Gender: Male
Status: Swinger
Age: 32
Sign: Aries
City: A Tiny Village Near Birmingham
Country: UK
Signup Date: 1/10/2006
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Friday, November 06, 2009
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Category: Writing and Poetry
EROTIC STORY: "The Jacuzzi"
"What’s that?" She asked him playfully.
Her legs were wrapped around his waist in the swimming pool as he stood holding her in the water. Nobody else was in the pool, but even if there was he doubted he’d have seen anything but her beautiful face inches from his own, wet hair falling around her shoulders.
Her lips were slightly chilled by the water as he kissed her, and her moved his erection against the thin material of her bathing suit.
"I’m supposed to be trying to lose this!" He protested.
She unwrapped herself from him and swam to the side of the pool. He followed, more slowly - desperately thinking of anything that might ease his erection, whilst stealing the odd glance towards the sole CCTV camera keeping an eye on the pool.
With one final adjustment, and adopting an angle where he could keep his back to the camera, he climbed out of the water to follow her, just as she slid herself into the warmer water in the jacuzzi.
"I’ve never been in a jacuzzi before - have you?" He asked her, sinking into the tub beside her.
"Of course!"
He smiled as he watched her looking around, her eyes finally settling on the three buttons with a puzzled expression.
Without saying a word, the both started pressing the buttons, and suddenly lights were shining from the bottom of the tub, and the jets were making a fine layer of bubbles over the surface of the water.
They played around for a while, laughing and joking as they moved and floated around the small, four person tub, before finding themselves back in each others arms. They sat in the deepest part in the centre, with only their necks sticking out above the broth-like water.
"Omm!" She said again, wriggling her hips against his growing hardness. They kissed deeply, her tongue snaking into his mouth, and not helping the situation below the surface.
He glanced sideways at the camera across the other side of the main pool, at the same time bringing his hands around her sides and flicking his thumbs over her hard nipples.
She sighed and lifted her hips slightly so his hardness ran against her, slowly rubbing up and down the length of his shaft through their thin swimming costumes.
They’d already been in the jacuzzi for at least 10 minutes, and if anyone was watching the camera then they would have already looked suspicious. They both already had the same thought. And it was one more exotic location to cross off the list!
Keeping one arm around each other, they parted slightly, and her hand was instantly touching him through his shorts, wrapping around him and working up a steady rhythm.
He brushed his fingertips ever-so-lightly down between her legs, then cupped his hand against her, watching her eyes roll slightly as she pressed against his hand.
As they both looked at the camera again, he reached up the leg of his swimming shorts, springing himself free and guiding her hands to his cock with a slight chuckle, grazing his teeth against the side of her neck.
Going back to her, he slid his fingertips underneath her costume at the front of her hip, teasing her by slowly pulling the material to the side.
Letting out a groan himself as her fingers ran over the head of his penis, encircling it and then rubbing gently down his shaft, he made her groan too as he ran his thumb from her clit to her entrance. He was surprised to feel how slick her juices had made her even under the water. He circled around her clit, feeling his heart pounding now as he kissed her again.
She opened her eyes, glancing to the camera quickly then back to his eyes.
With her hand around him, she guided him towards her, his hands moving almost reluctantly back to her breasts.
He felt that same slickness on the underside of his tip as she pressed him to her opening, holding herself there on him while she moved her arms back around his neck.
Their joint cry was part muffled by their kiss as he slid just an inch inside her and stopped.
Like a standard reaction now, they both looked over to the camera, wondering if the hotel receptionist was gasping at their filth, and readying herself to call security.
It made it all the more hotter as he thrust steadily into her all the way, both pawing at each other as they tried to get closer; to feel more of the other against them, around them, inside them...
"What if we get stuck?" She asked, stifling a giggle.
They’d spoken about sex in the water before - having both heard tales from schoolteachers that it could cause a vacuum, locking two lovers together like dogs.
He grinned back at her, picturing the hotel security and Fire Brigade all stood around the jacuzzi staring at the two embarrassed lovers who’d had to call for urgent attention.
"Fuck it!" Pulling back then sinking into her again, this time she did let out a small cry that echoed around the pool room. She pressed her face into his shoulder and he felt her fingertips digging into the skin on his back.
Leaning him back slightly, she took the control, her movements on him matching the way he pulled her ass onto him with one hand.
Knowing he was close, he tried to slow her down, but she only squeezed even harder around his shaft as her own movements became more urgent and hungry.
More unstoppable.
"Cum with me..." He whispered in her ear, and as if his words had given her permission, she clamped her arms around his neck as she came, his cock spasming deep inside her as his own release tore through his senses.
Running his fingers through the wet hair at the back of her head, they stayed locked like that, kissing tenderly, and then suddenly the air bubbles cut off.
"Shit!" He said, as he head span sideways to look at the camera again. The fine white bubbles covering the surface and hiding them dispersed almost instantly, and he pulled quickly out of her, diving for the buttons and jabbing quickly at all of them as he heard her laughing behind him.
The bubbles came back on, frothing across the water almost instantly.
They floated back into an embrace in the water.
"Well at least we didn’t get stuck!" She giggled.
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Thursday, November 05, 2009
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Category: News and Politics
It's Not My Fault - I was Drunk!
Most of you will have seen this story now, but for those who haven't:
Or for those who can't be arsed to read, basically some student got pished out of his head on an organised night out, fell asleep in the street in front of a shop, then woke up, went over to the local war memorial and urinated all over the poppies and wreaths and stuff.
Lots of people are calling for his head to be stamped on in front of the Queen, whilst others are of the 'He was just pissed!' opnion.
OK, so it's shockingly disrespectful, but no REAL harm was done. He just pissed on a bit of stone with flowers on.
What??? Hang on, hang on - hear me out!
Now you know I'm a fan of Draconian punishment. Eye for an eye, tooth for a tooth. I HATE how our 'justice' system lets people off so lightly if they're obviously bad or dangerous, and yet otherwise good people get utterly fucked for driving too fast on a safe and clear road.
This fucking idiot deserves to be punished, but I think if he is then they will just make an example of him because he's got the Old Codgers up in arms. He deserves punishment for that - but this is hardly the sort of case where I would recommend death or lopping body parts off the offender.
