I wander through the rooms of my existence
Challenging the things that I've protected and kept safe
From the outside world
All while mistreating them myself
They are dusty and cluttered like the window sill
And I have not let the light in for years
The sun burns an image of clarity and transparency
That I am not ready to let collide
With the real world
Where people bustle along at a furious pace
Making snap judgments
Of time and space
Leaving me that one moment
Where I succeed or fail
To be part of the energy
That will carry them forward
Into the void
That we are all so desperately trying to fill
That I have filled with the many trinkets
In the many rooms of my existence
I look at them longingly
Picking up each and every one
Well most of them anyways
Except for the ones I've yet to admit I harbor and hold
Mainly because they be the ones that do not what they're told
Intangible trinkets
With wills of their own
Not just a doll or a book
But real life pictures hung up on walls
Built long ago
As a means to define myself
And hide myself
This is not the picture I had painted
But it is of my design
And it is hanging along with yearning
Ever present in my mind
Ever meaning to do or be the right thing
But not finding the strength to say yes to myself
This is where I sit alone
On the proverbial shelf
That I have built of my own volition
And my own accord
It was the only way I knew
And yet I knew the way to be untrue
There was always more
What was I afraid of?
There were no forests with trolls or witches or wolves at my door
There were no white-winged fairies or wizards on a yellowbrick road
There were no princes and there were no toads
I am on this road alone
And yet alone I have never been
For I would never leave myself
My sacred traveling companion
There were dark times, yes
But I never left
And yet that does not always serve as consolation
Because it is myself that deserves the blows
I am the reason the path has been slow
I am the one that keeps me alone
Below where I stand in the light of my mind
Where I am not forlorn in time
Where I have the courage to step forward and shine
Open the window
Let the air fill the room
Breezes blowing dust off shadows
That without light only grew
Into demons and monsters
And big burly men in trench coats
Ready to defend the existence
Of an energy I never wanted
To know
To let in
But I did
I gave the energy a place to nest
To grow
And rest
To become stronger
And I nurtured it
Fed it
Like I do all my friends
Believing it one day would in turn protect me
But instead led to a false end
A false friend
That never cared for me
Let me love
Then let me down
And the amount of my pain
The sorrow that I would feel
Would be direct
With amount of myself that I gave
For they were always meant to let me down
But just let in a little too long
I can not fight the wind
For it comes from a source that is one with me
I would be fighting myself
And my own direction
So I stand at the bow
Of my vessel
Leaning into the particles
Embracing the way they land on me
With the air and the sun and the freedom and the danger
Filling my lungs
Carrying my spirit toward the light that enfolds me
In me
Of me
And in that one moment
I am