So I went to a wedding over the weekend with my friend Matt.  I firmly believe that this is where I picked up this stomach flu, but that is beside the point.

I went on a whim, really because I had nothing better to do this particular Saturday afternoon, and with the open bar and free food, I figured Matt and I would have a good time.  I knew I wasn't going to know anyone there, but alas, I didn't care.

Upon my arrival I discovered two of my favorite lesbians there, Sam and Jenn, and got a kick out of what a "Small Big Town" Nashville really is.  Everyone knows someone you know.  For real.

So after a fiasco of moving cars and figuring out where to sit, we all got settled and waited for everything to start.  It was FREEZING.  There were two ladies in front of us with two adorable little boys wrapped up like Eskimos.  One was about four, the other still in diapers, but talking.  Sam leaned forward to the older of the two ladies and informed her that she was cold and would like to be wrapped in several blankets also.  The lady told Sam  the little one had been throwing up all week.  This is where I believe I got my stomach bug from. 

After a long wait in the freezing cold, the service finally started.  All was quiet and I was cold, hungry and a bit bored.  Right about the time the couple started to exchange thier "I Do's" the little tot in front of us ripped a HUGE wet sounding fart.  It was gross.  And loud.  And hysterically funny.  I almost wet my pants trying not to die laughing.  Then the little tot exclaimed "UH-OH".  Which sent the entire back row of the audience into titters.  About a half a second later, we got a nice whiff, and heard the sound again.  And the tot exclaimed another "UH-OH".  I was in tears.  The mother of the child turned around and handed me a tissue.  Thank the heavens above I was sitting between Sam and Matt.  Otherwise I don't think I would have survived.  I would have been escorted off of the property cackling like a witch.  Great comic relief.

 

Okay, at first it wasn’t really a big deal.  I knew there was A mouse, and I saw it from time to time, nothing major.  I named him Leonard.  Yes, I named the mouse.  I know it’s dumb, but he was so little and harmless, and it was cold.  I figured he would eventually go away.

Then he started to get brave.  And he’s a fast little fucker.  I started to notice him coming and going from the band room, to under the fireplace (there’s a crack there where the house settled).  The I started seeing him coming in and out of the wall where the sliding door for the living room was.  Then he appeared in the kitchen. 

That’s when it dawned on me that there might be more than one mouse.  So, being the "animal"-tarian that I sort of am, I made Terry go and buy live traps.  I figured we could catch Leonard and I could let him go somewhere away from here.  That doesn’t work.  He came back.  And let me tell you something, "he" or "they" are fast, and the little guys are smart.

I caught two, let them go, and lo and behold, they came back. 

So I reset the live trap. One lovely evening, Brandy and I were watching tv in the the living room and I heard the trap click.  I jumped up and checked the trap.  There was Leonard, and Leonard had figured out how to get out of the trap.  Leonard got out of the trap and jumped onto me.  Now, really, I think Brandy was more freaked out than I was, and I am sure our squeals scared him.  But they didn’t scare the little fucker away.

The one in the kitchen, who has been named Kitchen Leonard, because I didn’t really feel like being creative, likes to chill in the sink.  Yup, the sink.  Wanna know how I discovered this?  I got up early one Saturday morning, after a night out on the town and wandered into the kitchen for some water.  I didn’t look down, just went straight for the tap.  Kitchen Leonard was IN the sink, and let me know his displeasure of being soaked by jumping ON to my shirt.   A scream and five minutes later and I was on my way back to bed.

He likes bread, so Brandy put her Bread on top of the fridge.  Kitchen Leonard can get on top of the fridge. 

I went and bought glue traps today.  I don’t really want to kill the mice, but it seems to have gotten a little out of hand.  And we aren’t terribly messy people.

So, this will be the demise of  "Leonard".  I am sure there are about four mice I call Leonard.  We’ll find out by tomorrow morning.  Unless they outsmart me yet again.  Then I will have to take REALLY drastic measures.

After a year of frustration, blood, sweat, tears (LOTS OF SWEAT) and feeling defeated from time to time, I have finished analyzing all of the artifacts that were excavated at The Hermitage in 1993. 

I know there will be edits after we check through all of my work (and it was a lot of work) but I finished.  I thought I would never see the end of this.  In 1993 the middle and south rooms of the Triplex, one of the slave cabins was excavated, yielding more artifacts than I have EVER seen on one sight in my eight years doing archaeology.  It was insane.  In the year I spent analyzing artifacts a Goodwin in New Orleans, I probably analyzed artifacts from somewhere around 1500 sights.  At Southern Research in Columbus I probably worked on over 150 sites in the course of about 2 years.  This is from just two rooms of one slave cabin.  I will start analyzing the third and final room this week, and there are more artifacts from that room than the other two put together.  And I am EXCITED.

Wish me luck!!!

Yes, I am a Rock of Love junkie.  I DVR it if I am going to miss it.  It's bad. 