No, I think he should be punished because I hate hearing this bullshit excuse that someone was drunk.
I couldn't give a kipper's dick if someone was drunk, whether they knew what they were doing or not! The simple fact is that if someone is drunk to the point that they piss on a memorial, or, more seriously - they kill someone, then they are a liability.
If anyone gets drunk and then wants to hit or fight people then the fuckers are a mortal threat to people like me who just want to enjoy life. You can't blame the alcohol unless you're going to ban these people from ever touching alcohol again. If you can't gaurantee me that they won't drink again ever, then lock them away from me or smack them over the head with a shovel and bury them.
We should never have to live with the threat of people who do stuff like this, and THAT is why I think the 'drunk student' should get serious charges against him.
Being drunk should NEVER be any kind of defence or excuse. Nor should any other drug.
And before you ask: Yes, I have done stupid things when I'm drunk. Even through my pissed-up haze I knew what I was doing and whether it was right or wrong and I still made that choice to do it.
Should this kid have his whole life ruined just for getting drunk and doing something so stupid?
Yes, he probably should. And that's his tough shit.
But it could have been far worse, and that's exactly why.
Whatever happens (and I don't think he should do jail time when so many violent criminals don't), he's almost certainly going to have his teeth kicked down his throat at some point in the future. And I'm afraid he deserves it.
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Tuesday, November 03, 2009
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Category: Dreams and the Supernatural
I Don't Believe In Ghosts Anymore!
We've had a rather unusual problem in my house for the last few weeks.
I came home after a weekend at Lill Boo's, and stepped into my bedroom to the very worrying stench of an electrical fire.
Now, I'm pretty careful about this stuff, and sure enough, a quick check revealed all the electrical stuff in my bedroom was very switched off and not on fire on account of it all being left unplugged. This was good because it meant I hadn't been a dick, but bad because it meant I hadn't found the source of the burning. I checked the wall plugs and stuff for any signs of burning or melting and still found nothing.
There's nothing like a good strong burning smell to make your spirits soar when you leave your house unattended. Or make you wonder if you're going to return to find a pile of ashes where your porn mags and that teddy bear you've had since Aunty Joan bought it for you when you were two years old used to be. Not that I keep them together. Err...
Moving swiftly along, it turns out that my brother had smelt burning downstairs in the room beneath my bedroom a few days before. Again, this was so strong he unplugged everything - and again no source was found.
Since then we've been smelling this burning smell at random in the living room. It smells almost like a wood burning fire rather than electrical.
Ok, so maybe the wiring has burnt away and is now touching wood? Scary thought. It's certainly logical... except...
The smell isn't there constantly.
It's not even there for any length of time, usually.
To really dish out the Weird onto an over-sized dinner plate of Strange, this smell can be in the middle of the living room, but step three foot away and you can't smell it. At all.
And you can smell this overpowering burning and then a few minutes later it's completely gone. This is without having windows open or air conditioning or anything else likely to move or mask the smell.
It's a family trait of ours that we seem to attract ghosts - or are more receptive to them or whatever, so inevitably the fingers started to point to the supernatural. What's maybe a little strange is that I seem to have stopped believing in ghosts, and don't think this is the answer...
My main bet since it now seems woody is that the family next door has gone back to using the fireplace (these are houses from the 50s, semi-detached, so had fully functioning chimneys and stuff back when we moved in), and what we're smelling is just their firey smells seeping into our house. Maybe it drifts in under the floorboards and this would explain how is seems to be able to target an area rather than filling the whole room?
Right?
But that doesn't explain how it can clear so quickly or not spread out to fill an entire room...
So, umm... if I start getting suffocated in my sleep by ghosts again like when I was younger, and this time they kill me, I'll probably be dead.
Unless anyone else has any suggestions?
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Tuesday, November 03, 2009
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Category: News and Politics
Oh FFS They're Back in The News AGAIN!!!I'm not even going to comment this time!
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Tuesday, October 27, 2009
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Category: Jobs, Work, Careers
Death By Postal Strike
Going postal is an American English slang term, used as a verb meaning to suddenly become extremely and uncontrollably angry, often to the point of violence and in a workplace environment. The term's popularity increased after the 1995 movie Clueless. It derives from a series of incidents from 1983 onward in which United States Postal Service (USPS) workers shot and killed managers, fellow workers, and members of the police or general public. Between 1986 and 1997, more than 40 people were killed in at least 20 incidents of workplace rage. The phrase has been applied to murders committed by employees in acts of workplace rage, irrespective of the employer. It's generally used to describe fits of rage, though not necessarily at the level of murder, in or outside the workplace.
I bet there are at least a few of you who never knew what the term meant before? Will you look at your local Postie the same way again? And is this what REALLY happened to Postman Pat?
All the English readers will have noticed there's loads of crap about 'postal strikes' at the moment. To be perfectly honest, in my usual news-avoiding way, I don't know exactly what it's about - but I'm assuming they want more money.
First off, let me just say a big 'bollocks' to them! Give all the bastards the sack (The Sack! Geddit?!?!) and a free email address and then they might realise that they actually aren't very important this side of the year 2000. The only people still using proper write-on-a-piece-of-paper-put-a-stamp-on-and-post-it mail are wankers who send you gas bills that are either ridiculously high, blatantly not yours, or not even from your -ing gas supplier, or people writing to serial killers in jail.
And they have the cheek to ask for more money when there are plenty more jobs around that pay less? Shove it up yer pigeon holes!
So you may think my title is about them going mental?
Or maybe you think I'm trying to be clever and actually mean I'M going to kill them if they don't stop fannying about?
It's actually neither!
There has been a rather unfortunate side-effect to the Royal Mail striking: Everyone is using the quicker, more reliable (but more expensive) carrier firms that usually only cater for business stuff.
This means the roads are full of filthy great trucks and vans from DPD, TNT, UPS and Shitty Link.
The effect of this, to give a totally random example, is that when someone on a motorbike is trying to get to work on cold slippery wet roads, and times their egress (yeah - look that one up!) onto a mini island to perfection as an oncoming DPD truck turns right, it means he's somewhat surprised as the DPD truck decides to swing all the way around the island in front of him!
