I got a new tattoo !!!  and i love it.. its my zodiac symbol with the word "taurus" in the middle..if i knew how to post  a picture in a blog i would.. whats sad is that is the highlight of my day..

ugh  Today was.. shitty .. very shitty...Hear me when I say this.. im swearing off meeting anyone new or involving myself in anything other than random sex. Because clearly whenever I try to meet people  with the idea of something more be it friends, dating or whatever it always backfires someway... so.. im really over it.. I guess I know why some people are single.. but I dont get why they complain about it.. cuz its usually their own fault.

A. you have a sucky/no personality

B. You are too busy to fit someone in your life ( Dont you love that line!?? and then a month later that person has *AMAZINGLY* found the love of their life and they share a loft with their 2 dogs)

C. You take people for granted  (like persuing someone and when they finally give in.. u fuck it up... Douche...)

D. You have nothing going for you

I mean every single person on this earth falls into 1 of those catagories.. Read above this is why you are single !!.. Now im not trying to come off Holy-er than thou.. I'm guilty of it too.. im usually to busy and wrapped up in my own world to fit sum1 in my life or even give them a chance for that matter. I've recently tried to change and try to get out there n start trying to improve my life for the better.. dont get me wrong my life is pretty good but.. gee i might wanna have someone to share it with. My main thing is.. Don't bullshit me.. Let me know from the gate wat ur about

I dunno.. maybe all this shit is preparing me for something bigger and greater in the future

* this is not about anyone in particular.. soo dont get all upset n send me hate mail but if u are reading this n gettin offended.. then u might wanna re-examine some shit in ur life huh?

Sooo here's the deal... i kno I haven't blogged in a bit... but thats because 1. I wasnt really angry/annoyed until now.. and 2. Not much has changed since my last entry.. well nothin worthy of me typing anyway...

I guess what I wanted 2 say is.. (and this may not be true for everyone) but for me... when it comes to relationships there is no going back... but sometimes i'm dumb enough to try...cuz I am a fucking idiot...I recently started kinda talkin 2 sum1 I used 2 like really bad over the summer..

but during the summer because of a few reasons it didnt work out.. but watever.. here we are in dec.. and we start talkin  again. Even tho I kno it didnt work out last time because ..we r just opposities.. completely... and that sumtimes works... because the other is everything your not.. but in this case... this person was everything i'm not and everything I don't wanna be at the same time...With this person it has to be their way... on their time or not at all... and anyone that knows me .. knows i don't really "do" that... but i thought things would be different and we could pick up where we left off... WRONG!...well right.. we did pick up where we left off... me not wanting to have anything to do with them.. and vice versa i guess... it even feels diff.... the last time we stopped talking..I was kinda sad and let down.. now i'm more over it..it feels like a chapter closed so now I can move on.. like.. in their words " Your oil and i'm water this definately isn't gunna work"  I really liked this person.. but i guess more in a friend capacity... because ... the reality is.. You were never good for me... and I was never good for you..............I just remeber the things we used to do...

Nite all

Xo

Things.... suck..............its fucked up how things can go from sugar to shit... in a matter of a month..but.. tis my life I guess..bit I have to ask... when are things gunna get better?? im soo tired of seein other ppl happy and content with their lives.. knowin im not.. there are soo many things i havent felt or experienced.. that I want to..soo many things i havent done yet.. that i want to...not like thats anyone elses fault but my own.. but what the fuck man.......i dunno... just wanna vent....

now im goin 2 bust open a bottle of parrot bay... n try 2 salvage my friday nite...

Ok.. soo we all know the whole Michael Vick Dog Fighting thing.... Whatever...today I watched a movie called "Off the Chain" it's about the world of ILLEGAL.. thats right ILLEGAL dog fighting... this movie was so sad I started crying my eyes out ( im at work mind you ). and that just made mr wanna speak my piece on the whole.. Michael Vick and dog fighting thing in General.

 Dog fighting is NOT a sport!!!!!!!!! making two dogs fight to the death or when they are so close to death thaey can't move. is cruel.. Don't compare it to hunting... (I'm against game hunting too) but.. they r shooting the deer.. the deer or watever... it dies.. they arent  puttin two deer in a cage and making them fight to the death.the game in game hunting.. Dies..they arent drowning the deer.. they arent electrocuting the deer.. these deer are dying a moderately humane death vs Pit Bulls.

Celebrities and orginizations speaking out in Michael Vick's defense... A.K.A. Roy Jones Jr, Jamie Foxx, and Stephon Marbury and the Atlanta Chapter of the NAACP. I mean c'mon.... Roy Jones Jr..... Sit your uneducated  ass DOWN.. on the news sounding ingnorant as all hell... He doesn't... "understand why they're making it such a big issue.  Do you have to take it that far?  He ain't murdered nobody.  Let's move on." end quote...Dog fighting is a serious crime... and should not be taken lightly..

Stephon Marbury says "We don't say anything about people who shoot deer or shoot other animals.  You know, from what I understand, dogfighting is a sport.  It's just behind closed doors."  Well Mr. Marbury.. from what I understand... you don't seem to understand too much..if you think putting two things against each other for sport  and for money.. in a game where the loser gets killed is a REAL sport.. then your ass should have been dead a long time ago... Cuz the Knick's haven't been hott since Ewing  left..

