that they still talk about you
that they still blog about you
that they lie
that they still call in the midnight hour
that they aren't honest about their relationship status (shout out to Che)
that they make excuses for their behavior
that they showed themselves....even though they didn't want to
that you know who they are....even though they don't
that you are free of complications and unsure feelings
that they are no longer apart of you life.

Be Happy

that you are comfortable with who you are and what you represent
that you don't wonder anymore and entertain the if, ands or buts
that you are surrounded by those who truly care
that your crew, is your crew, for a reason
that you will not waste those gifts that have been awarded to you
that you did smile, chuckle and laugh again

Be Happy that you know Him

Be Happy that if you don't...........it's not too late!!!!!!!!

******This if most def random, but after looking at those other profiles of those people.....I'm as sooo HAPPY LOL!!!!!
Love you all!!!!!!

I plan on gaining enough energy to start blogging again

but until then may this video help to ease your jonesing!!!!

oh and I've had over 10,100 views as of today!!!!WOOOOHOOOO 

Enjoy

No need to keep this from the rest of you all.

This blog entry is now open to the public.

Enjoy!!!!!

that they guy I was "getting to know" (some people call it dating) off of myspace is a swinger.

A FREAKING SWINGER!!!

I'm packing my bags now and calling Uhaul tomorrow. Portsmouth bound I will be by Friday afternoon b/c I can't take it anymore-LOL!!!

Aight so most of you know but that this is a place for us to joke about it behind his back (please let me remember to make this a preferred blog-lol).

I'm not gonna get into the fact that dude is 31 years of age and the reason behind the "I Try" blog and ish.

Not gonna bore you with the fact that is he is extremely sensitive, egotistical (for no reason at all cause dude is NOT a looker) and blatant hyporcite (everything I do to him that is so ignorant and immature he goes and does in return) OH AND A SWINGER!!!

Aight so if you're wondering why I was "getting to know him" its b/c on paper he was pretty good. College educated, into independent hip hop and great when it comes to going on dates.

Oh lets be real I was going out with him for the free food and movies OKAY there I said it.

I wanted to like him but Priscilla and Andre wouldn't let me-lol!!! Thank God for good friends!!!

Aight so on to the swinging (which is why Keebi put up that comment on my page..its hilarious I love that chic)

SOOO dude was at my house this weekend, b/c he has to ask permission from his mama to have company, hence I couldn't go there. Sooo I say hey you can log into myspace if you want on my comp.

WELLLLLLLLLLLLLL He forgot to log out!!

When I tell you that was nothing but the Holy Spirit (and I'm being so honest about that) to leave it up so I could find out the truth behind this negro!!!

Anywho I find emails that he has sent to chics about going to swinging parties and how he has been to three already. He kindly asked some chic to join him for one (that was in early June before we started going out). The last email about it had him going to one on Saturday...a day after our second date!!!

What's sooo funny is dude is basically this I'm always right and Jewel you are so disrespectful (LOL that would be me) etc etc etc.

But he's over here swanging-lol!!!

Oh by the way the dude is Kinny Mack...yeah HIM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He's a commenter on past blogs.

Look yall know I like to give the unattractive the benefit of the doubt so don't judge me. When we started "getting to know each other" he was pretty descent, but in true Jewel form he turns out to be some undercover freak.

WHO is wasting his money swinging and still living at home with his mama while pushing what I am sure to be her 99 Ford Taurus (with AARP bumper sticker on the back).

The moral of the story is...that nigga swinging but at the age of 31 is still living with his mama!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And I know yall gonna say wow Jewel why did you put his business out there like that.

OH wait this is a preferred blog, none of yall will say that b/c you know me-LOL!!!

Love yall much and keep it swinging baby!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I wasn't going to bring this up.

I didn't want you all to share in the pain and utter defeat that I've been going through since I found out about this.

I hoped that you all would have forgotten.

But NOOOO Jheri Curl Yoda just brought it up.

So I must let you know

It is with much regret that I must inform you that my dearly beloved Prisoner 4303995 aka LaTarian aka I do hoodrat stuff with my friends will NOT be on Judge Judy.

