So, I get this email on mySpace from some total freaking moron, complete stranger, who apparently thinks she knows me well enough to give me fashion advice. I have to admire the well thought out bullshit, and good grammar, but I still do not understand the logic in this. I am now going to copy and paste the little do-gooders entire fucking email:

So I stumbled across your myspace through the superficial, and seeing as how I was very bored I clicked through photos and such. I have to say, without seeing when you graduated from school I would have thought you were just some old goth kid. I was shocked to see that you have a daughter, and the way you dress is just unacceptable for your age and for your daughter. You should really consider trying to dress your age a little bit. Now I'm sure that you'll get upset by this and think I'm trying to tell you to just grow up and be who you aren't anymore but I'm not. I think it's awesome that you are into The Used and may be a little dark (or a lot). But you should be able to draw a line somewhere and try shopping somewhere other than Hot Topic. You are a grown woman you should try dressing like one. Not only will it set a good example but it will show other people that you aren't trying to hang onto your youth for so long, you could find clothes that really flatter you, and make you look more professional.

Look, I'm not saying this out of anything other than just a different viewpoint. Maybe no one has said anything like this to you, maybe tons of people have! I don't know for sure, but I thought maybe this would be something to think about. You are a very pretty woman and I think you would be that more beautiful if you didn't dress like a 17 year old! I never do anything like this so I'm concerned that you'll think I'm really weird or mean, but I'm just trying to offer some opinion.


I really hope you have a great day

There it is, people. First of all, I would not be caught DEAD in a Hot Topic unless I was buying some tween a birthday present, and second.."I really hope you have a great day"???!!???

How bout this? FUCK YOU!!! Take your motherfucking, uneducated, judgmental, possibly Ammish opinion and stick it up your tight-than-a-toothpick ASS, and NEVER EVER bother me again with your inane waste of my time emails.

Oh, but "have a great day"!!

Yeah, so I don't like psych meds. I feel retarded all the time at work. I'm tired, and scattered, and I can't concentrate. The funny thing is, that I don't need them. I am perfectly sane. I kinda stopped taking them, just a quarter of what was prescribed.

But I really miss life. I miss all the things I used to do. I used to go to the school at night and swing. I used to ride my bike a lot. I used to watch a little internet porn, but now all I do is pretend to work, then go home and cook something or watch tv or play games. What a stupid life.

Do'nt get me wrong, I have my Bradley. And when he is around things are better. He is so sweet mostly. And sometimes he really pisses me off. But hardly ever.  I'm the spaz, and he is the responsible adult.

I don't like myself sometimes.

I wish I had a piano.

It's like less than 11.

I'm shaking awful...
i'm shaking, asshole
and where's the remote?
its gonna fall off.

the snowing in cover,
do you recover from those?

and christmas time coming
and over approaching
we've been drinking, pardon.

as christmas time goes
i'm coming over
coming from
youre already gone

i'm wrapping up
the presents
i bought

an overcoat
will take me anywhere
o,
we've suffered enough.

its scary
to me,
and their leaving from earth.
cutting us off
knowing that
one
calling on
total
way.
do i know anyone
no
i dont know

anyone

Does it ever occur to my neighbors that maybe, just maybe the reason they never see me outside my house before noon on a weekend is that I LIKE TO SLEEP THE FUCK IN???? Oh, it's not fucking rocket surgery, people...

7:30 in the morning on a SATUDAY and it sounded like it was right outside my bedroom window. Stupid responsible non drinking semi-retired assholes...

FUCK NEIGHBORS

If you are reading this, get ready to kill yourself, it's THAT boring. It's Friday. I'm bored. I made banana bread. It smells really good! I'm also watching Ghost Whisperer. God I suck. Boooorrrriiiinnnngggg. Yeah, this is why I drink..I would totally start doing drugs, but I have a really good reason for not. And here it is... I DON'T KNOW WHERE THEY ARE!!!!

I'm totally (probably) kidding...

Gotta go!

I'm making fish fillets. I made tarter sauce. I'm listening to ICP. Only because it's on the shuffle on my ITunes. Anywho...I'm not hungry, I'm just bored. Ok, I gotta change this music, it's making me want to kill people. That's not good. Ok hold. Ok this is much better. Dead bodies everywhere..Korn...wait, no...hold..ok, I'm good now. Wait this song makes me want to smoke crack. Huh....Silence is golden...

So the whole reason I was writing was to tell you about my wonderful V-day. My good man Brad did the sweetest thing for Valentine's. He hid a rose in a tree back in my yard. I found it, and it had a card in it. It said "To My Valentine" already on it, but he wrote, "No, to my Sweeti", and then I flipped it over and it said "who I love so much, but never say it enough" Yeah, that was pretty much the only thing I wanted...

Then, he took me out to the BEST restaurant, OMG, if I could only make crabcakes like that....

Hope you all had the best v-day ever as well!!!!

