http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8AyVh1_vWYQ

NSFW, but totally hilarious!!!

Pat Brown Still Wants Me.  Yep, NOT a Criminal Profiler Pat Brown still thinks I'm hot.  She still can't get enough of me.  Unfortuanately, I don't roll that way... well, if she was Danica Patrick I might roll that way, but being that Pat is a wrinkled up old twat-waffle, nah, not interested in going there.  I'm sure you, gentle reader, can understand my position on this.  Or lack of interest in assuming a postion, as it were.

Pat, my dear, I do appreciate your continued interest in me, and the fact that you stopped by my MySpace last night.  But sweetheart, for your own sake, I really think you need to find another focus.  Your obsession with me is just not healthy for you.  We'd never work out, you being a psycho-bitch from Hell and all. 

Now, if I didn't know better and understand that what you really want is to get me naked and spread eagle in your bed, I'd seriously consider you to be a stalker and a threat to my safety.  I guess it's a good thing that I know what you really want is to fondle my boobies, and well, you know... get a little taste.  I wish I could help you out.  I really do.  Unfortunately, you'll just have to continue to fantasize about what it would be like to have me.

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Don't get excited.  I'm on a true crime vacation.

Oh, and Lampoon! has given me permission to open a lovely can of whoop ass and kick the ever loving crap out of Pat Brown... 

Stalkers never prosper, Pat...

David Lohr was kind enough to invite me to be the first guest at his Investigation Discovery blog, The Criminal Report Daily.  Of course I said no.  NOT!

You can find David's blog here and my guest piece here.  Leave a comment over there and let me know what you think of it.

To help Corey Mitchell kick of the release of his latest book, PURE MURDER, a few of his friends hosted a virtual book tour and threw a question, or three, at him.  Corey and I had a little fun with it, we took it to the 'poon! 

There is a particular old friend bag who is still subscribed to this blog. I'd like to give a shout out to her and her friends Hagatha and Prunehilda.  Hey, girls!  How does it feel to be poone'd, ladies? 

"Letting go" can be a such satisfying experience.  {{wink}}

To help Corey Mitchell kick of the release of his newest book, PURE MURDER, a few of his friends are hosting a Virtual Book Tour for him. He'll be dropping by various blogs and web sites over the next several days where he will be answering our various questions.

At the end of the tour readers will have a chance to win signed and personalized copies of all of Corey's Kensington/Pinnacle books, all you have to do is unscramble a few words in order to reveal a quote. You'll find the Word of the Day at the end of each of post. Unscramble all 15-words and be the first to get the quote right, along with the person who said it, and the books are yours.

My questions for Corey are based on a little Thanksgiving turkey he and I shared last year and our mutual love for the 1st Amendment. But you know… maybe… just maybe… freedom of speech has gone to far, and it's time to draw a line in order to protect society from the artistic creativity of… well… some of these so-called artists… I wonder what Corey thinks…


Michelle Gray:
Corey, what do you think of violence in entertainment and the public acceptance of it?

Corey Mitchell:
It is nothing new. Violence in entertainment has existed since man deemed it needed excitement. The main difference these days is that most of our violent entertainment is something that can be experienced without actually harming people. We don't throw people to the lions anymore, we merely unleash them into the multiplex theaters or the safety of their worn-out couches.

From caveman conquests to jousts to the Bard to the Grand Guignol to the National Football League to the Bible, humans have always been drawn to violent activities, plays, music, literature, etc. This election year hoo-ha over violence in movies, music, and video games is merely a simplistic argument made by shallow individuals who are unable to think on levels just slightly above remedial. It is easy to blame a horror film for making someone go on a killing rampage. It is much more difficult to truly assess the cause of an individual's outburst because there are usually a multitude of factors that play into the equation.

Blaming violent entertainment for crime is the work of simpletons merely looking to get elected, to make themselves appear superior to others, and to show off their alleged moral righteousness at the expense of millions of other people who enjoy such entertainment and are mature enough to know how to compartmentalize the real world and make-believe.

MG: What about films such as Hostel and the Thanksgiving trailer from Grindhouse by Eli Roth? On one end of the spectrum we have Roth's Hostel series, probably one of the scariest, bloodiest, most terror inducing set of films ever made. On the other, we have his slasher trailer Thanksgiving and what looks to be a humorous parody of murder.

CM: First of all, if you believe the Hostel films are some of the "most terror inducing set of films ever made," you have not seen many horror films. Try In A Glass Cage, Nekromantik 2, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer, Man Behind the Sun, Irreversible, Slaughtered Vomit Dolls, Lucio Fulci's Zombie, The Three Mothers, Inside, etc. for quality gore and scares.

