ALLSTON, MA - Mixed reviews from various local taste-makers have plagued the latest release from The Ninjas.  Of the reviews, Hello Ninja drummer Anthony Geehan responds, "Not everyone’s going to think that the seeds we plant will grow into roses, and we respect that.  Still, "he admits, "It is a little disappointing.  We were hoping to convince all the non-believers out there."

In the interest of impartial journalism, a majority of Hello Ninja consented to re-post responses from their most outspoken critics.  "I don't understand why we're doing this," argues Ninja front woman Cat Basile.  "I already gave the track my seal of approval.  'All the Mad Men' is a 2:40 shot of rock 'n roll, with lyrics and everything!"



Stephen Bailey, Beat Surrender






"A very cool rock and roll tune with a B-Side ['Back of my Mind'] that’s chemically addicting.”Kevin James, Not A Tad Bad Flim Co.



"One, one hit single.  Ah, ah, ah, ah." Count Von Count, Vampiric Lord of Numbers



“This song reminds me of toys, which are illegal, immoral, and unlawful!”Burgermeister Meisterburger, Baron of Sombertown and anti-fun advocate



“Hello Ninja's new single, 'All the Mad Men' is nothing like a Christmas with no snow, and therefore, completely undesirable.”Heat Miser, Green Christmas supporter and Lord of Heat



“ROAWWWWRRRRR!! ROAWWWARRRR!”Abominable Snowman, Terror of the North Pole

Hi there,

We've never really used this before, but we figure, HEY! it's worth a shot!  We're a hard working, talented, and attractive 3-piece rock band looking for a fourth member to round out our sound.  Collectively, we're 17'5" tall, weigh 400 lbs and have brown hair. 

Us: We like to write hit records, play Goldeneye and eat Wheat Thins.  When we're not rocking out, we like to cruise for babes, host dance parties and go for long walks on the beach. 

You: Play bass AND guitar, no ego, be willing to switch up instruments as the song calls for it.  Preferably be a coffee drinker and not use mixers when drinking whiskey.  If you can sing, GREAT, but if not, that's cool too.  You should have a big...stage presence. 

Who knows, maybe this could be the start of something great?  We want to go slowly at first, but if there's chemistry, then who knows?  Must be somewhat open to the possibility of a long-term commitment. 

Hope to hear from you soon!  Pics not required.

Best,

Hello Ninja

NEW NINJA TRACKS CAUSE CONFUSION, ANXIETY
Associated Press

ALLSTON, MA - New recordings by indie darlings Hello Ninja sent the music community into a whirlwind of contraversy on Monday, as it has quickly become clear that the tracks are impossible to perform live as a three-piece band.  Speculation into possible methods of performance have lead to a flurry of rumors and slander.

"I heard that Cat, Will and Anthony went on a retreat in the mountains, where they learned to charm woodland animals into playing instruments and sing in chorus," says Matt DeMello of Stalemate.  "Last time I saw Cat, she was practicing this creepy whistle-type thing...I think that has something to do with it."

The two new tracks, "Back of My Mind" and "Highway Blues" were recorded in absolute secrecy at Pinewood Studios with the esteemed Mr. Jack Ludden. 

"The label wanted us to try a new direction.  We thought, who knows pop better than Jack Ludden?  We took him on board as a full collaborator.  He basically became the fourth Ninja.  He poured his glossy heart and soul all over this record, and you can really hear it sparkle," says drummer Anthony Geehan. 

Multiple attempts to interview indie credster Kate Flavin yielded but one quote.  "If you like Pinewood Derby," she said, taking a drag from her Camel Light, "You will most likely enjoy the new Ninja recordings.  I don't know how they plan on performing it live.  And, quite frankly, I'd rather go to a Drug Rug show."

"The band has not hired new musicians, nor have they bought one-man-band suits.  Hello Ninja will adapt the songs from the studio versions in their live performances," explained a Hello Ninja representative. 

"The new songs will be released together on a double A-side single entitled The Shute Henns.  They will be available for purchase at our shows and on iTunes," said bassist Cat Basile.  Hipster heartthrob Will Deeks was unavailable to comment at press time.

"EFF THE SHUTE-HENNS!" screamed Beat Surrender's guitarist Stephen Bailey.  "I WRITE GOLD RECORDS IN MY SLEEP! I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS!"  His outburst, among others, exemplifies the depth of emotional trauma caused by the lush sonic landscape of the new singles.

