"Now some of you.. or most might look at me and think.. this girl such a slut... well I have two thoughts for you.. one is, I must be one fascinating slut, or you wouldn't be reading this, and the other is.. then you truly do not know me. Because anyone that knows anything about me knows first hand, Im the prudest Kunt ever. I wish I could be a slut, it would really make my life a lot easier. Having the ability to just fuck guys and not care whats so ever... are you kidding me?? This would be the greatest gift I could ever receive... but I cant.. Im really just a shy, nerdy, basket case.. that always falls in love with the wrong guys.(but I know some of you will always just have your heart set on that slut thing.)

All my life, Iv just gotten along better with boys, mainly because they never accuse me of being a whore, they never back stab me... and you can tell them what to do... and most times.. they do it! It all started with my mother. She was a crazy bitch, slutty whore? Probably in her day.. but mainly just a crazy psycho bitch. I didn't always feel this way about my mom though. Like say when I was about four, and we would go to the park, and do what ever it is little girls do when they are four at the park with their moms. But everything after that.... crazy bitch!

Then there was my best friend.. now she was a slutty whore.. and damn good at it. I envied the way she would use and manipulate boys. But then one day she just turned her back on me, and became a completely different person in my eyes. Its funny how when your so in deep in a situation, you cant see the truth. How does that line go.. “you cant see the forest through the trees.... “ something like that.

After her and my mother , I have never been close to any females. Still to this day. Boys on the other hand, all my best friends are boys! Riki, Charles, Dj, the list goes on. And thats why I did so good on tour. Don't get me wrong, Im the girliest girl you'll ever meet.. But Iv learned to survive in a land of filthy punk rock boys for years. Touring in a band for instance. For those of you that don't know, when I was eighteen I was in A goth/industrial band for three long amazing years of my life. It all started when I was trying to get over this guy(are you really that surprised)? Well, what better way to get over a guy then to join a band full of hot guys!!! So I did, I played bass, and guitar, and we traveled the country, like I said for three long years. It was the best time ever. Driving that long stretch of highway, I loved those drives. And I would often think about all the other bands that had driven down those same ones we had.

All the places iv seen, and been. Such a magical time in my life. Let me tell ya, if you wanna get close to someone.. nothing says closeness like touring around the country with them in some shity ass, broke down van! Getting from gig to gig, not even knowing if we would even make it, cause our van was such a piece of crap. Pulling up to the shit hole venue of the night, with no where to change except the dirty, puke smelling bathrooms. Now sure if your a dude, no big deal, but when your a chick, and you actually care about looking hot... not so easy to do in a bathroom stall. But I tell you what, I made sure I wrote my name in everyone of those bathroom stalls, and those shity little punk rock venue walls... BTW, id like thank them all now.

We stayed in motel 6 most times, or motel shit as we liked to call it. I once blew up a toilet in a motel 6 by sticking an m80 down it.(our investor didn't like that bill very much) Holiday in was like the fucking W to us. My favorite thing was the rest stops. There are these nifty truck stops along the country, mainly in the mid west called “The flying j's” They are the raddest, dirtiest, white trash places ever!!! The shit you can buy in there is just retarded.. Its like a truckers paradise. Sometimes we'd play to ten people and other times we'd play to hundreds of people. But it was all the same to me. There is no better high, and trust me, iv chased them all. But the come down is just as equally hard. Go back to a normal life with rules and structure? Ya fucking right, you couldn't pay me enough. Luckily... I never had to.

Ill never forget those moments, they played a very important part in who I became."

