The 2006 Midterm Election is upon us - Tuesday, November 7th
(Note: All fundamentalists vote on Wednesday, November 8th)

Thesis:   Although polling data indicates that the GOP might  take one on the chin, the only poll that ultimately counts is the one you cast on Tuesday, November 7th .

Therefore, the chief variable is YOU.

The more you study the issues/candidates/positions,
the more raw political power you will exert in the voting booth.


What's all this then? Okay, a quick civics overview:

Two houses in Congress - Senate & House of Representatives. Each state has 2 Senators for total of 100. Representatives are based on population - total of 435. For this election, all 435 Reps are up for grabs (in theory), and 1/3 of the Senate is in play.

This Tuesday, you'll be voting for YOUR Senator, Governor & or Representative (among other issues/positions). This means you will have some homework this weekend - more on this later.


GENERIC POLLING - Looks good for Dems, but be careful!

Polls going into November 7th show that the GOP could potentially take a thorough bludgeoning. And for good reason: the Iraq adventure biodegrading into choas, immigration, overspending, scandals, sexscapades, & Bush's recent "fuck you" to the troops, makes it an uphill climb for the Repugnantcans (Doh! sorry, Freudian slip).

So far the Generic Poll for congress looks like this:
Republican 37.5%, Democrat 53.0%
Sounds like good news? Well, don't count chickens yet.

This is a generic poll. For this poll, people are asked what PARTY they want in congress - not actual people. Thus they're given a generic ballot where no names are mentioned.

But on November 7th, you won't vote on a generic ballot. Many people may feel one way about congress in general, but then feel the opposite about their actual Senators/Representatives. (Hence the phrase: "All politics is local")

For Example: Despite this generic poll leaning toward Democrats, a resident of Eastern/Central Washington's 4th Congressional district, will still most likely vote for Doc Hastings (R) - (he won 62%/34% in 2004). This is the definition of a "Safe seat" - Not unlike Jim McDermott (D) here in Seattle.

Stripping away these safe seats (and it would also be good to read up on "Gerrymandering") we are left with only a few "Unsafe" or marginal seats. Of the 435 total seats "up for grabs" in the House of Reps, only around 51 are considered competitive. Thats only 11% (!!!) that are actually up for grabs (despite the generic poll above).

Despite this, the Dems only need 15 seats (of 51) to take over the House of Reps, and only 6 seats (of 33) to take over the Senate. Here's some good guides for these races:
Battle for the House
Battle for the Senate


STATE/DISTRICT POLLING - Also looks good for the Dems, but be careful!

So when we break all this down to States/Districts and actual competitive seats, it still looks bad for the GOP. Out of all these 51 House seats up for grabs (and competitive), the Dems only needs to win 15. Individual district polling looks like they could easily accomplish this (and possibly then some).

But again, don't measure congressional curtains or count chickens yet!. These polls are still based on "Likely voters". Many of these folks might be sleeping one off Tuesday. Many will forget. Many will have to work a double on Tuesday. Etc, etc etc.
(Remember: all Fundamentalists vote Wednesday, November 8th)

Point being: There are literally thousands of variables (natural & artificial) that could make the difference between final polling data & actual election results.

SO here's where the chief variable comes in: YOU


WEEKEND HOMEWORK

(Don't sweat it. Some light reading - and just one non-graded test at the end - i.e. voting)


Step One: Find out where to go to vote (your polling place/precinct)

King County folks - go here: Voter Guide Lookup
Everyone else - go here: Project Votesmart
Still can't find it? Ask me.

Absentee? Skip this step
Don't forget to mail it!
Must be signed and postmarked on or before Nov 7th!


Step Two: Now what? Who do I vote for?

First off, turn off the TV
I know, I love it too, but turn it off.
Would you actually buy shit based on a commercial?
Then why the hell would you vote based on one?
Political adverts are meant for the Sheeple.
Simple shortcuts lead to future complications.
Garbage in, Garbage out.
Click it off.

