love eBay.

9. Transformers love the World Wide Web.

8. Kids are all geniuses and hackers.

7. Adults are all incompetent bumbling fools that know nothing. This includes parents, teachers, the military, and police.

6. Despite the fact that Transformers are technologically superior to humans, they all use the same weapons. Gatling guns and real bullets. No fake laser cannons here, kids. That's for the sequels.

5. If a robot that looks like he's made out of 1000 Ginzu knives attacks you, don't worry. You won't get a scratch.

4. All young females are eye candy and look like they should be on street corners.

3. It takes 18 minutes to find a pair of glasses that you have listed on eBay.

2. eBay.

1. Did I mention eBay?