Jessica Clingempeel's MySpace Blog

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Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Faded Scars
Current mood:

adored

Faded Scars

Let my scars heal and my wings unfold.
I am finally out of the darkness and out of the cold.
From the ashes I rise and enter into a new land.
I will stay true to you all. In the storm I will stand.
No angry words, no tense feelings.
No broken heart, only a mind left healing.
No more pain, like I felt so much before.
No doubts of tomorrow, now I have so much more.
I have tried so hard again and again.
I lost nothing and have gained new friends.
I will open my mind and share with you my voice.
This isn't a requirement, this is my choice.
I soar higher and higher and I stand very bold.
A chapter put to rest and another to be told.
Challenges ahead but I will stand strong.
For the gift I give to you is the gift of my song.

04:01

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Monday, February 02, 2009

Why?
Current mood:

cynical
Category: Writing and Poetry

Why

Why do I feel so unloved yet I know I have love?
Why do I fear everything and everyone when I know I don't have to be?
Why do I try so hard to please someone I know I will never please?
Why do I expect more of me that I know may never be?
Why do I feel my friends don't care when I know they do?
Why do I have thoughts of death and suicide yet I do not want to die?
Why am I depressed and angry but happy at the same time?
Why do I feel worthless but have so much going for me?
Why do I feel like a piece of shit?
Why do I feel like I am a disappointment to my family?
Why do I have so much stress and anxiety for a young woman?
Why do I feel like I have failed before I even get started?
Why do I feel the hatred and dismay when I look into his eyes?
Why am I here and what is my purpose?
Why must I have one of the hardest childhoods to be upset in some people's eyes?
Why do I not have a right to my feelings?
Why do I feel so stupid all the time when I know I am bright?
Why do I over analyze life and hate it so much?
Why is there so much hatred?
Why?

Currently listening:
Karmacode
By Lacuna Coil
Release date: 2006-04-04

00:10

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Wednesday, January 21, 2009

Prayers
Current mood:

adventurous
Category: Writing and Poetry

Prayers

We lift up our hands giving our thanks
we kneel to our knees when we need some strength
we call on our Lord, Jesus help us
Help us survive, give us your love

Everyday is a battle with people all around
because of my faith they try to put me into the ground
I will stand strong and speak with God everyday
I will not give in to what other people say
I believe in you, Lord, I love you
take me into your arms I want to feel you

We lift up our hands giving our thanks
we kneel to our knees when we need some strength
we call on our Lord, Jesus help us
Help us survive, give us your love

I know sometimes I fall and I don't live like I should
I want to do better. I want to show the world some good.
Lord I need you right now please show me how
I will do better and to you this is my vow

We lift up our hands giving our thanks
we kneel to our knees when we need some strength
we call on our Lord, Jesus help us
Help us survive, give us your love

Lord, we are living in difficult times
chaos everywhere, everyday there are more crimes
Kids all over trying to survive from starvation
sickness and abuse ending all creation
We can help, we the people can make a difference
Lets bow our head and call on God for deliverance

We lift up our hands giving our thanks
we kneel to our knees when we need some strength
we call on our Lord, Jesus help us
Help us survive, give us your love

Currently listening:
Word of Mouf
By Ludacris
Release date: 2001-11-27

05:47

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Friday, October 31, 2008

I Remain
Current mood:

adored
Category: Writing and Poetry

I collaborated with my best friend Joshua Becker and we wrote this together.
He is in my top friends. :)

I Remain

The heart kept beating as time stood still
An expressionless face, no emotion I could feel
I crept to my room and closed the door
Silence, the only sound, nothing more
As I sat on my bed and thought about life
Why do people judge and cause so much strife?
I tried not to scream. I tried not to cry
but it was too overwhelming I just wanted to die
People laughing and judging me for who I am
Not accepting my ways or giving a damn.
I hide my face behind a mask.
I look to others behind a glass.
I start to cry and I finally scream
Please accept me and stop criticizing my dreams
I'm sick of all the drama, sick of all the lies
I put on a smile and wear a disguise
Being criticized and ostracized for different beliefs
when will they all just shut up and give me relief?
Despised for the wrong reasons and no one looks inside
they turn away without knowing me and just hide.
I have no one to turn to and no where to go
I am consider a loner. Just a lonely soul
I look for a friend but as the days go by
I'm always being criticized, are there no end to these lies?
Searching through realms far and near
searching for a way to end my fear.
I look to God and ask for his help
He tells me for others to love I first need to love myself
With that advice I would take to it well
I find the strength I need now I'm free from this hell
Tired of the pain, tired of the tears
I don't care if it hurts I'm gonna face my fears
I'll stand up and speak out and I will make them listen
No more lies, no more pain my eyes will finally start to glisten.
With this courage I will speak my mind
I now have a friend who I can go to and confide
Inside I am who I am and I'm gonna face it
Gonna stop hiding and do nothing to replace it
So all heed my words judge me if you will
Instead of being fake, I will remain real.

