I completely forgot I did this interview, but I just found it when I was going through an old magazine I used to work for. Considering Dirty Jobs is a favorite show of mine, this was a nice surprise that I really should have remembered. haha

___________________________________________________

The Last Page

..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /> 

Last name first/First name last

Rowe, Mike

As the host of the Discovery Channel's Dirty Jobs, Mike Rowe knows a thing or two about rolling up his sleeves and getting his hands - - well - - dirty. Whether he's inseminating a horse or crawling through a sewer system, this marvel of the muck sees the importance of using his lunch break to dish out his LASTS.

When was the LAST time you felt dirty outside of "Dirty Jobs?"

Several weeks ago I watched a clip of Britney Spears being interviewed about giving birth. That made me feel kinda dirty.

Who is the LAST person you'd ever want to artificially inseminate a horse with?

Artificial insemination is a multi-step process that requires a strong stomach and a steady hand. The steps include – washing, applying lubricant, manipulating artificial parts, and catching the male excrement - all require an innate sense of timing, confidence, and coordination. So too does the ovum removal process and embryo transfer procedure between brood mare and donor horse. It is a complicated and dangerous undertaking with no margin for error and substantial risk for the novice.

My answer therefore, is Britney Spears.

What was the LAST dream you remember having?

Please see the last question.

Have you ever placed LAST in a contest or competition?

Have you actually seen the show?

If you had the choice, how would you spend your LAST day on earth?

In no particular order, there would be dry-aged medium rare steak, old wine, cold beer, Dvorak, The Beetles, Puccini, some Krispy Kreme donuts, a sailboat with a stiff breeze, a winding road with a fast convertible, the first chapter of Moby Dick, Nobu sushi, friends, family, some snow, Young Frankenstein, sunset off Kilimanjaro, and the last chapter of J.D. MacDonald's The Lonely Silver Rain.

What was the LAST movie you paid to see and can you give us a one-sentence review?

"Aside from pulling off the neat trick of somehow making us care about two self-absorbed losers treading water in a sea of sexual retardation, Sideways reminds us that overpaid critics are inexplicably compelled to go easy on movies that cost less to make than the standard fare – a realization that should inspire you to never read another review by anyone who claims to have an opinion worth sharing."

Speaking of movies, what did you think of Arnold's LAST Action Hero?

Not much. I preferred Last of the Mohicans, Last of the Red Hot Lovers, About Last Night, and Last Tango in Paris.

Okay... here's another interview. This was the cover story to Issue 2 of Severe Magazine (R.I.P.) and we had some great photos to go along with it, but unfortuantely... I'm lazy and don't feel like digging them out and posting them. As always, some of the punctuation and parenthesis are lost when I copy and paste these interviews from my files to Myspace, so forgive me for that too... cause once again, I'm too lazy to go in and fix it.

_______________________________________________

Putting On The Makeup

Jordan Ladd Talks Hollywood, Breasts and Her Famous Family

By: Jason M. Burns

If you were to look up hot in the dictionary, chances are youd find a photo of Jordan Ladd to help you associate the meaning with the word. (Oh, and because we just used that line, youll probably find a photo of Severe pasted under the definition for cliché.) Why is she so hot? Well, aside from good genes (Her mother is original Charlies Angel, Cheryl Ladd), Jordan has that sexy, squeezable presence that makes you want to give up everything just to be by her side even when shes mangled to ground beef courtesy of a flesh-eating virus. (See Cabin Fever)

Yes, wed risk life and limb to be the salt to Jordan Ladds pepper, but its not just because of her undeniable beauty. With turns in Club Dread and Waiting, as well as having a self-described urge to stop at nothing to get a laugh, Ms. Ladd proves that she has the comedic chops to keep us interested until the end of time.

Oh and if you recall that famous Seinfeld episode where Teri Hatcher is groped by Elaine theyre real and theyre fantastic.

Severe: This business has been known to chew people up and spit them out. What are some of the tough lessons youve had to learn along the way?
Ladd: Im learning them. Everyday there is a new hard lesson to learn. (Laughter) I guess in theory, when I fantasized about the life that I wanted to have, it falls in line with Easy Rider and Raging Bull and friends working on each others projects. I guess Im always disappointed to find that at the end of the day, its really about what makes money.

Severe: Most people know you from the film world, but how open are you to doing television?
Ladd: Im sort of open to anything that is well written and fun and kind of out of the box. Obviously TV pays well, so Im not opposed to money. (Laughter) Ive always kind of been a movie person though, but Im certainly not opposed to TV.