"When we began this project, our goal was to create the most beautiful music possible.  I think we have succeeded in that goal.  I think it challenges the listener to broaden their perception of Hello Ninja as musicians and songwriters," said producer/engineer Jack Ludden.


'Highway Blues'
written by Will Deeks, arrangement by Will Deeks and Jack Ludden
produced, mixed, mastered by Jack Ludden
performed by Cat Basile, Will Deeks and Jack Ludden

'Back of My Mind'
written and arranged by Will Deeks and Jack Ludden
produced, mixed and mastered by Jack Ludden
performed by Cat Basile, Will Deeks and Jack Ludden

available for purchase at all Hello Ninja live performances
soon to be released on iTunes and other internet retail outlets

DISCOVERY OF "SECRET" HELLO NINJA RECORDINGS IN BASEMENT OF PINEWOOD STUDIOS
Associated Press

BROOKLINE, MA - An excavation team working tirelessly through the night unearthed what are believed to be three recordings by rock heroes Hello Ninja in the early hours of Monday, March 16. 

"Evidence that the Ninjas had completed sessions in Pinewood Studios was clear - fossilized fragments of bread from Clearflour Bakery, for example, were all over the site.  We found dozens, literally dozens, of Starbucks cups, some of which are believed to have contained Clover pressings," says team leader Jan Smith excitedly.  Emboldened by the discovery of Will Deek's long-lost car keys in a bush near the studio window, the team moved forward into the basement around 7:30 PM on Sunday March 15. 

"BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH!" a crow screeched as they descended rope ladders through stale basement air.  After hours of searching every corner of the Pinewood underworld, the team nearly called it quits.

"We were re-grouping to figure out our next move.  Jan was so devastated, he had been certain that we were going to find new recordings.  He had invested all of his grant money into this site - morale was really low," says optical-data specialist Frank Marshall.  "Fortunately, at precisely the moment we were about to leave, my lantern caught a glint of something just outside our circle, and we moved to check it out."

The team uncovered three compact discs in quick succession. "We didn't want to get our hopes up, because CDs like this are fairly common in recording studio excavations.  However, these three bore crude markings on them, that, using a simple substitution code, read "HN - Masters".  That got us REALLY excited," says rune-specialist Ida Monroe. 

Forensic inspection of the compact discs reveals that they contain data readable only by a machine equipped with a laser beam. 

"You see, we won't really know what we've found until we get back to the lab.  We'll focus a laser beam in such a manner that it passes through the polycarbonate layer [of the CD], reflects off the aluminum layer and hits an opto-electronic device that detects changes in light," explains Marshall. "Then, we'll run the sequence through a computer drive to interpret the changes in reflectivity, which should allow us to read the bits that make up the bytes."

Data recorvery from the compact discs is expected to take several weeks.  However, sources close to Hello Ninja believe that the "new jams" will be released before the end of the month.   

GUITARIST LEAVES BAND, BABES TO "SEARCH FOR HIS SOUL"
Associated Press

As many of you are aware, Hello Ninja has recently parted ways with guitarist Ian Sears.  Mostly, it's because he grew tired of the groupies and strippers, though the separation can also be attributed to his need to concentrate more on himself.

"I DRIVE like, TEN HOURS back and forth to practice, EVERY DAY, AND I work 75 hours a week serving bullshit to ASSHOLES!!!!  IAAANNN!!! I MISS YOUUUU!!!!" screamed Cat, the whiner. 

"What Cat means, is, we all give a lot, and sometimes, that means we forget to pursue other interests that are important to us," explained drummer Anthony Geehan, acting as a restraint for the hysterical singer.  Guitarist Will Deeks eyed the scene warily, sipping his Vitamin Water and munching on an Odwalla bar.

"I fucking love Ian," he said, taking a chomp of Berries GoMega.  "I want what's best for him.  If Hello Ninja isn't it, then fuck Hello Ninja.  You know?"

The Ninjas will continue their quest for rock 'n roll domination in the absence of their beloved guitarist.  Plans for recording a new gold-certified hit single are in the works with Mr. Jack Ludden ("It's LONDON!!!" trilled Geehan, lunging at the dictophone), and the group is currently organizing their summer tour. 

