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Willard Nation

Nate Harris


Last Updated: 11/27/2009

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Gender: Male
Status: Single
Age: 24
Sign: Pisces

City: Santa Fe
State: NEW MEXICO
Country: US
Signup Date: 1/25/2006

Blog Archive
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Thursday, May 24, 2007 

Current mood:  impressed
So I was walking to work today right? Well I get about a block away from my destination when I hear some lady kinda yell, "hey, good morning!"  So I look over and see this weird drunk lady walking towards me. She comes up to me and is like, "I'm trying to get back to Albuquerque, do you think you could help me out and give me a little money?"

Now, I am a very generous person. When I see somebody in need I usually help them. The exception is when they are drunk off their ass and drinking an Old English at 8:30 in the morning.  So I politely tell her, "I'm sorry, I'm broke."  She then proceeds to beg me some more all the while I'm still convincing her that I'm broke.  Well she must not have believed me cuz then she looked at me and said, "Can I suck you?"

I replied, "WHAT?! NO!"

Her: "Why not? Can I suck you, just a little bit?"

Me: "Um, no"

I then just turned around and continued to walk to work.  As I was walking I could still her somewhat yelling, "Come on babe, just a little."

Fucking crazy ass people I tell ya. And FYI: no, I did not let her "suck me".
4:50 AM 
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Thursday, May 24, 2007 

Current mood:  determined

So here I am, sitting here thinking about all the people in the world and I realized something.  There are alot of people that I really don't like and need something really bad to happen to them.  So, after further thought and deliberation, I decided to make a game plan, and here it is, Willard W. Nations list of people....

                         TO SHANK!!

1. Every country singer ever.  Starting with Alan Jackson.

2. The Indian that knocked out my tooth.

3. The Beastie Boys

4. Macy Gray.

5. Everybody associated with Satan worship, atheism, and/or scientology.

6. People who think it's alright to just let their wild children run amok everywhere and never ever raise a hand to them and discipline them.

7. Everybody who had a part in making the movie "Honey".  Except Jessica Alba, I'll let her slide.

8. Good Charlotte, Simple Plan and every other band like them.

9. Coldplay

10. Every guy who has a hot wife.

11. Stupid people who make up rumors about other people because they have nothing better to do.

12. Old senile people.  Especially the ones who are just really bitter towards young people.

13. Scandalous bitches.

14. Hics.

15. Whoever decides what music they play on KPNY. I mean seriously, here is a quote I heard the DJ actually say the other day, "This is Today's Best Hits, that was Whitesnake." WHAT THE FUCK!?!? Am I the only person this pisses off? You can not call yourselves "Todays Best Hits" if the newest song you play is over 2 years old. It's such blatant false advertisement it's not even funny. And half the songs they play were never even "best hits". I feel much better getting this off my chest.

16. Rosie O'Donnell

17. Scott Stapp

18. People who lie constantly, even when they don't have to or have no reason what so ever.

19. People who label everybody.

20. Hypocrites.

21. Dave, the guy owns Dairy Queen.

22. Lauryn Hill

23. Jared, the guy on the Subway commercials. (He hasn't done anything to me yet, but I have a feeling he's going to)

24. Everybody who has no sense of humor.

25. Charles Schultz (I'm working on the time machine)

26. Daniel Powder (and after I shank him I will burn his fucking house down and stand outside yelling "Yeah, who's having a bad day now you fucking douchebag!!!)

27. You.

28. Charles Darwin

29. Mike Jones.

30. Bars.  $2.50 for a beer? Are ya kidding me?

31. Carlos Mencia, yeah Mexicans, Asians, Whites, Blacks and gays all do weird things, we get it, shut up.

32. Bryan Singer and Brett Ratner.  But that's ONLY if X-Men 3 sucks. Singer for choosing not to direct it and Ratner for making it suck. (hopefully it won't, I don't think it will, but I read that Ratner isn't that good of a director)

33. Ashlee Simspon. (she's really not hot at all people)

34. People who automatically think Pitbulls are mean and vicious just because of what they read in the paper and see on the news. It's all how you raise them, same with every other dog.

35. Everybody who opposes the Willard Nation, and the Colbert Nation for that matter.

36. People who say waRsh.

37. Kathleen Hutchinson. (by request)

38. Tommy Lee, Gilby Clark, and Jason Hewsted, for choosing Lukas to be the lead singer of Supernova, instead of Dilana, who is clearly 100 times
better.

39. People who have numerous phones but are still impossible to get ahold of.

40. Anybody that gets in my way.

Well there you have it, my list of people who need shanked. For the record, I can always add to the list, so don't fuck with me. Be safe, watch your back, 'cause you never know when a good shanking is coming your way.