Secondly, Grab Voter's Guide
Light Reading time
You should have received this in the mail. Didn't get one?
Go down to the local Library and pick one up. No time?
Here's some online:

WA State Voter's Guide
OR State Voter's Guide
CA State Voter's Guide
AK State Voter's Guide (PDF)
NY State Voter's Guide (PDF)
AZ State Voter's Guide

Missed anyone? Drop me a line.


Step Three - Start at the top and work your way down

The National big-stake races this year are going to be your Senator /Governor/ Representative. Equally as important (however) are Local Ballot Initiatives/Referendums - laws that are decided by the people locally (not the government) that will often effect your life directly - remember the indoor smoking ban last year in WA? Yeah, that direct.

Senators/Governors/Representatives:
Keeping in mind your own values/standards/positions, compare with each candidate's position statements. This is where things get a little tough. As you will find out, there's a great cornocopia of 3rd party candidates (many who have very cool/humorous positions).

But keep your eyes on the prize:
Finding the candidate that comes closest to your values that also has the best chance of winning

Nate's technique:
Make a ratio for each candidate. Bottom Number is how close that candidate comes to my views (1-10). Top Number is the chances of that candidate winnind (1-10). Highest number wins.

Shortcut technique:
In the Voter's Guide, after the candidates' positions, you will see a list of endorsements - companies, political organizations, unions, etc. This is the best indication of how the candidate will vote once in office.


Note: Many newspapers/information dealers run a nice neat list of endorsements.  I do not . Why?
You yourself need to be prepared & responsible for your voting choices. Thomas Jefferson wholeheartedly desired an educated voting populace, and as a card-carrying disciple of Jefferson, I will always project his message

BUT, that aside, if you really want to know how I'll be voting, just ask.

AND again, if you have any other questions - as always - drop me a line.

Conclusions:
A.) Polls point toward the Dems taking Congress.
B.) Polls mean nothing.
C.) The only poll that really counts is the one you cast on November 7th.
D.) Therefore, the chief variable is: YOU
E.) The more you study the candidates/issues/positions, the more disproportionate power you will exert when voting.

What did Captain Planet say?


____  __________ ___  _______!

Alright, we all with Jack so far? A bunch of Highschoolers (that look like adults), rent a cabin out in the sticks for a rager. 13 murders? What could possibly go wrong!





Okay, so here's where Jack Chick rolls off the rails (not unlike a crazy train)

Who's the antagonist here?  You've got these campers getting ready for cat sacrifice - and as mentioned before, in Jack Chick World anyone who emits the foul exclamation "Haw Haw" is up to no good.   But then you have ol' pumpkin head and his pet snake also planning something dastardly (or possibly dick dastardly)







See?  Now Pumpkinhead says the abominable "Haw Haw" - very confusing
(Checking my TV history.  I don't remember anyone in Mayberry using the word 'Tis)





Despite the general nonsensical nature of the tract, this cell remains one of my faves. Dirty little creeps praying when it's party time.  Of all the NERVE!











...and thus, we have yet another Jack Chick Halloween History lesson for all us heathens:





HOW SPOOKY WERE THEY?

Well kids, they were so spooky that...






Note to self: Must find "Lucifer Dethroned" & "Blood on the Doorposts".





What? You mean you don't have the picture yet?

Well what say we just give you the picture then.
Snakes on a Plane eat your muthafucking heart out!

Jack Chick presents: "The Light of the World"
(again - ripped straight from Nazi propaganda posters - look for Jack Chick's "Dirty Shylocking Jew Satan")

Nevermind that man behind the curtain! I am the great satan!






Well, I would've gone with "Oh my god!  They killed Timmay!"

"YOU BASTARDS! "
(Jack Chick never returns my calls)



"Timmy meet Kenny;  Kenny meet Timmy;  
Kenny & Timmy - this is Saddam"






















I've heard of Touched by an Angel, but I guess this would be  "Tossed by an Angel"....

I wonder where he's headed.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!
And tossed him down a thousand feet below...
...To the laaaaaaaand of the Lost! "

Feedin time Grumpy!