OK, so I was prepared for this, but it was still rather unpleasant. Worse was a little further up the road when the DPD truck spotted the house he was looking for and slammed on the brakes in front of me!
You can't even kick the side of one of these beasts, and you certainly can't reach the wing mirror to give it a good smack! Bah!
As it turned out, this was the first of three almost-incidents on my way to work where I saw private firm trucks and vans doing manoeuvres where the driver could well have been going postal.
I wonder if the term still applies if they use their vehicle to squish you instead of blasting your brains out with a 12 bore?
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Monday, October 19, 2009
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Category: Parties and Nightlife
My X-Factor Blog
Holy shit will you shut the fk up?!
I'm tempted to just have that as the blog, but - lucky you - I will expand a little.
First off, I have to say that X-Factor IS entertaining and pretty good to watch... BUT ONLY FOR THE FIRST ROUND!
Everybody likes seeing weirdo's, freaks, and the terminally deluded getting up on stage and giving it their best! A lot of that is funny! The surprises get put through to the next round and the strange little dink-brains get sent back to their mental homes or wherever, and then it gets switched off. Game over.
THEN, when it's just crap karaoke with a bunch of dingbats who ALL have some bloody sob story ("Poor Paul grew up being raped daily by his Grandma, but now she's dying of Twat Tongue Disease and he just wants to do this one last thing for her!"), that's when all you idiotic sheep start raving over it all!
I couldn't give a kippers dick if 'the twins' have been voted through - I couldn't give a kippers dick who's voting, as long as they're not using my phone!
It's shit! ARGHHH!!!
I HATE karaoke. Where's the talent for these plebs?
Unghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! I hope all your eyeballs rot, sink back into your head and you choke on their gellified remains!
And as for you spastics making it acceptable for all the national papers to devote 641 pages per issue to 'Strictly Come Dancing' or whatever that shit's called, you can take yourself a 'Cunt' from the top of the pile and pass the rest around!
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Friday, October 16, 2009
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Category: Fashion, Style, Shopping
Sex, Bikes And Signs From Above?
"Sex and bikes, Nasty Evil Ninja! That's all you ever talk about anymore!"
Yes - great, isn't it?
Let's face it - these are the two best things in the world, so if anything's going to spark my passions and get me writing in this place again it will be these! If it works expect to hear many more rants and views of the world through my warped vision...
So, not only have I got the same initials as some old bloke in a nappy who ate fish or something (J.C.), but as you'll know from recent pics my Halo Oracle leathers have arrived! Not the colour I expected because I specified plain black, but when they showed up in black and white they were too cool to send back and i'm glad!
The first touch dispelled any doubts about whether they were worth the big money I paid for them. I don't think I've ever touched leather this good! They're not kangaroo skin like my Spyke suit, but for cow hide they're amazingly light and maybe even lighter than my Spyke set!
The liquid armour (no shit!) seems much more effective than I imagined, and is combined with conventional hard shell armour in places with titanium plates on shoulders, knees and elbows. Everything about them oozes quality!
The only bad things were they do seem a tiny bit too long in leg and sleeve length. Now they're wearing in a bit it's getting to be less and less of a problem, and they've certainly been fine for the last three trackdays!
The biggest downside is that the Halo Oracle suit is a full-on race suit. This is great for protection, strength in the bits you need, range of movement, and air vents (hell yes they do the job!) - but means they have no pockets and no thermal lining. I did get one pocket built in but it'll fit my mobile phone in and absolutely nothing else. This is a right pisser for everyday use where you need a wallet and somewhere to put your keys... The lack of thermal lining also means they probably won't be getting worn over Winter!
I love the suit, though, and it looks great in the pics!
The other bikey update is about the new tyres that I blogged about. The brand new Pirelli Angel ST's.
I've raved about these all over forums. Basically, as they are the latest sports touring tyres to come out, Pirelli have obviously tried to do... well, EVERYTHING better than all the other sports touring tyres on the market. I can confirm that they seem to have succeeded!
Grip in dry and wet is excellent - at least as good as any tyre I've ever used and more likely a lot better because so far they still haven't let go on me! More importantly, they have loads of grip from cold, so I scrape my toes and knees pretty much every single day just on my short commute to and from work! Hoo-haa!!!
The Angels had some very bold claims about mileage, like they all bullshit about - in this case they reckoned they were seeing 9000 miles from a rear tyre on a Suzuki Hayabusa (much more heavy and powerful than my ZX9R). Yeah right! I'm fairly hard on tyres, and anything that gives me over 3000 miles from a rear is a rare bonus...
Well, so far I have over 4000 miles on my Angel, and whilst it doesn't exactly still look 'new', it's got loads of tread left (maybe even more than half?) and hasn't changed profile or squared off or anything!
The pictures in the tread of the Angels have indeed worn away to leave the Demon pattern, which I'm a bit sorry about - but not that much.
In short, if you buy any other sports touring tyre for your bike then you're a fool. End of.
So for those of you not following, this is me, J.C. with my Angel tyres and Halo leathers.
Is someone trying to tell me something???
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Friday, October 16, 2009
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Category: Writing and Poetry
EROTIC STORY: "Holiday
Make-up"
It was a stupid fucking argument.
They were in the sunny paradise of Spain, and supposed to be enjoying
their first holiday abroad.
"I’m sorry." She said through her pout.
"Me too." He agreed, as she slid her arms around him and he
returned the gesture.
He kissed her quickly but softly on the lips, looking down at her pout and
finding it strangely sexy. He closed his eyes and lowered his lips back
to hers - still softly but lingering this time, the heat of the sun warming one
side of them as they stood in it’s glare just inside the hotel room.
She felt him instantly growing hard against her - hardly surprising considering
the holiday sun, and the lack of sex they’d had these last few days.
His hands ran all over her back, sending shivers up her spine as he traced a
line across her shoulder blades. She gasped and her body sagged slightly
against his.
Shuffling her feet back slightly, her legs found the couch and she lowered
herself onto it, still looking deeply into his eyes as her fingertips ran over
his broad shoulders, down his arms, until their hands found each others.
He leaned down and kissed her again, harder now, as he knelt on the floor
between her legs.
His hands ran up her bare legs, from the knees, raking his nails lightly and
slowly all the way up to her hips, sliding under her sarong as he did.
