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All will be carved!

- D

Thy name is TWO PRINCES by The Spin Doctors

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One, two, princes kneel before you
(thats what I said, now)
Princes, princes who adore you
(just go ahead, now)
One has diamonds in his pockets
(that sounds great, now)
This one, said he wants to buy you lockets
(aint in his head, now)

This one, he got a princely racket
(thats what I said, now)
Got some big seal upon his jacket
(aint in his head, now)
Marry him, your father will condone you
(how bout that, now)
Marry me, your father will disown you
(hell eat his hat, now)

Aww, marry him or marry me,
Im the one that loves you b baby cant you see?
Aint got no future or a family tree,
But I know what a prince and lover ought to be,
I know what a prince and lover ought to be....

Said, if you want to call me baby
(just go ahead, now)
An if youd like to tell me maybe
(just go ahead, now)
An if you wanna buy me flowers
(just go ahead, now)
And if youd like to talk for hours
(just go ahead, now)

Said, one, two, princes kneel before you
(thats what I said, now)
Princes, princes who adore you
(just go ahead, now)
One has diamonds in his pockets
(that sounds great, now)
This one, he wants to buy you lockets
(aint in his head, now)

Marry him or marry me,
Im the one that loves you baby cant you see?
Aint got no future or a family tree,
But I know what a prince and lover ought to be,
I know what a prince and lover ought to be....

Said, if you want to call me baby
(just go ahead, now)
An if youd like to tell me maybe
(just go ahead, now)
If you wanna buy me flowers
(just go ahead, now)
And if youd like to talk for hours
(just go ahead, now)
And if you want to call me baby
(just go ahead, now)
An if youd like to tell me maybe
(just go ahead, now)
If youd like buy me flowers
(just go ahead, now)
And if youd like to talk for hours
(just go ahead, now)

Said, if you want to call me baby

(just go ahead, now)

An if youd like to tell me maybe

(just go ahead, now)

If you wanna buy me flowers

(just go ahead, now)

And if youd like to talk for hours

(just go ahead, now)

Ohh baby

(just go ahead now) repeat to fade..

Sing along with lyrics, and you'll discover this is the worst written pop song ever. It's loaded with lyrical filler, and the word now is rhymed with now about five billion times. Sadly, one of the Doctors of Spin got a good riff going, but they all failed to come up with lyrics to match. But apparently, a good riff is all you need in this world. The lead singer is obviously useless. This phenomenon is crystal clear in the SESAME STREET version of the song. His stupid prince jacket makes a triumphant return. The key sign that a lead singer has nothing to do is that he starts patting the musicians on the back

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FACT: You haven't made it in this business until Sesame Street has done a version of your song. They will nerd it up, this one is about cooperation. But they inadvertanly wrote better lyrics.

Subsequently, this blog is no stranger to the MMC. That's Mickey Mouse Club to the haters. I'm talking about the late 80's version that gave the word Britney Spears, Ryan Gosling and half of N'Sync. They did their cover of PARTYMAN that I featured in the Nobel Prize winning blog series 30 DAYS OF BATMAN. Apparently they did it a lot, and Two Princes was too much of a toe tapper to ignore. Hit it, dude from N'Sync and two other has beens!

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They weren't done ruining music there, they also had their turn at covering Soul Asylum's heartbreaking song RUNAWAY TRAIN in their own unique way. No pictures of missing kids in this version though, which I miss. But they added a guy on stilts and a clown jumping into a puddle. Which is infinitely more entertaining.

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Going back to Sesame Street, they managed to futher pussify the Goo Goo Dolls song SLIDE. They made it about doing your best or some gay shit.

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On the awesome flip side of the coin, they did a stellar job with Norah Jones and her song DON'T KNOW WHY. What we got was a bitter sweet romance between a woman and the a felt letter. With Elmo stuck in the middle.

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My personal favorite being the latest one in recent memory, Fiest's 1234. Perfect for counting! Yet the Count is nowhere to be found. It's so fucking weird that kids learn from a vampire.

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See how I went from awful music to amazing covers with puppet back up singers? That's how I roll.

- D

Just kidding.

I made this tonight and I'm proud. I hope you like it.

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January 19th - 23rd.

The anticipation starts....

...

...

NOW!