This Jack Chick artist eschews the classic Vincent Price Satan (& SP's gay Satan),  in favor of the "Dirty Shylocking Jew" Satan (compare/contrast)


Nice. Well after all, they did kill our lord, right? Let em all roast with Satan, and we'll just question the holocaust afterwards, right Mel?

I'll take that as a "Yes"

I love it.   Jack Chick actually resorting to the classic WWI "baby-eating Hun" propaganda.  Where's an endless military engagement when he needs it?   Oh thats right.   DOH!























We turn now to Nate News Corp contributor Pat Robertson for ad lib commentary:

Thanks Pat.

Note:  The Big Cheese upstairs never get's a face in Jack Chick World (what a theme park that would be!). I know I know - All powerful, All knowing, and Present everywhere, but somehow just can't convince one silly fundy cartoonist that God needs a pair of peepers to spy on all us kids.

Then again, perhaps God can see without a face. What an epiphany!. That Billy Idol song makes total sense now! See, aren't you glad that Rev Nate's here to draw real life lessons from this drivel?

Note also:  Joining the ranks of "Long hair Jesus" & "Black Jesus", Jack Chick brings us "Job interview Jesus". Nice clean shave & a trim. I'll have to check with King James, but I do believe Pilate did at one point say the following: "Get a haircut, Hippy!"



And just in case that doesn't work,
chant the following incantation:

Join us...


Join us...


Join us...


Join us...


Join us...


Join us...


Join us...


Join us...


Join us...


Join us...


Join us...


Join us...


Join us...


Join us...



WELCOME BACK!!!!!!

Note:  Evil folks saying "Haw Haw Haw" is a classic in the Jack Chick paradigm.   Curse the godz, he's onto us!























There you go kids.  Now go out forth & have a give 'em hell this weekend.

Stay safe!

Note:  Jack Chick has a point here -
Vincent Price does make the best Devil















I know, Pat Robertson's "Hook em Horns prayer"  usually makes a good topping on Jack Chick Sunday, but this was just begging for  Elegant Elliot Offen's "gangsta talk"

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight?

Senator Rick Santorum (R-PA), decided to exhibit a  fine case of hoof/mouth disease:

"As the hobbits are going up Mount Doom, the Eye of Mordor is being drawn somewhere else," Santorum said, describing the tool the evil Lord Sauron used in search of the magical ring that would consolidate his power over Middle-earth.

"It's being drawn to Iraq and it's not being drawn to the U.S." Santorum continued. "You know what? I want to keep it on Iraq. I don't want the Eye to come back here to the United States"
 
For proper analysis of Santorum's hoof/mouth, it's obvious that several things must be promptly shunted off the table.

First off, Time and Space go bye-bye due to the fact that Bush's Real Iraq Adventure-turned-quagmire started in 2003, whereas Tolkien wrote his Fantasy books in 1954,

Secondly,  we also have to say adios to JRR Tolkien's thoughts on his own work:
"As for any inner meaning or 'message', it has in the intention of the author none. It is neither allegorical nor topical."
~JRR Tolkien, Forward, Lord of the Rings

But okay,  Santorum has decided to live in his own fantasyland.  You know, the same fantasyland that argues "Staying the course" will lead to "victory", without defining either "the course" or "victory".  For the sake of Illuvatar-knows-what,  let's just set aside time/space and Tolkien's post-humous "fuck you", and endulge Herr Santorum with his analogy.

The first part seems pretty straight forward:

The Army at the gates of Mordor as a distraction for the Eye of Sauron

But distracting The Eye of Sauron (terrorism) from what?   As you can see, from this point on Santorum's comparison  falls apart exponentially...  or maybe not?   Taking the comparison to it's proper fruition:

The Eye of Sauron (Terrorism)  is being distracted by the army marching toward at The Black Gate (Iraq).    Because of this distraction, the Eye of Sauron (Terrorism)  is focused away from  MORDOR (America) .  
DOH!!! (or hmmmmmmmm....).   

Perhaps we should just set-aside Time/Space or Tolkien's grave-rolling and post-humous fuck you's & just take Santorum at his word.   C'mon ABCNews, grow some minerals and run with this headline:

"Senator Santorum Compares America to Mordor"
(ie, The Black Land/Land of Sorrow)

Alright don't then, you cowards - but I will.