She bit down on the side of his neck as he pulled her hips into him.
Clearly feeling his hard shaft through the thin material of his shorts and her
bikini bottoms, she ground her hips so that he was touching her in the perfect
place, her clit throbbing and the material there already soaking with need.
As she moved her hands down his back, sliding them under the waistband of his
shorts and grabbing his ass, he deftly tugged on the ties, and the feel of the
smooth top sliding off her nipples made them grow even harder.
He pushed her shoulders back and moved his mouth down to her breasts, licking
and sucking each in turn, gently biting her nipples, but all she could feel was
his hard cock as she wriggled her hips against him, her nails scratching at his
back as she tried to pull him harder against her.
She leaned back on the couch and he shifted himself as his soft kisses ran down
her stomach, but she stopped him there, pulling his face back to hers and
slipping his shorts down to expose him.
"Do it now..." she breathed, a shudder in her voice just with the
anticipation.
They both looked down between them, her finger hooking the bikini to the side,
his guiding his penis, sliding it’s head against her opening, his glistening
pre-cum joined by her slick wetness as he coated his tip, both gasping and
groaning with the sight and feelings.
One hand still around his shaft, he guided himself once more to her entrance, between
her fingers which now held herself apart for his entry, and she cried out as it
came easily as he sank into her as far as he could.
He used one hand around her lower back to keep her tight to him, and as they
kissed again she moved with him deep inside her, feeling him throbbing as she
squeezed him.
At last he pulled back, hands running over her thighs again as he worked up a
steady rhythm with her, hard and deep with them both trying desperately to hold
back.
He felt her nails tear into his back as she reached the edge, and as he kissed
the side of her neck he smiled as he noted the flush there.
He pushed her back on the couch, still kneeling in front of it, and hooked his
hands under her shoulders.
She liked to feel his weight on her, and as his thrusts got harder and faster
she heard herself cry out as she came, and she felt him tense as he came deep
inside her, too, slowing his movements to a tender pace, delivering a few soft,
quick kisses to her as he brushed her hair away from her face so that he could
smile down at her.
He pulled out of her, and embraced her again as the both stood up.
"Uh-oh," He said, "The cleaner won’t like that."
She turned and followed his gaze towards the large wet patch on the couch.
Using her foot whilst holding him for balance, she nudged one of the cushions
over the stain.
"There - no-one would ever know!" she said playfully.
"Let’s go to the beach." he said, taking her hands and kissing her
again.
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Thursday, October 15, 2009
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Category: Life
The Wars Have Started
We have a large office which is kind-of open plan but not. The problem is that the Female Monkies always want the place hot, whilst the Male Monkeys want it cool.
As you'll know - I'd be more than happy to sit in the fridge, and it's only when I feel penguins brushing my mouse hand as they waddle past that I'll concede it might be getting a bit nippy.
To compound all this, we have an air con system where all the units on the floor have to be set to 'heat' or it won't work at all, and vice versa with the 'cool' setting. So if one side of the office are freezing to death but the other side has the cooling on, then the first side can't switch theirs to 'heat'. Does this make sense? Right.
Anyway, the regular visits have started with an Appointed Monkey being sent to the other side to plead/cajole the other team into heating/cooling the lot down!
ARGHH!!!
Women should be banned from the workplace! Err... unless they wear short skirts and stuff. Either way, it's easier for people to put warmer bloody clothes on than it is for Frost Monkeys like myself to take our shirts off. I swear to God I will sit there in my flowery Y-Fronts one day to make a point!
It sends me batshit crazy every Winter, because for some reason everyone else seems to want the heating on at 28 degrees c.
These are the same people who were crying about it being 28 degrees c in the Summer when they wanted it cooler!!
How does that work?!?
If anything, when it's colder outside, surely we should have the temperature inside just a few degrees higher than outside temp so we don't go into -ing shock the moment we open the door and step outside? By haveing it even hotter inside we just intensify the effects of Winter!
And it is EVERYWHERE! At work, at home, in every bloody shop! I HATE going in pubs over Winter because they'll be blasting heat from all the radiators plus 16 open fires in each room!
Will this be the year I snap?
Or will I just sit there in my Y-fronts, all red faced and dripping sweat?
Twats!
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Tuesday, October 13, 2009
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Category: Automotive
Oulton Park 13/10/09: Not As Fast As I Thought I Was!
I'd been planning on doing Silverstone before it changes, but the choice in the end was do that on the very tatty and not-very-race prepared Focused Events bikes, or follow Lady Snoots (who I used for my first trackday and was chuffed to bits with) to a surprisingly unbooked slot at Oulton Park. It will most likely be my last this year, so it was no contest, and I went for the great track and the finest ZXR636 from LS Supersport Hire!
After the usual restless nights sleep, my alarm went off ready for the 90 mile 90 minute treck up the M6. Freezing fog brought out the best carb icing I've had on my ZX9R, and panic set in as signs told me J.18 was closed! With no map this would have been me fkd, but luckily it was still open. I can't believe I was seconds away from getting on the motorway without glove inserts! My hands would have dropped off - COLLLLLLLLLLLLLLD!!!
So my first session ever in Intermediates, and I was feeling pretty confident as I seem to be easily in the fastest in the Novice Groups, and I was at Oulton about a month ago and did well! I kept my thermal top on for the first session and it was pretty slippery out there - no problem because I had to ease back into it and get the feel of the hire bike. First impression was the new pads were so good my eyeballs were nearly popping out every time I touched the lever, and secondly the track was still the same, but I'd lost something. My beloved Cascades and Island didn't seem to be catapulting me past everyone else on track, and I was more scared going into Druids than a Jew walking into a German shower block.
The second session I felt much better, but a lot more people were passing me than being overtaken by me. Herr... maybe I'm not as fast as I thought! I don't think I was holding anybody up, but this really was a whole new experience for me and I wasn't liking it much. The ones flying past me were gone in seconds, and I was questioning whether I belonged in Inters or whether a drop back down to Novice was in order...
I had a walk around to find a few of the people from various forums and as usual met a load of pretty cool people! It always amazes me that trackdays seem to attract the decent, honest and friendly people! The usual arrogant rub-tuggers you find at any local bike meet just don't seem to exist at trackdays! Thanks to you all for making me feel welcome!