Roth's films, just like his Grindhouse trailer "Thanksgiving," offer lots of humor beyond the gore and terror. The mere casting of Roger Bart, Bree's wimpy husband from Desperate Housewives, and Richard Burgi, Susan's macho husband from the same show, in Hostel: Part II in reverse roles, is indicative of Roth's sly wit. There is also lots of silly Porky's-esque humor in his debut film, Cabin Fever, such as the kung-fu kid Dennis who loves to scream "Pancakes!" before delivering a martial arts blow on an unsuspecting college partier.

And, of course, if you have not seen Roth's trailer for "Thanksgiving," do yourself a favor and look it up. It is a perfect parody of the 70's holiday-themed slasher films and offers plenty of gore and sick humor in just over two minutes. And, by the way, SPOILER ALERT!, the stuffed body at the end of the trailer is not a woman, but Eli Roth himself!

MG: Do you think that entertainment in the form of murder says something about the state of our society when we can easily watch someone being sliced and diced on the big screen while chewing on a mouthful of Milk Duds or find the cheerleader scene from Thanksgiving amusing?

CM: Horror films are about pushing boundaries. They are the one realm of entertainment where it is forbidden to forbid anything. You know going in what you are going to get and if you are appalled or offended, then you should have known better.

The vast majority of friends and colleagues I have who are into horror (and heavy metal music) are some of the nicest, most intelligent, and gentle people you will ever meet. They are not sociopaths, they are not misogynistic pigs. They are thrill-seekers who are constrained by societal rules and are looking for an outlet. If they are able to laugh at something horrific and experience a cathartic release, more power to them. They are inevitably much more well-adjusted and stress-free than the Uptight Ninny Brigadeers who believe it is their station in life to impose their stringent views on others and castigate those who do not march in lock-step with them.

Besides, how can you not laugh when Ash (Bruce Campbell) from Evil Dead 2 chops off his possessed hand with a chainsaw only to trap it underneath a bucket when the dismembered hand decided to skitter off like an electrocuted scorpion? Of course, he then weighs the bucket down with a hardcover copy of Ernest Hemingway's novel, A Farewell to Arms. Brilliant!

MG: It seems that every horror film that comes out these days has an escalation of violence. Each has to be bloodier and more depraved than the one before. Should someone break Eli Roth's pencils and unplug his camcorder, shut down all those to dare to walk such a path with their creativity?

CM: Actually, the vast majority of mainstream Hollywood horror fare hitting the theater screens today are of the much more sanitized PG-13 variety. Recent remakes of such films as Prom Night and When A Stranger Calls, which were originally R-rated films, are now much safer than their 70's and 80's predecessors. With the possible exceptions of the Saw franchise and the Hostel flicks, most horror is watered down, less gore-filled, and aimed at the zits and hormones crowd.

Believe me, the horror and gore levels are nowhere near the level of the horror output of the 70's and 80's. Back then you had Dawn of the Dead, The Incredible Melting Man, Last House on the Left, Zombie, the canons of Lucio Fulci and Dario Argento, that were far more gruesome and terrifying than today's films.

Ironically, some of the best and most gruesome horror right now is coming out of the allegedly wimpy country of France with films such as Haute Tension, Inside, and Frontier(s). What makes these films even more fascinating is, not only do they harken back to the 70's exploitation movement of American underground horror, they tend to base their plots around seemingly real-life tragedies that any reader of true crime can appreciate. Inside tells the story of a pregnant woman protecting her unborn child from a potential fetus-snatcher. It is grim, bloody, and gripping as hell.

MG: But, Corey, perhaps have we finally become too free with our speech? Perhaps there has there come a time when we should say enough is enough and draw a line on the 1st Amendment that says, "Thou shalt not cross?"

CM: Blasphemy! Never!

When the media is barred from taking photographs of our dead soldiers after they return in coffins from Iraq, then you know our speech is not as free as we delude ourselves into thinking. When corporations kill news pieces that are potentially scabrous to prospective advertisers, you know free speech in our country is a joke.

Technically, only the government can violate the First Amendment of an individual, at least when we are talking about damages, recompense, the whole legal spectacle. The reality, however, is that Big Money rules the day and makes the rules of what we can say. It's all bullshit, of course, but it is the painful truth.

Horror films, death metal music, true crime books, Grand Theft Auto -- they are so far down on the radar as far as Big Money is concerned. The only time these subjects come up are during an election year or when some self-promoting do-gooder decides to go on a rampage against these forms of entertainment to draw attention to themselves.

MG: Come on, Corey, some of this stuff is quite offensive. Shouldn't society, our children for crying out loud, be protected from this type of material?