- D

Things that came out today that are awesome:

Ladies...my quest to make love to all of you will have to be put aside for the time being, I've got a brick city to save. I read that you can play as the mighty Batman & Robin AAAAAAAND as the villains! I GET TO FINALLY BE THE JOKER! Consider your asses nerve gassed!

As if this wasn't enough:

My true love (after Lego Gotham City residents), Jenny Lewis has a new album out. It's called ACID TONGUE and it's great.

Be like me and buy these things. You'll love the feeling.

- D

In this day and age, it's hard to believe they made a live action feature film based on THE FLINTSTONES. Everybody knows the cartoon, and it was okay and all, but Steven Spielberg saw something more. He saw lunchboxes, fast food tie ins and trading cards. I don't exactly see how puns about rocks can transcend generations...but in May of 1994, they did.

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It isn't far fetched to believe that while Spielberg was in the editing room for SCHINDLER'S LIST, he was also being shown concept drawings for what TOYS R US and MCDONALD'S would look like, if they were carved out of granite. So, from 1986 to 1993, they were developing a movie version of THE FLINTSTONES. It apparently takes 35 writers (a WGA record on most writers on one project) to adapt what seemlingly looks quite simple. The story they came up with is that Fred Flintstone (John Goodman) is promoted to an executive vice president at Slate & Co. Rock Quarry. But through a jungle of decent and industrial espionage, it's revealed that he's being set up as a patsy for greedy embezzler Cliff Vandercave (Kyle MacLauchlin) to bleed the company dry and take off to Mexico.

This is the plot to a movie based off of a children's cartoon.

Now, don't get me wrong. I loved the movie as a kid, and just recently, watched it again. It's oddly enjoyable for the weirdest of reasons. I think they call it "camp". All the sets, costumes, puppets and vehicles are actually quite impressive. And of course, there's that special little magic touch that makes any film good.

Collectable glassware! And let's face it, any movie that causes the McRib to come out of hiding is worth mentioning. This is a finicky sandwich, and only comes out when the occasion is legendary.

For those that follow the blog, these pre-date the BATMAN FOREVER glasses. Therefore, we have them to thank. They were the pioneers, and without them, we couldn't drink our morning orange juice in a cup with Chris O'Donnell's face carved into it.

I don't think you understand here, the movie was a big deal, merchadise wise. Who knew that the public was ready to swallow up all this junk.

Here's a poster that came free with the number 1 breakfast cereal in bedrock, Fruity Pebbles. I mean, you had to have something go on with Fruity Pebbles. To not, would be turning your back on your ROOTS.

Here's an action figure that some unlucky kid somewhere got saddled with by that one Uncle he only sees once every two years and has no idea what to buy for him. In the age of Ninja Turtles and Power Rangers, this toy is severely lacking in weaponery. It was the stone age, how about a MASTADON HUNTING, BLOODY SPEAR FRED toy? But no, we get HARD HAT FRED. And oh, hey, the hat is actually a turtle shell. Those ingenuitive cavemen!

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And there was a video game for the SNES featuring the short stubby dude that sort of looks like John Goodman that graces the package of the HARD HAT FRED toy. The game looked fairly lame, bashing other cavemen with clubs and rocks. Not a sassy bird record player in sight. Well, none if you don't count the menu screen. WHICH I DON'T.

I truely can't fathom why the studio (Universal) thought that THE FLINTSTONES would be huge. But it was. It was a megablockbuster, and the merchandise sold pretty well. I guess there's a small window of oppertunity for any given thing, and Universal had great timing. The weirdest piece of marketing was the music video. The B-52's covered a song that was actually in the show, and the show's theme song. The music video features the entire cast, which is practically unheard of. There's Rick Moranis playing the drums. There's Rosie O'Donnell, grooving with the music. And hey, there's Halle Berry, dancing down the street. How much money was thrown at this, to get them to do this?

My theory is, the set was in the middle of nowhere, so the cast had nowhere else to go and were forced to do it. I mean, THE GOONIES music video couldn't even get all the Goonies to be in it. Yet, there's Kyle MacLauchlin. Playing with a prehistoric horn and dancing like he was never in David Lynch movies or any other legitimate production. Can you think of any other huge movie, with an all star cast that were in the music video so promenently? The Ghostbusters were in the video less than Kyle MacLauchlin is in this. He fucking rocks by the way.

