Lord Jesus.


I seen this the other day cuz some white gay person sent it at me, and I had to share it. It's crazy. Who make this show? Cheryl Merkowski? It's crazy, please.

Rest assured ...racism is alive and well in America.

Cheerios and my ankles
I told my lesbian friend Dink that I would go with her to the store so she could get her some eggs. I walk into the store and there behind a basket is my preacher. Lord Jesus I was so embarrassed. I quickly walk up at him and say "She a lesbian but I told her not to be!"

He didn't know what I was saying. Then I remembered: she don't LOOK like a lesbian. She look like a woman. Normal. Then I said "April Fools!" He look at me funny and I said "I know it's early but April Fools! She ain't no lesbian. She just a pretty lady who needs eggs."

I bought me a salad to go with some ranch dressing and me and Dink left the place. She got her eggs before we left. She told me she was angry at me for what I said. I said God is angry at her for what she eat. She asked me if I was referring to her eggs. i said no, lady-parts.

We got into a fist fight in the parking lot and the preacher come outside and broke it up just as I was about to remove her eye with my toe ring. Dammit. Why Jesus gotta come between me and winning? ALWAYS?

I hate lesbians.

-Lady Raptastic

Subscribe to my show, ho: itunes, RSS
Voicemail: 912-CAT-LYKA
Email: ladyraptastic@gmail.com

Diet Dr Pepper Spray
Can a woman eat lunch at a bodega without some homeless man trippin on her like she there to get some? I mean, do people think all I do is go places to meet men? Is that the reputation I have following me around like a wheelbarrow full of fried clams? Or, is it just an assumption that since I am out and about, portly and have breasts that could feed an apartment-full of children, I must be desperate enough to consider taking yo advances and maybe later, suckin on yo junk?

I think the fakk of the matter is dis: I just want to live. I want to eat a taco at a bodega. I want to shop for shoes at C-Town. I want to wade in the public lakes in Central Park, I want to bury myself in dirt and pretend I am dead in Central Park, I want to climb a tree and fall out and try to sue whoever is around me in Central Park. I do not want yo man-junk. Ever. And no I am not a lesbian. I just need a break now and then from it so I can focus on other things in my life, like family, petting zoos and dishwashers.

Respect me and I will respect you. Hit on me while I am eating and I will cry. Then go home with you because I need balls in my mouth.

Do not judge.

-Lady Raptastic


Get all up inside myselves:
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-Email: ladyraptastic@gmail.com

Click this link: Lady Raptastic. It will take you to a interview I did with a blog called "The Guide To Everything Fabulous." They was real nice and asked me if I would do an interview, so I did. For free. As i do everything for free these days because no one wants to pay a black woman to do anything but clean and rap. Jesus I hate the world.

Anyways, please visit that blog and leave a real nice comment and thank them for blogging about my black ass. Ain't nobody else doing it. It's like I don't even exist. Everybody be talking about Obama Bin Ladin but I have been here since 2005 making change happen with my lady parts please!

Click to view the racism full-sized
Monkey Bread?
I have no words for this. It seems like we're going back to a time when it was ok for racist-named products like Aunt Jamima Pancake Syrup, Dark N' Lovely Hair Products and African Queen Panty Liners. Monkey bread? I am going to kill myself. Thank you to RedHEadSlut34 for sending this in to me.

Click me to view me bigger
Please don't see that I am a monkey.
Let's anazlye this please. Here we have a monkey, done in the style of graffiti, which was stold from black people by white people. Second, the monkey is holding a mask. What does the mask symbolize? Shame. Third, the mask is over the monkey's face. He accepts his shame s reality. Add fourth, the mask is pink, saying all black people are also gay. God Bless America. I am going to kill myselves please. This Moment in Racism was sent to me by SuckMyFeet34. Thank you for your submission, Suck.