Ok, so I went to the Satellite Party concert last Tuesday, to see my favorite performer from Janes Addiction and Porno for Pyros, Perry freaking Farrell. Was sooo stoked, because I heard months ago that he was coming here, but not only do I not know anyone who would take me to that, but don't really have the money to go, but my girl Bridget calls me up the day before and says she has an extra free ticket. I had to think about it for like half a second, but then was like "yeah, I'll go", well because it was on a TUESDAY and I'm old and have to work the next morning and also I'm a bit of a recluse.

But I did it. I showed up, and met up with her and her friend, we had a beer and went in, a band called Mink played first (who were really good, by the way), and we were having a wonderful time. Oh, yeah, but before I left my house to go, I tore apart my photo albums, cause I have pictures from a Jane's Addiction concert I went to back in 89 in Portland. Well, Bridget was there too, but anyway, I thought that just in case I had the opportunity to, I would bring one of those pics and I brought a fine point sharpie to  the show and maybe could get Perry to autograph it for me. How cool would that be? I'm not a freaky groupie type or anything, but Janes Addiction was always my very favorite band, soooo...hey.

So, the Minks or whatever play, and then Satellite Party comes out, and plays a song, by this time I'm already touching the stage. So he plays the first song, and then starts talking to audience. Well, I'm within 2 feet of Perry, and I hold out my picture and the Sharpie, he comes over to me and takes it, looks at it and says, "oh...I remember this", I'll take care of this later, and sets it on like an amp or something. I'm thinking, please take care of it now, cause I'm old and tired and don't know if I can hang out here all freakin night! Ok, I'm not that old. Just extremely drained after work. But anyway, I feel pretty confident that he is going to grant my wish, and I wait. I wait. The show is now over, the band leaves. He does not sign my pic.The crowd goes wild, we are all beating our hands on the stage for an encore, after several minutes, they come back out and perform two more songs, I think Had a Dad, but for sure the last one was Jane Says. So, yay...they came back out and surely this time he will not forget, as I am LEANING onto the stage, like "Hey, remember me?????"  But they finish up and leave again. I'm screaming Perry!!!! He does not hear me. He leaves. They all leave, the show is over. They are taking the equipment away. I go up to one of the workers and say, Hey I gave Perry a picture to sign and return and he never did, so give it back. He gets on his ear walkie talkie thing, and suddenly I panick cause I had a couple beers and say, nevermind. Then I go  home empty handed.

The moral of this story is.....PERRY FARRELL SUCKS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I said I had S.A.D? That was in February. Now I'm so happy I could kiss a mushroom. Well maybe a "magic mushroom"... no I'm kidding, yuk!

So....was just outside about to totally bitch about the fracking HEAT, when it occured to me that this is what I've been waiting for. Warmth. Heat. Pooltime. Bikinis. Sitting out in my inflatable Costco pool drinking a margarita or ya know, whatever's handy.

I do love the summer. The way it doesn't get dark til late, the way it's hot enough still at midnight to walk to the school down the street to play on the swings. I love to swing so high, till my feet touch the moon.....

I love the sound of the ice cream truck. I still get excited, even though I never stand out there and buy anything, because I get my ice cream and popsicles from the supermarket where it's freaking CHEAP...

I should have been a teacher. Then I could have summer off!!!!!

Ok, the one thing I don't like is the air conditioning and water bills!

K, that's enough for now, gotta finish laundry and play with my bird.

I have S.A.D., or Seasonal Affective Disorder. Well, that plus my usual every day depression. But I got S.A.D. BAD!!! Maybe you have it too? Ask yourself:

1. Are you bummed out? (yes)

2. Is it because it's winter? (yes)

See you have it too! I just fucking HATE the winter. Hate it! But there's nothing I can do about it but wait. It doesn't do any good to bitch and moan about it, but I'm going to anyway, because that's what I do. So, here is What I Hate About Winter.

I HATE:

Being cold

Wearing a bunch of clothes and STILL BEING COLD

Waking up in the morning and it's still dark outside

Scraping ice off my car/having to warm up my car for 20 minutes every morning

Ice and snow

Driving 15 mph on the freeway

Idiot assholes who don't know how to drive on the snow

It gets dark before I'm even off from work

The cost to heat my house

Being cold (I know I already said that, but if there is a personalized hell for each person, I would be sent to antarctica and not a fiery pit, because freezing would be worse torture for me)

Seasonal weight gain

There is no color outside, just gray and white

Well, that's it, but if you are reading this and can think of something you hate about winter that I did not list, feel free to add it in my comment section. I don't remember having it this bad last year, or any year before, but this year it's really taking it's toll on me.

FUCK WINTER

Yeah, I haven't written in a long time. This is because I began to think someone might be actually reading this crap. Yeah, I don't worry about that anymore. Nobody is. So good. Like I said before, I only write shit down because I don't know how else to get the shit out of my head but to write it down and then it goes away. I just want it to go away.

I don't write on paper, because it can be found. I already lost a really important diary of mine....don't know where it went.

Well, here's me. Still scared, still manic, still waiting for the end to come. I can't wait. Well, shiznit, I gotta go. I didn't even get to vent yet. Wait, wait for it to come. It's coming soon.