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While I like the movie fine, and was totally aware of the huge marketing push it had, it's success still bewilders me. They made a prequel that I never bothered to see, and it bombed. So endeth the world's fascination with the modern stone age family. At one point, Robert Rodriguez was rumored to be making the live action JETSONS movie for Warner Brothers. I say, bring it. The world needs more glasses. Space age ones this time.

- D

I'm back! Fresh from about a month long hiatus from my critically acclaimed, award winning blog series 30 DAYS OF BATMAN. I'm not one to tell tales out of school, but I blog about ZODIAC: THE DIRECTOR'S CUT and it sells out. I blog for a month about the one and only dark knight...and it breaks a shitload of records and becomes to first real contender to beat TITANIC as the highest grossing movie of all time. Coincidence? Some people have asked me to review the movie, which I intend to do soon. I've seen it 4 times now. I'm going to see it again each time it makes another 100 million. I plan on wrapping up the summer movie season with a bunch of reviews actually. It's the first time in a long while that summer movie season has lived up to the hype. So I'll give everything it's due soon. But first, a fantastic find.

After the 30 days of blogging, I went on vacation from work to fully enjoy the release of THE DARK KNIGHT. My uncle also had a well timed vacation and brought his family over to LA. He used to live in this house, so he and I decided to dig up his old junk from the garage. We found tons of stuff. Lots of well perseved STAR WARS toys. A genuine Diet Pepsi glass with the immortal words of Ray Charles on it. YOU GOT THE RIGHT ONE, BABY! UH HUH!

This once again draws the question of what happened to NutraSweet? I guess Splenda got rid of it for good. This craze was parodied in the box office smash hit ROOKIE OF THE YEAR. Which TDK is on it's way toward beating as the second highest grossing movie of all time. Anyway, 3 seconds in my possession led to the glass's demise. I dropped it onto the unforgivingly hard garage pavement. It took me 3 days to get over it. It would've been one rockin' cup. Anyway, that's not the best thing we found. In an old blue plastic box, we opened it to find old letters from from friends, pictures, old theme park maps and something I consider to be the holy grail of garage finds.

The Warner Brothers Catalogue for the Summer of 1990. The exact catalogue that Bugs was trying to get us to order in the Batman VHS ad. To think this thing was sitting in my OWN HOME without my knowledge! Now, we're going to take a look into the past. And see what kind of junk we would've ordered if we had credit cards in our elementary years.

This was a very special edition of the catalogue because it was Bugs Bunny's 50th birthday celebration. So you better believe they were going to try to get you a whole bunch of crap with his face on it. They even sold carrot cake. Honest injun. I don't know how good it could have been with a two week trip in a burning hot Fed Ex truck. They also sold an NES game all about his birthday. Which is reviewed hilariously here.

Ok, I know what you're thinking. How did they get models that look like Weird Al, Victoria Jackson and Doctor Demento? That's the gag, kids. There are celebrities modeling stuff all over the catalogue! The budget for this thing must have been huge, I meant they got DOCTOR DEMENTO! Who knew that such a big corporation would think he could be used to sell anything but old Yogi Yorgussen records (if you know this reference, I think we're destined to be soulmates)?

Recognize these people? Neither did I, but they're the cast of the 80's hit sitcom EIGHT IS ENOUGH!

Everyone knows John Stamos, however. And who wouldn't recognize him with that snazzy jacket he has on. Also, have you ever paid 25 dollars for an umbrella that small?

I know you might want to buy a director's chair with YOUR name on it, but I want to mooch of Stamos's celebrity. So I'd buy one with his name on it. Do you spy the elusive WB ball cap? The price hasn't changed, 18 years later.

Junk for the police movie junkie! Who WOULDN'T wear a LETHAL WEAPON 2 toliet paper pin? Any lady that got why you were wearing that and didn't walk away from you is bound to be your one true. And how fucking cool is that windshield cover? Remember windshield covers? Does anyone even use those anymore?

I couldn't take a clear enough picture, but it says THIS CAR PROTECTED BY LETHAL WEAPON 2. Which means a movie is guarding your car from getting too hot. Has INDIAN IN THE CUPBOARD ever done that for you? I think not. I tried to find one of these, but alas. They forever lost.