My riding was coming on, but so was everyone elses, so to my mind I was slipping back a bit. I couldn't get the first chicane right even though I knew what I should be doing, and Druids still wasn't happening, so I got an instructor on an FZR400 to take me out.
After following him for a few laps something clicked in my head, and suddenly when he let me pass I was riding better than ever! A few stupidly fast people were still coming past, but I was overtaking a hell of a lot more people than were getting me!
And from there on all was good! When I heard talk about a few from the Fast Group getting their knees down around Druids I decided that was for me, and bugger me if it didn't happen in front of the instructor! That corner is so much faster than I could get my head around. From that point on I saw it as a backwards Cascades and went steaming into it.
I was also braking massively later than usual. That's usually my safety zone, because I figure if you're going to come a cropper it will almost certainly be from cocking up your braking - I go for 'slow in, fast out', usually. By the end of the day my left wrist felt like it had been snapped - which made for an interesting ride home! Another thing that I quite liked from being in Inters was that you have a lot more track space to yourself, because most people are keeping a good pace up so you don't get the massive bunches of Novices that can be really frustrating.
And the one place I thought I'd never touch my knee down was the banked Shell hairpin - well I don't think that any more!
So yet another great trackday for me in the end, and I seem to be improving a lot on right-handers. In fact from the pics I look like I'm carrying more lean angle all over - and I know there's a lot more to come! If that's the last of the year for me then it's a damn fine place to end.
And now for the pic whoring:
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Friday, October 09, 2009
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Category: Writing and Poetry
EROTIC STORY: "Quickie On The Bike"
He expertly guided the bike through the twisting country roads, the throaty
roar of the V4 engine rising and falling as he threaded his way out from
civilisation.
In only a few minutes all there was around them was green trees and greener
fields, the summer sun bringing out the richness of their colour.
She held her arms around his waist tighter than was necessary, her anticipation
as rampant as his own, and helped by the changing vibrations as she clung to
him.
The roads narrowed as he made a few more turns, and he pulled into a gateway
under the cool shade of a number of large oak trees.
As he flipped the sidestand down, she was already breathing hard, and he let
her dismount first before climbing off the machine and standing to face her as
she fumbled with the strap of her helmet.
He laid his own carefully down on the grass verge, and then smiled as he moved
close to her. She submitted and let his hands undo the strap, then pulled
her head free and shook her hair.
He moved close to her again, this time his arms sliding around her, pulling her
close and kissing her hard. He softened the touch on her lips, being more
tender, but still pulling her body tight to him as she returned the embrace.
He broke the kiss first, pulling back and seeing her blue eyes had darkened to
almost black as she stared longingly back at him.
Gently touching one hand to cup the side of her face, he kissed her again
softly, savouring the feel of her soft lips as he deftly unzipped her jacket
with his free hand.
Her hands worked his own jacket open, and they pressed their bodies together
once again, flesh touching flesh between the open leather.
Her hands were at the fastener to his leather trousers, and she kissed his sigh
as he felt the cool air caress him as she freed him.
She stepped back towards the bike, her fingertips tracing a line down to his
own, a knowing smile playing over her lips as she silently invited him to
follow.
His arms moved around her from behind, briefly wrapping her in a protective
embrace as he pressed his lips to the side of her neck, kissing tiny patterns
upwards towards the back of her ear as she moaned and moved her head back and
rolled it against his shoulder. He breathed deeply, taking in the scent
of her hair.
One hand moved down over her belly, drawing his fingers down over her hip, as
far down her thigh as he could, then back up raising the hem of her skirt with
it. He hooked his thumb under the waistband of her thong, drawing it down
as she wriggled her hips, making then drop down to the floor.
He cupped her breasts, and then slid his hand down over her belly once more,
between her thighs this time. She let out another moan as his fingers
brushed against her, but pushed his hand away, knowing how wet they'd already
be from that brief touch and knowing she was already almost too far gone.
She swung a leg over the saddle of the bike, leaning forwards over the tank as
he straddled the seat behind her, feeling him press hard against her as he
moved both hands to hold her hips.
She found the footpegs, and reaching forward to the handlebars, lifter herself
up and forward even more over the tank, as he slid in closer behind her.
She lowered herself back down slowly, and felt the head of his penis narrowly
missing its mark, sliding instead against her clit and making her whole body
jerk like she'd been shocked.
He gasped too, drawing in a sharp breath as she raised herself up, sliding
against him, until his tip rested in the wetness of her opening.
She held there, smiling as she teased both him and herself, moving up with him
as he tried to press into her, not allowing him penetration. He smiled
too, relinquishing control of the moment to her, his hands stroking at her hips
and his heart booming loud in his ears.
And then she slid down over him, as slowly as she dared, relishing the
sensation of him sliding inside her, wanting it to continue forever. She
squeezed her eyes tightly shut, colours sparking behind her eyelids even before
she'd taken his full length. She distantly realised she'd cried out, but
all she cared about what feeling him deep inside her.
His hands pulled at her hips and his head was thrown back, his own eyes closed
as he felt her clench around him.
After a short eternity, she got control of herself enough to lift herself forwards
along his length, achingly slowly. He felt her whole body twitch several
times before she reached his tip once again, but this time she couldn't hold it
there, sinking back down onto him.
He was swollen hard inside her already, and it was all she could do to force
herself to move again, his arms wrapping tightly around her spurring her on.
She lost all time then - it was just the two of them joined at the soul.
It could have been seconds or hours - neither knew anything but the warm
explosions of their orgasms - her climax setting him off, and his in turn
intensifying her own beyond measure.
She lay over the tank for a long while, unable to speak or think, let alone
move. His arms were around her middle still, his own body draped over
hers as they breathed raggedly, the feel of her around him so good he was still
hard, and she could feel his penis twitching inside her, and she returned the
movement with her own.
At last she could move herself forward off him, before she leaned back into his
arms, reaching back to touch him anywhere she could - his thighs and hips, his
hair, his face - as she twisted her head around to meet his eager lips between
their journeys over her neck. His fingers raked firmly but gently through
her hair, sending tingles down her spine.
Neither spoke - there were no words. Just the touch of each others
bodies, and the looks as they gazed deeply into each others eyes, their smiling
kisses telling the universe all it needed to know...
