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Ashtrays overflowing to the brim,
Haze of another hangover on my mind,
Another night that I don't remember,
Another night where I've lost all time.
Inside I'm bleak, I'm growing old,
My youth inside this bottle so well hid;
Reality hurts, reality bites
And I find I am too hard to forgive.

I took a wrong turn somewhere on my life's road
And now I cannot find my way home.
The dream of high esteem
Seems an impossibility,
I try to sleep, try to forget,
Look in the mirror, inevitable regret;
Time will never stand still
So I pray incantations I cannot feel.

Oh rotten demon inside of me
Release me! Let go, set me free!
Don't leave me shackled in this pain,
Let me feel alive again!
I pull my hair, I start to scream,
Trapped in this nightmare, this bad dream.
Do I have the strength for this fight?
Will morning help me see the light?

My face is lined, my hair is dull,
My eyes have sunk within my skull,
It's been so long since I first fell
Deep into this bottomless hell.
And you can't fathom how it feels;
Deep down a knowledge that my fate is sealed.
When you look at me your expression does not hide
The disgust that's a companion by your side.

But I am human! I have feelings!
I'm just having trouble dealing
With the pain of this life,
You don't see the tears I cry.
I took a wrong turn on my life's road
And now I cannot find my way home,
Can anyone please tell me why I bleed?
Is there any hope for me?


by Debbie Turkilsen

Shadows creep into my mind,
Feels too hard to move today,
I find it so hard to remember
Life being any other way.
I want to cry;
But it is not worth my time,
I want to break free
But it feels much safer inside.

I keep myself within myself,
You will never see me reaching out,
I'll never tell you my emotions,
I know life has no secret potions,
I can't explain to you my reasons,
All I know is that I am bleeding!
There's no need for you to feel depressed,
It's me; I'm not myself I guess.

A darkened cloud hangs over my head only,
Leaves me feeling isolated, feeling lonely,
No light, no breath, no air anywhere,
No life, all dead, with these shadows in my head.


By Debbie Turkilsen