I had a good time this thanksgiving.  A bit hung over, and tired because of that, but I didn't overeat much, and enjoyed what time I could spend with the extended family, which was not much.  My problem was more geared toward the days following thanksgiving.  Although my overall food intake was much lower in those days, the content was much less nutritious.  In fact on Friday, I think I pretty much only ate leftover desserts until 5 AM, then I finally caved and had a turkey sandwich and some ham.  I know that two days will not have a huge effect on my weight, but right now I feel about 20 pounds heavier.  Part of that is not having school for almost a week, including no workouts.  I just can't wait to get back into the gym.  I hope I have enough gas to make it there at least once.  Didn't think to check when I came home from the party the other day.  Well I hope everyone had a happy thanksgiving, and want to remind one and all that now you can begin the Christmas preparations. (yeah, I know you already started, but it didn't count until now, silly people)

I've been feeling down for a while, nothing bad, just not right I guess.  At my last weigh-in I gained a couple pounds.  Although I know it's just a temporary setback, and normal seeing as I changed the time of day that I weighed myself, and had a bit in my stomach.  but it just never got better.  I really beat myself at the gym this week, and now I'm sore, which is a good feeling, but I missed a day, so I don't know how much this is going to help.  but I'm expecting to go down a bit, even though I haven't been eating very well.

It's hard to hear something that you know is true, even when it's said in the nicest way.  and worse depending on the source.  Now I don't know what to think, but I did cry a little.

I have to wonder, with the distance, with the lack of real knowledge, and with the little bit I know about the situations, if anything could ever come from any of what's going on.  I just have to hope that I end up with a friend or two.  If anything more happens, I will be even happier, but it's not something I can force.  I just have to be patient and caring, and see where that takes me, since I've had so much success with that so far in life.  Oh well, life is treating me pretty well, as long as I can keep up the workouts, and schoolwork, then everything should turn out well.  I have to try to get up and go to the lawyer tomorrow, hopefully I can finish that out, and move on to the 18th.  Alright, I got to get some sleep... maybe without any crazy dreams, maybe with a couple, who knows.

D.J.

Well, after all that worrying, all that thinking about candy and such... I lost a pretty decent amount this week.  After weeks of 1 pound losses, I lost about 4 this week.  So anyway, it's all good, and I feel good... even though I have no energy or motivation anymore... ick on no sleep.

I didn't want to do anything this morning... going back to bed was high on my list, but I got up, went to school, and went to the fitness center.  I didn't even want to finish the workout, but I kept on it, and finished it up.  I'm just worried that after the little bit of candy and all the food I've eaten this week, I'm going to head backwards in my weight loss goals.  It's not that bad really, I can count the number of candies that I ate without taking off my shoes, but still, I'm worried about it.  More worrisome is the upcoming holidays.  Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Years, yeah, kinda hard to lose weight this time of the year, but more rewarding if I can pull it off...  If. 

That being said, I'm actually getting excited for Christmas already.  I think I've been so Anti-Christmas all year, that now that it is getting close to that time of year, I'm actually happy to see it.  I'm still not ready to listen to the music, or watch the movies, but the thought is there.

That doesn't mean I'm passing over Thanksgiving though... I mean, I still love the food, and the gathering, though that will be diminished this year.  Well, that will still work out though, the good food will still be there, that's the big part.

So anyway, I'm going to try to get up earlier, go to school earlier, and get in an extra workout everyday, and try to eat better, including taking a lunch in everyday.  If I can pull this off, I'll be exceedingly happy with everything, especially the weight loss that would come out of it.  Alright, I think it's time to move on...

Well, I got in for a workout today, which was awesome.  Then I got to work in the shop, but they pulled the plug early, so I didn't get to get as far as I want, but I did get some work done.  I also drank a pot of coffee, so I'm probably going to be up all night.  At least I have things to think about all night...  Like that is the right thing to do.  Feeling kinda down now... like my heart has been broken in proxy.  I'm sure sleep will help, but I'm still thinking about things.  I'm giving a lot of thought to what's going on, and trying to figure out my place in it all.  I'm also very glad that I have schoolwork that could potentially maim me to keep my mind focused on other things, otherwise I'd be constantly distracted... oh well for now...