"Any time he wants to play with us, he is welcome," says Hello Ninja solemnly, in three-part harmony. 

"I would like to thank all my friends and family for supporting me during my time in Hello Ninja. Recently, I played my last show with the band on January 13 at TT the Bears Place due to some differences and I need to take some time to work on a few other projects in life. I am sorry that this is sudden notice to some, but there will be a time again when you will see me performing with Hello Ninja, or a future project. I have not completely ruled out working with my greatest friends, but for now I must bow out of the band and again say thank you. Thank you for these past few years which have meant more to me than anything you can ever imagine. Until we meet again."

-Ian Sears

Dear Diary,

This summer was so great. We played a bunch of sweet shows and made some cool new friends! In June, Will got a haircut, which was a big step for him. He's had long hair since he was 12. Ian fixed up his motorcycle and put skulls all over it, effectively making what is widely-regarded as the most frightening motorbike this side of the Mississippi. Cat bought a Polaroid camera from 1953 and was dismayed to find that they discontinued film for it in 1992. She retaliated by purchasing Fuji film for a slightly newer (1964) model Polaroid Land camera. Anthony won the Hello Ninja Super Prize for booking the most shows this summer, and now has his face featured on a special edition Hello Ninja button.

This autumn, Hello Ninja plans to quit playing shows and just hang out with babes all day. Just kidding. After an encouraging summer, Hello Ninja will continue to play live at every opportunity AND blow all their hard-earned ca$h on some quality time with the lovely and talented Mr. Jack Ludden of Pinewood Productions. This will not be a full-length, but rather another EP, which will most likely be even SWEETER than Hello Ninja is a band (if such a thing is even possible).

Hello Ninja thanks everyone for their support this year, from voting for us in that Coldplay contest to asking us to open at your show (Say When, the nicest and hardest-rocking dudes around).

Time to go back to school shopping KTHX BYE!

Love,

Hello Ninja

ps. The New Buildings financed their recent recordings with money obtained by selling cigarettes to middle school kids.

So, as the subject suggests, we were chosen as one of fifteen finalist bands to open for Coldplay. HOLY S!!!!!!

I want to thank everyone who has already voted and shown such wonderful support. You've all been so kind, and it really means so much more than I can effectively express in a blog. C'mere, lemme give you a hug!

Now, In order for us to win judgement by Chris Martin, we need people to vote for us, favourably. Go ahead, 10 stars for the Ninjas, we're the second to last video on the page (performing a rousing rendition of "Pretty Southern Mama"). Coldplay is my lil' bro's favourite band.

SO! If you haven't already accessed all computers within your reach, head to www.coldplayontour.com/wfnx/ and vote for Hello Ninja!

Thanks dudes, this means a lot!

All the best,

Cat (& Hello Ninja)

Exclusive Interview with Hello Ninja
HELLO NINJA IS A BAND EP COMPLETE
Associated Press

BOSTON – I’m standing near the entrance of Petz4$ale (a hipster pet store) awaiting the arrival of one of the Boston area’s hottest new acts. Trust me, this was not my idea – the band insisted that our interview take place here. When the band is Hello Ninja, you do what they ask. With a smile and four lattes at the ready.

After I’ve had a 5-minute staring contest with a gecko, the four members of Hello Ninja finally troop into the store. They’ve just completed the masters for their hotly-anticipated EP, but that seems to be the furthest thing from their young minds on this fine spring afternoon.

"I don’t want to buy any pets, why did we come here?" demands Cat (the girl).
"Cat! We have an interview! Put your game face on!" hisses lead guitarist Will Deeks (the skinny hipster).

News of the completion of their upcoming self-titled release was leaked to reporters outside Pinewood Studios last Monday. This marks Hello Ninja’s first release of an extended-player in nearly twenty years. A press conference later in the week confirmed the rumors to be true; entitled Hello Ninja is a band, the EP has six songs and an album cover, as the band intimated it might several months ago. No release date has yet been set, although it is widely believed that the Ninja’s will hold an official release party in the late spring.

"What I’m most impressed with was Jack [Ludden]’s fearless approach to both engineering and producing," says guitarist Ian Sears, carefully picking up a snake from the terrarium. "He did the whole thing with his bare hands." Sears nearly drops the snake in his effort to simulate Mr. Ludden’s approach, demonstrating how one might turn knobs and push faders on invisible equipment in an imaginary sound booth.

