February 16, 2009 | Issue 45*08    http://...com/dcsgu9

Black citizens have reported a disturbing 350 percent increase in interracial high-fiving 
since January 20.

First witnessed shortly after President Obama's historic victory, the open and cheerful 
smiling has only continued in recent months, leaving members of the black community 
completely unnerved.

"On behalf of black people across this nation, I would like to say to our white brethren, 
'Please stop looking at us like that,'" said Brown University.... psychology professor Dr. 
Stanley Carsons. "We're excited Barack is president, too, and we're glad you're happy 
for us. But giving us the thumbs up for no reason, or saying hello whenever we walk 
by, is really starting to freak us out."  Added Carsons, "We just want to be able to 
stand in line at Home Depot without getting patted on the back."

According to the poll, more than 92 percent of African-Americans have noticed a 
dramatic increase in the number of beaming Caucasians in their vicinity, as well as a 
marked rise in the instances of white people making direct eye contact with them on 
the bus, engaging them in pleasant conversation, and warmly gazing in their general 
direction with a mix of wonder, pride, and profound contentment. All respondents 
reported being "petrified" by the change.  "Yesterday, I'm pretty sure the cashier at 
the Giant Eagle winked at me," said Eddie Wilkes, a Pittsburgh resident who 
described himself as "not a politics person." "Then she said something about what a 
happy day it was and tried to bump fists. The whole thing gave me the willies."

"I can't even be at a bar anymore if they have the news on," said Chicago native and 
small business consultant Jarell Brown. "Obama gives a speech on the economy and 
people act like my team just won the Super Bowl. I didn't even vote for the guy. I'm a 
Libertarian."  

Although poll respondents said that the regularity of jovial white strangers greeting 
them in elevators has risen approximately 450 percent since mid-January, the 
incidents are reportedly nowhere near as frequent as they were on Nov. 4, 2008. On 
that day, the country was temporarily seized by an epidemic of unsolicited 
white-on-black hugging.

In an attempt to return the nation's interracial interactions to their preinauguration level 
of stilted awkwardness, the NAACP and the ACLU released a joint statement Monday 
addressing the issue. In the four-page address, the activist groups call for normalcy 
and urge the nation's whites to immediately desist creeping everybody out with all the 
nodding and warmth and raised eyebrows.

"If you could all stop acting like you're generally pleased to see black people walking 
around, out in the open, that would be better for all of us," NAACP president Benjamin 
Jealous said to a smiling and misty-eyed press corps that was "just thrilled" to have 
him there.  "It's very kind of you to be so enthusiastic about our achievements, but if 
it's still on the table, we'd like to return to the times when your reactions varied 
between unfounded apprehension and complete indifference. To be honest, you 
people are kind of terrifying when you're happy."

Added Jealous, "Oh, and please stop e-mailing us that picture of Jesse Jackson 
crying. We've seen it."

While experts couldn't predict how long this unsettling new trend would continue, at 
least one citizen, who wished to remain anonymous, said he had given up hope of 
ever feeling comfortable around white people again.

"Everywhere I go, there they are: offering me pancakes, laughing at all my jokes, even 
bursting into tears when they see me," said the Washington, D.C. resident and father 
of two. "I know you mean well and all, but seriously, knock it off. You're giving my 
children nightmares."

As of press time, the nation's Arab-Americans have reported no discernible change in 
all the angry, reflexive scowling.

? Copyright 2009 Onion Inc. All rights reserved

1977    18 February 1977 -  6 February 1978    Snake    Fire       (-)

Fire  - Dynamism, passion, energy, aggression, leadership

.. Content goes in this cell -->


 Personality-wise, Snakes are not people who can be easily ignored.  
They possess a strong, charismatic presence and a charm which has 
been described by some astrologers as "bewitching" or "beguiling."  
With a penetrating eye and attention to the desires of their conquests, 
they're known as experts in the art of seduction.

In ancient Taoism, the Snake is the symbol of wisdom.  Therefore people 
born during the Year of the Snake are said to be endowed with deep 
philosophical understanding.  They are born thinkers who excel in finding 
solutions to complex problems.  In matters of business they can be shrewd, 
biding their time in making a deal only to strike like lightning and make a 
killing when they judge the moment is right.  Thus in life, the majority of 
Snakes are financially successful and generally lucky with money; their 
fortunes very much depend on their careful and considered judgment in 
financial affairs and on their intuitive feelings in business negotiations.  
These are clever, intelligent people who take time to formulate their ideas 
and opinions.  Even when they are at their laziest, their minds are working 
overtime, laying their schemes and hatching their plots for the future.

Snakes are wise, philosophical, calm, and understanding.  They are receptive 
and physically alluring, often fickle.  Success and fame come easily to Snakes.  
They can be treacherous creatures who delight in intrigue and who wouldn't 
think twice about double-crossing someone in order to save their own skins.  
Their calculating natures will never forgive or forget a slight.  They can be 
lazy and self-indulgent.  Their innate elegance can at times be ostentatious.