The Tanner family! Half the cast of PERFECT STRANGERS! I'd start drinking coffee if I had that mug. And that shirt. My coffee attire.

Novelty chess sets have been around for ages, and they've gotten a lot cooler. Anyone see the ALIENS chess set? But these are...stupid. Is Yosemite Sam a knight or a bishop? Also, Gene Shalit! And a dynamite alarm clock. I definitely want one of those.

They also sold some pretty funky BEETLEJUICE merch. including a mask, a doll, action figures and a book cover for the HANDBOOK OF THE RECENTLY DECEASED. I don't know why they just didn't make a book for it, they're charing people 15 bucks for it, for crying out loud.

What on Earth does Vanna White possibly have to say?

Coolest item ever? A Bull puppet? The only thing that would be greater is if they had puppets for the rest of the cast. I'd take my Dan Fielding puppet to a bar and let all my sexual frustrations out through him.

I'm not sure why I watched MURPHY BROWN, but I did. I'm sure a PHIL'S mug would be quite a thing to have for those die hards out there. If any.

Order your BATMAN NES game, your John Lennon watch and your GREMLINS 2 poster all on the same page! This catalogue came out 18 years too early.

I like that YOUNG EINSTIEN is the cheapest poster they have.

I don't know who that red head is, but man, she sure doesn't know how to hold a bowling ball like you've played the game at least once in your life.

They even got the old genius cartoonist who are responsible for any love that anyone has ever had towards the great Looney Tunes characters. Here they are hocking cells they drew, for hundreds of dollars. In a catalogue where their ideas are exploited for tire covers, beach towels, coffee mugs, keychains and golf club cozies. I hope they got some of that scratch, but common sense depressingly suggests otherwise.

My grandfather always used to say "When Dana Delaney shows up, the catalogue is over" and his words never rang truer. With the offer of 600 dollars for a jacket with Bugs Bunny on it, I leave you to ponder what might grace your house if we still had a catalogue like this today.

Another big deal is that I recently got an iPhone and it's like the second coming. It could do things I never thought possible. People are going to stop saying that sliced bread line and start saying "This is the greatest thing since the iPhone". I urge anyone that is obsessed with the internet to pick one up. You'll have no better friend then this little doo dad. I took all these picture with it.

Farewell for now, stay tuned for a Summer wrap up coming soon.

- D

DAY 30! THE END! TODAY'S THE DAY!

Happy Bat-Day, everyone! The year long wait since the viral campagin started is over today at 12:01am.

So I was almost done with a huge write up on the first BATMAN movie. And it was alright, but stupid myspace fucking ate it, the bastards. But I think it's for the best. I'll just use this oppertunity to get a little personal instead of posting a bunch of youtube videos and writing ridiculous comments to them (although, I have to admit "LOOK AT THAT BIG FUCKING GUN!" made me LOL.

I wanted to review it because BATMAN was my first memory of going to the movies. And my first memory of BATMAN. And the movie means a lot to me in that respect, plus there is plenty of fucking bad assery in it. But hopefully, tonight, there will be a new champion of my heart.

We covered a lot of shit this month. Toys and costumes and songs and comics and movies and caves and what have you. All stemming from a life long love of everything Batman. The great thing about the character is that he encompasses all sorts of media, told by all sorts of artists. Stories for young and old, alike. For retards and smartos, there is something Batman related to gush about for even MORE than 30 days.

THE DARK KNIGHT would have excited me even if there wasn't the present hype around it. It's Batman vs. The Joker on screen again! The full circle of my movie going experience. I'm really glad that so many people are sharing my excitement though. And I'm glad to have shared in the batmania with you all this month.

Thanks to the many people that checked the blog out, and shared their kind words. The blog views I got were beyond anything I could ever have expected, so it means I hopefully entertained lots of people. I can't believe I did it. And on time no less. I officially have no personal life.

So hit those midnights, enjoy the flick and enjoy your batsummer. I hope all the nostalgia made the experience a little bit more fun for you. I bid you, goodnight!

LONG LIVE BATMAN!

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- D

Day 29! This is it! Don't get scared now! In 1992, the first Tim Burton film was well loved, and was one of the most successful movies of all time. Fans were pumped for a sequel. They saved their pennies to buy the new onslaught of bat merchandise that coincided with the sequel...

