This was a pretty funny story...kinda has something to do with AP...thanks Jana!! (JANA is not the ass beatee in this story, it is a recent new friend of hers!! ha ha!)

""Ha ha I got into my first bar fight last night and got my ass whipped!
Josh and I went to lakeland to pick up a drum set and have a few drinks with our friend justin when justin said something that the bar tender didnt like and we got kicked out .... as we are leaving a bunch of big tough hillbilly guys comes after us wanting to kick justin and joshs ass ... josh is standing there like whats going on since he had no idea why we were being thrown out and these guys are pissed .... justin is drunk and still talking ish to these guys so I decide to jump in the middle and stop all this fight non sense which was working the guys were backing off and I was pushing justin out the door when all of a sudden this old fat bar hag comes around grabs my hair so I grab hers she brakes not 1 but 2 bottles over my head and I rip a huge clump of hair outta her head, the guys from the bar pull her away and blood is all over me ..... Josh calls the cops and they did nothing of course everyone had fled the scene and the best advice the cop could give me was not to wear that shirt in his county again ... it was my asshole parade shirt with george bush on it!! I thought that was funny! they looked me over said nothing looked bad .... but I fell asleep in the van and josh tried to wake me up thinking head injury dont go to sleep ..... when I wonke up I couldnt remember ANYTHING my name, age, where I lived ...... scary! so we got home paramedics came I cheated on the test they gave me so I wouldnt have to go to the hospital.... then josh made me go a little while later anyway cause I still couldnt remember a lot of things! so ha ha my first concoscion ( i know i totally spelled that wrong) my head feels like its been hit by a train and I feel like I am going to throw up and the computer is too bright, oh and my family the one who wont have anything to do with me wants to get a court order to bakeract me know cause they think I am being distructive .......... so peace out yo!! ""

