Hey, i don't usually use my blog as a means of spreading my music but i should. so with that out of the way, check out the new song. it's called Back In Action and it's quite humorous. well i got a kick out of it anyway, if you don't, well.....i suppose you're a nazi.

the lyrics are posted below the video for those of you at home who like to sing along. if you haven't done so please visit my artist page and drop a friend request: myspace.com/itsjaypah.

back in action. written by Jaypah! produced by Teezie

hook:

i'm back in action what's happenin, i'm back in action what's happening,

you can try to kill me i don't die, who am i? -Jaypah!- "oh my God he's still alive!" x2

verse 1:

i'm back on my dumb shit as usual, niggas buying black clothes for my funeral,

but Frankenstein is alive like the movie so take your lil rumors and shove them up your booty hole,

still need to get my brain inspected, it works but sometimes i think it ain't connected,

like...i watch porn 'til 9 in the morn then walk around all day with my wang erected,

radio told me clean this up, i can't help it i got tourettes "Shit Bitch Fuck",

i can't help it i sip 'til my shit get dizzy then that tourettes kicking in again, "BIG BIG TITTIES!!!",

Deuce Bigalo- what the fuck are you on, them hoes still spread for bread like Grey Poupon,

and i don't go to the strip clubs no more, why? 'cus they refuse to take my homemade cupons.

hook:

i'm back in action what's happenin, i'm back in action what's happening,

you can try to kill me i don't die, who am i? -Jaypah!- "oh my God he's still alive!" x2

verse 2:

i'm back from the grave like a zombie and now it's happy days *ayeeee* like Fonzie,

still love to get drunk 'til i'm sloppy and zone off the broccoli like Joanie loves Chachi,

Google that so i don't sound like i'm Rambling, amped, off of Ritalin and jamming in that ambulance,

nurse told me she ain't had a man, started dancing and my cock needed room so i stopped and got some Hammer pants,

that was crazy what i said just now, but that's Jaypah! you should hear what's in my head right now,

if i never stopped myself from saying shit that i'm thinking i'd be lying up in a psych ward or dead right now,

i'm like a robot, straight Autobot, still going hard on you niggas *NO GOBOT*,

and my flow so outta control got the whole S.W.A.T. team here surrounding the whole block, yeah!

hook:

i'm back in action what's happenin, i'm back in action what's happening,

you can try to kill me i don't die, who am i? -Jaypah!- "oh my God he's still alive!" x2

verse 3:

i was gonna make the 3rd verse legendary, then i asked myself, "is it necessary?"

and the answer was NO....................

  Hey there people! While having a discussion recently with my boy Oskie it dawned on me that there are some things in life so retarded, so misguided, so...ri-fucking-diculous that i just can’t let them be. I know that my bullshit commentary doesn’t necessarily bring anything "worthwhile" to the vast pool of knowledge that we call the internet, but some things i just can’t ignore, no matter how mundane or obscure. Before I get into todays piece of alcohol fueled ranting allow me to pose a scenario....

 Let’s say that you’re a crack dealer. For all intents and purposes I’m sure that you’re not but just walk with me on this one. So you make a living selling rocks, right? Now I’m not the brightest candle on the cake and I make no mistake in assuming that I am, but I would figure that one of the most damaging threats to your business would be junkies who would rather have your product without paying for it.

 That’s just a fool-proof rule of thumb right there; Junkies and friendship just don’t mix. That would be like the people working at ’Gamestop’ asking me to watch the store while they went and grabbed lunch. By the time they got back that bitch would just be ’Stop’. In that case the blame would fall squarely on the shoulders of the Gamestop employees. I have a video game habit and they know it, which is why I’m not on a first name basis with them. They know if they get too familiar or friendly then I’ll be in there trying to sell them used car batteries in exchange for the latest Mario game. In essence, they’ve exhibited good business sense by keeping business business and separating friendship from the all mighty dollar. As a theoretical crack dealer surely you can understand this line of thinking, correct? Then how do you explain this?












what the fuck dude?!?

 How does this even happen? His fucking name is The Hamburglar...HE STEALS YOUR FUCKING BURGERS! At what point did Ronald see this burger-junkie and decide that he was a welcome addition to the Mcdonaldland family? Did he not notice the full prison-stripe outfit? I’m not a fashionista by any stretch of the imagination, but if a muthafucka showed up at my door in full on prison gear I’d hardly assume it was from the Ralph Lauren spring line.