BATMAN RETURNS!

Trailer!

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Could they cram enough puns into this trailer or what?

The movie opens with a little backstory. Tim Burton shocks us all by revealing this movie is a semi-sequel to PEE-WEE'S BIG ADVENTURE. Pee Wee and Simone have fallen in love, married, and turn into snobby aristocrats. For serious, no breakfast machine in sight. Way to forget your roots, Pee Wee. Anyway, we see them on the eve of the birth of their child. Everyone is excited until it turns out the kid's a mutant.

The kid is born a penguin boy. Things are fine at the beginning. They keep him in a cage, but the second he eats the family cat, they figure it's time to give him the boot. Now, there are plenty of human ways to get rid of a child. Put him up for adoption. Leave him on the stoop of some church for some lovely nuns to collect...even blowing the kid's brains out would have been way less harsh than what his parents did. They rolled his strapped shut carriage to the top of some bridge and hurled him into the sewer. I haven't the slightest idea of what they were hoping would happen. Maybe they thought he would float away to a family that would love him, or hope he drowned? What did happen was some credits rolled by.

Watch the entire horrific ordeal!

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What luck! He's found by penguins! He must have lived happily ever after, right? Right? Not so. Also, how the hell did those penguins open the carriage?

Anyway, we flash forward, 33 years later, to Gotham City. Now when I first saw this movie in the theater, I thought they meant 33 years after the events of the first Batman. Having no sense of time at that age, I deemed this correct, and settled in to watch the film. It's Christmas time in Gothamtown! Everyone is hustling around shopping, knowing their safe with Batman around! Alfred meets a young newsboy that tried to pawn off some tabloids on him. Alfred gives him lip and the audience cheers. Michael Gough's Alfred was one of the great things about the series because he would always give a sarcastic remark. This is why I refuse to believe he would just STAY in a closet if the Riddler knocked him on his head and preceded to blow up the batcave. I fully expected Alfred to show up with a shotgun and a "NOT IN THIS CAVE, YOU DON'T" before blowing Riddler's brains all over the cave. But being a tidy man, and the housekeeper, he probably saw it as the messy clean up task it would have been. And reorganized the closet he was stuffed in.

But that was another movie. Anyway, we're introduced to one of the movie's villains. Max Schrek. Businessman and all around asshole. Selina Kyle is his assitant. Max is to speak at Gotham's Christmas tree lighting ceremony as he is the owner of the city's most successful department store. But he forgot his speech. While Selina busts her ass to retreive it for him, the mysterious Penguin launches a full on attack on the ceremony. Including a big ass gift box that explodes and rains circus clowns with machine guns into the audience.

Let's recap.

So far the movie has children thrown into sewers, Alfred giving sass to some punk, and clowns with machine guns falling from the sky. I give this movie's first 15 minutes an A+.

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I love love LOVE the motorcycle skeleton dudes. Not only do they look cool, but notice the first one that comes out of the giant present. He sees a hot dog stand and knows that it MUST be knocked down. That is the definition of anarchy. It's good to have a henchman that cand think on his feet. But how the hell does he see out of that thing?

So Commissioner Gordon can see he's not going to win this fight without some reenforcements and demands the batsignal be lit. Back at Wayne Manor, Bruce just sits and waits for something to happen so he can jump into action. The weird thing is when the signal is lit, it triggers the activation of two bat signals attached to the mansion, so they could shine directly into Bruce's den. Now, call me crazy. But if you have any visitors over to the Manor. And they ask you why you have batsignals attached to the house, I defy you to give them a plausible reason for them. But he'll have to worry about that later, it's time to kick some ass!

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As you can see, his job is half done before he even GETS OUT OF THE CAR. And when he does, the fighting stops. I guess they're all afraid. Either way, Batman saves the day. And Selina gets a brand new taser. But even though the city is safe again, the Penguin's real plan was to create a diversion in order to kidnap Max.