NAACP... Why are u here!?!?!?  noone is being  treated unfairly... and this is coming from a black man. I'm all for the NAACP jumping in where justice is biased.. but in this case.. you just need to back off because ur services are not needed.. He isnt being sentanced to Life in prison..You guys need to stop holding your press confrences for this fool.. and help people in Atlanta that are actually being treated unfairly. Like the 67% of Blacks in atlanta that apply for various loans (Home/Auto/ Personal) and are denied even with proper credit history ect ect.. Jump on that... Because Vick is black.. and commited a crime that is getting attention doesnt not mean you guys need to jump in when there are more pressing issues at hand in the black community.

And I had 2 save the worst for last and unfortunately it comes from a man that I used to look up to a great deal and pretty much showed his ass and made himself look like a fool. The Oscar winning Jamie Foxx. Mr. Foxx says. "It's a cultural thing, I think.  Most brothers didn't know that, you know.  I used to see dogs fighting in the neighborhood all the time.  I didn't know that was Fed time.  So, Mike probably just didn't read his handbook on what not to do as a black star."  HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMN MIND!?!?!?  Don't try to stick black people with Dog fighting.. Its not a cultural thing... and you just make urself and the african american race look ignorant by even saying that. thanks for adding a new stereotype to black people and setting us back a good 30-40 years by making us look like imhumane monsters who only see these dogs as a source of income..Michael Vick  is just like any other black star.. soo i'm pretty sure the books were read.. but i'm thinkin you two skipped over the book titled "What not to do as a Human Being " you fuckin blockhead.

Soo my point is.. This is NOT a Black Issue...even tho alot of the media is trying to make it that way.. not all but some..Race has nothing to do with it.. this is a man who committed a crime and I personally think he is gettin off easy..

My " Are you fucking serious!?!?" moment of the day comes to you courtesy from someone who I really liked.... soo this just makes it that much more special

So.. I have been taking alot of advice today.. Like all my people at work telling me " Mark.. you just need to be more positive!.. your always soo negative.. like u already anticipate things are gunna fail ...so you just half ass the situation.."

Soo.. I woke up today in a really good mood.. even tho I got some sad and disturbing news about a close family friends relative last nite..But whatever.. its all good.. cuz nothing is gunna get me down today.!!...I get 1/2 way to work.. my "manager" if you wanna get into titles...she calls me (20 min b4 im supposed 2 b in mind you) and asks me if i could come in later because someone on the night shift called out... Soo instead of me being a prick and telling her " Hell nawh im down the street" I say ok... i'll come in a bit later.. and i think to myself.. Gee thats cool.. its all good maybe I can get sum laundry done or go 2 the mall and buy a few things.. I get to work.. its busy as fuck... My 2nd call of the day was from sum ignorant old bitch..from a nursing home.. wanting to book an X ray for a patient..but doesnt have any of the information.. and feels as if she has the right to give me attitude...I dont have time 4 that shit.. im not gunna let her fuck up my day.. soo.. I dis-connect from her.. due to a bad connection ::Cough::Cough:: so she can call back n speak to someone else

later that day..I get a letter from school sayin I need 2 have my imunization records in b4 I can return in the fall.... I have been going there for like 2 years..you ppl have all my shit.. and u misplace it all the damn time... then next... Still @ work.. turns out....im staying late with hardly any help on 1 of the busiest  days of the week.. with 2 ladys who arent quite trained..soo.. as my mgr leaves for the night at 5.. im stuck with 2 trainees and me running around like crazy doin 20 diff things at once..Im pissed.. but still.. im not gunna let it show.. too much.. cuz i wanna stay positive... Soo after doin the job of my mgr for a severely decreased rate of pay... I leave work.. call my friends to chat n shit... thinkin im goin home 2 get ready 4 the club... instead I get a call... from my friend who's parent passed away...I step over there to chill.. cuz u kno.. its like .. damn.. I dont kno wat thats like but I can imagine its horrible esp being alone the next day..Even tho.. honestly.. I just wanted 2 sip a few drinks and shake my ass @ a club..but whatever.. im a good person at heart soo i never let ppl down when they really need me..Soo.. i get in the house lay in my bed about 2 am.. cuz damn.. im motherfuckin beat.. to be honest...and I just zone out 4 a few.. apparently I get a call from this person... im sorta talkin to/ friends with/ like.. / whatever the fuck u wanna call it cuz i wasnt sure b4.. now im DEF not sure...

