Depression is a serious problem and still so many people don't understand it. Sometimes no matter what you do you are not going to find the happiness you are looking for. Find your strength. No person or thing is going to change how you feel on the inside. You have to fight that battle your self.

People change so much as years go by. I have made the decisions to not be friends with many of the people I was in high school and the first couple years afterward. Because I don't really want to be friends, doesn't mean that i stop caring about those people all together as a person. I still want those people to thrive and have well being.

 I worry about some people. The people I thought would do the best in life seem to be crumbling. Some of the people I tried to find strength in can't help them selves. I don't know what to do. Please take care of your self and make the decisions to better your life, Find love and comfort in the right places.


I struggled for a very long time. I still struggle to day with depression. It tares friendships and relationships apart.  I tried to rely on someone else to be my rock and protect me from my self and my past. You fight with your self and no matter how much love and compassion is thrown your way, you feel numb and unwanted. Sometimes you will do anything to just feel something from someone.

Summary ..TR> ..TABLE>

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Communication Style

Jhanell Kazen, your responses indicate that you are very warm, friendly, and attentive to people. Your easygoing nature is enhanced by your continual willingness to listen to people's activities and problems. You are non-threatening and pleasant on a regular contact basis. Any interest that you might express in social assistance would prove fitting to your characteristics. You make a very good first impression because of your notable politeness and attentive listening skills.

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Leadership Style

Jhanell Kazen, you have strong social skills and are excellent at quickly establishing rapport. You enjoy talking to people and do so with enthusiasm and spontaneity. Your style of fast, lively expression is both engaging and effective. You are a fluent speaker who expresses thoughts quickly, optimistically, and persuasively. Also, Jhanell Kazen, you use a diplomatic tone in order to work peacefully with people. You do not intimidate others and, in turn, you do not appreciate verbal intimidation. You enjoy talking and can put people at ease. You use a fun, indirect style of communication. You are people-oriented and can easily relate with another person's point of view. Jhanell Kazen, you are a natural team player. You readily delegate authority, and you embrace training. You do not care to be involved with too many technical details. You let others set game plans, priorities and time frames. You function well when you are allowed a lot of people-interaction. You would rather talk about details than write them down. You enjoy being the focus of attention.

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Conscientiousness

Leadership Style: Persuasive      You perform your leadership role by using your superior ability to interpret your people's actions and dialogue, and then by persuading them to do things your way. You apply yourself to building team spirit and then may proceed to rely upon team decisions. You like to develop your subordinates. You delegate authority and may be disinclined to delegate details.

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Motivational Needs

You balance solid, goal-oriented achievement and a relaxed approach to life. You may fluctuate between periods of highly motivated, achievement-oriented activity and periods of more easy-going behavior. Alternatively, you may demonstrate a sustained, moderate level of effort toward your goals. While you may not demonstrate an intense desire for achievement for its own sake, you are able to summon a sense of purposefulness and self-discipline when needed. The level of your positive motivation toward achievement may depend on the task or situation.

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Emotional Intelligence

Jhanell Kazen, you tend to be motivated by a great deal of interaction with people, and by identifying with a prestigious organization with a good public image. You desire opportunities to make more money for yourself, or to improve your status within the organization. You are motivated by praise, public recognition, and by acceptance. You are most productive when working as a team player, and when you are liked by others. You tend to be demotivated if your territory or opportunity is reduced in size, or if you are not allowed a significant amount of people-interaction or teamwork. Insufficient recognition from management and/or peers can also affect your motivation. You can be demotivated by a perception of not being personally liked, and by not being invited to meetings with peers. Primary Motivators      •     A lot of interaction with people.      •     Meeting new people and making friends.      •     Opportunities to make more money and improve status.      •     Being a team player within the organization.      •     Praise and public recognition.      •     Identifying with an organization that has prestige and a good public image.      •     Awareness of what is going on in the organization.      •     Acceptance and being liked by others.

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Jhanell Kazen, your responses indicate that your Emotional Intelligence is exceptionally well developed. You tend to understand the emotional makeup of others, and to accurately sense what other people are feeling. Because you find it easy to see the world from another person's perspective, it is likely that you associate with a diverse group of people. You work for reasons beyond money or status. It is likely that you are proficient in both maintaining relationships and networking. You think before speaking, and form carefully considered judgments about people or situations. Furthermore, you are aware of the impact of your emotions on others.

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1.

the female always makes the rules

2.

the rules are subject to change at any time without prior notification

3.

no male is allowed to know all the rules

4.

if the female suspects the male knows all the rules, she must immediately change some or all of the rules

5.

the female is never wrong

6.

if the female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant missunderstanding which is a direct result of something the male said or did wrong

7.

if rule 6 applies the male must apologize immediately for causing the missundersranding

8.

the female can change her mind at any given piont in time

9.

the male must never change his mind without written consent from the female

10.

the female has every right to be angry or upset at any time

11.

the male must remain calm at all times, unless the female wants him to be upset

12.

the female must under NO CIRCUMSTANCES let the male know if she wants him to be angry or upset

13.

any male trying to document the rules could be delt bodily harm

14.

if the female has PMS, all rules are null and void

 I have been thinking about the quality of my life and my friends. I wondering about who will really be there for me, when I need them the most. If something were to happen to me in the dead of night and I called you, could I rely on you to help me. If you had the means, would you come get me in the wee hours of the morning, no problems, jump in your car and be on your way. Or would you have to second think it. Is it too late because you hvae work the next day, you have a guest for the night or you don't live alone and don't want to leave them? Have you been partying to hard and just don't feel up to it?

