Hey all you eco-maniacs! Want to save water? Here's a tip:

PISS IN THE SHOWER

Thousands of gallons of water are flushed or showered away every day. So why not combine the two? Hey, it's all going to the same place, right? The more flushes you save, the more fishes you save! Want to go the extra mile? Bathe in your piss!

Sorry everyone.

From the Toronto Sun:

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Rock star David Lee Roth suffered a medical emergency during a recent visit to a rural Ontario town.

Brant OPP pulled over a rented vehicle for speeding last month in Oakland north of Waterford. Roth, the driver, was suffering an allergic reaction to nuts. Officers stayed with Roth until paramedics arrived.

Const. Larry Plummer of the Brant OPP said it is an exaggeration to suggest the officers saved Roth's life. What the officers did, Plummer said, is routine for police everywhere.

Plummer doesn't know how word of the incident got out. OPP don't normally comment on medical assists.

He said the young constables involved didn't know who they were dealing with, nor did they know of Roth, 53, when told of his history.

"We didn't run anything on it because it's something we come across everyday," Plummer said. "We try to protect people's privacy when it involves personal information."

Const. Chris Thompson was one of the officers who helped. Thompson may not have known who Roth was, but he recognized immediately that there was something different about him.

"At the time, I wasn't star struck," Thompson said. "I was just trying to help him. The guy stuck out like a sore thumb. He was wearing a little silk scarf and flashy clothing – it's not something you see in Oakland too often."

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Lead us, Diamond Dave! Celebrities. They really are just like us!

Sometimes you feel like a nut...sometimes you die.

It is season 20 of MTV's flagship reality series "The Real World." This year's cast hangs their Von Dutch hat in sunny Hollywood! The entertainment hub of America! Over the years the RW casts have become increasingly beautiful and decreasingly people. But this year's cast takes the cake! This is possibly the dumbest collection of people in one place I have ever seen, and we get to watch!



Each cast member is interested in making it in one area of show business. There are singers, actors, record producers, and strippers! So what task are they strapped with this year? Taking improv classes at the Improv Olympic theater! Incredible! There's nothing I like seeing more than bad improv, but the bad improv I see is usually by people who at least like improv and think they are doing really good. These guys suck AND they don't get it!

Here's the catch...there is so much conflict in the house that all the improv isn't cool enough to show over the juicy drama. You see, I think we've entered an age of reality TV where participants know that the camera is rolling. It is becoming the reason that everyone wants to be on a reality show. So everyone can see how compassionate or cool or sexy or quirky they are. And this cast is no exception. Let's have a look at this season's group of fuck-ups:















That's it I guess. I still think this is a great show. Keep watching, America!

After dishing all that dirt, I feel like Perez Hilton!



Hey, wait a minute!!!!

Here lies Death Cab for Cutie and The Raconteurs.

You are officially the two most annoying bands in the world, and I am deleting you from my iTunes (and subsequently iPod). I gave you a chance, I really did, but you didn't get any better. Then your new singles came out and I thought, "one more try?" Well you blew it, guys. Consider this your swan song.

But it's ok. You're going to a better place now. You're in rock and roll heaven with Jimi and Janice and Kurt. Except they won't let you jam with them because you're a bunch of annoying fucks.





Unrelated P.S. My new favorite band is the B-52's. No joke...they are awesome.

For the love of god, please stop playing this song on the radio! Come on, radio! Don’t make me hate the White Stripes! At this point it’s like an alarm clock that won’t stop going off, but instead of a high-pitched beep every half-a-second its Icky Thump every time I get in my car, which is a lot! I got errands!

GNARLS BARKLEY SUCKS!

!!!Exclamation points!!!

Sometimes I just want to look at pictures of my friends' friends. What have you got to hide?!?!? Myspace is a tool of vanity! No one joins myspace just so their friends can look at their profiles! They're your friends! They know what you look like and what you're into! To all those out there with their profiles set to private, what's the big idea? ANSWER ME!!!

