So I've 30 for about a year now, and every now and again I get that urge to step out to the club. I haven't really been going out too much in the past year, but since I've had the 'itch', I've been going to clubs where the demographic is working professional 30 and up. I must say this, I am having a blast. I mean, I'm at that "Grown & sexy" age, so I try to find places where fights are little to none, people are dressing to impress, there's more class, and you can take your date if ya'll wanna step out.

Last night we went to 300 East, and it was real cool.  saw a lot of acquaintences and people I went to high school with, so it felt real familiar. We actually ran into some folks we kicked it with at White Diamond a couple of weeks before, so they held us down with a table (always cool to have a place to sit when you in the club for 4 hrs). Although it was a little small, it filled up quick. It's good to get there before 11.

White Diamond seems cool as well, at least on Saturday nights. Same type of crowd. Less Stanky leg and more Cha Cha shuffle, although the last time we went there was a fight. They cleaned it up real quick tho.

And at least twice a month there is the basement party at the Adams Mark west. This is a little more intimate, but still a good managable crowd.

Can't forget Memories. That's an old classic. Nice place to start before hittin' White Diamond.

Add an occasional matineee, and there you have my curcuit. I'm done being the Levron Burton (from Reading Rainbow) of 30 and older night life. If you on that grown & sexy tip, definately check these spots out.

Okay, lemme switch the mood. This blog is for all of my Short Kut, Sharp team, Moon Shine Shorti fans. Lemme let you in my crazy head and let you know what ya boi is doing.

Currently I have been working with TAMIS Records, as well as Sharp Team Ent. on trying to get materials placed in reality television shows, movies, etc. Here is a press release from TAMIS Records for "I Don't Wanna Lose" which I Co-Produced which got placed on Bad Girls Club:

The Oxygen Channel's hit reality show Bad Girls Club featured "I Don't Want to Lose" from The Team's debut album "A Tale of Two Cities" on
one of the series most talk about episodes last season.  While the "Bad
Girls" that are living in one house together in LA are out on the town,
they end up in an altercation in a club that puts one of them behind
bars! The group's track is featured right before the girls go visit
their roommate in jail. Visit this link: http://o2.oxygen.com/player/?id=256528

We're placed from 5:06-5:24. Big Things

Well, ever since I joined facebook, myspace has been something I visit every once and a while. Maybe it's because I haven't been actively producer, performing or promoting my music. I've been happy though. As happy as I think that I can be. I have a beautiful loving girlfriend with 2 great kids who love me, my freelance graphic design clientele is growing, I have no more payday loans, and I seem to be moving forward with life. I have reconnected or strengthen friendships, and I still have a job iin this struggling economy. I'd be lying if I said that God wasn't blessing me.

Yet and still, we all have our days. I don't know, this morning seems a little rough. Maybe it's because it's raining outside, and I am on the 27th floor of the Chase Tower in a law office about to give another deposition for my employer. Maybe it's because I've given up meat for this 40 day fast. Maybe it's all of the above.

Well, I've got a while before I go under oath, so I'll just blog as needed.
 

Damn, the clock is ticking until I have to be back in my office, back to the daily grind of working for only 2 days off. What I'm trying to say is, damn I needed this 3 day weekend. I really wish that every work week was 4 days. When I run my business, I am going to really try to schedule my employees to work 4 10 hour days, just so that people get a chance to have that extra day off. I mean, I think we as people work so hard, plus are more active after work, that we get into exhaust mode. I bet studies would show that people would be more productive working 4 longer days, than 5 8 hour days. But that would never be the norm where I work.

Recently, i have really been starting to understand some of the things that had my mind confused and my progression stunted. I understand myself a lot more, and the blurry future is starting to get a little more in focus. New horizons and opporitunities are presenting themselves, and I am even challenged to rise to accepting them. The person that I am is more defined, the friendships and relationships I have with others are more defined, and I just need to make sure my mind, bidy and soul are in a position to hand them.

Hard feelings have turned to understanding and acceptance, my temper is more in check, and I am chi is a lot more balanced.

I am no where near optimal performance, but I do feel an inner peace, which is something I have lacked for a while.

Talking to God works. Praying unselfishly, wisely, humbly, and even with humility are the foundation of my prayers to God. These are the things I pray for daily:

•Strength
•Wisedom
•Stronger Faith
•Forgiveness
•Confidence
•Direction
•Friends, Enemies and loved ones

And these are just to name a few. I pray that God continues to pour down blessings on me, and that whatever bounces of me, hits the people around me.

I am really optimistic of some of these new developments in my life.

Sometimes moving on is hard thing to do. Why? Maybe because of fear. Fear of what is out there. I realized yesterday, that what I wanted and what was meant to be were 2 different things. I realized that it would be easier for me to step aside and let fate run its course. I realized that I had to move on, because the person that I didn't want to move from had already moved on.

I have finally accepted things for what they are, so now I can finally start healing. The odd thing is, I am not mad anymore. I don't hate her anymore, but I think if I had just accepted the situation and let my feelings go thru their cycle, I'd still be having bad days.

If she is reading this, I want her to know, that I understand the reason the ways things are the way they are. I understand that sometimes, you can be too late, and that love and logic are two different things. Good luck and I hope things work out for you.

Ego...As a man, I know this word, as I've heard, felt, and been accused of it since I can remember. I've been told to accept it, because of my gender, live by it, and embrace it. But ego, is what tears us apart.

