ok... so....

I'm a little boggled.

maybe someone can help me out here! lol

where to begin?

well...

first...

I feel like I'm holding myself back from things.
It's all because I care about what people will say or how they will react. I care about my friends and their feelings.

it's starting to wear me down though. it's making me unhappy because I'm afraid to hurt someone.

putting it out there...
I like someone...
I don't know him very well but I have a great time.
even if there happens to be nothing... he's still a kick ass person.

I've been out of my norm the past few days and it feels FANTASTIC!

yes... i love my friends... i would be there anytime of any day to listen to them and just to be there for them but sometimes I can't handle it. can't handle the bitching the complaining... it really does effect me. it can change my mood eventhough it's not about me.

I guess I just feel like I'm hiding something... I dunno what... feelings I suppose... I dunno.

"DUMBASS"

so... my lil note for a couple people....

1. when I only talk to you once and hang out with you once... that doesn't give you grounds to think you own me. I'm a big girl. If I don't think it will work well then I'm not going to try and push myself to think ok well maybe. Deal with it. Don't stalker call me or text me. Don't lash out on me just to make yourself feel or look better. Just because someone calls me and I'm texting them doesn't mean I'm doing something.. PS. his name wasn't Brian. If I might add... it's none of your effing business. When a friend calls me I'm going to be there. It's sad when someone sleeps on their own couch because someone won't leave them alone. So maybe you don't have myspace... hmm.. that's because you're a bitch and worthless to society. Ok... so that's the first mean thing I said about you... well... at least out in the open to were you could possibly take it in. Yes... you're freakin weird and pushy... get over it. Honestly... I wouldn't believe you if you said no one has ever said that before. Get over your ghetto self... and yeah... I laugh thinking you could possibly believe it's my loss. WHATEV! 

2. I really don't know why in the fuck things happen the way they do. I'm tired of dealing with it. Everyone can put as much blame on me as they want. I really don't care anymore. Not that I don't care about you but I don't care about caring anymore. Can only push a person so far... building them up and knocking them down... that's my fault... I rush in it everytime. I guess for thinking of hope. I just hope that you only speak the truth to people about your feelings. Look at the way you've hurt people by telling them what you think they want to hear. People just want the truth. Finally got fed up with being second best to everything.

how crazy is this?? I heard this song on the radio today... none the less when I was on my way to Ansonia. It’s a heart dropper. Remember this one from back in what... early 05. Crazy how things can change so much but yet... sometimes feel like nothing got out of place. I’m the kind of person that remembers all the little small things but to me... they can be the biggest things in life. Like this song.. which reminds me.... kinda goes hand in hand with Always by Bon Jovi. This quote specifically... text messaging...

"I’ll be there till the stars don’t shine
Till the heavens burst and
The words don’t rhyme...
I’ll love you... Always"

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause it’s on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo

I can’t wait to see you
Want to see if you still got that look in your eyes
That one you had for me before we said our goodbyes
And it’s a shame that we got to spend our time
Being mad about the same things
Over and over again
About the same things
Over and over again
Ohh
But I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again yeah
And I can’t take it yeah I can’t shake it
Nooo

I remember the day you left
I remember the last breath you took right in front of me
When you said that u would leave
I was too damn stubborn to try to stop you or say anything
But I see clearly now
and this chose I made keep playing in my head
Over and over again
Playing my head
Over and over again
Ohh
I think she’s leaving
Ooh man she’s leaving
I don’t know what else to do
(I Can’t go on not loving you)

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo

(Now that I’ve realizes that I’m going down
From all this pain you’ve put me thought
Every time I close my eyes I like it ?
I can’t go on not loving you)
Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo

Cause its all in my head
I think about it over and over again
And I can’t keep picturing you with him
And it hurts so bad, yeah
Cause its on in my head
I think about it over and over again
I replay it over and over again
And I can’t take it I can’t shake it
Nooo

Over and Over again
Over and Over again
Cause it’s all in my head

I’m 22 now!

How exciting is that??

So I had the most wonderful birthday ever this year!

RECAP!
Four of the funnest people ever took me to IHOP in the morning!
Brotha Kyle, Rene, Johnny and Mike!
Eventhough they think my purse is hideous... I love it! lol

First visit to the bar was approximately 3:15! Kudos to Johnny for hanging out with me all day and putting up with me "cuz it was my birthday"! haha

We went to my mama’s and had cake and ice cream! So there is a pic of Johnny lookin like he’s from Brokeback Mountain but I think it was the cowboy look in my mama’s livingroom! haha shhh.. we won’t tell! lol

After spending time in A-Town we headed back to G-Vegas! After stopping at the homesteads we ventured back to the bar around 7:30! ya know... "cuz it was my birthday" oh yeah!

Wee Wee got me a boa to wear! It was obvious where I ventured to all night... guess it was a sure way that no one would lose me! lol Feathers were everywhere!

Thanks to all who came! I’m sure we all had a great time! I know I did! I love you all! One of the best nights of my life!

I posted many pics from my birthday extravaganzaa!

Ps.. I loved the birthday cards!! from the short messages to the homemade! you guys are wonderful!

what can I say??

nothing really to say...

yeah...

blah blah blah.

I guess I understand what it's like for someone to want to be with you and not feel the same for them. Then again... to that person... don't get all bent up... I know what it's like in your shoes also.

To another person... GET OVER IT! Just let it go! and no Melissa... this isn't for you! lol

On a happier note...
I moved!!!!

yeah!!!!
Glory and I now live together in big bad G-Vegas! I'm still representin my home town! A-Town Down biotches! I love company and so you all should stop by! well.. all of you people that I like that is! lol

One thing never changes though... the only thing that I would rather have change in life... ya know... I don't handle being second very well. I think some people do it on purpose just to see how far I can be pushed. fuckers!

welp... love to most... yeah... not all!

SUE

Mr. Sandy...

this is just for you...

you know who you are...

don't know what I would do without my Sandy...

we're always Sandy together! lol

we're the greatest  Sandy's ever! lol

Only...

you're aaallllllways sandy lol

gosh.. you're so emarrrrrassing! lol

love ya tons

sooo....

just got here yesterday....

started feeling a cold coming on....

well...

we came to the Hilton and took a nap and then I woke up with my throat hurting and my nose running like crazy! soooooo not cool!
my nose is red... :(

I got some Theraflu and it's helping... I do feel a  lil better this morning!

other than that... I love it down here!

yeah... I'm sure in a couple days I'm gonna get home sick and when it's time to go home I'll be ready but yeah that's just me! lol

my next road trip is to Tennessee...

after that... I want to go to Florida...
I never had the desire to want to go to Florida before but something over the past couple days makes me wanna!

I really want to be living in North Carolina by the time I'm 30. Just a goal I guess!

welp... I'm out... gonna go down to the gym and I actually might go swimming! lol

yeah... this is to you...

yeah... this is to you...