He takes him down to his sewer/circus lair. He controls a vicious gang of circus freaks called the RED TRIANGLE gang. A circus that the Penguin was featured in as a sideshow freak. I guess along the way, he got tired of it and convinced the others to go rogue. Anyway, the Penguin wants something from Max. The Penguin wants to go back to the surface and live among the humans. He wants Max to shepard this return, so that people will like him instead of hate his fucked up face and hands. Max doesn't see why he should do this, but Penguin has all sorts of dirt on him. Including his old partner's dead body. GEE, HOW DID HE DIE? I'D LOVE TO HELP YOU, PENGUIN DUDE! THANKS FOR KIDNAPPING ME! And everyone's happy! Well, there is more to the movie. You're going to have to watch this scene with dubbing from some idiot on youtube. But I must admit, the first 30 seconds had me rolling on the floor.

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Selina works late to help out her boss, but finds some of the dastardly deeds that Max is up to. Max finds her and even though Penguin knows his secrets at this point, attempts to kill her too. Pushing someone out a window usually yeilds results 100 percent of the time. But Max didn't factor in one important variable. Zombie ressurecting cats.

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Ok, so that's a little weird. She lives somehow and returns back to her cute little apartment. One would figure she is somewhat peturbed as she destroys everything she owns and fashions a catsuit out of an old slutty number she bought on a whim.

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I love that she's really into the milk she's drinking. BECAUSE SHE'S A CAT NOW! But seriously, this is one hell of a performance to give and Michelle Pfiefer delivers. I really dig it but I think all the mothers of the tots that took their children to a Batman movie were beginning to scratch their heads at this point in the film.

"Mommy, what does HELL HERE mean?"

Meanwhile, Max stages an attack on the Mayor's baby and has the Penguin appear to save the little brat. Because townspeople in every movie ever are drooling sheep, everyone goes nuts for their awesome new penguin dude. Penguin gets the resources to search the hall of records for his parents. BUT IS HE ALSO DEVISING A FIENDISH PLAN AS WELL?

He finds the graves of his parents and forgives them. At this point, the audience is reminded that Batman is also a character in this movie and he is given some exposition. Bruce is suspicious of the new penguin dude and decides to investigate his past. WHAT WILL HE FIND?

Max convinces the Penguin that he is so popular with the citizens of Gotham now, that he should run for Mayor. Penguin is skeptical, but Max shows him what being a civilized, dapper gentleman can be like with HANDLERS! What follows is the most famous scene in the movie. Can you guess what I'm talking about?

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Yes, the Penguin bites the nose off of the nerdy buddy of Jason Bateman from THE HOGEN FAMILY. At this point, all the parents are reeling in horror trying to cover little Junior's eyes before he gets scarred for life. I saw this scene when I was 5 years old and LOOK AT ME NOW! The movie instantly shifts back into awesome mode once again.

HOLY SHIT, THE CIRCUS IS FUCKING SHIT UP AGAIN! Better get Batman!

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Batman is faced with a dude with a rocket launcher a dude with some billy clubs and a dude with a sword...AND STILL WINS! This movie rocks! Catwoman introduces herself to the Penguin and Catwoman. They're both hot for her. But Batman is the one that gets to throw her off a roof.

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A girl once licked me like that in 4th grade. Only it was pretty disgusting. The movies LIE!

Catwoman and Penguin decide to team up to stop Batman. Penguin assures her he's got a plan in place. He's going to tinker with the Batmobile and frame him for horrific things.

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How awesome is the batmissle? So, using the recording Batman made while the Penguin was ranting, he plays it at a rally for his Mayoral candidacy. It doesn't go over well. But Bruce reveals his awesome bat-cd player and his sick turntable moves.

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Okay, so that's not an exact clip from the movie. But it's the closest thing I could find. Penguin returns to the sewer, letting his posse in on his backup plan. He's going to kidnap every first born in Gotham and murder them.

I probably should have mentioned that Bruce and Selina were dating. But I was too caught up in penguin antics. Anyway, THEY WERE DATING. Which makes their costumed rivalry all weird. In this scene, they discover their secret identities to the SIOUXSIE AND THE BANSHEE's song FACE TO FACE. They also reveal they both kind of dug that awful little mistletoe poem.

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So they Penguin shows up and announces his plan to the partygoers. Batman leaves and stops the kidnappings in one fell swoop. Penguin gets REALLY man and decides to bomb the shit out of Gotham with Penguin rockets.