I know that right now you can barely continue reading the blog do to the stinging tears running down your face. And if you're like me the Florida Evans "Damn Damn Damn" came rushing out of you after hearing this news.

The short version is Judge Judy's people convinced the Grandma to take the Mama to court. Well Judy doesn't solicit ANYONE to come on her show honey. When she got word she dropped them b/c of ethics or some ish.

I'm at a lost for words.

I WANTED TO SEE LATARIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I feel as if they've stolen a precious moment from me and I want it back. GIVE IT BACK TO ME JUDY!!!!!

Here's a vid of Keifer Sutherland being a Pirate.

Its the only thing that can get you through this moment, believe me!!!

This video pretty much sums up what was said in the previous preferred blogs*

*Honestly it has nothing to do with my blog but I needed to grab your attention somehow.

Pleased to meet you

Pleased to have you on my plate

Your meat is sweet to me

Your destiny

Your fate

Let's make this one public too.

Welcome to what you missed out on

This is a preferred blog...be honored!!!!!

Okay so you guys know the show were the dude will do something (or have other people) for 30 days.

Well I'm going for that. This past weekend it was once again thrown into my face that I may be a bit too much for the average DMV area guy.

I won't bore you with the details of a blog reader/commenter  that I am/was "getting to know" (some call it dating). He's okay except he has this "I must beat you in everything Jewel" complex. Apparently we are in some secret competion against one another. The prize being nothing!!!!

EVERYTHING is a freaking debate with this guy. I tell him Prmie doesn't like this, he tells me I'm wrong. I tell him I feel this way, he tells me I'm wrong.

I correct him and he catches a tude. I show him were he is wrong and all of a sudden its "not that serious" anymore (even though he just spent 20 minutes at how Interstate 495 East is quicker then taking 495 West).

My f'n house is falling to pieces and he wants to hold a debate on how Bruce Lee is better then Chuck Norris (b/c of that blog I posted). He then goes into this 15 minute lecture on the hardships of Asian Americans in Hollywood

I've also had run ins with past "getting to know" guys and I've come to realize it must be me.

I feel like I'm not taken seriously. I feel like I'm the fun chic to be around and to be entertained by, but that's all.

As I was told my debate boy I have "player ways" about me.

So for the next 30 days I will have no personality.

I will be nothing more then a shell of a woman with no personal thought or opinion.

Picture Coming to America and the "whatever you like" scene.....arf, arf.

I will tell guys that I'm still working on my degree.

I will tell them I either rent or live with my brother who is stationed overseas.

I will laugh at all jokes regardless of how lame they are.

I will not question or correct a guy when they are wrong.

I will not make suggestions.

When asked a question my response will be "I don't know hee hee hee"

I will be cute and freaking adorable.

I will be plain.

I will push all MAC products to the side.

I will dress normal. No more cut up rock band shirts for me.

I will be a girls, girls. Quiet and composed.

I will be mediocre.

I will always agree with whatever is said to me.

I will sit here for the guy to "make the move"

For the next 30 days.

Now bark like a big dog..WOOF WOOF!!

so I can start hanging out in the parking lot and land me a man!!

I'm a traditional chic (stop the laughing right now).

I like my men to be men. Blame it on a grandfather who knew how to do everything around the household. Lawn needed mowing, he was out there 6 in the morning before the sun rised and finished edging up the lawn once the sun set.

Grandbaby got a basketball hoop for Christmas, it was up on Christmas Eve.

That fish grandma fried up for Friday's dinner, he caught it on Wednesday and scaled it Thursday.

Car making noises, he simply called up the boys and they were over there staying outside all day (just to say "baby you need to take it to the shop").

I like men who know how to do ish around the house.

Main reason, cause I'm cheap and lazy.

I know it's not fair to assume every guy has the handyman gene given at birth.

But life ain't fair (if it was I could walk in Forever 21 and shop my heart out).

