so, normally i bitch about my love life- what little there is to bitch about. But this time the stars must have aligned and god must have been merciful. I met this old crush- who get this calls me the "one that got away" he is sweet, unmarried and a human doll. Affectionate, calls me baby, loves my hair and actually wants me to meet his family. Likes to love on me, even after, no get up and get some air for him. He cares about me enough to be honest with me. And get this, I am not afraid of committment with him, he talks about forever and i don't get scared and nervous. But he is a rogue, so i am cautious. He likes the ladies, but is capable of fidelity. I can be myself around him, and feel like i am needed and wanted. I like him alot. I probably won't tell him this until a little down the line, but i could actually love him one day. I can see myself having his children when i get older. And i completely forget my crush on this other unavailable guy who previously entered my thoughts whenever i even tried to be with another guy/girl. So i am content, happy and satisfied- I am waiting for the thunderbolt of lightning to strike me down at any moment. This never happens to me. So currently hopeful of the outcome and all other guys can kiss my ass, until he inevitably dumps me for hot chick# 8. Then i will be back cruising the dating sites and sadly enough hooking up with guys from MySpace. Sorry, i am currently unavailable.I have to at least see where this is going to end up. If i have my heart broken then so what, then i can go back to feeling sorry for myself and one-night stands.

Tabby

Disorder | Rating
Paranoid: Very High
Schizoid: Moderate
Schizotypal: Very High
Antisocial: Moderate
Borderline: Very High
Histrionic: Very High
Narcissistic: High
Avoidant: Very High
Dependent: Very High
Obsessive-Compulsive: High

URL of the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/personality_disorder_test.mv
URL for more info: http://www.4degreez.com/disorder/index.html

I see you across the room.

Those who can't see me swoon. I miss your eyes upon my face.

I want so much for you to be free.

My conscience eats at me

I know that I am being foolish

To hold out when others call

Dismissing those who could freely love

To ease this pain and loneliness once and for all

They say they want to take care of me and be with me for always

But their pretty speeches are replaced by your laughter to my ears

Their eyes all turn your shade of brown

Their kisses make me miss you all the more

If you crossed the line in the sand I couldn't take you

But I need to hear your voice for the pit to disappear

I talk to you when you are not here

I write to you in letters I can never send

Your heart is not free for me, but that  is not what I want

I need you to hear, for this is scarce

You made someone happy

To give myself peace I give you up

But this last letter- of which you will never see

Is my gift to you

Christmas

Lights twinkle so brightly

Carols sung loudly and Joyously

Gifts given to see their loved ones' faces alight

Hope abounds for young and old

The sights turn sour as you enter 1002 Rande

The surface looks perfect

The residents sing the carols

hang the lights

wrap the presents and

send the cards

          But Jesus's birth brings only

screams and broken things

hurt feelings and cross words

The three inside turn bitter when faced with other's joy

Bleeding into our happy facade you see tears in their eyes and frowns in their faces

The three inside hear from outsiders that they're moody and antisocial

Brings to mind the phrase: Misery Loves Company

Untitled

To be lonely is to feel hope leave your soul

To feel depression enter like a seed and grow

Till the roots tear out all the love still struggling to survive in your soul

It's like hell, all cold and bleak with no chance of happiness in the near future

True loneliness hurts and crushes your spirit

To be in a crowded room and still feel isolated is to know the essence of Loneliness

Okay so I wrote this one in college, but you see a theme developing

I have a whole segment of stuff written in that short period between tipsy and drunk too

Love

All forms come to mind

any number of pain and sorrow follow

We see the hope and joy prevail

I love many people

              Most of all, I'm loving myself

              But I care for another

Unavailable to me

Shackled and fathered

Behind an invisible wall

In her arms he sits

               Our moments are brief and playful

more meaningful to me than him

He uses me as an outlet

He loves his family, He likes me

                   Delusions, I don't have

                   I know my place

                   But the love I hold

                    will keep me tethered to this world

We all need our connections, good bad or indifferent to keep us closer to Mother Earth

Visions and Delusions-happy hallucinations to preoccupy the mind.

Revenge to those who wronged you

Happiness/Contentment in the face of their torment

Hatred taking on altered forms

Passive/Aggressive through and through

Proud to be weird-happy with mediocrity

pain felt with each lost oppurtunity

Precious thoughts and moments to keep you afloat

For their sheer existence proves your worst fears wrong

Loving speeches, wild rides, good sex, shared inside jokes, friendship and loyalty that's proven beyond a doubt

All evidence that you live and love

That you can feel and others feel you too

Touching others lives in positive and negative ways gives you your existence

Another 7th grade production

Hatred burns your spirit

Steals your soul

And takes the love out of every part of your life

Leave hatred behind you

And embrace the chance of love

that still blooms in your soul

Hate invades every part of your life-Takes over your free will and causes all reason to flee

Causing Men and Women to do and say things that they always regret