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Tuesday, October 06, 2009
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Category: Automotive
Oval Racing Without The Oval!
Trackday #3 was booked for Rockingham International Raceway with my mate Paul set to try it for the first time.
It seems to be a recurring theme that I regret booking these. Ok, so Donington was my first ever and I was just plain scared... Oulton I was worried by the weather, and this was the same worry at Rockingham - I REALLY don't want to be wasting my money on a wet track!
The forecast went from good to not good at all, and finally settled at gale force winds with rain at 4pm and plenty of chances of rain all through the day. I woke up and all was dry, so we met up and off we headed!
Paul was riding his road bike - a Honda CBR 900 Fireblade - and again I was hiring a bike at the track. This time it was another 2007 Yamaha YZF R6 from Paul Russo. The paintwork on this one was a little scrappy on one side, but infintely better than the last one I hired from FE, and I had tyre warmers and decent tyres. Still not as good as Lady Snoots bikes, but easily good enough!
I had a walk around the pit garages trying to find a few people from the TDR forum who I knew were there, but no joy! I did find one of the two eventually, but seemed to be missing the bugger as I was in the Novice group and he was going out straight after in the Inters. I'm always pleased to be able to say everyone at these days seems cool. So far I haven't bumped into any arseholes and it's rare to see a moody face (before they end up face-down in the gravel, anyway)!
So it was down to business! Rockingham is a big US style oval circuit in a stadium. Riding up to it was pretty impressive - looking at it from the inside even more so! As a side note something that raised a chuckle from me was seeing a speed limit sign on the inside of Turn 1 - 240mph!
Luckily I wasn't destined to splatter myself against the wall at the top of the banking - we were on the 'International' layout using the infield circuit.
I wasn't expecting much from a flat track, but it turned out to be pretty good. The main criticism seems to be that although the corners are good, none of them have that same stick-in-your-head-and-dreams-forever legendary status like Cascades or Island or the Craner Curves...
So you come flying down the main straight of the oval inches away from the wall, and brake just where there's a load fo crisp packets and plastic bottles gusting around the circuit (don't use this as your braking point as it may move!), and tip it left trying to straightline the first chicane as much as possible. Later in the day I was going straight over the curbs on the right, then full on the power through a long sweeping left, back up onto the oval circuit briefly before braking stupidly hard with both tyres screaming, and take a wide line down off the banking into a left hairpin. Bouncing off the limiter, you drag it back over to the left ready for a right-hander that I'm sure I never took fast enough. I did nearly highside it running over the inside curb once, but was hard back on it for the next right which is blind until you're far too deep into it.
Then it's a great complex of left-handers that goes on forever and can be taken stupidly faster than you think when you first see it! So I got straight on that, with lefties being my favourite!
Hard braking leads into another right hairpin called Tarzan, which I could never get down properly. I know I could have leant it a lot more but that's the kind of mental block you have to put up with riding an unfamiliar bike for 20 minutes!
Then a short and frantic blast before slamming on the anchors for a hard left-right then a long left which takes you up onto the banking as close as you dare to the wall onto the start straight.
It felt like a hell of a lot more, looking at what I've just written! In the first session I was a bit worried I'd never remember it, then it clicked in the second.
Rockingham hadn't seen any rain for about 8 weeks. I got an onboard video camera rigged to my bike for a session in the afternoon. Guess what happened?
Yep! -Ing rain just as we went out! The plan was for me and Paul to film each other for a few laps because we were running pretty closely together, but the rain totally shot my confidence. It wasn't even bad rain, but just enough that I wasn't sure whether I'd bin it at great expense to me, so I eased it around where I probably could have just gone at it full pelt... Ah well! This meant Paul had buggered off by the time I got my head together, and unfortunately left me with nobody ahead or behind me for most of the session! Well, apart from the 14 year old kid on a 125cc bike who was whupping everyone's ass! Note to self: go out right at the back next time I have a camera...
Another damned good day, then! I was absolutely knackered in the last session after scrapping with someone on a CBR600RR and now 3 days on don't appear to have any muscles left in my neck or the backs of my arms!
The question now is whether I can squeeze one more in before Christmas...
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Wednesday, September 30, 2009
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Category: Food and Restaurants
Chinese Curry The Nasty Evil Ninja Way
Most people who mention curry are thinking about some kind of Indian type. There are people out there who've never even tasted a Chinese curry! Heathens!
My love of this started when I was very young and doing Shotokan Karate. Every time I passed a grade for a new belt my Mom would buy me a Chinese curry to celebrate. Mmm... the taste of victory!
I've experimented a lot trying to make my own, but now know the main part is down to the sauce. You may have heard me mention The Wing Yip before - this is a Chinese supermarket which supplies pretty much all the Chinese restaurants in the UK. This means if you can find the stuff your favourite restaurant uses in a desired dish, there's every chance you can do it yourself (providing you're handy with a wok)!
The sauce in this case is this:
Absolute quality and taste that will blow your mind for £1.40 per tub! All you do is add water and boil it up. You'll probably get 10+ portions from one tub if you like the sauce really thick like I do. OM NOM NOM NOM!
I know some will blast me for using a sauce, but this is honestly as good as it gets, so why the Hell would I want to piss about making my own which will cost more and probably be inferior?
Now the cooking part!
The great thing about curry is that you can put pretty much anything in! The absolute bare minimum is Chicken and Onion, I've found. My preference is to also have mushrooms and more than one type of meat - especially prawns! I've even used salmon cut into thick chunks so that it doesn't fall apart too much. Lately I've also been putting Spring Onion in - normally the white part of the stem because I use the green in the fried rice, but the whole lot is good! I used to use bell peppers, but have stopped these days because I don't feel they add all that much - but this is all down to your preference! I've had Vietnamese takes on this with courgettes and aubergine in!
I'll say again that your preparation is the key. You can cook the meal in mere minutes, but you have to take the time to chop and prepare everything.
I like big squarish chunks of onion... come to think of it I use big chunks of all the veggies and thick slices of spring onion. Mainly I use button or closed cup mushrooms sliced thickly. This also makes things easier if you're going to go the whole hog and use chopsticks!
