Hey folks, I'm closing this account after the New Year. If you haven't already added me on Facebook, do so if you care. Thanks.

Perfect for that hard-to-shop-for rapist in the family.

It's that time of year when talk shows and "evening magazine" programs dust off the bullshit they've been peddling for the past ten years and re-package it as nostalgia, the way a dog will sniff its own turd then eat it. It's going to be a hard sell this time around because nothing has happened in America that I care to remember with any fondness. But hey, I don't want to rain on everyone's parade, so I thought I'd jump in and do my own "look back at the stories that shaped our lives" in the oughts:

9-11. War. Economic collapse.

Thanks for watching.

..Dan Tessitore | Create Your Badge
..

Uploaded a few short clips from the Loose Cannon Show in Coon Rapids, MN here:

http://www.youtube.com/user/dantcomedy

I'm not going to bother loading them on Myspace because frankly I have too many web sites as it is, and my goal in 2010 is to streamline this whole online operation. More vids are coming soon, and be sure to click over to Daryl Horner's YouTube page and subscribe. Ditto Willy's Loose Cannon page. They're in my subscriptions section.

Hate to say I told ya so, but... nah, I like saying I told ya so.

This weekend I'll be stepping foot in WI and MN for the first time. I'm pretty sure I've never even passed through an airport in either state. Friday I'll be featuring with Peter Hefty at Howie's Live in La Crosse. Saturday it's a short set with Daryl Horner/the Verbally Vicious crew in Winona, MN. Sunday I close Daryl's Loose Cannon Show at Willy's in Minneapolis (Coon Rapids). In other news, I killed a praying mantis today. It was an accident, I swear.

Friday night I popped in to one of the local swill-shacks to see J. Boozer, a one-man army of musical aggravation who bills himself as "the world's drunkest band." Right on. In order to ensure a turn-out and sell a few beers, the manager booked a local frat guy who has a following of 40 or so other fratties and...wait, what's the short form of "sorority girl?" Sorries? Frat guy has two original songs and a long list of predictable covers. Of course his fratty and sorry friends cheer his barely competent versions of everything, and when Boozer hits the stage they stare or wander off to play with their cell phones. I'm not saying Boozer is the best act I've ever seen, but what is the appeal of watching some milk-toast dude do uninspired songs that can be heard on the radio all day every day? When I step onto a comedy stage, I don't have the option of doing cover jokes. In the funny business that's called stealing and will get you fired and/or punched in the throat.

Good evening folks. Hickory dickory dock, git'er done, and now watch as I smash this watermelon...

I have no problem with bands doing covers. Echo & The Bunnymen do the best version of "Paint it Black" I've ever heard. But they made it theirs. Hayseed Dixie does bluegrass versions of classic rock tunes that are a scream. But if your whole show is doing other people's music exactly as written, sorry, but you have no business being on stage, much less getting paid. There's already a TouchTunes on the wall. If I want to hear "Use Somebody" by Kings of Leon for the 37th time this week, I'll pay a dollar, hear the original version, then blow my brains out.