http://vids.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=vids....

There is constant conflict between the two people inside of me. Maybe there is more than two people. Ah, I'm getting ahead of myself. Let me slow down and break down what these pieces will be about. You might have guessed, probably didn't. Who gives a shit? Just read on.

Me Writing Actually is my attempt at exercising my mind and intellect and all of that related. It may be confusing to some and rightly so; I'm a confusing person. I only wish I could do this more often and with more precision. But I'm not that great... or am I? Nevermind.

In essence this is like a free write for me. No holds barred, whatever the fuck I want to write and feel like I should write. No need to hide from the truth, just a chance to attack the truth and do away with lies. People will read this and say "Oh no, he didn't write this." Maybe I didn't, maybe the other guy inside my head did. Or the other guys involved in my head's constant circle jerk. Who knows?

Is anyone interested in reading this? Doesn't matter if you are but maybe yo0u'll learn something. It's not a maybe. You WILL learn something.

This is me writing actually. No bullshit, whatever goes, whatever I feel, whatever I want.

Leave any expectations at the door. I love you man. That's an insider. Don't ask.

Uhh, check out fossick.webs.com

I might just put my blog there since I think it's better than myspace...I might just post my stuff on both, here and there but I think the website because I can use videos and it's just easier for me to use. So yeah...put em both in your favorites..

fuck all :)

Subscribed to my blog? if you are, please reply lol

I GET PAID FOR LOVIN'!

I reach out to touch someone who isn't even there
And my hands pass right on through
I reach out to touch someone who doesn't even care
And my hands pass right on through

Oh, what am I to do?
Oh, how have I lost you?

Things just seemed to happen so fast
One minute you're loving me
Next minute it's in the past

I tried so hard to hurt you
And I finally did
Your words rang true
And it hurts so bad

Oh, what am I to do?
Oh, how have I lost you?

I still cling to some romantic hope
I still find new ways, to learn and cope
with losing myself to you
I lost myself to you

Coming from the heart
Everything's a new start
Every girl I see
Reminds me of what could still be

Everything I know
I hide from them
Everything I show
I hide from myself

Oh, what am I to do?
Oh, now that I've lost you?

How am I to rebuild?
When all my love has been killed

Sorry, you know your name
Sorry, for playing this game
But it never
Was my fault
it was his and mine and yours and mine

N for Nihilistic
I for Iconoclast
C for Confidence
O for Over reliance
L for Losing Love
E for Ego

Is this what you wanted?
Because it's what you're getting

But no matter how far away
I will always love you
What ever words I say
I will always love you

I have no choice
I have no choice
Give me back my voice
I have no choice

But to hold on to


You.

Gone.


When will I be back?

gone under two times.
I've been struck dumb by a voice that

speaks from deep
beneath the cold black water.
It's twice as clear as heaven,
and twice as loud as reason.
It's deep and rich like silt on a riverbed
and just as undisturbing.

the currents mouth below me opens up around me.
suggests and beckons all while swallowing.
It surrounds and drowns and sweeps me away.

But I'm so comfortable...Too comfortable.

shut up shut up shut up shut up
shut up shut up shut up shut up
you're saturating me
So how could I let this bring me
back to my knees again again again

under for the third time.
I've been baptized by your voice.
it screams from deep beneath the endless water.
and it's half as high as heaven
and half as clear as reason.
it's cold and and black like silt on the riverbed.

But I'm so comfortable.
Far too comfortable.
Why don't you kill me,
I'm weak and numb and insignificant,
and I'm back on my knees.
lost in euphoria.

I'm back down. I'm in the undertow.
I'm helpless and awake in the undertow.
I'll die within your undertow.
It seems there's no other way out of this undertow.

Euphoria.

I know the feeling
It is the real thing
The essence of the soul

The perfect moment
That golden moment
I know you feel it too

I know the feeling
It is the real thing
You can't refuse the embrace...

NO!

It's like the pattern beneath the skin
You gotta reach out and pull it all in
And you feel like you're too close
So you swallow another dose

The pinnacle of happiness
Filling up your soul
You don't think you can take any more
You never wanna let go

Cause it's the root of experience
The most basic ingredients
To see the unseen glitter of life
And feel the dirt, grief, anger and strife

Cherish the certainly of now
It kills you a bit at a time
Cradle the inspiration
It will leave you writhing on the floor...

This is so unreal,
What I feel,
This nourishment,
Life is bent,
In to a shape,
I can hold,
A twist of fate,
All my own,
Just grit your teeth,
And make no sound,
Take a step away
And look around,
Just clench your fist,
And close your eyes,
Look deep inside,
Hypnotize,
The whisper is,
But a shout,
That's what it is,
All about,
Yes, the ecstasy,
You can pray,
You will never let,
It slip away,

Like the sacred song that someone sings through you
Like the flesh so warm that the thorn sticks into
Like the dream you know one day will come to life
Try to hold on just a little longer, longer, stronger

It's the jewel of victory
The chasm of misery
And once you have bitten the core
You will always know the flavor

The split second of divinity
You drink up the sky
All of heaven is in your arms
You know the reason why

It's right there, all by itself
And what you are, there is nothing else
You're growing a life within a life
The lips of wonder kiss you inside
And when it's over the feeling remains
It all comes down to this
The smoke clears, I see what it is
That made me feel this way...

I know the feeling
It is the real thing
The essence of the soul

The perfect moment
That golden moment
I know you feel it too

I know the feeling
It is the real thing
You can't refuse the embrace...

This is so unreal,
What I feel,
Flood, sell your soul,
Feel the blood,
Pump through your veins,
Can't explain,
The element that's everything,
Just clench your fist,
And close your eyes,
Look deep inside,
Hypnotize
Yes, the ecstasy,
You can pray
You will never let it slip away
Yes, the ecstasy,
You can pray,
You will never let it slip away
You will never let it slip away
You will never let it slip away

Like the echoes of your childhood laughter, ever after
Like the first time love urged you to take it's guidance, in silence
Like your heartbeat when you realize you're dying, but you're trying
Like the way you cry for a happy ending, ending...

I know the feeling
It is the real thing

All in all is all we are.