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NessNess

Vanessa Cush


Last Updated: 12/20/2009

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Gender: Female
Status: In a Relationship
Age: 22
Sign: Aries

City: Moriches
State: New York
Country: US
Signup Date: 10/27/2004

Blog Archive
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Tuesday, May 20, 2008 

Current mood:  optimistic
well another semester has come and gone and i've made a choice for a new direction. since i have failed 3 semesters in a row and sent my gpa spiraling down to the depths of hell, i will temporarily drop out of college. i know some are shaking their heads in disappointment or thinking 'its about time' but i feel this is the right thing for me. i plan on returning back in the fall of '09 after clearing out my head and earning enough money to sustain myself independently. and before the 'here she goes again' starts... i've finally rid myself of the hell known as waldbaums, and with that insanity behind me i feel the biggest hurdle is behind me. for those who don't see me, i'll be updating in the fall/winter and i assure you there will be change :)
~nessa out
Currently listening:
Lollipop
Release date: 2008-06-03
8:51 AM 
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Friday, March 10, 2006 

Current mood:  thoughtful

There's something that I feel

It lays deep inside of me

Telling me that I should know

That we're not meant to be

 

I will never know love

I know without a doubt

Unfortunately I'll break hearts

And be broken in the shroud

 

The thoughts inside my head say

"He will never love you"

And it's kind of sad to know

To myself I can be so cruel

 

I don't make much sense

Most of the time I am confused

But not only will I break a heart

It'll appear they'd have been used

 

So what to make of all this mess

The long heartbreak parade

Love denied and unreturned

In this loveless masquerade

 

 

 

I was on the bus when i had the urge to write so please forgive the random thought track. Most of this stuff here is meant for myself anyways and I'm just too lazy to 'private post'.

Currently listening:
Details
By Frou Frou
Release date: 13 August, 2002
6:23 AM 
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Thursday, June 23, 2005 

Current mood:  excited
yahooo! im graduating!!! by some luck of god i have managed to pass my english class with a 68 for the year [91 for the quarter]. what a relief! ill see yall saturday on the line. CLASS OF 2005... WE DID IT!
Currently listening:
Friends Forever (Graduation)
By Vitamin C
Release date: 04 September, 2000
8:24 PM 
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Tuesday, May 03, 2005 

Current mood:  stressed

cursed

You do not see me
You try to ignore me
This little girl hung on the wall

My image is fading
All you do is hate me
And wait for me to drop and fall

I hate you and loathe you
I want to destroy you
But in the end I'm the one that is hurt

It's not fair it's not right
To be stuck in this fight
You started it, and I'm the one who's cursed.

Currently listening:
Surfacing
By Sarah McLachlan
Release date: 15 July, 1997
1:59 AM 
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Tuesday, May 03, 2005 

Current mood:  crushed
untitled These words that I'm thinking This pain that I'm feeling It seems too cruel to be real. I'm hopeless, unwanted Alone and forgotten Emptiness is all that i feel. I want to be crying I'm not even fighting! Losing this battle alone. The light is now fading The darkness consuming In this place I'm supposed to call home.
Currently listening:
Hands Clean
By Alanis Morissette
Release date: 04 February, 2002
1:46 AM 
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Monday, April 18, 2005 

Current mood:  guilty
-_-... my 3rd quarter grades.

Physics: 50
Proj.Adv.: 90
Piano 2: 73
Eco: 77
Child.Lit.: 50
3rd Q Avg.: 68.000

...ok, so i kno my grades arent that great. and i kno my chance of graduating this year is slim... but do ppl really have to get on my case and state the painfully obvious facts? i already kno. you dont need to tell me. fuckin hell, im doin everything i can now to change it. i do want to graduate with my class, i do want to get excellent grades. im workin on it, i really am. so please, dont look at me like that. just help me instead of putting the pressure of failure and guilt on my shoulders. thank you.
Currently listening:
Break the Cycle
By Staind
Release date: 22 May, 2001
1:05 AM 
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Friday, April 15, 2005 

Current mood:  apathetic
heh... sick thing aim is. i was writing a fairly good poem. you kno, the one with all the right words that come out just right that one time? well, aim deleted it on me so i tried to remember. ha. here's what's left of what i remember and tried to say. like everything else in my life, i can never repeat the things that were the best in my life.

As A Friend

call me a coward,
call me what you will,
the feelings i had for you,
i have for you still.
i fear too much to tell you,
and so ill try and forget,
because if i were to tell you,
i fear you'd be upset.
i wish not to burden you,
with my feelings of love.
you've been there for me always,
and done for me more then you'll know.
so ill keep these feelings to myself,
and love you as a friend, my love.
Currently listening:
Dreaming of You
By Selena
Release date: 18 July, 1995
6:34 AM 
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Thursday, April 14, 2005 

Current mood:  crushed
undeserving

im here alone to venture my thoughts

to ponder and wonder what i should do

these feelings i have i fear to show

instead i hide them and run

now all i can do is push them away

the feelings i desire arent there in return

back to the darkness from whence i came

the feelings of love, i guess, i dont deserve.
Currently listening:
Naruto: Original Soundtrack
By Toshiro Masuda
Release date: 31 March, 2003
8:59 PM 
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Sunday, April 03, 2005 

Current mood:  distressed
untitled this is so unfair this is pain is so unreal this isnt how friends should be this isnt how friends should feel the anger and hatred inside them the evil lying underneath the future this path that we're taking is beyond comprehension, belief it's all so confusing and sadning it's too much for friendship to bear it's leading to something so frightning it's making me feel all too scared.
Currently listening:
Reanimation (Dig)
By Linkin Park
Release date: 30 July, 2002
3:04 AM 
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Monday, March 28, 2005 

Current mood:  depressed
sunovabitch. why is it nothing can go right? trying to do a fun thing and organize something for i-con, and everything is falling apart. members fighting and arguing with eachother, disagreements galore. it is all so overwhelming and the odds are telling me to quit but there's something inside me telling me to keep on going. i really hope the group gets better and that fun finds us. i kno i have some things to work on myself but i really do hope for the best for the relationship of our group. i apologize to everyone that's been dragged down with this. next time i wont interfere with your previous engagements, and mess up only myself. i hope you guys can forgive me and i wish the best for that 'funfilled' weekend.
Currently listening:
Meteora
By Linkin Park
Release date: 25 March, 2003
4:14 AM 
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