So I had this epiphany this evening, it's much easier to hate relationships when it takes time away from your friendships.

You see, I have this friend, a very good friend at that, who was going through some difficult times in her relationship at one point in time, and my only advice was to break it off. For said friend, it wasn't that easy, trust me I see that now. But I didn't understand, she wasn't always happy, in fact he was kinda a dick, but she has a family with them and I was being completely selfish wanting her to break up with him because I knew that it would result in her spending more time with me, needed me more in her life like she did when she was single.

Now that there is distance seperating me from said friend, and I know that we will never need eachother quite like we did in our single days, I am seeing what I did to her happen to me. I dealt with her bitching all the time, and I just wanted her to break up with him and spend her time with me, now I realize that I was completely offering her the wrong advice, and the course of action that she decided to take was right for now, for her family.

I suppose the point of this is to say I'm sorry to said friend, that maybe shouldn't have been nearly as selfish in wanting you to break it off, and I'm happy and proud that you chose the route you did, and thank you for still being a great friend even though I was a bad friend then. The other point is that I hope eventually the people listening to me bitch every once and a while about Jon and me, will look at how happy he geniunely makes me everyday, and remember that when they are listening to me bitch, because that's what friends are for right?

Anyway, enough blabbing for tonight.

I love my friends!! You are all the greatest!

Hahaha, his name is even Dave. That is some funny shit.

By the way, don't feed me a line of bullshit about how Blink-182 sucks, because seriously I would probably tell you to go and fuck yourself.

Have you ever just had one of those days when you feel like everything in the entire world is fucked up and everyone's goal is to make your life a living hell?

That's how the last two, read 'em, two days have been for me. It's like everyone is thinking, here let me kick you while you are down, what? you've had a shitty day? here let me make it worse. Like they get some personal gratification in pissing me the fuck off. I feel like karma is finally catching up with me or something, but really, I can't figure out what I did to make the last couple of days this bad. I'm sure that a lot of it has to do with the fact that I am deprived of nicotine, but seriously.

So what do you do on a day like this? I'm pretty sure the only answer is to just stay in your room and don't talk to anyone at all. Avoid all possible human contact because if you don't, you won't have friends, boyfriends, or a job. You know what's ironic about that? Those are the people that are supposed to be with you, not against you on days like today. Huh, interesting concept.

This is only funny because god is using a Mac and that's what both Jon and Mitch have. HA HA HA!! Other then that, it's not that funny.

This is amusing...

So the greatest news on the front is that I'm quitting smoking, and it sucks a big fat whale anus. Yeah, it's not fun, it's not enjoyable, I'm crabby and want to kill every living breathing thing I am currently coming into contact with, but it will be worth it.

I was reading a statistic on http://www.quitnet.com and they calculated that I am spending $1000 on smoking a year, and they don't factor in when I get really tossed and a smoke like an entire pack in one night.

Not only that, I'm just sick of it. I'm mad that I started when all the shit went down with Dustin, I'm sick of waking up and feeling like shit, I'm sick of smelling like smoking, I'm sick of being out of breath because my lungs are in shitty shape, I'm just sick of it all together.

But just so you all know, if I gain more then 5 lbs in this whole quitting smoking crusade, I'm totally just going to switch to coke. Seriously ;)

I've never really believed in the whole "fate" thing, but I think this last week has made me think differently.

I met someone, who I really feel might very well change my life. He is the most amazing guy I have ever encountered. Never before have I felt an immediate connection with someone like this. The attraction between the two of us was instantaneous. We have so much in common that it freaks me out, but I love it! We can talk and talk for hours.

He is so respectful, intelligent, liberal, anti-Bush, sexy as hell, sweet, kind, caring, digs cool music, sings kareoke very well, drinks good beer, doesn't like cats (actually he is allergic), is a great kisser, makes me laugh, tells me I'm gorgeous, and we use the same chapstick.

The best part, I'm not scared. The thought of being with someone else right now makes my stomach turn, he is the only person I want. I'm not afraid with him, he makes me feel so insanely wonderful that everything I've experienced is gone from my mind. This is the first time in over a year and a half that I've been excited to be in a committed relationship.

I hope that one day all of you will have the opportunity to meet Jon, but moreover, I hope that you will all feel the way I am feeling right now about someone at some point in time, it's the greatest feeling ever. All the hurt and pain is suddenly gone, it's all been worth it for this.

Love it when a web comic makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside. 

Do you ever just feel comfortable with a person, like you just click almost instantly? Kinda crazy shit...

I miss everyone so very much these days!! I was just home like two weeks ago and I miss Renee and my sister so very much. I want to go to El Paso and see Mitch and Amanda and meet Abby, like tomorrow. I think I just want the comfort of good solid friends right now. Random I know.

Hope everyone is doing well, lots of love!

Hi, my name is Courtney and I'm a nut job.

So I was kinda dating this guy. He is a great guy. Bought me diamonds because I'm such a great person, because I deserved them.

Then I started to get attached, and went psycho. Ran in the complete opposite direction. Texted him stupid shit. I was falling for him, and that scared the fuck out of me.

Now, we are JUST FRIENDS, which in a way makes me sad, but I agree with a good friend of mine, that developing a friendship before jumping in the sack is a good idea. Granted I'm kinda working backwards, but hey, sometimes that's how I roll.

My April/May resolution is a vow of celebacy. Kinda like late lent or something if I was catholic.

I'm going to work on centering myself, focusing on what I really want, and trying to see that not all men are going to screw me over. I'm going to work extra hard on realizing that I WILL NEVER BE AS LOW AS I WAS LAST YEAR. Even if I do get hurt by someone again, I will not become the black whole of depression that I was. That is what I'm going to try to see.

On a completely different note, I'm drinking New Belguim's new Springboard, spring ale, and it's yummy. Give it a try.

Yeah... strange how Questionable Content relates way to well to my life.

Well maybe only the rug burn and small bed part.