 If by chance he didn’t notice the "I did it" clothes he probably should have been tipped off by the mask. A mask. A mask ON A GUY NAMED THE HAMBURGLAR!!! YOU SELL HAMBURGERS FOR A LIVING YOU RETARDED FUCKING IDIOT, WHY ARE YOU HANGING WITH A FUCKING JUNKIE? The sheer absurdity of it all is enough to melt my brain and cause me to keel over and die face first on my keyboard. If I end this blog entry with, "fjjkls;dF;;;;;hdfasd;;;;;;;;;sdh" you’ll know what happened.

 Just in case you still aren’t understanding me just take another look:



 I don’t know his sexuality but if ever there was a muthafucka that would suck your dick for a double cheeseburger I’m willing to bet a beer that it’d be him. And folks, i don’t play around when it comes to beer. He  even has hamburgers on his tie for crying out loud! He doesn’t even hide it. That’s like asking Kobe to come and hang out with you and your white girl while he has a "Blondes Do It Better" shirt on. You’d have to be smoking crack and eating the ashes to not see this coming a mile away...






*sigh*

I rest my fucking case. night.

J@YP@H!

Good morning, and welcome to another in depth look at an American Icon: The Kool-Aid Man. Today we'll have a brief overview of my history with the Kool-Aid Man followed by an interview with the man himself.

When discussing the Kool-Aid Man there's only one place to start....childhood. Being that I'm a member of the Black race, the Kool-Aid man was like a first-cousin to me when i was growing up. Always smiling down on me from his packets in my pantry, we were an inseparable team. Traces of our adventures still stain my Grandmother's carpet some 24 years later. I've always wanted to follow in his footsteps. I mean, who wouldn't want to burst through someones living room wall butt-assed-naked screaming, " OH YEEEAAHHHH!!!". Though i never got the job (i could never find the application form....just Kool-Aid points) I have done some freelance work, taking it upon myself to burst through the walls of random homes to bring the gift of 'Red Drank'. Though i would love to speak on that more, my case is still pending and my lawyer advises that i, "SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE!". His words not mine.

As i grew older my taste in drinks began to sway towards those of the alcoholic persuasion. Never one to leave a friend behind i still found ways to incorporate the Kool-Aid Man into my everyday life. Like say for instance you have a female friend over who finds the overly strong alcohol that you've poured for her bitter and nasty. Don't give up on the prospect of drunk sex just yet my friend. Simply say, "I apologize Darlin', let me fix you something a little lighter". She'll regard you as a gentleman and you'll regard her as a picky bitch who's lucky you didn't meet her slutty sister first. So you take that exact same drink, put it in a slightly larger glass and add copious amounts of sugar. Then you go to the pantry to call on the help of an old friend. The dialog will go something like this:

me: ppssttt! pppssssstttt! aye,  Kool-Aid Man....

Kool-Aid Man: What up dude? You seen Mrs. Butterworth 'round here? That bitch got a fat ass and I'm trying to burst through her walls.....ya feel me? yaseewhatimsayin'....huh..*wink wink*

me:ummmmm yeah....uh...whatever nigga, look.....I need you to do me a solid favor. Could you 'freshen up' this drink for my young lady?

Kool-Aid Man: No doubt, what ya need? A l'il lemon-lime? Some standard fruit-punch.....

me: Nah, I need something that's going to remind her of the tropics and shit like that...

Kool-Aid Man: I got you.....Slammin' Orange and Kiwi Blast!

me: Oh hell yeah, that's what's up!

Kool-Aid Man: If you want to go full island style there's some little umbrellas behind the soy sauce.

me: Soy sauce? Dude that's ketchup!

Kool-Aid Man: Really? Damn.....Y'all need to clean this muthafucka more often.

me: Yeah, well you live in this pantry so clean it yourself. Have some pride nigga. I'll holla....

Kool-Aid Man: Hey....can i watch?

me: eewww nigga, fuck no!

Kool-Aid Man: iight, iight....but you'll come back and tell me about it right?

me: you got that.

Kool-Aid Man:oh ye-
me: sshhhhh! She's right in the next room dude!

together: oh yeeeaaahhhh!