Note: A few other blogerrific individuals have been hard at work mining this story...
 Blogger Allyn properly connects Santorum's logic - noting the the army in LOTR was being sent on a complete suicide mission.   Santorum forgets of course that the US(Mordor) owns no magic rings.(???)
On a lighter note, photo funster Kvatch has fun with Santorum (ie, The Mouth of Sauron).

Note 2:  For shits-n-giggles, do a google search of "Santorum" and hit "I'm feeling lucky".   You google-bombing pranksters/geniuses, you!

Doing some research on illegal prostelytizing & evangelizing  in the military - in this case the Air Force.   Yes that will be a longer essay when it's done.  I was following a lead on a webpage (must have written it down wrong):  UCF.org    "University Christian Fellowship".   Dead end. 

BUT with every dead end comes a nice bramble bush full of berries:


What is THAT?  That, my comrades, is a great caption contest.   Here, I'll get you started:

"UCF- not affiliated with the University Free Clinic"
"University Christian Fellowship - Graphic artist editor needed"

Your turn.  Have safe.  Stay fun

Just a quick little taste of political euphemism world.  

Bob Ney - GOP Congressman from Ohio - has decided not seek re-election in his seat. He gives a nice flowery explanation on his Ney for Congress website:

"After much consideration and thought I have decided today to no longer seek re-election in Ohio's 18th Congressional District. I am extremely proud of my 25 years serving the people of Ohio. We've accomplished many things to make this state better and I will always be grateful for the trust my constituents put in me. Ultimately this decision came down to my family. I must think of them first, and I can no longer put them through this ordeal."

"I am deeply grateful for all of the trust and support my family, friends and constituents have given me over the past two years. I look forward to serving out the rest of my term and serving the constituents of the 18th District."

Awww. What an upstanding family man - who wouldn't do the same for their 2.5 rodents & white-picket? Politics can be tough on the fam. And what a dutiful servant of the people! - he's going to gracefully serve out the rest of his term.   Grateful for all the trust and support?   Just warms the cockles.

Wait, Bob Ney? Where have I heard that name before. OH, thats right:

"Rep. Bob Ney pleads guilty in congressional bribery scandal"

"Ney pleaded guilty to conspiracy and making false statements. He acknowledged taking money, gifts and favors in return for official actions on behalf of Abramoff and his clients.The 52-year-old lawmaker faces a maximum of 10 years in prison."

Well, it's true.  Getting locked up for 10 years can be tough on the fam.

What a swell guy!

(something tells me that GOP life-support is being powered by Enron)

(I need one of those neato Fox News Alert graphics)
(This means put down your breakfast, Kelly)
(Oh & Sandra, all apologies for yet another local goofball blog)

Plunked Suplin into the googler again. Yawn.
Same-o, Same-o, Same-o... STOP THE PRESS!!!

[PigMonkey - Phorums] Suplin

Posted: Sun Apr 03, 2005 4:28 pm
"So i was browsing through the Seattle Times the other day, and by browsing i mean reading the comics. So anyways on the front page of the Northwest Life Section there was an article about the first progressive rock station in seattle. So im taking a gander at it and look at the picture and while reading the caption i come across the name Steve Suplin, and sure enough i look up and see mr. suplin sitting there looking about as high as a kite.Scary stuff."



Observations/Clarifications:

1.) I had to google cache this one to pry open this oyster. It was posted by one "Tenacious T" (I think Tom), but all links on the blog were dead cold. Therefore, I could not contact/respond to Herr Tom... Any ideas SCer's? Tom Abbs perhaps? (Any HTML brains out there who can further mine this source?)

2.) Big kudos to the now phantomous "Tenacious Tom" (wherever you are) for scanning, blowing up, and finely editing this photo. A photo, I might add, that I had found and posted here: SC illuminati alert - but failed in my mission to find a larger version. So now I say bless the godz for you, Tenacious Tom.

