I noticed that I've been posting blogs here on the 15th of the month for the past couple months. I guess that means that I'm a day late?

I guess I'll start with the negative: work. Last month was great. I was getting tons of hours but then after Halloween I've noticed that my hours have been on the decline. I went from 38 hours to 12 hours for two weeks to 11 and the most recent schedule I've seen has me for 10 hours next week. I find myself thankful every day that I don't have much in terms of financial responsibilities or that I'm not responsible to or for anyone else, otherwise I'd be screwed. The decrease in hours isn't enough break me but it is enough to make me uncomfortable. Having time to myself is great and all but I still need money. Having this much free time makes me a dull woman although I have started to learn certain things that can and cannot be used as legal defense in the court of law thanks to countless hours of watching Judge Mathis. Just sayin.

On the positive side, I have been and get to see much more of Rob than I have in awhile. I was really happy to see him last week when we went to Robert and Hope's wedding and had a lot of fun on that trip. He's coming to St. Pete for Thanksgiving and New Years while I'm planning on making a trip to Tallahassee/North Florida sometime in December. I keep making lists of places to take him to and hopefully we'll find a way to get it all in. I'm so excited!

If everything goes the way that it's supposed to and my math is right, Rob should have enough money to start making preparations to move to St. Pete by the end of March. I don't think I can put into words how excited I am to really start a life with him. I find myself day dreaming about trips to the park we might take or times that we might go fishing and just stupid little moments that normal couples take for granted like watching TV and having dinner together. There isn't anyone that I have ever met that I have wanted to spend so much time with so badly. I honestly hope it never ends.

Recently my mom bought me a new laptop that comes with a microphone and webcam built in. My first obvious thought was "Yay! Now maybe Rob will get a webcam too and we can talk to each other." Last night was the first time that I tried it out and even though he doesn't have a cam yet, it made me feel good knowing that he could see me and that I could hear him.

What really got me posting though was that before we figured out that his computer had a built in microphone, he was typing what he would have said into the messaging service we were using. The very first thing that he typed was "OMG! You're so beautiful!" At the time, it was just really flattering but between then and now, that reaction has really sunk into my mind and it's just made me think about all the things that I love about that man.

He never, ever hesitates to tell me that I'm beautiful and sometimes I take that for granted. He's very patient. He listens to my rambling and he laughs at the stupid things that I say and do sometimes. I was telling my friend Bri last night that he's the only person I've ever dated that I felt was a real catch. He does more to strengthen and encourage me than I think he'll ever know. I know that we're doing a lot for each other to make each other better and I've never been in a relationship like that before. I feel so lucky to have him in my life and I just felt the need to tell everybody.

I love Rob Knowles with all my heart and the madness of my soul.

So to my single lady friends out there: There really is someone out there for everyone. There are men out there who exist who will make you feel so amazingly special. I didn't think that I would ever meet someone like that but I was definitely proven wrong.

Betty and Robert, Mom and Dad, thank you for your parts in conceiving the love of my life because without that single act, I would be in a completely different place. I thought that you should know that you've raised someone who will always matter in my life (and I'm sure in other peoples' lives too). I don't think I'll ever meet anyone who respects me more than Rob does and I know you were the one who taught him how to be like that.

And so World I think I got a lot of it out. I miss him so much but it'll all be worth it in the end. Eventually we'll get married and have a great life and hopefully do our parts to create someone in the world who will know how to love and be loved in return.

My life has changd even more since the last time I updated this thing.

That wonderful boyfriend that I mentioned nearly a year ago? I'm still with. In fact, I'm going to be his wife in roughly a year and a half.

Robert George Knowles II proposed to me at 9:50PM in Kleman Plaza in downtown Tallahassee on Friday, September 5, 2008.

The two of us were part of a group of 13 that had gone out that night to celebrate my birthday which was the next day. We ate at a semi-trendy-ish restaurant and then went out to the middle of the plaza to take group pictures. After all the pictures were taken, a friend of mine had a video camera out and Rob turned to me and told me that the real reason he had asked for pictures was to give me my "birthday present." The present was presented as a black purse which he told me to look inside of. I was unable to get the zipper open so he took it and opened it for me. Before I knew it, he was on one knee in front of 11 of my best friends asking me to marry him.