Severe: Ive heard people complain about being on a successful TV show because they end up getting tied down in that role for six, seven, or even eight years. Is that something that ever crosses your mind when pursuing television projects?
Ladd: Work is work. (Laughter) Beggers cant be choosers and I think that being on a great show is a great thing. Being in a great movie is a great thing. Being in a shitty movie is shitty and being on a shitty show for six years sounds really awful.

Severe: Do you think youve made smart choices in your career thus far?
Ladd: I dont know if theyve been smart, but I think I have consciously tried to be in things that were different and sometimes those things have worked and sometimes they havent.

Severe: You have a very famous family and you grew up in Hollywood. Do you think your upbringing was stranger than most people because of those famous roots?

Ladd: You know its funny. For me it always felt normal because its what I knew, however as I get older, now I realize it was a strange way to operate. Some of the things that I thought were so normal are actually not normal at all. It was great and it was bad at the same time. Small town and traditional families always intrigued me because its what I didnt have. Im really fascinated by it. I long to be a part of that.

Severe: So what part of you decided to follow in your familys footsteps then and seek a career in the entertainment industry?
Ladd: In a fantasy world, it would be so great to move to a small town, but I could probably do it for a month. (Laughter) What would be terrific would be to work in a small town on a movie. But, for me it never really occurred to me to do anything other than participate in movies because Ive always loved them so much. You know, the human condition and what makes people tick has been kind of an endless interest of mine and its been kind of a quest for answers. For me, acting just kind of seemed to be the perfect combination of both. A film is so great because it takes so many artists to create one product and every single one is imperative to its success, so being around all of the creativity is enriching, fulfilling and you know - - all that shit!

Severe: So when you decided to pursue acting, did you feel like you had more to prove because of your famous roots?

Ladd: I sure did. I didnt let it daunt me in my endeavors, but it was really tough in the beginning and I desperately wanted to be different from everybody in my family and be an individual. It was very hard to walk into places and have people start talking about my parents. I just had a really hard time with it for a while and a lot of fear about it. As Ive gotten older, I have so much respect for both my mother and father and everybody else in my family who has worked really hard. I realize every job is tough to get and at this point, Im very proud of my father, and my mom of course, and whoever else in my family my uncles and so on and so forth.

Severe: Did you ever go to them for advice on the business?

Ladd: The truth of it is that my parents have always maintained a hands-off attitude about my career. Id rather just run it on my own. I made a lot of mistakes that I probably could have asked my parents their opinions on though. (Laughter) The one thing however that I think has been a real benefit to me is that I never experienced the casting couch and I know other girls who have. I dont know if people would necessarily do that when they might know my parents, which is always a bonus. (Laughter)

Severe: People have seen you on film as both a blond and a brunette. Do industry folks treat you differently when you are a blond rather than a brunette and vice versa?

Ladd: You know, I dont even know. Everything has changed so much these days that I dont know if its hair color. When I had dark hair, it was for roles that were written for dark hair girls who are a lot edgier and I think I confused people. Someone said, You might be confusing people because you are reading on these real tough roles with names like Butch and you come in and youre really pleasant and sunny. Having black hair and stuff was about rebellion and doing my own thing. I sort of got over that and realized I should probably go back to whats natural for me. (Laughter) I dont know though because these days there is so much emphasis on being sexy and I think being blond you somehow get put in that category and Im not a huge fan of that.

Severe: Its weird because it seems like if someone is a brunette, they get labeled as being girl next door sexy, but if someone is a blond, theyre just regular sexy.

Ladd: (Long pause) I guess. (Laughter) Like I said, Hollywood these days just absolutely baffles me. Every day Im just absolutely more and more confused by it. I have no answers and everything I believe to be true is proven wrong. Its changed a lot, but these days whats available to girls unfortunately is pretty limited to being the sexy supportive girlfriend and you know what, thats OK. (Laughter) Ill put on the makeup. Ill do it. It takes three hours to look like that, but if thats what it takes for me to get the work and to be on a set and work with other actors Ill find a way to make it great and have fun with it. I hope I dont have to do it forever though. Well, obviously age will catch up and I wont. (Laughter)

Severe: Whats the ultimate goal?

