this day is a bore. anyway, hope u like this blogpost. more of my hands' creations...
i love my hands. they work wonderfully. ahem! hahaha.

(click the thumbnails to enlarge)

More than happiness

Greater than this way that I'm feeling

Not gladness

Not mere joy

Not the feeling of numbness

Repulsion? Mourning? Shame? Guilt?

Other than pain

Other than the agony of waiting

Not loathing or anger

Other than hate

Maybe confidence, not jealousy

Not vulnerability

Rapture? Rage? Excitement?

More than desire

More than intimacy

Commitment? Romance?

This is not love!

u are more than enough. thank you for making my wish come true. u r such a wonder, i'm glad i found you.

im just so happy.... thank God...

u're probably familiar with the modified lyrics... (silly idea. hahaha)

Mga Bez ko…

            Miss ko na kayo. Wala lang, naiiyak lang kasi ako guys, ang lungkot lungkot kasi ng feeling ko ngayon… ilang buwan na tayo di nagkikita? Alam ko naman, busy kayong lahat, at naging busy din ako lately…

            I miss you so much guys… ewan ko lang, talaga kasing di kumpleto buhay ko pag wala kayo, ang dami kong gustong sabihin, ikwento, gusto ko ng makinig sa mga kwento nyo, sa mga tawa, sa kantahan. Namimiss ko presence nyo, di kasi maiwasan e. noh? I feel so incomplete.

            Anyway, guys, I love you so much. I know I cant thank you enough for all the things that you've done for me, from the simplest to the hardest times of my life. Marami na tayong pinagdaanan, halos di na mabuo, nabuo ulit, nagkagalit, nagkabati din, at ngayon, masaya na ulit tayo… busy nga lang tayo sa school… I miss you sooooooooooo much guys.

            Kristian and Abigael Gonzales (ang aking ka-triplets), Jennylyn Mauleon (one of my very first bestfriend), Jefferson Malonzo (almost my brother), Karisa Franco (my sweetie bestfriend), pati na si Sheila Bolante (my critic) at Arvee de Guzman (jolly jolly)… guys, mahal na mahal ko kayo, miss na miss ko na talaga kayo.

            I cant help it, since di naman tayo madalas ngtetxt-txt, ipost ko nalang sa blog ko. I miss you guys so much. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. I miss you. sobra.

*sigh*

            Mahal na mahal ko kayo guys. Mag-iingat kayo lagi ha? Magkikita kita na tayo soon. Ill be praying for you guys.

            Bestfriends till the end. I love you guys.

            My song for you…

COUNT ON ME

Count on me through thick and thin
A friendship that will never end
When you are weak, I will be strong
Helping you to carry on
Call on me, I will be there, don't be afraid
Please believe me when I say, count on

I can see that it's hurting you, I can feel your pain
It's hard to see the sunshine, through the rain, oh
I know sometimes it seems as if, it's never gonna end
But you'll get through it
Just don't give in cause you can

You can count on me

I know sometimes it seems as if, we're standing all alone
Be we'll get through it, 'cause love won't let us fall

There's a place inside of all of us
Where our faith in love begins
You should reach to find the truth in love
The answers there within, oh
I know that life can make you feel
It's much harder than it really is
But we'll get through it, just don't give in

It's been a while guys. I miss my blogs.

The past few days has been really torturous for me, the thesis and all the tiring activities, being a student officer, I feel abused. Haha.

Anyway, what's up y'all? I'm a little tired…

I was reading some messages in the Yahoo Group of our high school batch (St. Joseph School Batch 2003) and browsing some old pictures of my fellow Josephians, and of course I would have browsed some old pictures of mine, and guess what? My old pictures made me cry. I don't know if those are tears of happiness or disgust or I don't really know, I can't explain it.

Josephians know how I look back then, and some of them can't even recognize me now. Take a look…

Change huh?

Do I need to say "thank you typhoid fever"? or "thank you dirty street food for making me sick as hell"? I almost died because of that illness, and yet my friends are telling me that it brought me really good benefits. Chopped a couple of pounds and now what? Now I feel better. Definitely.

