Sadness comes in many colors
for the shadows to dance their illusive dance
it is sexy with a cigarette hanging from it's mouth
and a drink placed just so on the bar
with that puff off a glass pipe hanging out
so cooly in the back room...

The back room it's the who
do you know to get in room..
where the memories hang
like paintings in perfect frames
never to forget... never to forget...
the way through the labyrinth of
lies and losses and time packed
in jars too small for success...
and the guide... the relentless guide...

Sadness comes with many changes of dress
as the chameleon with a magician's cape
and a comedian's tongue...
it's fun with a joke around every tear drop
and a chuckle giving life to the party
with that one too many...just chillin
like a villain in the back room

The back room...it's the how much
do you have to drink to get out room
or how much do you have to drink to
forget room...
when a man named sober
slaps you across the face and says
open your eyes and see the signatures
on the artwork kid... this is all yours man...
you own this happenin joint

do you see the frown or the smile of the Mona Lisa?
Or do you see them both and accept
that the passage between the light
and dark is the necessary right to life?

unlocking the fear to know them both
is the key to the deep and honest wisdom
that is nesting deep inside your back room!!

who i am is who i was
who i was is who i am
who i will be doesn't matter
it's who i am that counts right now...

I've been searching desperately
for someone i didn't know
i ran so far so fast
the faster I went
the harder I fell

my bruised nose
smashed against the mirror
cause my feet couldn't keep up
in a tangled mess i lay
with my truth
face to face with myself

I didn't even know
all i had to do was open my eyes
cause there i stood
full and realized
on the other side

on the other side
my soul poured love
deep and through me
it was all my
egotistical fears
that reared up the flames

burning hot i screamed
from fire
angry with the world i was
how could you do this to me
but as i removed my face
from the glass

they were my eyes
my golden locks
my words
my soul taking me
though my lessons
and loving me the
entire time...

who i am is who i was
who i was is who i am
who i will be doesn't matter
it's who i am that counts right now...

and i love and accept my self for all that i am

A Monster arise... from the deep water
Chasing life as if she may never live again
Who thinks that I should just stop
simply cause she said so
It's not her fault she's deformed
she was a witches friend

and when the truth be told
she doesn't like the truth be told
cause she was desperate and starving
and no one would be her friend
she was searching for a meal and a friend
that's when we met and she said.....

If I promise not to eat you will you speak to me
would you stay and play a few games then i'll set you free
we could play in the warm sun have a bit of fun
splash the water 'round
your smile could make my world
look more than pale brown

But if you wanna run I understand
I'll just start building my fire
I hope you find my plate comfortable
Cause tonight 'll be your funeral pyre
would you like your flame a bit higher

would you like for me to invite a few of your friends
they might like to say a few nice things for your final end
what's that you say you'd like to stay and play
well you're very kind
I knew that you'd see it my way eventually

And when the truth be told
she doesn't like the truth be told
cause she was desperate and starving
and no one woud be her friend
she was searchin for a meal and a friend

I'm very glad to be her friend til the end!!!!

Mary mary magdalene i wanna undertsand your soul
as a lover of a savior just to love him was that your role

to love him well and hold him when every thing felt wrong
to comfort him and quiet him with your lover’s sweet song
your sweet song

I wish i could be more like you your honest love so sure
i know that when you looked at him you knew your love was pure

How did you learn to love some one so deep
It’s this wisdom I want to know the secrets that you keep

I hear it’s who you love and not who loves you
then i’d say you really had it the best man anyone ever knew

She said where light shines dark weeps
fear not the path you keep
shine on and you’ll do well
even in your darkest of hell

For every bit of light finds eachother in the night
know this and fly your sign
cause all your water will soon be wine
like mine

I hear it’s who you love and not who loves you
then I’d say HE really had it the best woman anyone ever knew

Mary mary magdalene I understand your role
the lover of a savior to love him as your soul

Don’t promise me the world
I was given that when I was born
if you don’t have the courage to be my friend
I’m not sure you can even call yourself a man

I should have known when you said you didn’t want to "fuck"
cause what man here doesn’t
Give me an honest man anytime
I’d rather honesty than your fucking lies

Don’t tell me what you think i want to hear
If you can’t get real then get the fuck out of here
don’t tell me you love me if it ain’t real
cause when I say I love you I really do

If that’s all you want then baby just tell me
give me the choice to walk away if I want to
eventually I do

I went halfway around the world
to learn myself a lesson
true love is giving without return
but how do you love truly without the burn

I’d really like just to say hello
but you can’t even give me that
then sadly I say you were never my friend
can I say you fucked me now... in the end

if that’s all you wanted then you should have told me
cause given the choice I’ll probably do it again
cause fuck i loved you

tomorrow may come... i may be numb
you may respond... i may be done
i changed my heart from falling apart
again to wanting you
since our conversation are but mists of condensation
my grip on your hand is slipping through
ever so slightly... the sands of time

you may be real... I cannot feel
the truth... is all so surreal
i crawled onto the bus
one last kiss for trust
that we might meet again
but since our communication are but licks of lucidation
i can't seem to hold on... but i can't let go...
baby don't you know...
either way my eyes fall... hurts

where went November do you remember
it seems to have strayed your memory
don't you remember way off in November
you were supposed to save me

Please please come back to me once more
you'll find the door wide open... have you lost your way?
just find yourself an angel and she'll show you the way
she'll tell you to never disappear... I am just right here waiting for you.

boy life sure is strange... at one point i didn't even know your name
now i occupy my mind... with how i could ever say good bye

we might meet again babe i don't know... that's just life

Please please come back to me once more
you'll find the door wide open... have you lost your way?
just find yourself and angel and she'll show you the way
she'll tell you to never disappear
I am just right here waiting for you...Yeah just you.

we might meet again... babe i dont know...but that's just life.