3.) Tom opines:
"Mr. Suplin sitting there looking about as high as a kite".
I wholeheartedly agree. But upon further photo inspection, I must also add that Suplin might be taking the millisecond shutter-speed to further perfect his ogling/groping dark arts - to the well-masked chagrin of Jude Noland.

(Just a one-alarmer for this one)

Around a week ago, I posted a bulletin about being on the brink of a Steve Suplin breakthrough. I thought I had captured yet another blogger waxing about Steve Suplin's ongoing exploits/impolites. Well, unfortunatly, that lead crumbled like a pillar of salt.

BUT! Shortly thereafter, whilst pawing through my new bro-in-law's 1986 Shoreline Highschool annual, I came across this archival mithril

Warning:  this photo may have the highest "obnoxiousness per square megabite ratio" ever (or from now on: O/MB²)

For those not fluent in Suplinese, this reads:
"Jon - Get 'Yee' to your future and hopefully 'Yee' will have been inspired to write creatively"

Observations:

1.) Jon's last name is Yee, thus the clever-trevor (read: obnoxious) play-on-names.   A very uncreative way to inspire creative writing, one might say.

2.)  Jon may have turned out to be a very creative writer.  Your's truly tambien.  But trust me:  this quality was in no way inspired by the English Lit tutelage of Captain Desk-naps.

3.)  Notice Suplin's Paulie Walnuts white-wings.  When we went through Suplin-gate circa 1990, these were mysteriously absent.   Well, that's not quite true.  Sometimes he'd forget to dye 'em back.

4.)  SC Ladies (Kamiak HS ladies too):  This pic trigger any buried recollections?  Ahhhh the fond memories  of  being summoned to Razor Ramon, Sr.'s desk for an extra-long ogle (between desk-naps).  

These ogles, of course, brought to you by the author of this fine piece of Everett Herald fit-to-print: 

"Paper Promoted Teens Cuddling"
Clarification: Suplin is arguing against cuddling

As mentioned here: "GOP vs. Everything we hold dear", the not-so-bright-wing is on a full-court press to scare the bajeezers out of everyone right before the midterm elections (how convenient). Unfortunately for them, intelligence is working against them (not that intelligence ever worked for them):

Intel: War has Worsened Terror Threat
"The report found that the war has helped create a new generation of Islamic radicalism and that the overall terrorist threat has grown since the Sept. 11 attacks."

Translation for us:  America is LESS SAFE after Bush's Iraq adventure
Translation for the not-so-bright-wing:  Shove fingers deeper into ear-holes and raise singing decibles.

Checking my political tea-leaves/entrails.  I see another heavy pandering to the Fundio-fascists in the future - dusting off the ol' reliable Abortio-fag card.   Hmmmmmm... this knotted lower intestine here indicates a possible Presidential "emergency trip" to the bedside of a  lobotomized vegetable...

Stay tuned...

And so it begins. The Bush administration - & their GOP bottoms in Congress - need to desperately improve their poll numbers. Solution: playing the oldest trick in the book - Fear.

Behold the Republican Playbook: Frightening voters

Get ready for the full-court press on all the tighty-righty networks and talk-shows. Basically, flush the Constitution because you're a scared - secret prisons, warrentless wiretaps, Soviet-esque torture - all in-play. Again, all because you're scared.  
(Silly me, I always assumed America was "Home of the Brave")

But note (thesis time):  These GOP Acme fear tricks are 100% anti-American, 100% anti-Constitutional, and 100% out-of-touch with our real American values.   Not only that, they're 100% out-of-touch with basic risk assessment.

So be prepared - Here's some fully loaded Desert Eagle .50 information cannons

You'll be hearing the following ad nauseum
"If you're not doing anything wrong /If you're not a terrorist, you have nothing to worry about"

First off, read the 4th Amendment. Yeah, sorry, if Big Brother is searching my place/phone/library records without a warrant, then the Government is doing something wrong - Point set match, & NEVER the reverse. Its called checks and balances. Forgot about this annoyance? Our Founding Fathers sure didn't! Click on this hyperlink, or go back to fucking high school

Secondly, ever wonder about the origin of this beautiful quote? Do you think "Those doing nothing wrong need not worry" is in touch with America's values? Think a red-blooded 'Merican grew this in his patriot pea patch?