O.K. So we just got back from a 2 week East Coast tour and that shit was fun!! Thanks to everyone who helped us out, gave us a place to crash, gave us food, beer, other substances!! It was a great time and we met and played shows with some amazing people and some amazing bands! Thanks to Jeff Be Damned (thanks to Riffkin for playing too) and Savage Luis in Savannah for doing our show, Jon and Summer for letting us stay up all night in their house, Laura Pleasants, Phil and Corey for coming and hanging out (even though they accuse me of never hanging with them in Gainesville) Pat Hyperealist for getting so drunk he passed out and mumbled some really funny stuff to me! Thanks to J.D. for doing our show in Asheville...one of the craziest places we have ever been, Ron's, where you can play a show, drink shitty beer and watch drug deal after drug deal go down...almost to a point where it becomes a sport to figure out just what is going down! It was alot of fun...I am assuming some of the people that were there that night have still not gone to bed and have probably aged 3 years since we left! Thanks to all the Chattanooga kids that came out and played the show with us! Thanks for sticking around and going nuts when we played (you've never seen so many girls in the pit! I was scared, well, and stoked too!) Thanks to Jesse and Kristen for letting us crash out (in arguably the nicest house on tour!) and , of corse, to BOB the dog....Thanks to Rich, Mark, Noah, Sharp Teeth, Media Circus and The Street Sharks for the show in Raleigh...that shit was crazy...shit, it was a Sunday and felt like a Friday or Saturday night! Those kids know how to party! Thanks to Tony Lea's friends that we met for the hook ups....wink wink! The guys outside smokin out and drinking cheap assed Gin right from the plastic ABC jug....nice...and thanks to Lori and the Richmond kids that showed up and took us back to Richmond so that we could crash out at their house! Thanks to Ryan Waste for not knowing that I crashed out in his bed and watched his TV all day! Thanks to Rich in D.C. for the show at the radio station, Warm Gun (this band is fucking awesome!!) and VPR..also to the sound guy that botched our live recording...seriously...we played like shit, thanks for messing it up we did'nt want to hear it!! ha ha...Thanks to Ian Dickson for hooking up our first show in NY and our show in NJ. Fucking ARMY OF JESUS for being some of, if not the, coolest guys that we met on tour! We had a blast hanging with you guys! B.S.A. for being cool assed dudes (even if you are not really from MEXICO!) you guys ruled!! Thanks to Agast who also played the NY show...which was one of the smallest (in terms of spaces) that we played, but ranked ,easily, in the top 3 of the shows we played the whole tour!!! Thanks to KT, STEPH, ALEXIA, LYNNAE and COURTNEY for showing up at the last minute and letting me crash at your house! (it was nice, and NO, it wasn't me that used your roomates soap!!) Thanks to GREASETRUCKS (in NJ) for fucking up our stomaches, but also providing one of the craziest most unique tasting sandwiches I have ever tasted!! Imagine...subroll, chicken fingers, french fries, mozzarrella sticks, onion rings, grilled veggies and a FUCKIN egg!! DUDE, insanity!! Thanks to Daryl Kahan (Citizens Arrest, T.O.F.) for coming out with Justin (Tast of Fear) and hanging out....really stoked to have met you guys!!I OBJECT, POSITIVE REINFORCEMENT, AOJ and BSA for playing the show and to all the kids that were at the show, THANKS FOR COMING OUT, but please learn how to move around when bands play! I mean, I don't even think I saw a head moving when we played!!! but hey, it's all good! Oh yea, thanks to Billy Rohan for coming to the NY show too....Thanks to EDWIN, ERIC IRVING, KID MARK from OCALA, GVILLE JEFF, NO OMEGA, MENEGUAR, and MAYA for the show at THE CAKE SHOP in Manhattan...easily one of the coolest venues we played all tour!! FUCKING MIKE MYERS WAS THERE!!!! Rumor has it that he is really into ASSHOLEPARADE and likes to listen to us in his iPOD while he plays Hockey....? oh yea, and to Big Jon who showed up and his GF (sorry I forgot your name) and Scott too...shit, oh and AMBER (who bought the ELMER CD in Louisville on our tour earlier this year!!) oh yea, and to the AGAINST ME guys...not that we really hung out, but just for "fellow Gainesville comradery and shit!" oh yea and Roy was there too and to Tony's friends who showed the next day...ha ha, nice hair, hat and sunglasses combo! SO as far as Boston goes...Thanks to Dave and Mary for letting Jon and I take up all of your floor space (literally...good luck with the move!) Keith Mutiny, Robin and his wife for hooking up the show! Throwing Shrapnel, The Twats, and Cobra Noir! Tim and the BIG HOUSE CREW for letting the rest of them crash at your place....nice $500 screen door!! Chris from MIND ERASER...Alex for showing up at the last minute. The guy who took pics for www.RETURNTOTHEPIT.com. All of the guys who helped us pick up the rental van that someone parked in front of us so we could'nt get out!! and a big WHAT THE FUCK!! to the guy that kept on "grindin" up against me and rubbing his junk on me all night while we played....what the shit!! (more soon!!)

Thanks to everyone who came to SOCAL fest to see us and we are sorry that shit got all messed up! We will try and make it back out again someday. Thanks to Maury, Cris, Bob of Interest, Sean Crisis, Chris Campisi, Pat, Steph, Big Mike, Gen Ruido, Everyone in Coughing up Blood and Reproach and all the other bands we played with....Dan and Jeff from Funeral Shock, Max and Chris, San Diego kids (although FUCK the bartenders @ Scolaris Office for being dicks!) and thanks to everyone else that came out, said hey!, bought merch and had a great time!! It was a BLAST!!! SEE YA NEXT TIME!!

NEW ASSHOLEPARADE 7" on NO IDEA!!!

So we just got back from a week tour with MUNICIPAL WASTE and it was fucking amazing. Thanks to all of them, the guys from R.A.M.B.O., CAUSTIC CHRIST, WARZONE WOMYN, ENDLESS NIGHTMARE, NO!, TORCHE, SUPPRESSION, PINK RAZORS, SAM and anyone else that I may have forgotten that we played with. Thanks to everyone who helped us out in any way! Let us crash on their floors eat their food and anything else we may have been hooked up with! "wink..wink"

Well we started in 1995, we have toured the entire United States once (with Suppression in 1997) and done 4 East Coast tours and we have also toured Europe for 2 months in 1999. We played our last show in September of 2002 and we played our reunion show October 30th of 2004. We are now back together with plans of touring again. We have 15 new songs that are old, just unreleased that are coming out on NO IDEA pretty soon!!