So that's the general gist of our relationship. I'm sure there's lots of other stories that i could have told but I'm already late for a date at Jocko's Turkey and Pancakes. So without further ado i present to you the man of the hour......


Welcome to the program KM. What it do baby?

KM: Same ol' shit. Shaking them haters.

Speaking of haters, you've been in some pretty bitter lawsuits lately. Care to speak on that?

KM: Yeah, a few parents are seeking money for property damages. But that's my JOB. Their kids get thirsty and say, "Boy it sure is hot, i wish i had something sweet and cheap as Hell to drink. Something so full of potent color dye that my insides get irreversibly stained to the point that the poor bitch who does my inevitable autopsy passes the fuck out at the sight of my unnaturally rainbow-colored innards". Then i show up and burst through the wall like in the commercials. We've all seen the commercials. We all know how i roll. If you don't want me fucking up your sheet rock i suggest you either tell you kids to shut the fuck up when they're thirsty or make your front door big enough for me and my awkwardly huge handle-head.   Then i got busted for public indecency out in Florida. But what the fuck do they want me to do Jay? It's not my fault that i can't find clothes. I've run across a few 'Big and Tall' shops but I've never run across 'Thompson's Huge And Big Bowl Shaped Full of Fucking Sweet Red Drank Clothing Shoppe For The Man On The Go With A Big Ass Handle On The Side Of His Head'. For one, i don't think they make signs big enough to put the store name on. And for two, I'd probably be their only customer so i can't imagine their business model to be at all profitable. But i digress.....

Indeed you do my nigga. But besides that everything's cool?

You sure?


But I've heard that you were beefing with the kids from the Flavor-Aid company. click here for the history of flavor-aid.

KM: Yeah i saw them bitches at the 'Drink Somethin' 07' convention. i'm posing for pics and shit right? Yeah, well these l'il lame ass swagger jackin' bitches come through and they're talking mad shit. Well it wasn't really them but they were with some niggas from the Capri Sun camp and you know i rock with Sunny Delight. I'm Sunny D-Block all day! So as you know CS and Sunny D been beefin' and i was a l'il full that day. I ain't gonna lie to you Jay, i had poured a few gallons of vodka in my head plus i was on a few lines of Pixie-Stix so i was bucked up. So it popped off and I was Z'ing them dudes! I mean clean knocked out ya heard me?!? Crystal-Light tried to break it up and i was slingin' them hoes off me left and right. Somebody had caught it on their camera phone and put it on youtube but the lawyers at Capri-Sun started bitching so they took it down. But for the record FUCK HATER-AID AND CAPRI-DONE, THEM BITCHES IS OVER!!

Ummm...ok. Calm down dude, that shit was months ago. Take a deep breath. You good?

 
So....you've been tied to Mrs. Butterworth in the past months. Are you planning on settling down or what?

KM: uh, are you going to air this part? i mean...are we off the record or what?

Nigga, this shit is live. It's happening as we sit here. So i'll ask you again, are you going to settle down with her?

KM: we....uh...I mean

Cool. But you can't deny that you're a lady's man. You've been linked to Mrs. Dash, Betty Crocker, Sara Lee, the Land O' Lakes butter broad....

KM: Yeah, i used to get around. But that's all in my past. Plus Uncle Ben is my nigga and he was dealin' with Betty Crocker and if he wanted to give her 'the San Fransisco treat' I'm not the type to step on his toes, ya feel me?

Totally. So what's next? New flavors?


New commercials?



Mo' money then?



Cool. Well thanks for coming on "A Jaypah Introspective". I'm sure we all look forward to your new flavors and i hope you have much continued success. I'll holla at you later at the crib. Watch those wires on the floor on your way out.

KAM: Thanks for having me on Jaypah. I'll see you at the crib. You bring your girl over and i'll get at Mrs. B and we can pop some of these Sweet-Tarts and see what it do. Get at a nig-oh, shit! whoa, whoa!!!!!

*crash*


Damn dude, i told you to watch them fucking wires on the floor. Are you alright?