I guess that I should be happy about my slow and steady weight loss, but when I am shooting for a specific goal, with a number I should be hitting every week, and I'm consistently not reaching that number.  I mean, I shouldn't complain, a pound a week is nothing to cry about, but when I need to be hitting 2-3 pounds, it just gets crappy after a while.  I lost another one this week, but after an extra day of working out, I was hoping for more.  I'm going to try for even another extra day this week on friday, but that requires me to wake up earlier.  Single digits in the morning early... ick.  For the results though, it'd be worth it... matter of fact, I'm debating waking up early everyday, and getting in a couple of workouts a day, instead of the one a day.  Everything is still up in the air though.

I have finished two classes now, and turned in a couple more sheets on the last class with sheets.  also, I've been coming in on days off for the shop class... so I'm probably ahead on that one as well.  It's nice being ahead on things for a change.  Well I'm tired, and thinking about being sick, I hope not, but what you gonna do?

I'm always amazed when I realize I'm falling for someone... sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse.  Right now my mind is so jumbled with everything going on, school, worry about futures, chewing bubble gum, walking in a semi-straight line, not cutting off fingers, that the thoughts have snuck up on me.  From the doppelganger that works out in the gym everyday, to the old friends, to the pen pals states away, there's all these people just crashing into my brain.  My thoughts go out to each of them, and it seems like I don't have any thoughts for myself... except the cutting off fingers, I try extra hard to keep focus on that one.  So here I am, with all these people on my mind, and me trying to figure out how to be the best person I can be, how to best put myself forward to all those that are in my head.  Sadly the choices I have are pretty limited, and I'm unsure if anything will come from anything, but I still keep plugging along, just trying to be me, trying to better myself.

weight loss news, I lost another pound, but I upped the ante this week, so I'm hoping (kinda expecting) a bigger loss, and as long as I can keep up the 5 day a week workout schedule instead of the 3 day, I should be able to drop more then enough weight to get to my shortest term goal.  Also I can feel my body getting into better shape.  I can run on the elliptical harder for longer, I can wall sit for longer, I can lift a little more every time I go in.  I like that a lot.  To see results is much better then to think results are coming.  So long story short, yay me, update sometime next week with a new weekly number.

So I figured out around-about how much weight I have to lose every week to get to my goal.  The number is a pretty pedestrian 2.2 pounds.  Now, that should be simple as it gets, but lately I've been getting around 1 pound a week, so I decided to step it up a bit.  I'm going to start going to school five days a week instead of three, and that means the gym 5 days a week as well.  An extra two days should melt that weight off pretty quick.  So on Mondays and Fridays, I'll get up early (relatively) head on in, do my machining work, and then go work out.  If I get a pound for three days, I figure the extra two should push me over the top.  I guess I'll just have to see what happens.

In other stuff from my life.... I miss you.
Been thinking alot lately, not much else to do, and it always comes back to a couple points of light in the blinding darkness, and knowing that the light is as far away as the stars are.  It sucks, but it's probably better to be looking up and dreaming then sitting in the starfire.  I don't want to get burned.

Ok, first off, I found a fairly reasonably priced blacksmith class that is pretty close to home.  Also it has all kinds of classes that make me rub my chin and say little phrases like, "that could be fun" or "really?"  so I'm seriously considering asking about an internship.  The pay sucks (yes it does pay though) but the experience would be worth it, and learning all the fun stuff I can do would make me happy.  Plus I could actually make some money off the stuff I can learn to make there.  Including: Soap, Barrels, Brooms, Timber frame buildings, Knives, Wine, Cheese, Masonry work, buckets, baskets, and other stuff.  Plus I think it would be cool to look at someone and say, "I am a smith and a cooper!"  depending on where I was, I would either get weird stares, or I would get weird stares...  just different kinds.  I'm hoping to call tomorrow and ask when I can come in to talk to someone. 

I also have to go to the bank soon, so I'm thinking about getting at least one of my tattoos touched up.  Eventually I will get both done, but for now the simple fix sounds best for me.

Weight... I somehow managed to lose a little more today, down a total of 6 pounds or so.  Still not much, but every little bit.  Ate a lot of pizza today, so tomorrow will have to be a hard workout... leg day, so no worries about my painful shoulder.  I should be able to hit the cardio a little extra too, the more calories the better.