CM: And that, my friend, is what parents are for. That's what teachers can instill. That's why we should rely on the community mentality. Instead of worrying so much about kids seeing a gory film or reading about a brutal murder in a true crime book, we should be encouraging them to devour this material. The more knowledge our children can glean from these stories, the stronger, more aware, and more confident they will become if and when they ever have to deal with the unfortunate horrors that lurk outside.

Sure, we can lock our kids up or we can hold book burning witch hunts, but what good is that going to do anyone? Our kids are going to find a way to get their hands on this material. So instead of denying them the opportunity, we should readily present it to them, discuss it with them, teach them right from wrong, and then send them on their way when they reach adulthood, hopefully, prepared as can be.

Of course, the Uptight Ninny Brigade want you to play ostrich and stick your head in the dirt. They are afraid of their own shadow, and thus, feel compelled to wag their fingers at the rest of us mature individuals who can handle the truth (or the fake).

No matter what we do as purveyors of filth and gore, of horror and true crime, of screaming music and extreme weirdness -- we cannot let the Uptight Ninny Brigade gain the upper hand. Our unique interests are too important to squelch. We have no desire to live by the narrow-minded guidelines the UNB wish to impose on us. It's all a little too Orwellian and Huxleyian for me to swallow some days.

Go to the theaters and scream at a bloody murder on the screen. Crank up some death metal by Decrepit Birth as you cruise down the street in your neighborhood. Tell your friends about the latest true crime book that scared the hell out of you.

Be proud of your interest in the darker side of life.

You are not alone.

The "Word of the Day" is: ALL

Be sure to follow Corey Mitchell's Pure Murder Virtual Book Tour tomorrow, June 6, at MetalSucks (http://www.metalsucks.net), where Corey is an occasional contributor.

Gregg Olsen is a masterful storyteller with an acerbic wit and a wickedly evil and twisted imagination. And that has never been more apparent than in his newest novel, A Cold Dark Place. Darkly atmospheric and vividly detailed, A Cold Dark Place is a multi-layered tale of love, murder, obsession and the family ties that bind. Taking serial killers and the girls who love them to a whole new dimension, this sinister and suspense filled thriller draws the reader in and holds them by the throat until well past the last turn of the page. Warning: you'll never look at those fast-food ketchup packets the same way again.

To celebrate the release of this, his second novel, a bunch of us have asked Gregg to drop by our little corner of blog heaven and participate in a progressive interview. Gregg will be dropping in on several of his friends today and answering a question on each of their blogs. Each blog will contain a link to the next blog with the next question. Follow the links until you reach the end and then just like at the bottom of a box of Cracker Jack, you might just find a Little Orphan Annie secret decoder ring.

Gregg was gracious enough to agree to answer whatever questions we wanted to throw at him, even the personal ones. Now, when Gregg Olsen opens a door only a fool is going to say, "No, thanks." So baby, I got personal. Okay, not overly personal, but damn it, I know there's a whole lot of Gregg Olsen fans out there who've noticed the same thing I have. Someone's got a tattoo… And it's proudly displayed on the inside back cover of A Cold Dark Place. Now, since we all know that true crime readers are primarily women, all I have to say is this: "girls, we like tattoos, don't we?" Well, some tattoos. If it was on his face then I guess he'd be this guy…

M.G.: So, Gregg, what's the story behind your now infamous tattoo, and do you have any others? Enquiring minds want to know…

G.O.: I'd been thinking about getting a tattoo for awhile when I went to Slave to the Needle in Seattle a few years back. I toyed with having something done to commemorate the men who'd died in the Sunshine Mine fire (the subject of my book THE DEEP DARK), but nothing seemed appropriate. I didn't have the biceps for a pick and shovel motif, to say the least. I decided on a simple band with the names of my wife and daughters woven into it.

People say tattoos and names are a bad idea, but hey, I know that I'll never have any more kids and I know that I'd never marry again if Claudia dumped me. There are spaces for grandchildren, too. I might add them in. That is, if I'm so lucky.

Now, if you thought my question wasn't quite what you might have expected, then wait until you see what Gregg and Brian Lindenmuth are talking about at Brian's place. Something about spaceships, conspiracies… and gregg salad sandwiches?

[Gregg Olsen is a New York Times best selling author. His newest thriller, A Cold Dark Place, is available online at Barnes & Nobel, Amazon and Borders. Gregg can also be found blogging at Crime Rant, a true crime web site he runs with partner M. William Phelps.]

I GOT A GIG!!!  I'm writing for National Lampoon and my first 2 posts are up!  I'd be thrilled if you'd drop by and give them a read.  You can find one post here and the other one here.

 

My regular posting days will be Wednesdays and Saturdays.  However, I'm off to Los Angeles this week to talk with someone about another writing project so I won't be around again until next weekend.

 

Have a nice weekend and a great week!!  Oh, and feel free to inflate my ego by rating the posts and dropping a comment J