As America's Grandmother I feel it necessary to voice my opinion against HATE. 

HATE has been known to ruin empires, destroy families, crush dreams, end carriers, start wars and take lives.

Like most people Granny Pearl is curious about the lifestyles of them famous folks.  I wanna know what they wearing and who they wearing.  I wanna see pictures of the rich and the famous sucking on chicken bones and licking ranch off they fingers and wiping em on a Michael Kors gown.  I wanna see where they party at and who they know.  I want to know who pissed who off and why come!  But, I never thought that I would see the day that HATE has become the center-piece of entertainment. 

Perez Hilton has managed to create a forum that thrives on hate.  I have visited his website and when I leave I don't feel informed I feel disgust.  As the Ultimate Black Matriarch I know we dont need this.  I won't say it's garbage because I've dumpster dived and found some treasures but Perez (who's real name is Mario) leaves much to be desired. 

He is somewhat talented, I'll give him that.  But he is not a journalist and I know he ain't trying to be funny it just seems that he breeds HATE and that's not worthy of our attention.  He consistantly crosses the line from tasteless to tacky and he is no longer desired. 

Now, Granny ain't telling folks to go HATE on Perez.  I do want us to make a concious decision to analize what we intake and desire as entertainment and consider if we are enabling HATE to live on.   With that said, need I tell you what Im giving up for Lent.

1. You are so funny and I like watching you.  I havn't known you for that long but we connected so fast.  Your house is so clean even with your three little pets.  I aint never saw anyone who can throw down with so many straight shots of VODKA, but at least its the premium stuff.  You inspire me and I can't wait for our blessing to happen (you know what Im talking about).  I think about your love life... alot. And although it aint none of my business I want you happy.  You are so intellegent and full of wisdon you should really have more control of what happens in your home and heart.

2. My little flower.  This year will be 20 years that I have known you in '08.  You never fail to make me proud you are such an inspiration to young mothers everywhere.  I love your little clone too, Im sure she keeps you on the straight I narrow and as the years pass she grows more and more beautiful.  I love that you call Ms. Pearl for advice and that you don't take life too seriously.  You never hurt me... well.  There was the one time your parents had a function that I wasn't invited to but the former "chicken head" was and I was hurt a little dammit!  But Im ok now, and I love you.

3. Why do you call me so often!!!  Why are you so F$&*@N needy!!! You do the most outrageous crap and then expect me too fix it when its your fault, IM NOT JESUS!  You drink and drive, you take drugs and lie, one day I hope you'll die.  Ok, no I dont but can you just cool it and get a real friend and keep it professional with me. Don't be pissed off at me because I dont speak spanish. If you call and call and I dont answer.... GUESS what, I DONT WANT TO TALK TO YOU!!!  And how many people live in your home anyway? And wants your attration to Chevy's? Anyways, thats for the money you give me every month.  Im saving it all up so I can get away from you for good.

4. I like working with you.  Im so surprised that we had so much in common, being that Im an old lady and all.  You are really funny and sitcom ready. I love you regardless of your party affiliation.  Why are you still single?  I know why, get outta that damn house honey!!!  You are just full of kindness, and your a little mole.  I think we are going to be friends for a very long time.  When are we gonna start working out any?  I like the fact that you find me funny and as old as I am I can act like a complete fool around you. XO.

5. I love the fact that you are going to become Jewish.  You and your man seem so damn perfect together.  You are looking fine and fabulous lately and I am sooo jealous.  Im miss not working with you, I learned about so many things while in your presence.  I don't recall ever having champagne before I met you, but it's quite tastey.  You are so knowledgable about alot of stuff, and like a hand few of people on my life you are very funny.  Your man has mad money and thats so sexy!  I want you to have a baby or get married, I just want to attend an event and buy you something.  Just don't forget about little old me... please.

6. I love's Harpo... God knows I do, but i'll kill 'em dead...  Thats how I feel about you.  There is not one day that we are not together.  You are my best friend (Im starting to tear up).  You are a great listener and I like listening to you too but your stories take alot longer to tell then mine.  You can't cook, but you are a great gardner.  You have good ideas and I love to see you in decorating mode.  I love to watch you falling asleep, you have the prettiest eyes I've ever seen.  I love to see you smile and giggle, but I hate it when you get buzzed before me because things seem a whole lot funnier to you!  I love you from your gray hair to the white paint that was on your feet last night.  Thank you for accepting this old lady.  I love you babies.

7. You are Nice.  You are Giving. You are Wise. You have managed to have so many children in such a short period of time and they  are so lovely and well behaved.  I envy you a little.  You are surrounded by so countless people who love you with sencerity.  But you cannot find love and that bothers me because you are such a wonderful person.  First, of all you are too damn picky.  Stop looking for perfection, it doesnt exist! Second, stop looking for RICH.  A regular nine-five should do, and if you really need a man in a uniform for Christ sakes, thier are some cuties at Taco Bell!  And lastly, let go of the secret.  Its not a big deal, its not a big deal, its not a big deal.  When you finally come clean you will probably be able to count those people who love you with sencerity but all the fake ones should be outta your life if they can't handle it. We love you. And Im glad we met.