My house is breaking down. AC is leaking. The carpet freshly absorbed it for me and now I'm stuck calling Dre and Kevin the in middle of the night freaking out (Thank the Lord for them Back Da Hole Boys). Its nothing like a country boy to put you at ease.

One of the best things Dre ever said to me when  me and my mama was trying to sell my car for 200 bucks when it was worth a good 800 easy was, "Yall need a man over there"

I've said it before and I'll say it again I want to get married for 3 reasons: To split the bills, have someone to fix ish and for all the blessed sacred marital sex I can have.

The sexiest thing a man can do for me on Valentine's Day is to say "you want me to take your car for an oil change."

Flowers die. A good oil change will last you for months.

I literally dated a dude purely because he put up all of my living room furniture with just that baby handwrench thingy that comes in the box. For that moment in time he was the most fine, ashy, ignorant, no good for nothing man I had ever laid eyes upon and I loved him (until he finished putting everything up and kindly asked him to leave).

And before you say "well you could learn to do it yourself" I will say I just told you I'M LAZY!

The end.

P.S. Who got that hook up on AC's and carpet cleaning in the DMV area?

****First man that says yall chics need to learn how to cook can shove it. I can't go to the drive-thru and get a handyman for 10 bucks. You can have some delicious piping hot Arby's for under 5 so get out of my face

on marrying a broad from the Tip Drill video (like honestly, the chic was in the Tip Drill video).

This is a random thoughts blog people!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. Are yall keeping Will Smith in yall prayers, because somewhere b/w I, Robot and Hitch that man lost his mind.

True story: My neighbor, Jack Bauer, is a Scientologist. Sometimes they'll put his Scientology brochures and catalogs to buy the newest session videos (yeah I read it) in my mail box and I throw it away. I think that's illegal but its my version of witnessing!!!!!!

2. So who watched the BET Awards?

Yeah me neither.

3. Here's an update on Prime and Jazz b/c I know yall care. Jazz is as big, if not bigger then Prime. Prime however continues to dominate in their daily "battle to the death" matches.

Oh and Jazz still pisses everywhere.

4. Here's the vid of  JayZ at this festival in the UK.

For those who don't know here's the short version: This is a big rock event right. So people specifically this one dude in this band named Oasis spazzed out b/c JayZ was headlining the event. Basically its like if  {Insert your local urban radio station}has the Rolling Stones to headline Summer Jam 08 with Keysha Cole opening for them then yeah LaTarian and his hood rat friends may have a prob.

Anywho Jay shut it down and opened his routine with the song written by that Oasis band as a big F U.

Oh wait let me add this I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE JAY Z.

He has the voice of an angel (first person with a negative comment about Mr. Carter will feel my wrath)

5. I heard the new T Pain/Lil Wayne song on the radio today (I would post it in the blog but SOMEBODY refuses to teach me how to do that...Kinny Mack).

Soooooooooo Wayne just refuses to rap anymore? He would rather slur words, laugh and then go into a hook in C flat or some ish.

I think we all owe Ja Rule an apology for laughing at him when 50 clowned du

INTERVENTION IS ON BYE!

Okay so look. I think I"ve posted this before.

But I can't help it. I love this freaking site http://www.chucknorrisfacts.com/new.html and all that it is!!!!!!

So here are some more fun facts about the one and only.............Chuck Norris!!!    

For those new to me and my blog this is the type of stuff I find funny.

And Yes I am at peace with the inner 12 year old boy that dwells within me!!!

• When Chuck Norris looks in the mirror nothing appears. There can never be a second Chuck Norris.
   
• When there's a fire, you stop, drop, and roll. When there's a Chuck Norris, you stop, drop, and die.
     
• Chuck Norris bites the hand that feeds him and eats their entrails.
         
• Chuck Norris does not age. Every birthday, it's just another year added to his existence, which sucks for you.
        
• Chuck Norris can have his cake AND eat it too.
   
• Chuck Norris was born in a log cabin that he built with his bare hands. 
   
• P is for Chuck Norris, as is every other letter of the alphabet.
   