Ego, is not a gender excuse anymore, because as we all evolve, we can see 'ego' graduate to bigger and worse things. We hate our president because of ego. Men hate women, women hate men, men hate men and women hate women because of ego.

Ego will drive you to take the one you loved for granted, but at the same time, cause you to lose the person you love. EGO....Possibly confidence gone wrong...Or maybe confidence on a bad day.

Hitler had ego.....Jim Jones (the real one), had ego, hell the bouncers at the club have ego...

So is it safe to say, we are all guilty of having it? Is it addicting? It is when ego starts to open doors...Starts to give us options...Power...That's when ego is out of control.

I was an abuser of ego...Victim of ego, and a person with ego.

Well, I should be getting ready for work right now, but it's my birthday, so whenever I get there will be right on time.

Spend some time with a friend yesterday. We got out, went to the bar, and later watched a movie. After she left, I watched the Break Up, since I felt like I could relate with all the things going on in my "love life". That movie is probably the best relationship movies so far, because of the ending. I mean the whole movie is great, because you actually see what drives the couple to break up, and just when you think that they will mend things, he drops the ball, and it's over. He tries to fix it, even offer to change, but it's too late. She doesn't have "anything left". She doesn't "feel the same way".

Now I understand. This last situation wasn't because we got into an arguement, or even the fact that I got caught cheating a few years back, the person I loved needed me, and i wasn't there, and someone else was. The scene in The Break Up where Vince Vaughn was ready to change, and made dinner, and "expressed himself", reminded me of the lunch me and her had at Chipolte last Thursday. But later on that evening as I waited by the phone for her call, that was the moment, I realized it was too late.

This morning, my birthday, the first day of being 30, I wake up putting my fears behind me. I am not afraid of lossing her, because she's already gone. I not afraid of her being with, sleeping with, or being in love with someone else, because I have always wanted to see her happy. And for the first time in a long time, i am not afraid of being alone. I think that by realizing these things, and overcoming them, I can truly move forward. It still hurts, but not as much. I can stop hating the guy she is with, and respectfully play my role in this situation, and that is the past.

Who knows who or what God has in store me, but I have plenty to keep me busy. Thanks for taking the time to read this, and if that person is reading this, Thanks, and good luck.

Well, it's been about 2 weeks since the woman I loved left my life. I've started about 10 blogs on this to try to vent, but ended up never posting any. I think it's because I wanted to prove that I was stronger than posting my lost for strangers to read. But as I sit hit on the eve of turning 30, I realize that the perfect birthday would be to spend it with the one person I loved and knew loved me back. We've since talked since she 'moved on', and at one point we actually met for lunch to discuss things, because she texted me saying how she tried to have feelings for the man she is living with, but "he's not me". I even went as far as to ask her to marry me, and just when it seemed like things were going to turn around and get better, I talk to her the next day, and she told me that she loved me, but couldn't come back.

Now there are 2 sides to every story, and i realize that I wasn't perfect, but I tried to be the man that she needed me to be. I guess it hurts so much because even though we "shacked" for 5 years, I did see us eventually spending forever together. Like all relationships that rush into cohabitating, we had our good days, and some pretty bad days. I think neither of us was ready to FULLY play the role that we were playing, and since all this, my thoughts and feelings on living together before marriage have drastically changed.

We had been seperated since November, but we still kept in contact, were intimate with each other, and for the first time in a long time, started going places together and having fun as opposed to arguing. The logic behind all of this was to call a time out, and try to get back to the fun side of being with someone that I think we didn't get enough of in the beginning. Do I regret calling the time out, not really, because both of us drank a lot, and argued hard, and since we weren't implementing and counseling, I thought we would kill each other. But honestly, I never thought she would leave me, and I guess that was nieve of me, because she finally did.

Now I believe her move was out of necessity, and hopefully she made the right decision, because no one has time to wait anymore. I called the time out for us, and to work on myself. There was no one else, but I guess her needs were a little different. Her time line was different than mine, and now she is gone.

So I guess I end this blog knowing now that if you truly want something, I mean truly, you gotta do whatever it takes to make it work. Don't take the other person for granted, because sometimes love doesn't keep 2 people together. I've also learned how much signifigance "shacking", or living together is when there are emotions involved. If you love someone enough to live with them, you should love them enough to marry them, because that's how you are living. take time to get to know the person, and don't rush... Have fun, get to know what that person loves, hates, and wants to do in life. Look at the things that are important. Like Jeffery Johnson said in church, stop looking at the body, before you look at the head.

My close friends that know me, us, know it's hard, but the longer you mourn something, the longer it takes to get back in the game, because the world doesn't stop moving. Maybe all of this is happening so close to 30, because I have to really let go of a lot of 20's things, to get ready for the next phase. Who knows, I just stay prayerful, and trust that God had all this planned, and that there is something else he's got for me.

You know, I have recently realized why counselors, pastors and shrinks have a job. It's because most people only value advice when they are paying for it. Society gives these people the role of be qualified to have answers, listen and sometimes judge, and since we all need or want those things, then why shouldn't they turn a buck at the same time.

Now I'm not knocking them, I guess what I am saying is, people vent, and ask for advice all the time, even myself. We ask opinions, share things, and even whine because we want a response from someone, and let's face it, it's free counsel.

I am working on my complaining and whining because I know I'm guilty of that, but what I am also working on is asking questions, and opinions that I don't want to hear the answers to. We are taught to ask questions, but we aren't taught to accept answers. Sometimes the best line in life is, "you can't handle the truth."