"He didn’t put on gloves ONCE, the whole time," exclaims Deeks. "And let me tell you, those tracks were HOT!"

Drummer Anthony Geehan made a move as though to speak, but was so repulsed by the snake he passed out.

Hello Ninja is a band EP
Release date T.B.A (ok, it’s May 27. Don’t tell anyone)

Listen now at www.myspace.com/helloninjaband

GUITARIST "SLIGHTLY ANNOYED" BY ONSTAGE ASSAULT
Associated Press

THE SOULFUL BARITONE of Hello Ninja guitarist Ian Sears stirred something deep inside everyone at Jack's Snack Shack last Thursday night. Performing a solo acoustic set at the popular Brookline venue, Sears delighted the crowd with a stunning bare-bones version of the Ninja classic 'Matt D'.

Written as a tribute to his best friend, Matt D, the song has long been a Ninja fan favourite. "This song is special to all of us, but to Ian, it's a remembrance of his best friend. It's a real treat to be in the audience, watching him perform it tonight," remarked Hello Ninja bassist Cat Basile. Will Deeks and Anthony Geehan were also in the audience supporting their bandmate.

"Matt D's drum kit is in our practice room. The power of that song, and the sincere emotions Ian conveys during his performance are with me every time I play those drums," expressed Geehan, vigorously hammering up and down the wall with his trademark drumsticks. "We've played that song so many different ways, fast and slow, drums and no drums, and this is the way I like it best," said Will Deeks, his usual bottle of Vitamin Water conspicuously absent. "Just a man and his guitar, with something very real to testify."

Sears' obvious performing talent evoked a particularly stong reaction among female audience members. "I had like, 8 bras thrown at me during that set. It was kind of annoying, actually. And a little gross. What if some girlsweat got in my eye? I'd have to use the emergency eyewash in the first aid kit immediately," Sears said after the show. "I returned all the bras to their rightful owners. I'm not interested in that sort of thing."

According to Hello Ninja's manager, the live recording of 'Matt D' will be released as a "cocktease" before the rest of the album drops. "I've never seen an audience react like that, not in all my years of live recording," said sound guy Jack Ludden. "I've recorded some crazy things, but never before have I captured the sound of 8 bras sailing through the air at once. It's a milestone in my career as a sound guy."

With the onstage undergarment assault behind him, Sears has his eyes on the future. "I just want to play music every night of my life. This was our dream, Matt and I. He's with me every time I'm playing."


Matt D is a preview track from Hello Ninja's upcoming release, due out in January 2008 on Pilgrims of Sound Records.

FOX FORCE FOUR
Associated Press

ADDING TO RECENT INDUSTRY TURMOIL, Hello Ninja announced their new drummer on Monday of this week. Drumming wunderkind Anthony Geehan, 22, has been embraced by the Ninjas, who believe him to be "a gentleman and a scholar."

"I can't decide what has me more shook up; Radiohead releasing In Rainbows without a label, or this announcement that Hello Ninja has officially found a new drummer," says EMI's chief executive Eric Nicoli.

Hello Ninja remains confident in their decision, which was made official in the early morning hours of Friday, October 26.

"We had just trucked some chumps in someone's basement and then it hit me like a bolt of lightening," said guitarist Will Deeks, pinching Geehan's cheeks. "This kid is the real deal."

"We all sort of felt that Anthony fit in the first time we had him over for tea, but we were careful to make sure that this was the right decision," explains bassist Cat Basile.

"We waited until we had played a few shows with the boy, then jumped on him," adds sexually-charged guitarist Ian Sears.

Geehan's past credentials include several bands of note, including Fitchburg's rock 'n roll heroes, The Reaganauts. "You pilfering wench! Give me back my drummer!" cried Reaganaut leader Stephen Bailey upon hearing the news. Bailey later said that he was "glad [Geehan] is fitting in," and surrendered a Cat-shaped voodoo doll to local authorities.

The Ninja's have described Geehan's style in numerous incoherent ways, but it is best summarized as such:


+ + + =


With Anthony Geehan officially completing Hello Ninja's line-up, industry officials claim that they haven't been this flustered since Madonna opted out of her Warner Bros. contract.


Hello Ninja is a band EP
Out in January 2008