This past week was an extremely hard week for me. On Nov. 30th my aunt passed away from Acute Myelogenous Leukemia that she was diagnosed with only a few months before. When I found out she had passed I was dumbfounded. I didn't know what to think, to do, how to react... But once it all set it... I began fighting some really big demons. Me and my aunt hadn't really spoken in over three years... by my choice. We had a family "falling out" and I just wouldn't let it go. Then out of nowhere, 2 months before she was diagnosed she randomly showed up at my parents house apologizing for everything... especially to me... and not once did I tell her that I forgave her... because I didn't. After she was diagnosed... I had no emotions toward it. They moved her to UAMS for her treament and all she wanted was for us to go see her.... to spend time with her. And because I just couldn't let go of something that happened so long ago, I didn't... and now it's haunting me and probably will for the rest of my life. Because I'll never have that chance to tell her that I'm sorry for being so cold hearted and stupid for holding onto something so petty and that I do forgive her.

The only reason I'm posting this is because I don't want this to happen to someone else. People do stupid things to each other. They say stupid hurtful things to each other. It's a part of life... and 90% of the time they don't really mean what they day or do. If they apologize.... accept their apologies and forgive them. It's ten times harder for someone to admit they were wrong and apologize than it is for you to forgive them. So just forgive them and apologize for any wrong-doing on your part. If you don't, it's going to haunt you for the rest of your life. 

I'm never going to have that second chance to tell her and it's going to follow me everywhere. 

Ok! So it's official! Orlando is psychotic! I literally had to take this man's heart, throw it in a blender and just ravage it to get my point across!!! Now before you go judging me on this wait! I TRIED my DAMNEDEST to let this man go with the up-most respect and gentleness that I possibly could! I sat him down. I looked him in the eyes. I explained to him that I DO love him and that I always will and that I will always care about him. I explained WHY I was breaking it off. I explained that I couldn't stay with someone I couldn't get along with for more than 6 seconds! I explained that we were totally and completely uncompatible and neither one of us were going to be happy if we stayed together and that if I stayed, in the end, I would end up hurting him more than he was hurting right now. I explained to him that he deserves to be happy and he deserves a good woman who will be able and willing to give him everything I wasn't! I never raised my voice! I never BLAMED him for any of it! I gave him a kiss on the forehead. I made sure to get all my stuff out before he came home so he didn't have to watch me pack up my stuff because to me that's cruel. I had to sit there bawling my eyes out BY MYSELF and watch Travis and his friends pack up his shit and leave never to be seen or heard from again! And I WAS NOT going to do that to him and I didn't!

But apparently, I was too gentle because the point NEVER GOT ACROSS TO HIM! It finally took me raising my voice. It took me being the lowest cut-throat bitch I could possibly be to SOMEWHAT drive my point home... And it's STILL NOT WORKING! I unfortunately had to call him when I got the blood test results because he deserved to know... And I started out being as nice and delicate as I could.... By the end of the phone call nice and delicate ended up turning into total fucking (as much as I hate this word!!) cunt to get him to stop calling me!!!!!!!!!! To my relief I thought it was finally done and over with! Had peace and quiet for a whole month!

Well the peace and quiet came to an abrupt HALT. I was standing outside, enjoying my cigarette when I look to my left to see who was outside of Burger King, cause there was a lot of comotion going on... and BAM! There he is in all his glory!!!! So I'm trying to forget that he's there... hoping he's too busy catching up with all his buddies at Burger King... and there it is! That damn whistle that always makes me think of that stupid cartoon coyote - you know like in Roger Rabbit when Jessica Rabbit walks on stage??? YEA! That one! So I ignored it! Hoping he'd go away!!!! Nope! He gets his food from Burger King and sure enough look over my should and he's standing at my fucking counter! So I treated him like he was a regular customer and he left! Nother sigh of relief!... That was quickly cut short! Because there goes my phone! Ignore! Ignore! Ignore! Ignore! 10! Count 'em! 10 missed calls from him in 10 minutes!!! and 5 voicemails! AHHHHHHHHH!!! Deleted them! Called him back! Told him if he didn't stop calling me I was going to report him for harassment! Finally silence! That was until 8:30 last night! I'm trying to sleep... my phone goes off like 7 times! I called him back on my way to work! He wants to talk to me... Ok, if it'll get u to leave me alone then get to talking... Oh no no no! He wants to talk to me in person! (The part I left out is that I was threatened by his drunk ass quite a few times in those voicemails) HELL FUCKING NO and hung up the phone. THE NEXT THING I KNOW HE HAS SOME STUPID BITCH CALLING ME TELLING ME TO QUIT CALLING HER MAN! BITCH! I DIDN'T CALL YOUR MAN! HE CALLED ME! So I hung up on her... SHE CALLS ME 20 TIMES!!!! Leaves 3 threatening voicemails. So I called Orlando and told him that if he didn't get this stupid bitch to quit calling me... I was going to make sure that all the RIGHT people knew he was back in the United States! (DON'T ASK! NOT GOING TO EXPLAIN!) So now, it's just a waiting game. And as much as I hate it, his stupidity isn't just going to hurt himself... it's going to hurt some innocent people too. Hopefully he'll keep that in mind. But I'm not going to sit here and be threatened and stalked! Been there! Done that! Ain't gonna lay down and hope it goes away on it's own!!!!

That's all I pretty much have to say is Blah Blah BLAH! Nothing old, nothing new, nothing borrowed from anyone else and nothing blue... What a life I live!!!!!!!!  Would someone like to trade me lives for a week????????