Well this concludes another episode of "A Jaypah Introspective". I guess I'm going to be late for my date after all. Iight y'all, let me go and clean this shit up. I'll holla....


this has been another Jaypah/Raven Flock production. later days fuckers! ~J@YP@H

what idiot though that a jack in the box would be a good gift for a child. it's a fucking box that plays creepy-ass music then some deranged looking puppet pops out at you with the serial killer smile. as if i wasn't a nervous enough spazz as a kid now i'm scared of boxes. "What did you get for Christmas Jay?" A FUCKING ANXIETY ATTACK! thanks Santa, if you ever run across a black dude who bitch slaps the shit out of you for seemingly no reason....it was me.     ~j@yp@h~

you know what i hate? when you go to the mall and see a person you know, but you're not that cool with them but you stop and exchange bullshit greetings with them anyway right? and then you walk around the mall and get whatever it was you went for and you see the person on your way out and they're just looking you trying to guage wether or not they should speak again so you're stuck looking at them like, "ALL RIGHT NIGGA, I GET IT! FUCK....I KNOW YOU! WE GOT THAT COVERED ALREADY!" and then you give them the head nod and say, "iight". what the fuck is that? that's why i'm going to start bringing a big ass loudspeaker with me, so when i see people twice in one day i can scream, "KEEP IT MOVING FUCK-FACE, WE WERE NEVER "SPEAK-TWICE-IN-A-DAY-COOL", KEEP..IT..FUCKING..MOVING!!! is that wrong?    ~J@yp@h~

ok let me tell yall something that happened recently. i went to Mickey Dee's to get a McGriddle. if you don't know what a McGriddle is allow me to explain. when a Sausage Biscuit is feeling particularly horny and goes through his phone numbers he may stumble onto the phone number of Hot Cakes (or pancakes as they're often refered to). feeling a bit down because Hot Cakes hasn't heard from Waffles in quite a while, Hot Cakes decides to go and see Sausage Biscuit. what follows is a night of passionate, raunchy, nasty, syrupy sex. fast forward about 9 months and Hot Cakes is having a baby! TA-DAAAA!!!! Mc-mutha fuckin-Griddle! of course by this time Sausage Biscuit isn't returning any of Hot Cakes' calls and she decides to turn the baby over to McDonalds, but that's neither here nor there for the purpose of my story.

anyway, so we're in a crazy rush to get to McDonalds before the magical "breakfast time" window of opportunity closes and we get there just in time. there's an old dude in front of me and a lady in her 40s behind me. the guy in front must have ordered a McGriddle without cheese because when the lady who worked there read back the order as she was giving him his food he said he didn't want cheese. of course the cheese is melted on and it was the last McGriddle before the lunch menu change so he said he wanted a Big Mac with just meat and pickles (no secret sauce? fucking weirdo...) so that meant that the McGriddle was up for grabs.

so with him out the way i had my eye on the prize and everything was looking good. i place my order and await my awesome McGriddle. that VERY second the lady behind me says, "shit the only reason i came here is for a McGirdle". my first thought was "hold the fuckin' phone.......did she just call it a McGIRDLE?!?!? lord please tell me she didn't say McGIRDLE....GIRDLE? fuck that, she doesn't deserve the McGriddle. she can't even get the name right.". but i'm an extremely nice guy, especialy when it comes to women so i was going to offer her the McGriddle. but then she said, "all i wanted was to come in here and get a damn McGirdle!!" and she said it all extra lound in my ear.....like i'm SUPPOSED to give it to her.

so i was stuck between a moral delima and my love for McGriddles. on the one hand, all of the stuff my mama taught me as a kid went running through my head."Be kind to women. Be kind to your elders. Help those in need. Get your hand out of your pants" (well the last one had nothing to do with the situation but she did tell me that as a kid). so here i was. do i hand over my yumm-yumm McGriddle and leave with a Double Quarter Pounder Hold The Onions that i really didn't feel like eating? or do i take the McGriddle and give it a good home in my tummy?

well i did what anybody in my position would have done. i turned to her and said,"if you put syrup on a sausage biscuit it's SORT OF like a McGriddle" got my bag, got my change and walked out. who knows what she wound up ordering but the important thing is i got my McGriddle. had she not tried to "suggest" that i give it to her i would have given it to her without a doubt. but when she tried to use her powers of persuasion to take my breakfast i knew i had to leave like i set out to.....McGRIDDLE IN HAND, SMILE ON FACE, STRUTTING LIKE THE KING OF GRIDDLE.    true story. Later days fuckers!!!