8. Thank you.  People say that we look alot alike but I dont think so. At least not with my hair gray.  Your bark was always worst than your bite.  You always protected us, and kept us safe and we thank you.  I hate the fact that you are not a good listener and you do not know how to accept responsibility.  You are full of excuses and so was I and Im trying to drop that trait.  There is something healing about saying, "It's my fault".  At this point I want you to be the leader that you always have been and project the image of a classy, strong women that we have always looked up to.  We love you, because you will always continue to fight for us.

9. I helped raise your ass! You always had the prettiest smile. But you are a selfish chald.  And thats just your personality.  You only care about yourself, well; most of the time.  I always wanted you to embrace your skin tone, but you havn't. I always wanted you to love you kinky hair, but I fear that you never will.  Beauty will never be found at a MAC  counter but you do not understand that.  It seems as the years go by your boobies get bigger and your brain gets smaller.  Now is the time to get yourself together.  Stop listening to your "friends" and stop calling everyone "friend".   I love you baby girl.

10. You used to get on my nerves! But I grew to like you and I feels that you like me too.  There are some things that you do that are just too damn wierd to mention.  But thank you for my precious gift that you made back in 1970, I will cherish it always.  I like it when you and I get together and drink and when I teach you how to cook with soul.  But like another person I mentioned earlier you need to accept advice and listen. You need to let people make decision for you because you can't make them yourself! Stop living in a time warp.  You scar me sometimes.  I will always try to keep it real around you, even though the other one doesn't.  You need to protect the other too.  I dont want a damn thing but the other one deserves it when your gone.  STOP BEING SELFISH! The other one does nothing but help you all the time, and this is how you repay him? What if he treated you the way you treat him, you would be in alot of trouble.  I hope you do the right thing before its too late.

11. I do believe that I look like you.  Why are you so damn cheap! Why dont you like to fly? Why dont you send me money anymore!?  You are not very funny but you manage to make me laugh, maybe because you tend to drool when you laugh or maybe because you are missing two of your upper front teeth.  I love you outlook on life and the way you tackle problems.  Why are you so damn cheap!  Your mortage is only $550.00 and you have four bedrooms.  Anyways, thank you for opening up your home to us.  Stop letting that little devil hit you, kick you, spit on you and abuse you.  There is 60 years separting you too, take control!  But I understand, it seems like your playing make up for what you failed to do earlier in life.  I love you old yella!      

WHY BRITNEY?

GIRL, I defended you.  I believed in you.  I THOUGHT you should get the kids.  For christ sakes we shopped at the same antique store! 

When you first came on I new something was horribly wrong.  I though, "Well, maybe she ate too much P.F. CHANGS."  I know when I go to Vegas I tend to eat there and I also move around like that.  But that was no P.F. CHANG performance, it was more or less a HOMETOWN BUFFET type deal. 

Watching Britany's suicide (I mean) "performance" was like waiting for the last .20 cents worth of gas to slowly trickle from the pump.  And you sit wondering, should I just leave, do I really need the last .20 cents but have already invested so much time pumping the other $2.80 so you stay. 

Britany is my Grandbaby and she needs help.  I guess Im willing to go stay with her for a while, I will sacrifice.

Granny Pearl

p.s. Kevin stop laughing!!!!

TOP TEN of Ghetto

1). If you got more fingers than teeth, maybe you is ghetto.

2). If you are renting your furniture, maybe you ghetto.

3). If you try to pass off Vienna Wieners as hotdogs, maybe you ghetto.

4). If your family has been featured on the television show COPS, baby you ghetto.

5). If you drive your great grandmother to the hospital.....  Because she is in labor, then maybe you ghetto.

6). If yo momma wears Febreze for perfume, then maybe you ghetto.

7). If you weight is higher than your credit score, you ghetto booboo.

8). If you need to coat hanger to get reception on anything, you most likely ghetto.

9). If yo momma was holding you in her Junior High School photo, then you probably ghetto.

10). If all of your jewelry came from a machine, then heck yeah ghetto!

Chald, Mel Gibson was arrested for DUI recently.  And while we all know its no fun being made to do circus tricks in public by the police to proove that we are ok to drive, that gives Mel no reason to act a dang fool!  

Apparently, Mel busted into racial slures after being pulled over by the police for driving like Helen Keller.  But he was so intoxicated, he apparently didn't realize he was in his car, he kept yelling "I'm in the bathroom, I'll be right out", it wasn't until he tried to flush....  well, you know.  Anyways,  Mel has since released a 4,917 page appology listing the names of every Jewish person in the United States, including Whoopie Goldburg. In addition, he's also sending each Jewish family a free copy of the DVD, Passion of Christ.  He's states in his appology, "I  was grossly misunderstood that evening, I am anti-Termite..." He also goes onto say this about the Jewish officer in question, "I had no reason to even make anti-Semitic comments, I didn't even know officer Goldensteinburg was Jewish."

This goes to show you that Vodka and money don't mix.  My advise is to Mel at this time it to just release a statement saying, I hate eveybody including myself.  Until next time, Thunder Bird Wishes and Top Ramen dreams.