I don't know why I like it so much, it's awful.  I call it the white trash train wreck, you just can't tear your eyes away.  Brett Michaels really kind of grosses me out.  I wonder if his real goal is just too see how many girls who have had way too much plastic surgery he can make out with within the course of one day. It's like a science experiment, we get to find out how many people in the house already have herpes, and how many of them are going to get herpes.

My biggest question is-
Why have we never seen the wiseguy without his bandana on? What's underneath?  Is it bad hair plugs? A wig? Or does he just think he is that cool?

I got a great laugh last night when I watched the last episode and Daisy, the little girl who looks so plastic I think she might melt if she spends too much time in the tanning bed, cry because Kelly Jo the psycho (is that her name? I suddenly can't remember) was in Brett's room with him til the wee hours of the morning. 
C'mon girls, do you really think he's a one woman man? Get over yourselves. This is for entertainment. 

Seriously.  I am on phone number 7 for this year.  It all started with the "dropping my expensive ass razor in the toilet" adventure. This was last Christmas, and I did it the night before I was driving up to Birmingham to meet a friend.  So, I got another one and I didn't like it so I got another phone.  Then, that phone freaked out and froze up on me and Verizon gave me another one.  Then my dumbass threw a tantrum and threw my phone at the wall-don't do that.  Phones break when propelled towards hard surfaces.  This time though, it wasn't my fault.  I got this stupid phone about six months ago.  I worked fine until about 2 weeks ago and it totally just freaked out on me.  I couldn't call out at random times, it would turn off randomly, it really liked to do in the middle of an important conversation.  Finally, yesterday, my phone completely FRITZED out in the middle of a REALLY important  conversation.  Lucky for me, I never sent the rebate in, had all the parts and I took that shit back.  And got ANOTHER phone.  I seriously need to be careful with this one.  I can do some damage to a phone, they don't make 'em really for people like me.  I can seriously f%*k up a phone.   

And by gosh I got it.  I was standing on the front porch talking on the phone with Leslie, and the heavens opened up.  I of course stood there like a dumbass and marveled over it for about ten minutes.  Then it started to REALLY snow. 

Now with this you have to bear in mind that although I am visiting my parents, I am dogsitting about 10 miles away.  Over the mountain and through the woods would be putting it mildly.  David and Eleanor live on TOP of a mountain.  The drive over here was pretty scary, and I am not too bad at driving in snow.  I don't think I went faster than 10 miles an hour the entire way here, and I lost control of my stupid sportscar about 7 times in the process.  And let me tell you, I would much prefer to drive my car into the side of a mountain than OFF the side of a mountain. 

When I got here it dawned on me that the road up (one lane, straight drop off on both sides-into the roofs of people's houses no less) either goes straight up or straight down the entire way-it alternates.  My car would never get up here without me crashing my car into the roof of someone's house.  Nice.  So I had to park my car down at the bottome and walk the mile up.  Yes, I walked a mile in the snow to get up here. 

I am going to go smoke a joint and drink some wine.  That was pretty fricking scary.

But hey, I got the White Christmas that I wanted so badly. 

 

I spent the day with my parents.  It was so cool, I don't know when they got so funny!  The stories they tell me are so so so funny.

Mom and Dad got a dog, Otis Redding.  He's a chewer, he chews on any and everything.  They talked to a vet about it-he had taken to chewing my mom's favorite antique furniture.  The vet told her to get something supposedly called a "cong" or something like that.  Feel free to correct, this info was obtained from my 61 year old mother who can't remember the name of anything.  It is supposedly some kind of plasticy-rubbery thing that you put food inside of.  This is supposed to occupy the dog, they want to get the food out.  So they are so focused on the chewy thingy that they don't chew on anything else.

So, Mom and Dad went to the pet store to buy this thing, whatever it is called.  My Dad tells me my mom stood at customer service and asked for some sort of chewy toy for puppies called a "Bong".  Yes.  She did.  I can't stop laughing.  Apparently after said statement, it dawned on good 'ol Nancy what she had said. I didn't even realize my Mom knew what a "bong" was.  Dad, on the other hand, is much smarter than your average joe.  FUNNY.  For serious.

Another one.

Recently Mom was on the phone with my "little" brother.  His wife was out of town, gone to Texas to see her brother, his wife and the kids.  My brother and his friends were haning out and about to go out when she spoke with him.  She asked him where they were going.  She thought he said "shrimp" club.  I think she should have heard "Strip" club.  Don't get mad about this Tina.  It was Carter and Stafford.  A lethal combination at best. 

 I can't quite figure out when my Momma got so funny.  She's always been beautiful and cool and sweet, but sense of humor has always been lacking in sarcasm, so I don't always get hers.  These stories are two small ones in the big storybook.  I'll post more as they come.

MY 2007 AWARDS

 DRINKING BUDDY OF THE YEAR ?
Lauren, for the sheer fact that she broke her ankle at my house trying to ride a bike at 330am, and we had to call an ambulance. 

And Tiffers, cause my couch has seen some action. 

