I am in the Green room at the Mill Arts Centre in Banbury, watching a man who declares himself to be "the king of Scotland", trying unsuccessfully, with the help a large nappy pin, to don an ill-fitting kilt. Somebody asks where Pete is; "In the bogs trying on Paula's leather pants" replies his majesty. Another guy is attempting to leave the room, while holding several cameras and various other paraphenalia, but keeps dropping things, the door locking on him repeatedly as he stoops to pick them up. Eventually, with help, he manages to leave the room.
"That bloke's the director of Hollyoaks," the kilted monarch informs me drily; "You wouldn't believe it would you?". How the hell did I end up here?
It all started in the winter of last year. Somebody called Pete, from Banbury phoned me. He'd stumbled across the Beautiful Life website by chance, and liked what he saw. "I'm in a folk-punk band" he said, and wondered if we'd like to do some gigs together. "We're called Leatherat", he continued "'Cause I've got a leather 'at".
Several months later, the promised gig was scheduled. Leatherat had recorded an album, and wanted to us to support them at the launch party. Earlier today, we had all piled in two cars. Joe's car was so full of gear that we nearly had to leave behind the fluid for our beloved bubble machine, until we realised that if we decanted some off into a smaller bottle, it would just fit. One uneventful journey up the A34 later, we arrived the arts centre to be greeted by a grinning Pete. It was true... he did have a leather 'at.
Pete showed us to the dressing room. It was wonderful. Everywhere you looked, there was booze! They had their own Leatherat brand wine, with a different band members face printed onto the label of each bottle- in the fridge; more Leatherat brand wine, white this time. Behind the piano- Leatherat brand champagne, to be chilled as soon as the wine was finished. Several can of lager, a bar next door... and best of all, coming through the door atop a triumphant guitarists shoulders- a crate of Red Stripe lager, all for us!
"I traveled the length and breadth of Banbury looking for that!" he boasted. Shortly afterwards he was followed in by a disconsolate Stu.
"Couldn't find an offy anywhere" he muttered... "oh!" his manner brightening as he surveyed the scene.
Back to the present, and it's nearly showtime. Shouldn't we have saved some of that Red Stripe for after we played?
The Banbury crowd prove to be great. We play a blinding set, and the grumpy soundman does a fine job of making us sound like a halfway professional outfit. Leatherat too, up until now an unknown quantity, are fantastic; rousing spirited folk rock. The audience are rapturous. The two bands convene for a gleeful mutual admiration session in the green room. The members of Leatherat who have up to now been assiduously kept away from the booze (because of an "incident" earlier in the week apparently) are turned loose.
Several hours later, and we are all at Pete's house; there are people scattered all over the floor. I've met lots of them, and many, I believe, have names. I had one once too, but it seems to have escaped me. Maybe I left it in that pub. Tony seems troubled about his missing "stuff".
"My shtuff, I need my shtuff" he slurs "maybe it'sh in the car Joe? Give me the keysh" Joe hands him a pair of sunglasses, and sinks back into a stupour. Tony wobbles away, satisfied. Leatherat are still drinking, only now there appear to be twelve of them. I stumble into the bedroom where I find Tony's "schtuff"- his sleeping bag and pillow. Stealing them, I fall into a grateful sleep.
Morning. Argh. Here's Tony again. "Bloody Mary! I need my bloody Mary". Chris leads the way back to the pub in his car. Joe, following, stops to turn around, despite the fact that we are already going in the right direction. What time did you stop drinking Joe?
Pub. Food. Voddy and orange for breakfast! Pete is here and, incredibly, still drinking. Has he been to bed at all? The Banbury crowd look set to start all over again. Beautiful Life however, pile into cars and head back home. What a fantastic weekend! Thanks a bunch to everyone who made us feel so welcome- Pete, Tim (the king), Hugh, Jez, Kevin, Jono, Paula, the two girls who came from Grimsby for the gig, all the others whose names I've forgotten, or never knew.
The album, by the way is fantastic. Cheers guys!
Craig