You may be real!!!

A strong soldier... I must stand
my long hard face... in my own command
I put on the armor... to protect my soul
painted with rain... of tears that want to flow

So the battle has begun
no i don't think anybody has won
i think we all just stopped
declared the fighting was done

how can i stay strong... and fight
when you're the enemy... and i loved you every night
everynight i say my prayers... and i pray that you
will come to our side... and see the truth

So yes the battle will begin
no i don't think anybody will win
it's not a game of win or lose
it's the battle you choose

do i choose someone because they will simply do
simply becauce they believe in god
see that doesn't work for me cause now i believe in you
what have i done... now i stand with a gun... in my own hand....

i've pointed it directly... at my own faith
as i crumble to the ground... i look all around
i beg for mercy... i say lord please
you can't be serious... i'm down on my knees

How can you make me choose
between the man i finally love and you
you know there ain't a goddamn choice
at all

should i choose someone that will simply do
simply because they believe in god
He walks the path and believes in life
i guess i don't know anything...anything at all

should i choose someone because they will simply do
simply because they believe in god
now that's livin a lie ...isn't that wrong too???
i guess i'll stand alone...with god's hand...
in my own

Sittin on my old Ford Pinto Coffee and a cigarette
Starin’ through the trees red with autumn there’s a train rollin by
wonderin if i ran fast enuff could i catch a ride
don’t really care where it’s goin one step ahead of my mind ’d be fine

it’s too bad that old train can’t fly fly fly
cause you know i’d be inside

one puff or two and break time’s over head back in to the grind
it don’t bother me it takes my mind off the empty bed at night
packin these thoughts into a box watchin time crawl by
wonderin if i drove fast enuff could i escape time

it’s too bad that old car can’t fly fly fly
cause you know i’d be inside

cause i just wanna fly far away to a different land and fade away
i don’t wanna cry anymore i just wanna go to a distant shore

watchin that clock go tick and tock soon my work be done
and i’ll head out into oblivion wher my thoughts will collide
wonderin if i called loud enough would you hear your name
turn your love a bit higher so i can feel the flame

it’s too bad that old flames can’t fly fly fly
cause you know i’d be inside

I just wanna fly far away...
to a different land and fade away...
i don’t wanna cry any more
i just wanna go to a distant shore

this land i live in
is settin’ me on fire
i need your love
to settle me down
took loosin you to show me
that i’m a green mouthed monster
and screamin love
ain’t gonna bring you home

i just wanna fly far away
to a different land and fade away
i don’t wanna cry anymore
i just wanna go to a distant shore

because of him i lost you
because of him i found you
because of me i lost you both
if wantin you back’s my grave stone
then i’ll see you in heaven
and i’ll say sorry after all....

i just wanna fly far away
to a different land and fade aay
i don’t wanna cry anymore
i just wanna go to a distant shore

i'm caught in a storm... the biggest storm of my life
no one can get in and I can't get out.
All i can do is sit and wait around
and hope that i survive

i sit in meditation
i even contacted this stormy being
nice enough he seemed he just is what he is...
and is not with out seeing what goes on around him...
alone in my house... no one to save me but myself
the wind howls and whistles and rain pounds down again...
I wonder what the outcome of such a torrential state...
a release a cleansing a renewal of sorts...
blow ye down my house and i have no more...
freedom for my soul... a clearing of the whole...

I am caught in a storm the biggest storm of my life
no one can get in and I can't get out...
all i can do is wait
and hope that i survive

...maybe I don't know really what is supposed to happen in life. I'm lost, confused, broken, ... if i may quote the great Maya Angelou... "AND STILL I RISE"... The world is such a small place when you come across a long lost friend or a new lover... "how can we meet in New Zealand?" From worlds abound...so different from each other and still we meet in paradise...

And when that love is gone... the world grows large again. So large we might feel like a tiny fluff blowing upon the wind.... and what a mighty wind it is... blowing down hillsides ... down trees... down houses... down love!!!

The love affair has taken a brief reflecting pause... Is this ... what it is...??? a silly question maybe but an honest one. Has the storm passed? Did we wait long enough for our brutal fears to subside... to hide from what it is that we most wanted? And what is it that we want if... when we have it offered to us with a most beautiful array of condiments... we cower in our boots and just stare...muttering under our breath... until the thunder rumbles to a stop and the lightening darkens...

it's much easier to stay hidden in the dark... the light is much to revealing yet like bugs we are so drawn...............

if a person sins in the dark is it still a sin?????????????

"AND STILL I RISE"

I believe a sin is only a sin because someone had to come up with a word to describe something that they were afraid to do... or even afraid NOT to do......it's a sin so i can't do it... relieving them of their fears...

and fears are just excuses!!!

I have bumbled through another rambling to end... i don't know what life is to bring... the future is on a vow of silence...

may you be filled with light so that you may see the dark for what it is...

love laugh and dream
gynna