I'm confident, that has been my belief and I'm more confident now (or perhaps over confident. Haha) Maybe my body will change, but I'm still Yoh for my classmates, I'm still Hero for my family, I'm Sef, I'm Iloy, Roy, Loi, Rho, (the rest of my nicknames), I'm still Yoseph Santos Maderal. God knows how happy I am to have myself, for giving me ME.

I may look different, but some things will never change… I'm still the same ME, only better… proof!!!!!!!!:

Legend:

WHITE PAPER: what my 4^th Yr. High School classmates think about my personality…

YELLOW PAPER: what my college (PLM) classmates think about my personality…

This is a collection of song titles that best describe my love life. Im not really comfortable talking about my intimate relationships so, in a way, this is easier for me. The texts under the song titles and the singer are not the lyrics of the song; those are my message for THAT person. Hahaha

Lets start the Hitlist!!!!!!!!!!

NEED TO BE NEXT TO YOU

By Leigh Nash

            You know who you are and I hope youre reading dis. Before, yes, I used to long for you (I NEED TO BE NEXT TO YOU I WANT TO SHARE EVERY BREATH WITH YOU) but now, I want u to know that Im totally over you. I know you cant be mine, thank you for the memories, I really treasure those invisible moments. After all, we both know the truth. I understand, just like me, I know youre just confused. I totally understand. I still care for you, yes. I really do. But I have learned to accept the truth and only God knows how hard I tried to get over you, and He helped me get over you, so now, Im happy and I hope you are too. I still pray for you, like I always do. My last song for you: SET YOU FREE (by Side A).

OF ALL THE THINGS

            I really dont know how to tell you the whole truth. You loved me, and Im very thankful for that. I really tried to love you, when we were still together my mind keeps on telling me that I need to stay with you but my heart is telling me otherwise. I really want you to be my everything; I really believe that youre the best partner a man like me could ever want, youre wonderful, youre smart, youre loving, youre perfect!

            The first part of our relationship, I can really say that I am madly in-love with you, but you broke my heart. Thats why I find it hard to love you again the second time, the third, the fourth the countless chances, the infinite trials. I really tried to love you again but I failed, Im sorry. Im sorry for everything. I dont deserve you. You deserve someone better, someone who can give you all the love that you need and thats not me. I appreciate you still. Im happy we had the chance to be together, but were not meant to be. I guess my real song for you will be I LOVE YOU GOODBYE (by Celine Dion).

WHEREVER YOU ARE

By SouthBorder

            A few people know about this, including YOU. A forbidden love, funny but true. You are my very first. But I stopped hoping, I know you enough, I know you enough but just like what the song said THE WIND THAT BLOWS THE DOVE IS THE WIND THAT BLOWS MY LOVE, HOPE ITLL FIND ITS WAY TO YOU WHEREVER YOU ARE. As I said, I stopped hoping. I miss your voice, I miss your touch, and I miss everything we had. Take care of yourself.

            If there will come a time that you will need someone, Im just here. Youre one of my best friends and I will hold on with that friendship my entire life. I miss you.

WHATS YOUR FLAVOR?

By Craig David

            You are my most favorite fling!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hahaha. Yes, its just a fling, weve talked about this so stop pushing! Stop stalking me. I had enough of you. bye!!!!!!!!!

HERE I AM

By Air Supply

            Hey! Im different now. I miss you still. I thought you will be the one for me. I want you to know that you are my greatest love. If only if onlyRegrets regrets if you had been more faithful, if you had been contented with what we have back then, we couldve been wonderful. Well, Ive forgiven you. Life must go on for me, so, see you around. Ill be praying for your baby.

UNBELIEVABLE

By Craig David

            You came so sudden, I didnt expect to have you in my life (until now), but Im thankful. Youve made a very big change in me, a change that Im very happy about. You just dont know how I treasure every word u say. I can promise you that I will always be here for you. I promise.