Prawns I leave whole, and any other meat is cut into bite-sized chunks. Remember it cooks better and faster the smaller/thinner it is, so if you're the type likely to poison yourself on raw meat get it into thin strips! For frozen or pre-cooked meat make sure you have it defrosted and drained or the excess liquid when it melts is a Bad Thing as it thins your sauce. For frozen prawns in a hurry, put them in a sieve and run the cold tap over them until they're defrosted.
For the first time last night I tried something a little new to prepare the meat. I added a sprinkle of garlic powder to my defrosted and drained prawns and mixed it in well, then did the same with a few teaspoons of Corn Flour. This looks wrong with a white gunky coating but trust me - it was gorgeous at the end! I will be doing this in the future with chicken etc.
So your Egg Fried Rice is done and on a plate in the oven to keep warm. If you're really anal you can clean the wok out, but it's fine to just add more oil and get cooking this stuff:
Get the sauce on the go in a small saucepan. Add a few tablespoons of the paste and boiled water in about a 40:60 mix (adjust by adding more water/paste to your desired thickness, or even a little cornflour). Put this in a low heat and regularly stir it through to the end. It thickens up a fair bit. You can also add some fresh chilli or chilli powder to the mix if you want it hotter.
If you're using fresh raw meat add this to your splash of peanut oil in the wok on a medium high heat. Remember prawns cook faster than most meat, so add these after a few minutes if doing a meat mix, or just fry the fkrs for less if just using them. Most you buy will be pre-cooked, so only add these as your vegetables are almost done near the end!
When the meat is thouroughly cooked through (or even slightly pan-seared as I prefer my chicken), whack the rest of the veg in together.
For a while I experimented with boiling the veg up while I cooked the meat, but to be honest the only thing this adds is another saucepan to wash. And we don't want THAT, do we?
I like to keep the onion a bit crunchy so the high heat helps to do this bit, and don't forget to add those pre-cooked prawns or meat now! Warm them as the veg finishes off, and then pour your sauce over the lot.
Fry the lot together for a few seconds to infuse it all, and then pour it over a nest of your egg fried rice on a plate.
Now try telling me that wasn't the best curry you've ever tasted?
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Tuesday, September 29, 2009
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Category: Food and Restaurants
All The Ovens In China Are Knackered
Anyone who knows me will know I'm partial to Chinese food. The REALLY lucky ones will have actually got to taste my Chinese cooking.
I'm good. I mean good to the point that there are now several dishes that I make much better than any Chinese restaurant! I'm still learning and still experimenting, but I seem to have a knack for this stuff!
It's a bloody good job I'm good, too! My oven is knackered, and takes three or four times longer to cook anything, and even then it only cooks from the bottom electric element. Oh how I long to eat pizza again that isn't sloppy on top with a rock hard bottom... So using the wok for anything and everything is most definitely on the cards!
I'm also a perfectionist, and am constantly refining everything from how long and how I cook stuff for, right down to how I cut the meat and vegetables in preparation!
I've just had my first crack at Prawn Kung Po - one of my favourite dishes from the local restaurant (Called 'Trans'!!! "HARRO TRANS!") - although they batter and deep fry all the meat in theirs. Deep frying in the wok is next on my list to do Kung Po their way and also Crispy Shredded Beef. OM NOM NOM NOM!
So I'm going to let all you buggers in on a few of my secrets that you're welcome to try for yourself.
First off has to be the base of many meals:
Egg Fried Rice
Ideally, you'll be using cold leftover rice that's been in the fridge for about a day. This hasn't happened for me yet, so I have to improvise a bit!
Boil up your rice (white long grain) in a saucepan of water for around 20 mins until the grains are soft but still a little firm. Some people do all that crap where all the water is gone just as it's cooked etc but they're witches and I'll report anyone who can do it. I mean, what's wrong with just tipping the stuff out into a sieve like normal people do? Right? So do this.
Then give it a good running under the cold tap. The colder you get it the better, because if not it all goes clumpy and mushy and you'll have to tell everyone you've cocked it up in your Facebook status. So get it all nice and cool and then leave it in the seive while you prepare the rest of your food so it drains off as well as it can.
For the egg fried rice my style, this means chopping the green leafy part of a spring onion as finely as you can. If you put peas in I will find you and kill you. Also make sure everything you're going to need is easily to hand with the top off/open. One thing I love about Chinese cookery is the preparation and then the way it all happens at once and makes you wish you had about another five arms to sort it out! Intense, baby!
Probably the most imprortant tip I'll give you is to use Peanut Oil or 'ground nut oil' in your wok. Seriously, this tastes far better than any other oil - mainly because you can't taste it - and also has a higher boiling point so you won't burn stuff and catch fire! If you have peanut allergies it's tough titty and it sucks to be you!
Put the wok over the gas on high for a few seconds then add a splash of oil.
Now I have two methods for this. I used to fry/scramble the eggs first and add the rice last, but I've tried the more traditional method tonight and may well stick to this...
So whack the rice into your hot wok. At this point in any cooking, if you haven't done it already, I would STRONGLY recommend that you have a good old Hurdy Gurdy Shurdy Flurdy Birdy.
What? I've lost you???
Ok, ok... Go and watch a clip of Chef from The Muppet Show. I'll wait.
Got it now? Yes! This improves ANY dish you ever make!
So you fry the rice for a few minutes so it's all nice and hot. Make a kind of nest in the middle of the rice (so the bottom of the nest is your wok and all the rice is around the sides) and crack your egg into there. Give it a poke around until it's scrambled and cooked, and then fold it into the rice. Add your sliced spring onion and a bit of garlic powder (if using fresh crushed garlic add this to the oil at the start), and fry for a while longer. If desired you can add a few dashes of soy sauce here or on the plate.
Tip it out onto a plate then put this in your broke-assed over to keep warm whilst you cook the main dish.
See? Easy!
Next I shall tell you my core method that works for the meat and veg of almost everything else... And tell you the best sauces if you want to cut some corners!
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Thursday, September 24, 2009
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Category: Automotive
Second Time Out: Oulton Park Trackday 23/09/09
I was looking at Bedford Autodrome until a few days before when I was still struggling to find a hire bike, and just binned the lot, booked Wednesday off work and decided to try the Focused Events trackday and hire bike package at Oulton Park instead! I actually kept my PC signed into their website and held the very last place whilst I went to the bank to transfer money onto my card to pay for it!