Ladd: The goal is God the goal is really, honestly to just make movies with friends and have some creative freedom. I hope to be relevant in film when Im an old lady just because I love it. However, I dont know as an old lady if Id want to push and pull and tuck and put on a bunch of makeup and hustle myself to auditions. I think Id much rather be behind the camera and helping other creative people achieve what they want. So, thats kind of a long-term goal, but I hope to always participate in movies because I just love them so much. If it means having to have a lot of plastic surgery though, I dont know if I could handle that. (Laughter)

Severe: You did a topless scene in Club Dread. Was that a tough decision for you to make?
Ladd: You know I have no regrets about it. The reason I did it was because it was funny and for the sake of making people laugh, Ill do anything. (Laughter) I dont really have a problem with nudity. I think other people may and I cant give a shit about that. I did it specifically for that scene and it worked for that scene and people liked it and laughed. The only thing that is not fun is getting on the Internet and then seeing stills of it. But, I think I have a kind of European attitude about nudity. Everybody gets naked everyday and I dont see what the big deal about it is. I wish people made less of an ordeal about it. And the other thing too is on the positive side; there are so many fake breasts on screen that in some way I was proud to represent the real boobs. (Laughter)

Severe: Because you have been topless on film, do people feel like they have the right to talk about your breasts?
Ladd: Umm Ive always talked about my breasts. I had a breast reduction at 16. Unfortunately I accidentally mentioned that off record to somebody who was entertaining having one and then they put in an article.

Severe: And now its part of your trivia at IMDB.com.

Ladd: Yeah, of course. (Laughter) But, Im totally open about that and Ive had so many breast discussions in my life that it doesnt really matter. Although, one time I saw somebody write, Her tits sag and I felt like writing back and saying, Yeah, thats what happens when theyre real and youre not 20. (Laughter) No other person has ever really made that comment, but its natural and I dont know what to say. I dont want to have any shame about it.

Severe: In the directors commentary on Cabin Fever, director Eli Roth comments on how you did a topless scene in Club Dread, but not for his film. What are your thoughts on that?
Ladd: Well, I didnt really see where it was necessary in Cabin Fever, so I said no. And thank God that Cerina Vincent did all of the heavy lifting in terms of breast showing and I think she satiated the male audience with that and I didnt have to. But no, I did it in Club Dread because it was funny and like I said, Ill stop at nothing to get a laugh. I actually felt liberated doing that to be quite honest with you. I was like, OK, I got the topless scene out of the way. I did it! Fine! Done!

Severe: Well, were glad you went for it because it was one of the funniest scenes in the movie.

Ladd: Yeah, thats what I thought. I just thought, Fuck it who cares. For the month before we shot that scene though, I literally went around and flashed everybody so I wouldnt be scared.

Severe: So that was your attempt to avoid going in there and freezing up like a deer in headlights?

Ladd: (Laughter)

Severe: No pun intended.

Ladd: Yeah, right. Try a deer with headlights on. (Laughter) But yeah, I was really terrified before, but once I did it I felt like, Great, I did it and I dont care what anyone says. If somebody wants to say I have saggy boobs I dont care. Some guy out there will like my boobs and most importantly, it did give quite a few people a chuckle.

Well, I'm back with another interview. This one is a personal favorite of mine... Sonya Thomas... a professional eater. As a fan of eating myself... and of people with a sense of humor, the "Black Widow" was a blast. There wa smore of the interview, but this piece originally ran in Severe Magazine and had to be cut down for space. If I wasn't so lazy, I'd have put the rest of it in... but then again, I am lazy so we're all porked.

And as always, cutting and pasting messes up punctuation and parenthesis... so don't blame me for it it looking like a big bag of zed.

_____________________________________________________

It's Cool To Be You!

Sonya "The Black Widow" Thomas

Sonya Thomas was drawn to professional eating in 2001 after watching Takeru Kobayashi down 50 hot dogs in 12 minutes. Destined for a greatness all her own, the self-described Black Widow has since gone on to inhale 25 current world titles, gnawing her way through Maine lobster (11.3 lbs in 12 minutes), cheesecake (11 lbs in nine minutes), and chicken nuggets (80 in five minuets), all of which has helped solidify her as one of the most feared competitors in the sport. Yup, thats pretty cool!

Burns: Why is it cool to be you?

Thomas: I represent the cutting edge of equality in sports among the sexes. Sometimes I'm actually able to perform better than the top-ranked male rivals. (And I wouldn't want it any other way!)

Burns: Professional eating has gained a lot of exposure lately.  Do you see that as a fad or can the sport sustain long-term popularity?

Thomas: The sport of competitive eating is on the cusp of a revolution in the way people distinguish between what is and what isn't a sport. This is not a blip on the radar. Competitive eating is being recognized as the sport that it truly is. Old, misguided perceptions and false labels are being cast aside. It 's about time! There will always be detractors, but their numbers are dwindling.