Think again:

"If you have done nothing wrong, comrade, then you have nothing to fear"
Lavrenti Pavlovich Beria,
Head of NKVD Secret Police under Stalin
Responsible for the death/imprisonment of millions of people during Stalin's purges. (que Lee Greenwood)

You'll also hear this one until your ears bleed:
"Those who oppose the leader's policies are (take your pick): giving aid and comfort to the enemy, exposing the country to danger, and/or lacking patriotism..."

So which proud American patriot uttered this proud patriotic jewel? Hmmmm, I can't be the only one who doesn't count Herman Goering as an American Patriot:

"Voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. All you have to do is to tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism and exposing the country to danger. It works the same in any country."
Herman Goering
Leading member of the Nazi Party
2nd in command of the Third Reich
Commander of the Luftwaffe SS

Still scared? Well, let's delve into some raw data.   How likely are you going to be the target (and die) from terrorism?

According to the CIA data,
"Deaths from international terrorism fell to 2,527 in the decade of the 1990's, from 4,833 in the 80's"
L. C. Johnson, "The Declining Terrorist Threat,"
New York Times, July 10, 2001

Okay, math time: 2,527/10 = 252.7  
That's  252.7 deaths per year (worldwide!)
But hey, let's just pretend that these stats are wrong, that Clinton did not make us safer than Bush Sr.(!!!), and go with the deaths from the 1980s - 483.3 deaths per year. Now, let's put all this into perspective.

Leading causes of death - US per year
Heart disease: 654,092
Cancer: 550,270
Stroke (cerebrovascular diseases): 150,147
Chronic lower respiratory diseases: 123,884
Diabetes: 72,815
Influenza/Pneumonia: 61,472
Nephritis, nephrotic syndrome, and nephrosis: 42,762
Septicemia: 33,464

(How did the invasion of Iraq or Dept of Homeland Security make you safer in these risk catagories? I may have missed something in our faulty pre-war intelligence. Did Iraq have anything to do with our smoking or our shitty diets?)

Okay, now let's go ahead a narrow it down - compare some apples with some apples:

20 Leading Causes of Violence-Related Injury Deaths, US per year
Suicide - Firearm: 16,907
Homicide - Firearm: 11,920
Suicide - Suffocation: 6,635
Suicide - Poisoning: 5,462
Homicide - cut/pierce: 2,049
Suicide - fall: 723
Homicide - suffocation: 670
Suicide - cut/pierce: 571
Suicide - drowning: 339

(How bout them apples?)

Now let's put it all together.  News blurbs are based on words per minute.  Here's your quick and easy sound-bite responses to the GOP fear card:

A.) I have nothing to fear. Not because I'm "guiltless" but because the US Constitution (4th Amendment) says you need a warrant, Comrade Beria, sir

B.) I am a proud American who opposes the teachings of Herman Goering, Commander of the Nazi SS

C.) Go away you stupid GOP Boogeyman, I'm not scared.  The likelihood of being killed by international terrorism falls somewhere between Slashing your wrists and over-enthusiastic self-baptism

Oh, still looking for a quote from a REAL American patriot?
Here you go:


"They who would give up an essential liberty for temporary security, deserve neither liberty or security"
~Benjamin Franklin

Roomie just brought home a new addition.   And of course, feral cat school was quickly in session.   Already completed the following:

1.)  De-nutifier: flying colors.
2.)  Happy arms:  very well done, a natural.
3.)  Happy legs:  we'll work on it, still a bit too spazzy for that one.
4.)  The Buckers:  no problems, but a crowd pleaser - very few felines fail this one. 
5.)  The Wheel-barrel:  again, too spazzy
6.)  Drop n' Roll:  fuckin champ. Not nearly as good as Kenobi, but few are.
7.)  Guitar solo:  A couple squeaks, but no "diddly-diddly-diddly-diddly-reeeeoooooooow" yet.
8.) "Fear the hand": No blood drawn yet, but agitated tail swishes coming along on schedule.

Helluva first day.   Stay tuned...