LIFETIME SERVICE AWARD (longest friend) -
Lala- I have known you since I was 8.  I am 32.  How 'bout them apples.  And we still call each other by our childhood nicknames.  We are such dorks.  I miss my Lala.

Leslie, 10 years and a lot of shit.  I love you.  I don't think I would have made it through the break-up with Brent with my sanity intact without you.  Thanks for giving me a place to go that was sacred and was home.  

NEWCOMER AWARD - COOLEST NEWEST FRIEND?
Ahhh, Lana.  And I got full custody when it was over with Pussycat.  You may still be friends with that doodiehead, but hey, whose house are you always at?  Whose nieghborhood bars do you frequent?  I win!

HIGH POINT OF THE YEAR?
Getting a job in a museum.  Finding out my mom has been cancer free for 6 months.

 LOW POINT OF THE YEAR?
Finding out that the guy I had been dating for the past 8 months had some questions about his sexuality.  Talk about wanting to wring someone's neck.

 BEST HOLIDAY?
Halloween. 

YOUR SONG FOR 2007:
Everything's Just Fine, Lily Allen.

 MOVIE FOR 2007?
Uhhhh.

 WHO DID YOU SPEND VALENTINES WITH?
My family.  My grandmother had just died.  I was at her funeral when  tornado hit my block in New Orleans.  

BEST RELATIONSHIP?
My girlfriends.  The Penguins. 

WHAT WERE YOU FOR HALLOWEEN
Morton's Salt Girl.

 RESTAURANT OF THE YEAR?
I LOVE Baja Burrito.

 KISS OF THE YEAR?
Pussycat, I hate to say it, but it's true.  That's the one thing I miss, the kisses.

 BEST DECISION MADE THIS YEAR?
Moving to East Nasty

 WHAT ARE YOUR PLANS FOR NEXT YEAR?

Overcome my fear of the person that I have a crush on and sit down and talk to him.  He might be as cool as he is cute.  It's more or less intimidation than anything.  Very silly.

 MOST STUPID IDEA WHEN DRUNK?
Well, I would say RIDING A BIKE AT 3AM.

TV SHOW OF THE YEAR?
Dirty Sexy Money.  I am hooked.

 MOST LOYAL FRIEND?
Lala, Leslie, Lana, Lauren, Tiff, Ems.


 NEW YEAR RESOLUTION?
Be brave. 

BEST "GIRL" FRIEND.
Lala, Leslie, Lana, Lauren, Tiff, Ems.

 BIGGEST GOAL MET.

Being smarter than my computer.  Being successful in Therapy and realizing that the person who told me I needed therapy was the one who needs it.  I only needed about two months and I am fine.  Being happy with who I am and what I am doing. 

 

I sure did, and it's a biggie.

I learned this year that it's okay to love people from far away.  You don't have to hold someone with your arms, you can hold them with your heart.

Once you have really let go of all of the walls and insecurities, the selfishness and the million reasons not to let someone into your heart, and you let them in- They usually find a small nook and stay there.  It's okay to let them have that place.  Hearts are a lot bigger than you would imagine.  There's always room for more love.

Learning to trust people and love people all over again has been one of the most beautiful experiences I have had in my adult life.  Sometimes things happen along the way that can derail you and keep you from completely feeling emotion.  Usually all it takes is some healing time.  I am proof.  I had my heart broken in more ways than one, the big one being almost three years ago.  I am doing much better, and I have learned that you can love people.  It's okay. 

So that's the biggie.  I got to learn from my oldest and newest and in-between friends to love, and love hard.  You don't have to hold people with your arms, you can hold them with your heart.

Thanks guys, I love you all.  I hope the next year is as awesome as this one was.

Marcy

 

Yes, I am one of those. I love it when it snows. When I was but a wee lassie, we lived in Germany-I learned to love it then. Building snowmen, hot chocolate, and waiting til Dad would have me completely dressed in my snowsuit and THEN telling him I needed to go to the bathroom. When I was about 6 or 7 we came back to the states, to south Georgia. Now you can imagine, it doesn't snow there. And when it (so very rarely) does, it's about an inch once every five or six years. So snow is something a little bit magical for me. I love it.
After college, after getting out on my own, I wound up (by odd circumstance and maybe a bit of luck) living in the mountains. Highlands, North Carolina, 4115 ft. It snowed there, and I grew to love it even more. With snow comes this blanket of silence that I adore. It's like the entire world has gone to sleep under this white blanket that muffles everything. You can even smell it.
Everytime it would snow, I would make sure I got up as soon as it was light out. I love the cold sharp air, and usually if I got up early enough, I could be the first person to leave tracks in the yard. I love the sound that it makes when it crunches under your shoes. It always felt like I was the only person in the world and the quiet was special, just for me. Plus, if I beat my x-boyfriend to it, I usually got to nail him with a couple of snowballs. Mishchief is great.
So, Terry, Shane, watch out when it does snow. I'll be waiting on the back deck for ya'll to get home so I can throw snowballs at you.