Burns: Why are people fascinated with the sport?

Thomas: Even though everybody eats, very few are good at it competitively. It's the same with baseball, football, hockey, etc. People admire those who have extraordinary talent, as many competitive eaters do.

Burns: You're very petite so you obviously have a very active metabolism. Are you concerned that one day it's going to slow down and you won't be able to stay slim and eat hard?

Thomas: Oh no! Both of my parents are rail-thin. I have good genes for being a competitive eater.

Burns: Are there dangers to professional eating?

Thomas: Of course, our eaters have to use common sense - - and they do. Each person has to know his or her limits of consumption and adjust accordingly.

Burns: Does the sport have an eat or be eaten mentality when it comes to competing?

(Yes, we intended on that pun.)

Thomas: Eaters' respect one another's talents, and there is much camaraderie among the International Federation of Competitive Eating (IFOCE) eaters. When I first began eating competitively, I found that my fellow professionals welcomed me into this sport with open arms. But once the contest begins, everyone takes on a "take no prisoners" mindset.

Burns: Have you seen a lot of heroes come into the sport who thought they would mow down the competition, only to find their face in a bucket?

Thomas: That's funny. Often I see locals who maintain that they will give the professionals a run for their money, so to speak. And there was a whole lot of "Smack Talkin'" before the Krystal Burger contest. But, once the contest is finished, the truth becomes known and the dreamers come back down to earth.

Burns: You have records in oysters, hard-boiled eggs and baked beans.  Do you actually like the taste of everything you eat competitively?

Thomas: I would LOVE to be able to taste the food. I love food! But being able to taste it is a sure sign - - it would be for me - - that you'll likely finish far down on the totem pole when the results are calculated.

Burns: You aspire to one day own your own fast food restaurant. Would you hold eating competitions there?

Thomas: Perhaps - - but I would have to disqualify myself if only locals were in it. But, if Tim "Eater X" Janus, Joey "Jaws" Chestnut,  "Crazy Legs" Conti, "Beautiful Brian" Seiken, or "Krazy" Kevin Lipsitz showed up to participate, I'd have to put on the proverbial feedbag, just for good measure! 

Burns: Let's say we owned a buffet style restaurant - - should we be nervous if you walked through the door?

Well, folks... it's been awhile since I've posted some of my old interviews, but I've been cleaning out the vaults and found some that I wanted to post. Because of the recent return of Shawn Michaels to his former DX roots, (yes, I'm kind of a wrestling geek) I figured it was fitting to post this one first. All of the wrestling fans will enjoy it... all those that are not wrestling fans will probably have no idea what we're talking about throughout the entire interview, but... you can't please everyone. Again... for some reason, the punctuation and formatting gets messed up when I cut and paste my interviews in blog form, so if you don't see apostrophes or commas, don't get mad. It's not my fault!

___________________________________________

Legendary Heartbreak

By: Jason M Burns

In a 100 years, when professional wrestling is still entertaining fans around the globe, Shawn Michaels (also known as The Heartbreak Kid or HBK) will easily be looked at as one of the most influential and legendary figures ever to step foot in the business. Critics have always pointed fingers at the WWE and dismissed it as a form of entertainment suitable only for beat-up, smoky VFW halls similar to those where the sport got its start, but try convincing its insignificance to the millions of fans who have sat in awe of the larger than life stars.

There is no denying professional wrestling of its popularity. While it may come in waves, the sports entertainment phenomenon has seen its share of profitable times. The reason behind its many decades of success falls on the shoulders of the stars themselves who face off in the squared circle night after night. Very few in the history of the sport have had the charisma that Michaels has and even fewer have had his abilities. He is a marquee player and a living legend within the industry.

I recently sat down with Michaels to discuss respect, finding his niche and taking a much-needed leave of absence.

JB: Let me start off by saying thank you for all of the entertainment throughout the years. You were the guy that got me into wrestling when I was growing up.

SM: Well, great. Thank you very much.

JB: I was fascinated with the Rockers and all of the crazy stuff you guys would do in the ring.

SM: I appreciate that.

JB: In talking to some of the other wrestlers now and mentioning your name, the word respect always seems to pop up. Was respect something that was hard for you to earn in the business?