4:47 AM 
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Sunday, March 04, 2007 

Current mood:  dirty
So I was the bar last night and some old fat lady came in just fucking hammered acting all drunk and shit. Then she looks at me and says, "You look like a handsome GQ stylish guy, ya wanna be a gigolo?"  I'm wasted so I say, "FUCK YEAH!" and I start talking to her.  Turns out she works as  a housekeeper at a hotel here in town and she has guys turning tricks for her out of the hotel rooms, lol.  Naturally I'm intrigued and flattered that somebody would think that I would make a good manwhore, but then one of the bartenders says, "Ya know Nate, most prostitutes have to sleep with their pimps." I then looked at the pimp and said, "Ok, nevermind."

 But the more I think of it, I'm regretting my decision telling her no. I do think I would love to be a manwhore, lol.  Maybe I'll go find her and take her up on her offer.

(I asure you all of this is true)
11:49 PM 
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Saturday, February 24, 2007 

Current mood:  contemplative
Ok so I was thinking about random shit today and I came up with a riddle wrapped in a conundrum dipped in an enigma.  Alright, somebody has split personalities; one personality is really evil, like a serial killer and shit and the other one is really good, like he's always giving to the homeless helping people out.  The person dies, does he go to heaven or hell?

At first I amused the idea that maybe the good side went to heaven and the bad side went to hell, but no matter how many personalities there are there's still only one soul. After much thought I came to the conclusion that it would probably depend on which was the dominant personality  but I still don't know for sure. 

Please comment on this one, I would love to hear what all you people think.
3:36 AM 
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Wednesday, January 17, 2007 

Current mood:  jubilant
So I went down to a bar Saturday night to chill and drink some beers, right?  Well I stayed there for the duration of the night talking to random people and whatnot until the bar closed.  Well I went out to the car and was waiting for my cousin-in-law Jason to get off work (he's a bouncer at said bar).  I was sitting there and I saw this obviously strung out crazy guy just running around screaming at nothing imparticular.  Well the headlights on my cousin's car were on so it caught the crazy guy's attention, next thing I know the guy runs over, jumps on the hood, punches the windshield, flips me off (all the while just screaming) and jumps off the car.  He then picks up a snowball and throws it at the car then runs off screaming his head off.  While this was happening I was kinda in shock thinking, "what the fuck, is this really happening?"  And after he starts to run then the drunk guy attitude kicks in and I'm like, "oh fuck that." So I get out and walk down the block looking for him, but I didn't find him I decide to go back to the car.  I'm walking down the sidewalk when I look over and see this restaurant that's still open, I decide I'm hungry so I go in, call Jason to tell him to just come there when he get's out of work and get a bite to eat.  The restaurant was called the Atomic, and it is now on my list of preferred places to eat in Santa Fe.  It was fucking good, I got a pizza that was just awesome, they cook it in a big brick wood burning stove, and let me tell ya that really makes a pizza better.
4:56 PM 
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Saturday, December 23, 2006 

Current mood:  giddy
I was fortunate enough today to stop at an Allsups that had sausage on a stick, needless to say I was very excited about that.  But they only had one and I didn't feel like waiting for them to cook another one, so I was eyeing this shredded beef, green chile and cheese burrito that was deep fried.  The sausage on a stick was good (naturally), but OH MY GOD, that burrito was so fucking magically delicious I can't even explain it.  Now I know what you are all thinking, "Um, Magically Delicious is Lucky Charms." Well I say fuck that.  The last time I checked the cold cereal corporations don't have a trademark on phrases coined by Irish leprachauns. (ya know, as opposed to other kinds of leprachauns)  The next time I call a food magically delicious and somebody tells me, "Dude, that's Lucky Charms."  He's getting kicked so fucking hard right in the spleen he'll think he was an extra in "Flashdance".  (FYI: that's not supposed to make sense, so don't say anything about, and if you actually stopped to realize the meaning in it, you're stupid)

So, Kelli broke our DVD player earlier, I'm very pissed about this considering I just bought the first season of Nip/Tuck and I only got to disc 2.  Now how the hell am I supposed to watch the other 3 discs?!  I guess it's ok cuz tomorrow I will be in sunny Phoenix, AZ.  I thought up alot of funny shit earlier to put in this blog, but now I forgot most of it.  Fuck.