Currently listening:
The Last Alliance
By Battlelore
Release date: 2008-10-07

01:51

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Monday, October 27, 2008

Praise His Name
Category: Writing and Poetry

Praise His Name

People keep telling me it is just a story
why believe in a lie?
The bible is just an evil book
there will be no Heaven to go to when I die.
These people never gave God a chance
nor did they try to see
I too did not believe in God
until he finally came to me.
I was molested as a child
abused emotionally.
Abandoned by my father
Depressed everyday which changed me physically.
I knelt there at the altar
and there I asked to be saved.
Forgiveness took place
and my road to Heaven had been paved.
I asked God for his helping hand
and to take away the pain.
He gave me a better life
and took me from the pouring rain.
I no longer talk to my dad
who caused me so much strife
I am loving myself more
God is giving me a better life.
God doesn't cause the harm
he hates to see us in pain.
Just give him a chance as I did
you have so much more to gain.
Because of my blood donor
I shall be given eternal life.
When I go to Heaven
there will be no more pain or strife.
My father will be judged
and put into his place.
So will all those who caused you pain
They too will see God face to face.
I am not lying to you
religion is not a game
Next time you feel down and out
remember to praise his name.

03:13

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Friday, October 24, 2008

Why Do I Stay?
Category: Writing and Poetry

Why Do I Stay?

For years I tried to hide the shame
For years I suffered from all the pain
Now I can't seem to find my way
Why do I stay?

For too long I cried these tears
as I hid away in fear
Kept quiet for way too long
help me be strong...

Can't seem to catch my breath
Drowning in all these tears
Take me away from this rage
Why do I stay here?

I loved you so many times
I loved you when nothing was ever fine
I loved you but the love has been gone
I have been here for way too long.

Farewell to the winter storm
for the snow has faded.
Now I search for true love
the love that I have long awaited.

20:59

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Friday, October 24, 2008

My Fairytale
Category: Writing and Poetry

My Fairytale

Where is my fairytale?
Like the ones I read
My happily ever after
why is my fairytale dead?
Mirror Mirror on the wall
Why did thy love have to fall?
How could it be that he did not see
That I was there waiting for thee.
I kissed the toad but he did not turn
Just an ugly toad is all I earned.
I dropped a coin into the well
I wished for love but only got hell.
I dropped my shoe just to see
if my prince would come looking for me.
I took the rules and did some bending
My fairytale has no happy ending.

20:56

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Thursday, October 09, 2008

I Am Through
Current mood:

grateful
Category: Writing and Poetry

I Am Through

*Dedicated to the man who called me a liar.*

You've caused me to stumble.
You've caused me so much pain.
You told me to stop my lying.
I was giving you a bad name.
No matter how hard I was crying.
No matter how hard I would try.
You still defended your self.
You told me it was all a lie.
Should I just go on and give you a medal?
Can you tell me it will all be fine?
Should I be in your life?
The life you left behind?
So many years I would pray
'God, help him find his way.'
Please tell me father, why did you go away?
You never gave me nothing, at least nothing I would want
Just things for your own pleasure
Please tell me it's my fault!
What about that grin, the grin that would scare a child
Please tell me again daddy that you did nothing wrong.
Why do I continue to pray for the man who turned away?
The one who fell from grace and chose to walk away?
Why do I still have love for the father who caused so much pain?
Why do I still think of him when he left me alone in the rain?
I must escape from this prison. I must escape from my mind.
I must say goodbye and leave my dad behind.
So when you read this letter, oh please know that I am gone.
Call me a liar again but we all know you are wrong.
So the daughter you once claimed is now a stranger to you
I hate you Richard. I am through with you!

Currently listening:
River of Tuoni
By Amberian Dawn
Release date: 2008-06-10

03:01

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Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Inflicting Pain
Current mood:

anxious
Category: Writing and Poetry

Inflicting Pain

Calling to my redeemer, can he hear?
Burying my face trying to hide my fear.
Crying to myself, living in silence.
Somebody save me from this violence.
Bruises covering my legs, cuts deep enough to kill
Making new scars so the old wounds will not heal
Inflicting pain onto myself trying to cut the memories away
Suicidal princess will be my name to fame
Late at night I stay awake and to my God I pray
Until my daddy comes and plays his special game
When the game is over he gently kisses me
says I love you baby and one day you'll love me
As he leaves I start to cry and grab onto my knife
Another slice of Heaven onto my upper thigh
Branding myself for my daddy, this is what he made me
A human canvas is all the world will see.
Let these scars show you the pain I went through everyday
Never judge a book by its cover, My daddy made me this way.

Currently listening:
Karmacode
By Lacuna Coil
Release date: 2006-04-04

05:03

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