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If there were any parents left in the theater by this point, I'd like to think they would have puked at the line "THEIR ARROEGENOUS ZONES BLOWN SKY HIGH". A little treat for the people that stuck around the whole movie. So he sends the penguins out, and Batman decides to use the Batsub to take care of business. He busts all up in Penguin's hood and gains control of the stupid penguins. A brief one on one fight is had and then Penguin falls through his own window, the dummy.

Catwoman is there for some reason, and tries to kill Max for being a jerk. Batman tries to stop her by taking off his mask. This scene always confused me, because his eye makeup disappears.

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Catwoman electrocutes herself with ol' Max. A little fun fact, Max was originally written as Harvey Dent. His political aspiration making a lot more sense if he was a district attorney and not a guy who sells dresses for a living. In this scene, he's supposed to get half his face scarred, leaving him deranged enough to be TWO FACE in the sequel. But oh well. Walken rules anyway. Just when Batman thinks he's had a hard enough day with watching his girlfriend kill herself, the Penguin leaves him with some parting words.

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A tragic end to a tragic character. He's actually the best part of the movie. His story is not only great, but a whole new take on the Penguin of the Batuniverse.

So the movie ends on a sour note I guess. Bruce is all alone for Christmas...and that's it. The movie originally ended with the flash of a batsignal to a somber tone. And that would've been ballsy. But the studio begged Burton to lighten it up just a skotch, so he added Catwoman popping up at the very end. To a more triumphant theme.

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I loved the movie. And still love it. Audiences...didn't. They thought the Penguin was too dark and he was way too fucking weird. Spitting up black stuff and chewing noses off. They were right, but the movie is good because of it's darker tone. It's more of a Tim Burton movie and has a lot more substance than any of the other 90's Batfilms had.

Plus, without it, we wouldn't have this awesome ad for the handheld game by Tiger.

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I would love to play that game while shouting lines from the movie. It looks like so much fun!

Love it or hate it, it brang us greatness either way.

TOMORROW! THE FINAL BATBLOG! WHATEVER WILL IT BE?

Also! Tomorrow night!

www.blogtalkradio.com/goresmoviemadness

Feel like talking to me about Batman one on one? Call in to Gore's Movie Madness! A blog talk radio show that I'll be appearing on, tomorrow night at 9pm Pacfic! Midnight Eastern! It's an all out Batman spectacular! Be sure to listen!

- D

Day 28! Only 3 blogs left til freedom! When I was about 3 years old, my uncle's birthday present to me was a bed. Not that glamorous or exciting at that age. But when your bed is modeled after THIS:

Yes, for about 6 years or so, I rocked my very own Batmobile bed. It was awesome. The fins kept me from rolling out of my bed and kept me awesome all at the same time. Every friend that came over would marvel at it. Once, when we moved, I was forced to have to use a dumb old regular bed, as I was told it was time for sophisticated sleep apparatii. The bed must have been six feet in the air, because I fell out of it at least 3 times that first night. So used to my precious fins. Of course, I immeadately mandated a return to my old bed. And for a few more years, the love affair continued.

When my parents divorced, my mom took the kids and retreated to my grandmother's house. At first, we all had to sleep in the same king sized bed. Which meant that the Batmobile bed was thrown away for good. Later on we got bunk beds, and if you thought falling from a bed that was on the ground was fun, try falling from a top bunk for a few nights.

Eventually, I got over not having the loss of the Batmobile bed. I mean, if I had it in my teens, the girls would've gone apeshit. Me and the ol' girl could have taken many a virginity. It would've been our golden years together. These days, I am still stuck with a god damn twin bed that I barely fit on. It would be worth it if it were batshaped, but you have to live with what you've got.

Shockingly, after a brief perusal of my family photo album, I can not find a single picture of the Batmobile bed. Depressing, to say the least. I only have memories to live on.

I've been trying to search for it on google and ebay, with no success. Only a few imposters. Believe me when I tell you that my bed was a lot more intricately detailed with at least ten more times of awesome.

This would be the closest replica of it. I didn't have that awesome plant, though. But mine looked almost EXACTLY like the Batmobile in Tim Burton's movies. And working headlights for nitelite action!

This is also kind of cool.

And this is just lame.

Oh, if I only had one more good sleep in you bed. Fully knowing what a difference you've made in my life. Anyone who wants to building me a king size version, you're more than welcome. I will sleep on it until I could sleep no more!

- D