Another thing, somebody definitely fucking lied to me about the weather in Santa Fe.  "Oh, it doesn't get that cold there", and "Oh, it only snows a little bit like every few years" FUCK THAT. It's cold as shit here right now! Granted it's still nothing compared to nebraska, but shit.  I finally move to the desert to get away from the fucking cold and I end up living right next to mountains, so I still have to put up with the fucking shit.  Maybe I just won't come back from arizona....nah, I like not paying rent here, I think I'll stick around for awhile, lol.  Well, I still can't think of all the funny shit I thought of earlier, so that's it......for now.
5:49 AM 
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Wednesday, December 06, 2006 

Current mood:  hungry
Today I was working, driving along in our truck and I really had to pee, so we pull into this ghetto ass Allsups (it's a big gas station chain in NM, possibly other places too, but I don't know) for me to use the bathroom.  So I go in, do my business and am ready to go back on the road when I realize that I'm a little hungry as well.  Well they have this little area where they fry up random shit right.  So I find myself standing there, staring at this "sausage on a stick" thinking, "there is no possible way in hell that that can be good....but I still wanna try it."  So I did, and I'm not gonna lie, it was pretty fucking magical.  And since then, I want  another one.
4:21 AM 
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Tuesday, November 14, 2006 

Current mood:  nostalgic
5:20 AM 
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Sunday, October 01, 2006 

Current mood:  dirty
Hello all, so I haven't posted a new blog in awhile, mostly cuz I couldn't really think of anything funny enough but now I'm bored and decided to say fuck it, I'll just put some random shit like usual.  So we were supposed to get our new Netflix movies yesterday (Inside Man & Lucky Number Slevin), and I was really excited about it (which after I thought about it really depressed me, because it was Friday, I was getting off work and I was excited to sit and watch a movie, WHAT THE FUCK!?) and they didn't show up in the mail.  I was pissed.  So I went to bed, and early this morning I had a dream that I was standing there talking to Bruce Willis and I was going off to him about how mad I was that they didn't show up.  I went off a little bit, and then I said yeah, we were supposed to get Inside Man and Luck Number Slevin, hey you're in that movie!  To which he replied, "Oh, ya think."  and that was the end of the dream, because I then got woke up by Jaden (my cousin Kelli's oldest son) yelling and screaming because his little brother Jack apparently pooped on his Spiderman mask.  Long  story short, Bruce Willis really isn't as nice when you dream about him in person.  (on a side note, don't worry we received the movies today and we just got done watching Inside Man, it's a really good one.)

(I have now decided to make this a 2 parter because I just thought of another story from a long time ago that I attempted to post in a blog, but the computer was being gay and wouldn't let me.)

So, my story from a long time ago.  Way back at the beginning of the year sometime when I worked at the shoe store, I remember one day I went to work and at one point in time I realized I had a hole in the crotch of the jeans I was wearing that day.  As you can imagine, being a shoe salesman requires quite a bit of bending down, and every time I bent down, the hole got bigger. So by the end of the day, the hole was quite large, to say the least.  To make matters worse, the boxers I was wearing had very little material in the crotch section, so every once in awhile when I was bending down, (disclaimer: it gets kind of graphic from here) my left nut would sort of pop out of the hole in my jeans.  Luckily I was able to catch it as soon as it happened, so nobody really got a show.  Until the end of the day, I was standing on a step ladder up in the window right next to the cash register putting up a sign.  Well by this time I had kind of forgotten about the gaping hole in my pants and I was just going along with my business, when I hear this old lady standing at the counter say, "Whatever you do, don't turn your back to the window." At the time I really didn't understand why, so I just say um, ok.  It wasn't until after she  left and I got down, that guess what, my left nut was just chilling, outside my pants.  It was at this time that I had realized why she had told me not to turn my back to the window, the whole time she was paying for her shoes, she was looking at my nutsack.  I laughed.....alot.
5:43 AM 
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Tuesday, May 23, 2006 

Current mood:  determined

Alright people, I've had it.  We have all sat here and took KPNY radio's shit long enough!  The blatant false advertisement, the shitty music and everything else aboout them, so I've decided to wage a war against them.  I'm sick and tired of me and everybody else that's around my age not having anything good to listen to on the radio, and not all of us can afford to go buy XM or Sirius or a new cd ever other day just too hear a new song we like.  We need a station that actually plays "Todays Best Hits". 

My will is strong and my cause is just, but I need your help people.  From now on, we boycott 102.1.  Nobody listen to it, not at work, not in your car, nowhere.  Also, I plan on sending them a letter every day (and if need be, we will start a petition against them) until our demands are met! There is strength in numbers, the masses will be heard.  Eventually we will have a station young people can listen.  We can and we will do it!

Viva La Revolucion!!!!!

7:27 PM 
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