At any rate... lemmie give u the backstory... I call... I get a call back when that person feels the need to... might be 2 days.. 4... a week... or not at all until I call back.. like a fool..Why.. Cuz im a dumb ass... I never let things go..when I should.. and I always put up with more than I should.. when I kno any other person would have just been like " Im too fly for the bullshit.." and just throw deuces .. but clearly I havent thrown any deuces yet.. lol.. cuz here I am writin about this shit.. well.. anyway.. yeah... this person calls me back.. Whenever... but apparently.. likes me... damn.. i must b mistaken.. when you like someone..you actually wanna talk to that person... or chill with them.. not just when you have no plans with other people..or toss me a call at 2 am.. I have a thing called work in the am.. I DONT have time 2 b sittin up waitin by the phone on the late nite tip waitin 4 sum1 to call.. thats not how I get down..I have a life.. I have friends and family who love and care about me... I have fuckin hobbies.. I have PLENTY of things to occupy my motherfuckin time...soo if I make time 2 call you... im doing exactly that.. taking time out of my day to let u kno.. ur important to me.. and i call you at a respectful time.. unless ur KB,Zyriah, or Jessica.. in that case... I call u whenever the fuck I feel !but that just cuz we r on a diff level.. But yeah.. soo i miss that persons call.. and I get a drunken voice mail pretty much sayin " Fuck You.. your an asshole, and ur drama.. I dont need 2 deal with drama and kid games...u dont answer my phone call... blah blah blah...All sorts of ignorance...Thats when.. I stop bein so fuckin positive and have to take a min and get my mind right.. cuz im bound to snap.. and kill sumbody honestly..but my thing is.. this person talks about drama and how they dont wanna play games and I act like a kid and im too dumb to see that ur tryin to form a relationship with me and I keep fucking it up... HA... mind you this person is drunk .just leaving a club with friends and once again callin me at 2:30 am... i guess returning my call from 2 days ago..

But my thing is.. all the things that person says im doin.. are all the things they are doin to me...Your playin games by expecting me to be cool.. while you do u and call me back whenever u have nothin to do.. or im supposed to wait by the phone 4 u to call.. whenever.. no... your acting childish..by just not sayin" look.. im feelin you.. I kno shit has been really crazy lately... I should prolly not wait 9,000 days to call you back..instead u try 2 blame it on me instead of  admiting ur wrong.. ur also dumb 4 thinking i'll just b around 4 ever.. when you decide to come around... and Drama.. you just brought it to me leavin an ignorant ass loud voicemail all drunk... and trust me.. I know drunk.. and when your drunk.. u say wat you really feel..and personally.. I think thats the mistake people who are so wrapped up in themselves make..Like my father.. he did whatever and just thought.. whatever.."she'll still b there" .. and took her for granted... and not soon after that .. we left... I WILL NOT BE TAKEN FOR GRANTED... im a great fucking person with alot to offer.. and I dont have time 2 wait for someone to .. Come around..

OK.. soo Yeah I havent had sex in almost 2 months and im going mental!!!!!!!

YEAH 

Unh Huh,,,

Thanks

                  Bye!    

You do this every time.. you be M.I.A. every single time... The part that kills me.. you'd rather chill with your friends instead of me.... I aint gunna be no clown.. I guess i'll call you next time im in ur town.  -Timbaland ft/ Keri Hilson

But yeah.. Thats kinda how i'm feelin right now..I ended up meeting sum1 I was pretty interested in... and its like.. The feelings are there from both ppl.. and have been expressed.. soo its not in my head.. but.. It feels like... im just a bore thing... sum1 to hang out with when you have nothing to do... and you just say this really nice shit just to keep me hangin on...which... c'mon... im not new to the game... I know it VERY well..soo.. I can tell wen sum1 is tryin 2 play me... even b4 they realize they r tryin 2 play me.. Its like " Your so cute, why do u like me? ,ur my baby.. u kno that rite?"  and then its like.. im not gunna call u or even have contact with you for 4 days till.. im bored again...Which watever.. I dont even kno why im stressin about it.. cuz this person DEF isnt really worth me stressin about but .. damn... I would have liked it to get to the point where the situation was stress worthy...cuz.. my love life is seriously lacking lately.. lol not that I mind or im tryin 2 get into a relationship.. but I like to know where I stand... am I sum1 u wanna date, am I just a friend, am I just a jump off.. ( and for the record.. im NO ONES jump off .. soo lets just clear the air 4 that 1..) But.. im a big believer in.. " It is what it is" I dont try 2 make things  out to be something they arent...but draw me a fuckin line in the sand... Soo I kno watsup?  AND ANOTHER THING ... NEVER call sum1 and say.." Hey watsup... Im madd bored..." after not callin them 4 a few days... its makes the person think.. your only calling them because ur bored.. and That to me.. is Disrespect... and anyone that knows me.. knows ...I don't deal well with disrespect.. I will cuss u the fuck out.. and i might throw a punch or 2...But.. just like my other blogs.. im not quite sure of the point... im just venting.... Does this shit just happen to me?!?

ok.. i know ppl hardly ever keep these but.. im gunna try...

1. im gunna try to go to the gym AT LEAST 2 days a week..cuz i have been slackin sumthin hardcore.

2. I'm only gunna eat out/fast food once a week

3. im gunna star goin back 2 vocals

4. Im gunna get my cd out!!!!

5. I'm going to stop caring about people who don't care about me

6. I'm going to find  happiness in myself ..instead of other people

7. im going to be persistant and work harder to get what I want

8. im going to be more aggressive and less shy

9. Save money!!

10. Make my life better...