I, obviously, said yes.

I hugged him and kissed him in front of the citizens of Tallahassee who were in the plaza for the monthly "Down Town Get Down." We were congratulated by friends and onlookers alike.

I couldn't ask for a better proposal nor could I ever think of a more perfect man to be my husband. ♥

Yeah, so I had a good run at keeping this thing reasonably up to date over the summer...right?

Right.

Quite a bit has happened since my last entry. Here's a run through if you're concerned...

School: I've been in school for almost a full month now. I still hate it. I still wonder what I'm going to do and if I'm wasting my time. I know I'm not really because it'll all be worth it in the end, but at the same time, I don't feel like I'm measuring up to my own standards the way that those I've noticed around me do.

I guess that's what I get for making standards.

Anyways, I'm finally into my major classes. For all intents and purposes, I enjoy them. I'm taking a Foods class that I feel is definitely full of useful knowledge. It just sucks that it's at 9 in the morning. Waaayyy too early, especially on Mondays. Ick! That one and my Anatomy class are the only ones that I feel might give me a little trouble everything else seems easy enough for the moment but this is also the week of tests so that definitely remains to be seen.

Friends: They're amazing! The past couple of months have been a blast. I always have something to do and someone to hang out with as opposed to when I was home I was almost always by myself and just bumming around. Fridays and Saturdays are almost always booked by a party or someone just wanting to hang out and do stuff. I've met a couple of new people but have pretty much kept the same friend base I had last year. I'm such a lucky girl to have such great friends.

More than Friend: Yeah, I'm a lucky girl to have such great friends but I also consider myself to be an EXTREMELY lucky girl to have a wonderful boyfriend like I do. It's like he's everything that my mind always told me I wanted but never thought I'd find...so I never looked for it. I see him almost everyday and I haven't gotten sick of him nor has he gotten sick of me. All my friends up here like him which I certainly can't say for the other guys I've dated. My mom likes him, his parents like me. I couldn't be happier.

And it's just the most real and sincere relationship I've ever been in.

I'm so glad that I waited to find someone who meant this much to me.

So yeah, that's pretty much it in a nutshell...

This weekend has definitely been something of a double edged sword.

Because I like good things (and because I think it'll help get my point across later), I'm gonna start with good news.

I've been complaining for far too long that all of the guys I meet are assholes and will take me as nothing more than available girl parts. I had gotten to the point where I didn't think there was any possible way that I would meet anyone who I would mean more too and who would mean anything to me in return.

I was really, just expecting a year of random hookups...

And then this...Rob guy falls into my life.

And I couldn't be happier.

He's funny and just a generally fun guy. He appriciates my quirks and unique sense of humor. I appriciate the fact that he's just a genuinely happy person and someone who seems to be okay with his life, himself, and the way things are going.

Super cool.

Actually...after typing that out. I don't even want to go into the bad stuff. It's academic. It's big and scary and could potentially screw me over (but I think I also might be overreacting). The good thing about what my life has taught me though is that things seem to work out in the end. It may not be pretty or be all wrapped up in a neat little package but it's something that works out and it's the best possible thing that life could give me under the circumstances I was under.

So on that note, here's hoping my GPA doesn't take another nose dive and it destroys my Bright Futures.

Trojan Evolve



Add to My Profile | More Videos

I actually have myspace to thank for finding this little gem. They started running the ads for this campeign on the homepages. I don't usually pay attention and I don't know why I did today but I'm definitely glad I did.

It's so good and so true. There had to be a woman on the team that came up with this idea. I don't think I've seen a commercial stress the importance of condom use so effectively. Most of the older trojan commercials have the stupid trojan man who came out and gave people condoms so they could simply enjoy sex more. It never actually sent the message that, hey, maybe a guy is a better man for chosing to use a condom than trying to go in without one.