            All along I thought youre just another stranger (pervert. lol) ought to break my heart, but now, Ive realized, youre different. Youre wonderful. You overwhelm me. I dont wanna lose you.           But for now, lets be friends. Before, I almost considered you MINE and I almost considered myself YOURS. hahaha. Ok? Im just here.

NOW AND FOREVER

By Richard Marx

            Hey Hey Hey!!!!!!!!!

            Im really worried about you these past few weeks, I dont know why, and I cant get u off my head. But I love the way you steal my mind, hahaha. With all the hmmmmmmmmmms as I said. Hahaha. Honestly, I wont last the day without you, you always complete my day, youre a part of my system now, Im not addicted but I think I want to be addicted. Hahaha. Take care for me.

            To someone who makes me smile everyday, Hey! I meant every word Ive said. You make me feel so good. For now, lets leave it that way. Im happy that I have you and you will always have me. Again, I LOVE YOU. I want to be your man, I will never hurt you. I promise.

            Take care my

(note: the number of song titles does not correspond to the number of my past and current relationships. lol.)

(END) hehehe

have you ever experienced sitting in the classroom listening to your professor or ur classmate's report then all of a sudden your eyes starts to feel so heavy that u tried everything to fight the gravity that keeps on pulling you eyelids just to keep it open though u had enough sleep???
it happened to me a lot of times already, but instead of totally sleeping, i entertain myself nalang with anything i can find around my chair or inside my bag. i love hand-outs, they are so useful, haha, especially when im bored. take a look....

the PRODUCTS of classroom boredom! (click on the thumbnails to enlarge)

Last Sunday, I was in a childrens party in McDonalds (Jackman Branch, Caloocan City), its Justines (my cousin) 4^th birthday celebration. What the hell am I doing in a childrens party? Haha. Well, its family, I love my relatives, and I dont want to miss this event every year. I love being with them. (take note: this event is a Santos thing, not a Maderal thing, hahaha, what I mean is: mothers side)

OK, now why is my subject Worried???? I will not in anyway complain about the food or the service or the location of McDonalds the food was, yes, fastfood. Hahaha. The service was ok, and their place was very bright. And the mascots of course! Its fun seeing Ronald and Grimace. Haha. What I was worried about is the MUSIC.

            My Humps? And Dontcha? In a childrens party? Ok, Ninas birthday song (which I believe will sound better if sang by a group of folk singers, Nina made it sound bitchy and flirty), Average Joe, Bop it, Ever After and other dance songs are forgivable because they sound wholesome (at least to me. Haha). But My HUMPS? DONTCHA?. Im worried because the children are singing along with this music, Im wondering do they know what they are hearing or singing?

            My humps, my humps, my humps? Check it out?

            The boys they wanna sex me?

Don't cha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was a freak like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was raw like me?
Don't cha wish your girlfriend was fun like me?

            I mean Hey! This is a childrens party! The songs, I believe, are not meant for us because there is only one game provided for grown ups the party is for the kids, this aint a disco bar or anything What happened to the birthday songs? The nursery rhymes? Is this a matter of appeal or ethics?

            Attention: McDonalds.!

(pics below hehe)

Duplicate

By Yoseph S. Maderal

            They are friends, lovers. They depend on each other; they feel weak when they are apart. They stare at each others eyes and say the words that only true lovers know. They are inseparable. They are one.

Do you love me?

I do. I love you so much.

Do you care for me?

I do, like I never cared for anyone else.

Thank you.

No, thank you, you gave me a reason to live.

I love you.

I love you too.

I will never leave you.

I will never hurt you. I will always be here as long as you want me to.

Promise me, Ill be the only one.

Yes, you will be the only one. I promise.

Dont lie to me.

Im not. I cant lie to you.

Im happy then.

I love you.

I love you more and more every minute.

Im happy then.

We will always be this way, happy and loving each other.

I know, I trust you.

Kiss me.

I cant.

Why?!

I cant.

Embrace me then.

I cant.

You told me you love me!

I know. I really do.