All I know about Oulton is the GT1 cars refuse to race there every so often because it's too dangerous. When I was there a few weeks ago watching my mate race in Formula Vee for the first time he said he loved it and would love to have a go around there on his bike. They also said it wsa probably the second most technical/scary track to [insert "Dum-dum DAA!!" here] Cadwell Park.
Since the last trackday I've joined trackdayriders.com, so actually kind-of knew some of the people who'd be there in advance - and as an added bonus Yorick who I met on the speedway training day was there as an instructor! So it should be less lonely this time around...
You may also notice the spangly newness of my leathers in the pics - that's my Halo Oracle suit which I was trying to decide whether to wear because they really weren't worn in at all, and I have a few distracting running-in problems... I forgot to mention this to everyone I met to set up my first excuse fo the day lol!
I was up bright and (far too) early to get to Cheshire for 07:30 after 90 minutes of shouting at Early Morning Tit-Heads on the motorway, said hello to Yorick and went to sign in. Slight delay here as they had to check my license with the DVLA, and then the day kept sinking down into crapness as the skies opened during the briefing...
Then there were the hire bikes. They were 2007 R6's and that's where the good bits stopped. We were told that the slightest scratch would see the full loss of our £500 deposit and the end of our day. That was harsh, but even harsher was that I was on road tyres and they never even had tyre warmers on! Not that you'd have noticed any more damage on them because it looked like they'd been dropped off by a helicopter that hadn't bothered landing. I was not a happy bunny at all, but trying to put a brave face on it all knowing I couldn't afford to drop it. Still in the rain some unseen presence called my (Novice) group out to do a few sighting laps of the circuit, which I couldn't hear and so missed the first lap of three. Which was better than the two who didn't start and had no oil in them.
I'd watched a few YouTube vids the night before so had a very rough idea of the circuit, but that had pretty much gone out of my head as soon as I tentatively crawled onto the track.
Even going painfully slowly it was a nightmare. There was no way I could get any sort of feel for the bike (the second ever 600 I've ridden and the first time on an R6, with the first being my last trackday), let alone get any kind of heat into the crappy tyres! I eased out of the second hairpin to go up the steep hill, before finding a filthy great -ing right hand bend that someone had put in front of me! ARGH! A dab of rear brake brought the back straight around like a wayward shopping trolley, and I got through the corner on a very odd line indeed. I noted there was a corner there in case I actually made it around to that point again.
One good impression I got from my two survival- err, I mean SIGHTING laps was the sensation of the fall and rise known as Deer Leap just before the pit straight. Holy shit Batman! I didn't know whether to fall off, go over the bars, or just be sick! Talk about being on the Big Dipper!
Having learnt absolutely nothing at all, I sat around cheering up a little because the track was rapidly drying. I chatted to a few people and the other three on the hire bikes who all seemed in about the same mood as me.
So first real session I spent taking it really easy. I came back in feeling good. It still felt like I was perched on the bike so I wasn't comfortable with that - but despite their looks the bikes were good. I knew I had to do some serious work on the gears, because I wasn't pulling nearly enough revs anywhere. Having said that I'd already found the first left hander - Cascades - was right in line for becoming a favourite corner!
Second time out and I was using the revs more and could start concentrating on the racing lines. There's only one way to click with a bike fast, and that's to push to it's or your limits. With hopefully warm tyres I dropped it into Cascades and my left knee went down. At Island, the next left I went in fast and the left knee was scraping again. A few corners later at the second chicane my right knee scraped the deck and I knew that was it! I much prefer left handers, so when my right goes down I know I'm settled.
After the session someone came to find me and told me they hadn't really got going, but when they saw me go flying past them with a Novice bib on they knew they should be getting a move on! A great compliment and it added to the hyper I was on for the rest of the day!
Apart from the next session where it rained again and I just went out and circulated behind the instructor (Yorick) without really learning anything. Very much an anti-climax after the previous session, but then it was the lunch break and the track stayed dry for the rest of the day!
The afternoon has all blurred into one, and I debated with myself whether I did want to go out with an instructor or not. I figured I was having a great time anyway, and other than the line around Druids I was a bit worried all an instructor would be able to show me was how to take chunks out of my braking distances which I was leaving there by my own choice as a safety zone. I spoke to a couple of others who'd been out with an instructor and general opinion seemed to be that they wished they'd gone out with one sooner - so I thought I may as well try it as I could still ride at my own pace...
Yorick followed me for a few laps (that I actually didn't know about 'cause the sneaky bugger had picked me up mid-lap!), then I followed him for a few laps and it definitely was worth it!
Less and less people had been passing me as the day went on, and I'd been going past more and more - which is always a good sign - but to hear an instructor tell me I had 'natural speed without being on the ragged edge' and advise me to go into the Intermediate group next time was great to hear! I know it's more about you're own enjoyment and riding at your own pace, but I am pretty damn competitive and to know I'm making good progress on my second trackday... well, it's not going to help my new addiction, you bastard!
For the final session I went out with Yorick again, but after a few laps when some fast bugger came storming passed I KNEW he wouldn't have that and wanted to have a bit of a play with him, so I kept up for a bit then just let them go. I'm not that good, yet! Thinking about it that was the only thing that came passed me in that last session, though!
I pushed for the last few laps and knew I'd found the limit around Cascades when both wheels slid. It was nice and controlled and it all sorted itself out without any drama but it was a fitting end to the day on my new favourite corner! The only other almost-scary moment of note was a hee-UGE tank-slapper over the crest down towards the second chicane. They've never worried me too much because I just stay hard on the power until it sorts itself out, but this one calmed itself just a split second before I was on the brakes, and that could have been a problem!
A great day out where I met a load of cool people! Much like Donington, I found Oulton to be far less scary than I expected (apart from in the wet), and I can't wait to do it again! I seemed to click much faster with oulton, but having said that there's still so much to learn about it I think I'd need at least two or three more days there to be anywhere close to cracking it.
The first thing I did at work this morning was get out my spreadsheet (yes, I've even made a spreadsheet!) of potential track days and see where and when the next one is going to be...
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