So I was really surprised when I saw this article (http://www.tmz.com/2007/06/18/condom-ads-ribbed-too-much-fox-and-cbs-pull-out/2) about why FOX and CBS decided not to air the commercial, not even during the late night hours. CBS I could see but isn't FOX known for being one of the raunchiest broadcast stations in the nation?

I use my camera and my computer the way people used to use their wallets.

I have so many pictures on both. It's insane.

I keep pictures on my camera so that when I see old friends, I can show them the good times I have with my new friends.

Because we have some really great times.

I keep pictures on my computer so that when I talk told new friends online or when they come over, I can show them the good times I had with my old friends.

Because we have had some really great times.

 

 

 

 

I miss you guys...

So I mentioned something about a certain trip a couple weeks ago.

Yeah, the New York trip has come and gone. It was about as wonderful as I thought it was going to be. I went and photographed and came home with some amazing photos. I'm actually really proud of myself for a few of them.

The kids I went with were pretty cool. Brought back a bunch of memories of middle school and the friendships I had back then. I love the friends I have now and the friendships we share but I sure do miss some of the kids I knew way back when. What I'm happy in realizing is that not a lot changes in six years. I mean, yeah, I've learned a bunch of life lessons and I know what it is to live [practically] on my own and I'm at a point where the future is getting closer to being now. Opportunities are more open now than they were six years ago in my opinion and I'm happy with the way I turned out and I'm happy with the way things are going.

Yeah, that's all different.

But what I like is that I'm not a snob. I still know how to have fun and be silly. Life hasn't beaten me down into a cynical pulp [yet] and for that, I am grateful. Those were easily the most fun three days I've spent with a single group of people. I wish I had talked to a few of them more.

Anyways, that's that. I'm off to watch some Conan!

My inner child is piiiiiissed.

I just lost another game of poker. I've lost like...five games in the past twenty four hours. I play tournements that are $550 buy ins. I lost $2,750 in a day's time.

Thank God that's not real money...

My outer adult is stoked though. I'm going to NYC in a week with my mom for three days. Sight seeing and photographing galore! I don't travel very much. I've been to Washington DC twice but the last time I was six so I didn't really appriciate it that much.

My mom bought a calender with amazing pictures of New York. If I'm able to get one that's even half as good as some of these, I think I'd be the happiest person alive.

Life in general still kind of sucks it seems. I think I jinxed myself when I told Matt that it usually takes me three weeks to get sick of being home. I was ready to leave the day after I got here and the feeling hasn't seemed to let up.

Oh well...three months for things to improve.

This whole...I don't know..."dating" thing...

It pisses me off so much sometimes.

I've finally hit a point. I don't do the sexual stuff up front anymore. I used to a year ago but it's starting to get old.

"OMG! Ur soo sexxxy. Send me pics!"

No.

Asshole.

What happened to "Wow, you're really pretty and you seem like you would be interesting to talk to. Let's hang out"?

Is it out of style? Is it out of fashion to want to know something more about a person than what size bra they wear or how big their dick is?

The thing that pisses me off the most about the situation is that it makes being sexual a chore. I love my sexuality more than anything about myself. I'm open about it. You can ask me anything, even if it's something I don't want to admit, I'll still talk about it. I think it's a beautiful thing and something to be proud of. Unfortunately, I guess this also makes it so that either guys want to sleep with me or think that I'm easy and I'll just fuck them.

So now sexuality is getting to be something that I'm not so open to talking about and I don't think that I should have to feel that way.

I don't know if this is just something that comes with being in my early twenties. Is it something that goes away or is it something that I'm going to have to deal with in being interested in men?

 

...and why the fuck should I "deal with it?"

 I want to feel that I'm more than tits and a pussy. Tits and vag can be bought at most porn stores these days but personality...that's something that's priceless.

I've just started getting to a point where I don't feel like I'm worth anything more than that anymore. I shouldn't have to feel like that.

 

I really, really hate men right now.