As many of you know, I am working as a nanny (or manny) for a family during the daytimes until P-Diddy listens to the demo tape I sent him and signs me to Bad Boy records. BUT IN THE MEANTIME....I watch after two young men, 8 and 10 years old. The other day, the 8-year-old, Benjamin, told me knock knock jokes for a half an hour. I wrote them all down. These are my top ten favorites:

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Butt
Butt who?
Butt Butt

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Trash
Trash Who?
I'm gonna put trash in your face.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Orange
Orange Who?
Banana Orangina

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Trash
Trash Who?
I'm gonna put trash in your house.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Flower
Flower Who?
Flowers don't talk!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Shoes
Shoes Who?
Your shoes are ugly.

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Hair
Hair Who?
Shave it off!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
C-H
C-H Who?
C-H Shut up (???)

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Floor
Floor Who?
Stop stepping on me!

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Trash
Trash Who?
I'm gonna put trash in your mouth.

So there it is. All the classics! He's really gonna go places with these. Until I steal them.

Goodnight.

P.S. I said that the category of this blog was "Religion and Philosophy" but it's not about that at all! Wipe the egg off your face you fool!

Yes, I'm a neurotic person. A lot of things bother / worry me. It comes from my mother's (jewish) side of the family. Here is what you need to know:

I like albums. Full fucking albums. If I hear a song on the radio that I like, I have to (illegally) download the FULL ALBUM! Nothing less. There is nothing more infuriating than going to a party and looking thru a girl's (yes girl's, sorry) iPod and seeing that she has only the hit singles of all of your favorite bands:

"Alright! Led Zeppelin! 'All of My Love?' That's it?"

ME: "I love the Shins!"
DUMB GIRL: "Yeah, the song from Garden State."
ME: "Noooooo!!!"

So here's the hard part. While I'm driving in my car and listening to that FULL ALBUM, there comes the point when the radio single from the album starts to play while I'm stuck at a red light. OH NO!!! What will everyone think??? The lady next to me. The teenagers crossing the street. I play my music loud. I know they can hear it. I know it. They're judging. At that very moment, I am no better than DUMB GIRL from the previous dialogue.

This is my plea!!! Don't judge me! If you hear "Basket Case," just know that I'm in the middle of Dookie, and that I'm really just waiting for "She" to come on. It's my favorite.

While we're on the subject, here are my 6 radio presets in my car. I have to listen to the radio a lot because my tape deck is busted:

1. 88.9 (UCLA College radio...one time they accidentally played a song I liked so I preset it)
2. 89.9 (NPR and then shitty techno after 8)
3. 103.1 (Indie...I guess)
4. 106.7 (KROQ...nuff said)
5. 95.5 (KLOS..."Classic" Rock like R.E.M.)
6. 93.1 (Jack FM...only because every once in a blue moon they play "Owner of a Lonely Heart")

Forgive me bloggers, for I have sinned.

It's been almost one year since my last blog. "But, Mike, this is the only blog in your blogs section. This must be your first." Please, call me Mookie. You don't have to feel weird about calling me that. A lot of people do. Even my parents. Seriously.

I took those old blogs down. They weren't funny. They were stupid. You know when you look at something you wrote, or made, or said, after not looking at it for a while, and you realize that you've done a lot of growing since then and have become so much smarter and more informed? It's like in middle school when you looked at your science notes at the end of the year and noticed how much your penmanship improved from the beginning to the end of the notebook. That's what it was like for my BLOGS, Y'ALL!

Blog post number one was posted (to the best of my knowledge) in February of 2006. I had only been a myspace member for a matter of hours, and I had only lived in Los Angeles for one month. Talk about a green bernaner. That wasn't me. That was a young, scared kid tryin' to make it on Broadway (or the Broadway equivalent of Hollywood). But I've changed a lot since then. I GET IT! I know that using Sizzler in a joke is played out. I know that IN-N-OUT has the best burger in LA, and that Carl's Jr. sux dix. I know that I need to avoid Cahuenga Pass from 5 - 7pm. I know these things...I know them now.

And so dawns a new era of my blog. Blogging and I have put aside our differences, and we're getting back together! For you, my friends, I will blog as often as I can. It may not be every day, or every week. But when I find that gem, that internet gem, I'll shoot it out faster than diarrhea...

...oh wait, I quit again.