• Chuck Norris puts the FUN in Funeral.
   
• Chuck Norris has never had a surprise birthday party. He can NEVER be surprised. EVER.
   
• Chuck Norris does not love Raymond. 
     
• Chuck Norris doesn't breathe, he holds air hostage.
   
• Chuck Norris wrote an autobiography....it was just a list of everyone he has killed.  *HAAAAAAAAAAAAA
       
• Chuck Norris can hold Puff Daddy down. *Double HAAAAAA
     
• Chuck Norris once played Russian roulette with a fully load gun and won. 
   
• Chuck Norris is allowed to talk about Fight Club. *EARLY
         
• Chuck Norris' smile once brought a puppy back to life. 
   
• Chuck Norris lost both his legs in a car accident....and still managed to walk it off.
   
• Contrary to popular belief the Lottery numbers are not random. They are just the number of people Chuck Norris killed that given day.
   
• Chuck Norris belives the hype. 
       
• When Chuck Norris picks his nose, he REALLY does find Gold.
      
• Chuck Norris floats like a butterfly and stings like a tomahawk missile. At mach 3. In the face.
   
• Chuck Norris can dribble a football.
   
• Chuck Norris is a stunt double for Optimus Prime.
       
• If at first you don't succeed, you're not Chuck Norris.

• When Bruce Banner gets mad, he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad, he turns into Chuck Norris.

• Chuck Norris did not "lose" his virginity, he stalked it and then destroyed it with extreme prejudice

How about getting a pedicure!!!!!!!!

Get it together Sophia

Source:  http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-1029436/Oprah-Winfrey-kicks-heels-reveals-painful-bunion-Mandelas-party.html

**Don't stress watching the first two clips. It's the third one that will make you a part of history****

Lately there has been an endless supply of what is known in the streets as "rapper beef" polluting the airwaves:

Curtis "I Burn Houses" Jackson and Young "Hood Niggas Can Cry Too" Buck

Ice "I finally cut off my man perm ponytail" T and Soulja "I took ignorance and a beat and now I'm famous" Boy

Shaquile Rashaun "The Greatest Center of All Time" O'Neal and Kobe "If you don't give it to me I will take it" Bryant

WAIT....WHAT....A RAP BEEF B/W SHAQ AND KOBE!!!!!!!!!!!!*

This is real hip hop ladies and gentlemen.

Listen to the artistic lyrics, the rhyme scheme.

I don't even think Shaq gave us 16 bars I'm pretty sure he only gave us 12 BUT HE'S SHAQ and Shaq doesn't need 4 more stinking bars!!!!!

SPEECHLESS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Its already been established that Shaq was just playing......sorta-lol!!!

I'm sure this video is breaking some type of child labor law.

10 bucks that it was R. Kelly throwing out those bills and making it rain on the little one!!!!!

some more randomness. and yes i'm too lazy to hit shift to capitalize words

1. honestly little mama MUST be the spawn of one of the Wayans

2. I'm thinking of forking over that money to buy some Bare Essentials. Ladies are you with me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay that's all that I have for the moment except for

WHERE DID THE ISLAND GO!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Convo 1

Mama: Who are you voting for

Me: Umm I'm

Mama: You gonna vote for Obama I know you are well me too.

Me: Well yeah because

Mama: You know what a whole lot of these Christians say they not gonna vote for him, well he's about as saved as the one we got in office now.

Me: Well yeah because

Mama: I want these little black boys to say I can be President one day too.

Me thinking in my head: WHAT

Convo 2

Mama: What do you want to eat when you get down here?

Me: Nothing really. I'm saving myself to feast upon all that Atlanta has to offer

Mama: Good because I'm tired

Me: Yeah well I'm good

Mama: Why don't you try to lose some weight before you come down here and just eat when you get to Atlanta

Me thinking in my head: WHAT

Convo 3

Me: Jazz pees everywhere

Mama: Well you are doing something wrong then

Me thinking in my head: WHAT!!!!!!!!!