Every since I could remember I was all about boys.. and it was never this, “oh he's cute..” it was like do or die.. if this boy doesn't like me then my life is over.... always tragic. I was always doing crazy shit for boys. Like the time I was five and convinced my mother to let me ride my bike to school, when really I was planning on ditching school to go hang out with these sixth grade boys that lived right behind me. Now sure your probably thinking.. why would A five year old be hanging out with twelve year old boys? Or an even better question should be.. why the hell would twelve year old boys be hanging out with a five year old?? The answer? Cause I was the shit! I was the only girl on a block full of mean, dirty, boys, and they all loved me! And I loved them. I had no girl friends.. I was the biggest tomboy ever. I skate boarded, climbed trees, set crap on fire with them.. and ran around wild where ever I wanted, I was like Wendy from Peter Pan.. always taking care of the "lost boys" It was a good time. The funny thing is my parents let me. I mean I was five!! But my attitude was always that of someone who was older. I think of how tiny and young I was, and sometimes I look at little girls that age and think what in the hell where my parents thinking??.. I would never let my five year old little girl run around and do half the shit I did!! In fact... NO ONE SHOULD!!

My parents were very young.. sometimes I felt like I was the parent. They always had people over partying... so I was like an adult child in a world full of childish adults. But I was free.. no rules. I did what ever I wanted. But now that I am older.. I realize this was a bad thing. For a long time I had no structure, rules, discipline in my life.. fuck I still don't. I never knew limits. But I did know trouble, it was practically my middle name. I was always in trouble. Always in the principals office.. for fighting, my bad attitude.. stealing, or smoking. I hated authority and people telling what to do. When I was in fifth grade I was in the principals offices everyday. I was a huge bully. Why? Because my home life was insane, drugs, violence, poor as fuck. I rebelled right from the being.. now some kids rebel in their teens against their parents because they live in this perfect little world. Me? I rebelled right from the start.. against everything and anything.. the world. I guess I was doomed from day one...

I remember this guy I was totally into(surprised?) well he was like eighteen, and me and my friend would always lie about are age to boys.. I think we said we were like sixteen, when really we where like fourteen, if that. I really liked this guy a lot. He was bad, had tattoos.. the usual.. I had gotten grounded for some shit I had done, and this guys was staying over at my best friends house across the street with his friend, and her parents were outta town.. and it was full on party time.!! I was like fuck, I have to get over there!! It was snowing.. my parents were partying(figures) Now not many people in the world know this, in fact know one really knows this, but I have a younger half brother(that is a long story in its self) So I told him to tell my parents if they asked were I was to tell them that I was very sick and had went to bed. Mean while I snuck right into my parents room, which led to our back yard. My plan was to go through the back yard, climb the fence, go through the ally, in the freezing snow, all the way to my best friends house, all so I could see this boy. Since my parents where to busy parting they never even noticed! The only problem was... how the hell was I gonna get back with out them knowing?

I met up with my bad boy, and we partied all night. The next morning I knew My parents would be going to the store. I just prayed they didn't try to come down into my room in the basement to make me go with them... I watched them leave from my friends window.. then ran across the freezing snowy streets to try and figure out how the fuck to get back in.. I ran back into the ally to my backyard in hopes that the sliding glass window in my parents room would still be unlocked.. But it wasn't... I was fucked, and it was really cold outside.. I had forgot to bring my jacket. My only hope was the garage door.. that it was unlocked and I could pull it open... “oh god please be open” I thought!! It turns out it was!! Thank god!! and even better was the door into the garage was unlocked as well!! I frantically made my way in, and back to bed I went.. just in time for the arrival of my parents...

All that retarded drama.. and why?? for what else, some stupid boy.. of coarse at the time I thought he was”the love of my life'” Well he hooked up with another friend of mine in the end.. because I wouldn't put out. Figures.. I was devastated.. so heartbroken... probably for like the third time that year.. Thats me, always finding some boy.. falling all head over heels.. getting my heartbroken, feeling like its the end of the world and ill never find anyone as awesome as he was.. but the funny thing is... I always do.. and the story goes on! You gotta laugh. Will I ever learn?? Of coarse.. but getting there is half the fun!

THANK YOU ALL FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT.. IT MEANS THE WORLD TO ME!!

XOXO

D

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