 How many of you are going to notice if I don't come home and how long would it take? If I was in the hospital, would you take time out of your busy lives to come see me? If I die would it make a differance, would your life be changed in any way? Would you come to my funeral?  How long is it going to take someone to notice I'm not there, and are they going to try to find out what happened to me, or sluff it off and forget about it? Am i just another item that no one ever gets around to on the list of things to do? I know I talk to a lot of people and kinda have a lot of friends, but how many of them are true friends and how many of them am I really close to? 

There are going to be chages made again soon. It's time to start thinking about life and how to make it better, not just for now, but for my future.  Who's going to be there for and with me in the times to come? I don't mean to be a downer but these are questios I think need to be asked and I am needing answers to them. Also, think about these in your own life. maybe these are questions you should be asking your self as well.

To end this... I think if you took the time to read this and maybe even comment or write me a mesage or response to it, that takes you one step closer to being a true frien and I thank you for that. There aren't many of them these days. But you guys are really helping me make it through. I love you, and thank you!

When she stares at your mouth

[ Kiss her ]


When she pushes you or hits you like a dumb ass cuz she thinks shes stronger than you

[ Grab her and dont let go ]


When she starts cursing at you tryin to act all tuff

[ Kiss her and tell her you love her ]


When she's quiet
[ Ask her whats wrong ]


When she ignores you

[ Give her your attention ]


When she pulls away

[ Pull her back ]


When you see her at her worst

[ Tell her she's beautiful ]


When you see her start crying

[Just hold her and don't say a word ]


When you see her walking

[ Sneak up and hug her waist from behind ]


When she's scared

[ Protect her ]


When she steals your favorite hat

[ Let her keep it and sleep with it for a night]


When she teases you

[ Tease her back and make her laugh ]


When she doesn't answer for a long time

[ reassure her that everything is okay ]


When she looks at you with doubt

[ Back yourself up ]


When she says that she likes you

[SHE REALLY DOES MORE THAN YOU COULD UNDERSTAND!!!]


When she grabs at your hands

[ Hold hers and play with her fingers ]


When she bumps into you with her big ass hips ;)

[ bump into her back and make her laugh ]


When she tells you a secret

[ keep it safe and untold ]


When she looks at you in your eyes

[ don't look away until she does ]


When she says it's over

[ she still wants you to be hers ]


When she reposts this bulletin

[ she wants you to read it ]


- Stay on the phone with her even if she's not saying anything.


- When she's mad hug her tight and don't let go


- When she says she's ok don't believe it, talk with her


- because 10 yrs later she'll remember you


- Call her at 12:00am on her birthday to tell her you love her


- Treat her like she's all that matters to you.


- Stay up all night with her when she's sick.


- Watch her favorite movie with her or her favorite show even if you think it's stupid.


- Give her the world.


- Let her wear your clothes.


- When she's bored and sad, hang out with her.


- Let her know she's important.


- Kiss her in the pouring rain.


- When she runs up at you crying, the first thing you say is "Who's ass am I kicking baby?"


"A real Boyfriend."

My sister wrote this to me, I think they are part of her collection.

These all meen somthing to me, and if you think about it, they will to you too!

MOVING THOUGHTS :

maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friends is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't konw what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't konw what we've been missing until it arrives.

Giving someone all your love is never an assurance that they'll love you bake! Don't expect love in return; just wait for it to grow in their heart but if it doesn't, be content it grew in yours. It takes only a minute to get a crush on someone, an hour to like someone, and a day to love someone, but it takes a life time to forget someone.

Don't go for looks;  they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; eventhat fades away.Go for someone who maakes you smile becase it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much that you just want to pick tham from your dreams and hug them for real!

Dream what you want to dream; go where you want to go; be what you want to be, because you have only one life and one chance to do all the things you want to do.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy.

Always put yourself in others' shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person too!

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt, those who have searched, and those who have tried. For only they can appreciate the importance of people who have touched their lives. Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss and ends with a tear. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you let go of  your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is criying.

I'm done. I finally have nothing else to worry about! I figure that I can finally have me time. If some one wants to join me to inhance my life in some way then good, but if not I don't want anything to do with you! I don't expect anyone to go out of there way to care about some one else. I have done so much for people in my short life. I have given up every thing I had, a few times, and look were I am now! Call me nassasistic, but I finally have the chance to be, and I am going to take it!

Like Amanda and Steph say: you can't expect a raging bull not to charge you just because you are a vegitarian! I don't expect any thing out of anyone, If you love or care for me then great, if you don't and waht to be hateful and lie to me, then go away!

Thank you for the few of you that have always stayde at my side, through rouhg times and the good. That is love people. And love is not acseptional. You either love be or you don't you can't chnge your mind every time I turn around! There are still a few good people out there, and i love you and can't wait to meet you!