Convo 4

Me: Hey this fashion show is gonna be nice Monique might be there

Mama: You know she doesn't believe in Jesus. I don't understand these black people that don't believe in Jesus.

Me: Yeah well

Mama: She does not believe in Jesus. Did you know that?

Me: Yeah you just said

Mama: Not believe in Jesus and being Black. That just ain't right. Her AND Oprah. Don't believe in Jesus. How you gonna be Black and not believe in Jesus?

Me: Well yeah because

Mama: After ALL he has done for us. Don't they know that's how the slaves made it through!!!!

Me: Uh huh yeah

Mama: When is the fashion show

Me: August 30th

Mama: Okay I'm coming up for it

Me thinking in my head: WWWWWWWHHHHHHAAAATTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!

WARNING:  This blog isn't even close to a random thoughts, but more on a level of incomplete ideas. So forgive me for discussing things that occured weeks ago!!!!!

Also I realize the font, shaded, underline, whatever is screwy. Blame it on Tom!!!!

Let's begin shall we

1. I know I haven't blogged in ages. I have no real excuses except I've spent the last month working these cases and cleaning pee.

2. Speaking of pee. I really wanna take a big huge Sams club bottle of antibacterial hand sanitizer and apply two coats onto my rug thanks to this mutha

The one to the right. And yes he's an alchy and yes I've confronted him over the matter and no he doesn't care

3. What black man can beat a white women and not get thrown in jail?

4. Soooo let me get this straight I choose to run for Student Government President. Me and my mom spend mad cash on all the glitter and construction paper you can imagine but I lose to John Doe............AND I SIT HERE , BREAK OUT MY RECIEPTS FROM WALGREENS, CVS AND TARGET, GIVE THEM TO JOHN DOE AND ASK JOHN DOE TO REIMBURSE ME FOR THE MONEY I SPENT ON RUNNING AGAINST HIM???????????????????

What type of "FILL IN WHATEVER WORD SUITS YOU" is that Hillary?

Obama better not consider handing that chic a lifetime supply of Always with Wings and a DJ Green Lantern mixtape let alone help pay that chic's campaign debt.

5. 50 done paid somebody to burn down that house while the baby and baby mama were counting sheep......who else finds that kind of sexy?

6. Within the past couple of weeks I've had interaction with two sets of guys. The first being those who are nice and considerate. Those young men who will call me early in the day and ask if I have any plans for the evening. Nothing on the romantic tip, but kind and cordial nonetheless. I appreciate the thought and to those young men I say thank you.

NOW TO THE OTHER GROUP. To those knuckleheaded negroes who seem fit to waste my free anytime minutes (AND YES THEY ARE FREE AND YES YOU ARE WASTING THEM) with the "yeah we gonna hook up" or "yeah i'ma come over" or "yeah who was you with last weekend, where does he live, how do you know him, who you going to see in atl, is it a male or a female etc" allow me to let you know something I know you're lying, I'm just bored!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Henceforth I entertain your bs, but all the while I've already cracked it open

***********TIME OUT.....when's the last time anyone who blogs has used those smileys-LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me fill you in on a secret, all of that acting jealous, asking about who I was out with last weekend does nothing for me okay. Its tired and so are you. But until I've re-up'd my squad I'm forced to deal with the rec league ya dig.

7.  Speaking of pee again how many think the R.Kelly case will end in a mistrial?

8. Speaking of garbage HOW MANY FREAKING EPS of House of Payne did Tyler Perry make? Like they've been advertising new eps every weeks since 1994. THAT ISH IS NOT FUNNY!!!!!!

9. I would like to formally apologize to a friend who I ruined a crucial turning point in a show that we watch. I honestly thought he was ahead of the game in watching this show (this show being Battlestar Gallactica).

I inadvertenly got excited and sent out messages concerning 4 of the 5 remaining cylons that were shown NOT KNOW that he was also catching up on this show via DVD and had not yet reached this point.

My bad-LOL...but honestly the freakin XO is a Cylon....................and went out like "f it, I'm an officer in the fleet and if I die today I die as an officer you dirty toasters"