Subtle, secretive, elusive and enigmatic, there is an element of the mysterious 
that surrounds the Snake personality.  Perhaps this is due to their intuitive 
faculties, or perhaps it is a consequence of their strong inner spirituality 
which can manifest itself in an interest in religion, mysticism or the occult.

A Snake is extremely determined and strives for what he desires regardless 
of circumstances; he can be counted on to carry a project through to the 
end.  Unlike the Dragon who accomplishes set goals through intense outward
actions and activities, the Snake accomplishes his goals through careful plans
and calculations.  Their decisions are quick and firm, but they are formed by 
first impressions, on sympathies and feelings logically assembled in their 
minds -- rather than by simple facts alone.  Snakes will fight and plod for 
anything they believe in and allow nothing to stand in their way.  At ease in 
all circumstances and possessing uncommon self-discipline and immense 
mental capacity, the Snake achieves great heights and honors in his or her 
career, enjoying the well deserved respect of an admiring entourage.

Snakes are a bit tight when it comes to lending money, though their sympathy 
for others often leads them to offer help.  The help will be in kind rather than
in cash, however; the Snake is freer with himself than he is with his money!  
The fatal flaw in the Snake's character is, in fact, a tendency to exaggerate -- 
in helping friends as with everything else.  If a Snake does somebody a favor, 
he becomes possessive toward them in an odd way, so that finally he is more a 
hindrance than a help.  

The snake's serpentine nature leads him to coil and cling to the point where 
he can suffocate the object of his attention.  Think twice then, before you 
accept an offer of help from a Snake; you could regret it!  Snakes can be 
ruthless when challenged.  Since the Snake is the master of the human 
psyche, this makes him a formidable enemy.

In money matters, the Snake has good luck -- he simply doesn't have to 
worry about it.  He will always be able to get money when he needs it, and 
he feels this so strongly that it has never bothered him at all.  Once he has 
got it, though, he's a little stingy; that's why he never lends.  In old age he 
can become quite miserly.

Snakes are notoriously good looking and like to project the best image of 
themselves that they can.  Both men and women of the sign have elegant 
and stylish taste in clothes; the men are sexy and always have a bit of the 
dandy about them, and the ladies are seductive and rave over smart 
accessories.  Whether in looks or in circumstances, Snakes simply have a 
magical knack of making the very best out of the most mediocre.

In Japan, those wishing to pay a woman a compliment and acknowledge her 
beauty are accustomed to say:  "My dear, you are a real snake!" -- a 
pleasantry most likely to be misinterpreted in the West.

As with real snakes, which hibernate in the cold season and come out when 
it's warm, Snake people shine in the hot months.  And the Snake born at 
midday in the heat of a tropical summer will be happier than one born in the 
middle of an icy night in winter.  

The destiny of those born under this sign is so sensitive to the inclemencies 
of climate that the almanac warns Snakes born on a stormy day that they will 
face danger throughout their lives.


The Sensual Snake 
The Snake personality is described as careful, and when it comes to the 
choice of a partner these people are infinitely selective.  For them, only the 
best will do.  Elegance will be one of the first attractions, but so too is good 
breeding and delicate manners.  When they find the partner of their dreams 
they will brook no opposition, allow nothing to stand in their way, until they 
win the heart of the object of their desire.  Having won their prize, they then 
become possessive and jealous, fearful that it should slip out of their hands.  

Deeply passionate, these are demanding lovers, highly sensual creatures, sexy 
in the extreme.  Lady Snakes are ultra-feminine -- sultry, exotic creatures, 
femmes fatales in every sense.  Success and power will turn her on and she 
will probably make a beeline for the richest and most influential person she 
can find.

Those born under the sign of 
the Snake often tend to be afflicted with a wandering eye, especially the 
Snake males who delight in women.  Unfortunately, both sexes tend to 
complicate their lives with extramarital affairs.  If they can struggle against 
this trait and succeed in channelling their affections inwards towards their 
own families, they will gain enormous serenity and inner harmony in their 
lives.  If the Snake settles down, he or she can become a marvelous parent, 
creating a calm and stable atmosphere for their offspring.

The Snake will often have a large family -- for him, it's just one more way of 
making sure that his wife has no time to play around like he does.

The Rabbit, Dragon and Monkey are on good terms with Snakes, but the 
Horse and the Dog annoy them.  A firm alliance can be achieved with the 
Rooster.  The insecure Snake will be happy with the supportive Ox, who is 
content to be overrun by this family on condition that the Ox is always 
accepted as boss -- a role that the Snake willingly concedes in the home.  
The Boar should beware of the Snake who will impose upon him, ensnare 
and immobilize him, while the Snake wallows in his own faults, knowing that 
he can get away with it.

June is the month of the Snake.  
The time of the Snake is from 9:00 a.m. to 10:59 a.m.; their direction of 
orientation is south-southeast.  The Snake's color is red.