Well I haven't written anything in a really long time.....and I feel that it is time I do....I am feeling a little stressed....For those of you who really know me..I am into everything....I haven't figured out why I am..I might be trying to hide from something, maybe not deal with certain things...I'm not quit sure....But i know I'm not the fully put together, powerful, independant women people may think....I stress, I worry, I have problems..I don't cry though..and that scares me...I may not talk about it all the time...(actually, I don't think i talk about any of it)  I often question what my direction is..and I question why God put me here.....Recently and friend that was very close to Chris and I father passed away....during the funeral....all his daughters got up and spoke about what a wonderful man he was.....what he did in his life, what he accomplished....how he taught his kids about life....I wonder if I have instilled these values and morals...and respect in my kids.....And I don't think I have....I would love for my kids to summarize all the good I hope I have done....My daughter is almost 11 and boy does she challenge me....I know i am strong...But I just hope she is the same caring person....I am...I always think about how would I feel if I was in the same situation.  Maybe I should let her be selfish and self centered......People who are that way seem to be better off....they don't worry to much about other people....they just focus on one..."themselves"  As for my Son's..they only seem to worry about breaking things...but I guess that is ok...

So I sit here with MY space..and wonder and type...and try to see what God has in store for me.....I take care of EVERYTHING in my house....I am getting burned out...and is in a desperate need of sometime in the woods, reflexing and enjoying the simple things in life....and REFUEL...because I am loosing ground very fast....Chris and I need some refueling...because we just don't enjoy each other as much as we should.....I am the one who always say's.....our turn is coming...to focus on us and our relationship.....sometimes I need to hear those encouraging words....and I wait and wait.....and they never come....I get so sick of waiting....

Well I must say, what a weekend I had....Friday was an awesome cookie party by the best host in the world....A few great glasses of wine....and some incredible scrumping with my man....then Saturday, a great dinner by candle light at the club....with some good friends....then 8 of us fitting into the hot mini van, with our very own strobe lights....(thanks chris) and two wild women in the back seat with mikey...LOL.....what a night.....I can forsee that the memories have only just begun.....I look forward to the nights of our new favorite game 1's and 5's....and lot's of beer.....

Jamie, I am so happy that we can get closer...(i'm not the ex, yippppeeee)  I think our friendship is going to grow stronger than it ever has been....I look forward to making memories...with our crew....Watch out Crescent Terrace.....I can't wait to ice fish....that is going to be a blast...

Barbie, I have always wanted to spend more time with you..and get to know you better....Your are a wonderful person..and you alwasy make me laugh....your sincere, and thoughtful.....your life has only just begun.....trust me....he is a great guy...and I love him dearly.....

Travis - you are hoot...and Chris and I look forward to hanging out with you some more.....Ice fishing, Hunting....4-wheeling....Hell Ya.....and boy do you have some great nipples....LOL

Mike - must I say anything.......You are my bro.....and you are what brought the SOUZA'S together....and I owe you everything....as for that Chaffe kid...you know my thoughts on that one ...LOL

Thanks again....to everyone else......Let's keep the memories going...

Let's see.....Ton's of stuff have challenged my values and thoughts on friendships.....what are actually friends....and how do they work in the crazy world of life.....How far do you go....how much do you trust.....how much do you give to those friends.....You know...I don't know any more....I feel like all I do is give, give, give.....am I suppose to say sorry for things I don't feel I should say sorry about.....but if you do say it.....will the person ever really know how angry it made you.....I try to instill in my children how to forgive people, and how that when a friend hurts you...it's their lost.....But when is the pain going to stop???? Why should I tell my children to forgive......when they could be spending their entire life forgiving everyone else for the pain they have caused to them? I don't think so.....I would give everything I have to anyone....But people are the first to take away from me....I am soooo sick of it.....I am not talking about anyone in general...so people who are subscribed to my blog's I am not singling one person out.....I have had a tough road with a couple of you.....Maybe it's me...I don't know...probably.....But....all i can do is write...that is what this is for....

I am pretty sick of being the happy, positive person......I am sick of it.....I have sooooo much stress right now...it's crazy.....and once again, I stand alone....no one really asks how I am doing.....or do you need anything.....Nope.....I am there to lend an ear to anyone and everyone who needs me.....O well I guess that's life.....God will only give us what we can handle....that's what I keep telling myself......

To everyone who showed up to my man's birthday party......Thanks for helping to celebrate his 30th with us....It was a blast....It is nice to know who your true friends are.....I have sooooo many awesome pictures....and Chris will  have a lot of great memories...Thanks....

To my girl Lynette.......Thank you for all your help....I can't thank you enough.....

Jeff...........Thank you also.....It was nice having you guys over for the weekend....I look forward to the holiday season...It is going to be nice to have a big family like I always wanted.....Big family dinners, Christmas....I don't have much family either....so I am so excited about you guys moving home.....Love you both sooooo much.....

I am so pissed at some people right now!!!!!

.....I think it is so amusing how people can be so fake...and in their blog talk about how they hate fake people, and how they only want true friendships....Then they have a chance to be friends with a very genuine, giving person and then before you can blink, their talking smack about you.....and  the only reason they're talking smack about you is because it makes them feel soooo much better about their pitiful life....I think that is so funny.....

I also like the people who say that they were apprehensive about going somewhere but then had the time of their life, but once again, before you can blink their talking shit about you....If people who are like that call themselves friends....I shake my head....Because people like that are the farthest from friends....and you know who you are....

So in closing; I would like to enlighten my true friends about who they are friends with.  I would walk the mile with you, and carry you when you grow weak....My true friends, I would give the life giving drink to you when you become thirsty.......My true friends I hold very close to my heart.....and always will...I will be here for you to cry with, laugh with and grow old with....Because I am your friend and always will be.....

To my husband, who everyone thinks I don't care about and want to try to break up the poerful bond we have....  You are my everything...I love you, and my life would not be complete without you to hold me.....We have built a damn good life so far together, and we only have the rest of our life to grow it stronger, and build it better....So please don't grow weak....because everyone around you is weak don't follow them....and remember "your my bestfriend"......I love you

Let's see, What can I say....I am a mother of three and a wife of six years....I love my family more than anything in this world. I spend all of my free time running with the kids, and fixing up my home.  I hold my true friends very close to me....As we all know there are a lot of fakes out there.....I love having parties at my house on the weekend...drinking beer, and my new favorite drink...tic-tac's.....Everyone get ready for the annual July 4th party......that always goes down in history....I love my new relationship with my brother-in-law Mike....Love ya bro.....Chris and I will be there for you for eternity....And I always save the best for last....I am the luckiest woman in this world to be married to the sexiest, strongest, ass kicking man in this world.....You are my everything.........I always tell you....There will be time for just YOU and I...I promise.....Love ya Honey.....