Then why cant you even touch me??

You know I cant. We both know I cant.

Im sick of it. You love me but you cant touch me?

Please. You love me, right?

I dont understand. I cant take this anymore.

Come closer.

No!

Please. Come closer.

Stay away from me!

Dont do this Robert.

Do what? This?

            He then walked away from the mirror and shot it twice.

            The last two months has been really good for me, in spite of some inevitable sad events. I dont wanna think about those sad moments anymore Im happy with the people I met each day of my life.

            *sigh* I noticed something with my social life this past few months, madalas akong lumagare. Hahaha

1^st Lagare

            First event: inuman kila Cherish (a highschool friend), shes back from the States and we need to be there, to finally see her after several years went there with some fellow Josephianz enjoyed the semi,mini,quasi-reunion of our batch. Yeah! That was really fun, seeing them and being with them. Kumanta kami sa videoke (of course! Mawawala ba kantahan!), we got acquainted with Cherish family and some of her friends. Fun! Then after that inuman session off I go (together with Abvie) to.

            Second event: baptismal reception of my second inaanak! Kermit!!!!!!! I failed to attend the baptismal ceremony because of the ^party above^ (nauna kasing na-set un eh, hehe, biglaan ung binyagan) went there together with bestfriend Abvie (ninang din!) and this time I didnt drink that much, tikim lang, I had enough in the first party hehe. There, 2 events in a day! Lagare! Walang uwian. Haha

2^nd Lagare

            First event: Its Cherish despedida party! Shes going back to States and of course we need to be there! Inuman ng konti I didnt drink that much because I have another appointment (Lagare nga e!) When the clock hit 10pm, I excused myself from the party and went to

            Second event: Huling lamay of Gianellis Mom, ok ok this is not a party but it is in a way sort of another despedida party for her Mom, just to finally say farewell went there alone, pero andun naman ung iba kong classmates, tinapos naming ung mass, then, ako? Balik ako sa ^party above^

            Back to the First Event: tuloy ang inuman at kantahan!!!!!!!!

3^rd Lagare

            First event: its Marnelies Birthday!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! This time I was with bestfriend Bop (Jefferson Malonzo po) went there at 4pm we ate, inom lang konti, because we have another party to attend (lagare pa!!! haha) after getting acquainted with her friends, we watched a movie but we didnt finish it, we bade our goodbyes and..

            Second event: its Jeras Birthday!!!!!!!!!!! Jera is one of bestfriend Abvies kabarkada in FEU, nakasama ko na sya a few times in malling coffee shops kaya we decided to attend her party since she invited us naman. It was fun, seeing some old classmates (what a small world!) meeting new people I went home alone (and a little drunk) there.

4^th Lagare (August 19, 2006)

            First event: Bestfriend Jennys Birthday!!!!!!!!! Yes, shes 20!!!!!!!!!! Hahaha. We had coffee (thanks for the treat Jenny, we love you!) this is very memorable because finally nakompleto kami! ME, bez Jenny, bez Abvie, bez Achi, bez Bop, and bez Kris!!!!!!!!!!!!! Full force ang BEZKADA sa kapehan. Hahaha. Saya. Xempre mawawala ba ang picture taking?? Haha, ang dami naming pictures!!!!!!!!! Wla lang. after having coffee, we decided to stop by our house for a while kailangan akong magpalit ng damit, dahil bez Kris invited me to join him in a house party (an eb for his mobile clan), I said YES! Of course! Haha

            Second event: the House Party at Malabon!!!!!!! Yihaaaaaaaaa! Ang saya! Since bez Kris is forbidden to drink alcohol, ako sumalo ng mga tagay nya. Haha. Ang sarap!

Message to bez Kristian: hey you! Thank you for inviting me. I enjoyed that event and meeting your clan mates you know what I mean right? Haha. Especially the never mind. Haha. Thanks again bez Kris! Sa uulitin! Haha

THERE, LAGARE PA BA? SANA WALA NA, KAPAGOD KAYA. HEHE.