SM: Yeah it was, but that was certainly more of my fault than anybody elses. I think everybody respected my in-ring ability. I believe from a wrestling standpoint, a lot of people wanted to be inside those ropes with me, but from a personal standpoint, I didnt handle myself as professionally as I should have. I struggled a lot with a lot of thingsthe fame. Even more so than that, (I was just talking about this with someone today) and I was constantly trying to prove something to myself and I never allowed myself to enjoy the accomplishments that I did have. I think guys struggled with that at first and obviously years later and certainly now, I do, I appreciate having that word and I enjoy it and I appreciate that people do respect me. I think respect in every line of work comes over time anyway and I feel like Ive earned it now and I greatly appreciate being looked on by my peers in that way?

JB: When you were starting out, did you have somebody that sort of took you under his wing?
SM: Well, I made it a point to go to everybody. I was very hungry to improve and be successful in this line of work, so I sought a lot of people out. I would pick anybodys brain. I would listen to anybody who had something to offer and sometimes, even if they didnt have anything to offer, I went anyway. (Laughter) I did have a problem. I was subtle about it and discreet about it, but I bothered a lot of guys and I just wanted to get their two cents on things because I figured that was the best way to learn. Certainly its pretty easy to look at the guys at the top of the card and the guys who you watched and enjoyed growing up and watching the guys whose style you enjoyedthose are the guys you go to and talk to. You sift through it. You take in the information, you see what works, you see what you like and what you dont like and then you go out there and there is a lot of experimentation going on. Youre out there every night, but thats the wonderful thing about the job. You get a chance to go out there and try something and you instantly know whether it works or it doesnt.

JB: Now when you started out in wrestling, it certainly wasnt where it is today in terms of its popularity. Do you think guys are getting into it for the wrong reasons nowadays?

SM: I think its evolving and changing like every sport is. I dont think there is much of aI dont think the heart is quite in there like it was, but I dont know if thats bad. I just dont know if thats really an option now. Its out there now and everybody knows about it, so right away you look at it and it appeals to you on a whole different level now than when it was something that you had to search to find. And again, I dont mean that as a detriment to the guys that are in it now, I just think that its evolved. Before, years ago, to get into ityou had to be really hungry because first you had to go find it and then getting in was even more difficult. It was very difficult years ago as opposed to at least getting in the front door now. Being successful is a whole different story, but getting in the front dooractually, you can practically call the office now and get a try out. And thats just something what was nonexistent years back. You couldnt even get into the front doors of a local promotion, let alone the largest wrestling organization in history.

JB: From my perspective, I look at your career and see you as the guy that was there during the industrys most important stages of growth.

SM: Yeah. Somebody in an article recently asked me, I sort of look at you like Moses. You led the people, but you didnt get to go into the promise land. (Laughter) You didnt get to enjoy that five years of prosperity in the company. Does that bother you? And I said, Gosh. No. I never looked at myself in that way obviously, but I thought it was an awesome thing. Who would not be proud of that? To be a guy that pioneered and laid the groundwork and got his hands dirty and did a lot of the hard workI mean, gosh, that makes me very proud. And now strangely enough, the good lord willing, Ive had an opportunity to now enjoy being in it during its time of prosperity. Im very proud that people would even think to say that about meas a guy who laid a lot of the groundwork and to be thought of as the guy that sort of led the company in that respect. To me, thats sort ofthat makes me very proud. Thats one of the most touching things that somebody can say to me because it doesit means a lot.

JB: Well, you mentioned always being hungry and looking at the next stepwhen you were in the tag team portion of your career, did you constantly think, I am going to get that singles career? Did you know that you wanted to be HBK, Shawn Michaels?

SM: When Marty (Jannetty) and I first got together, we made a commitment to each other, but I just mentioned someday that, obviously, I wanted to have a singles career. But that was the end of it. And then we went full pedal to the metal with each other and tried to be the best tag team we could. Then when I thought that it had run its course, obviously I went singles and I didnt really have a direction. There was no idea of HBK being the character that I was going to do. All of it happenedthe word we use now is organically. And it did. It just happened that way. I knew I wanted to be singles, so thats what I did and it was just Shawn Michaels. Some folks threw some ideas at me that just didnt hit home with me. They didnt fit me and I didnt feel comfortable with them so I just stayed who I was with the little leather jacket. And then, slowly but surely, one day Mr. Perfect said, Hey, I called you the Heartbreak Kid out there. I was doing color commentary and I said that. Is that OK? I thought, Sure. He told me he had gotten it from a Chris Ledoux song and on the next tour he played me the song and I just started using that. I would use it a little bit in promos and then I met this girl that did outfits and she said, We need to dress you up like this. And it just sort of happened like that and then all of a sudden one day, there I was in this incredibly wild looking outfit, calling myself the Heartbreak Kid. I think the company then went, OK, thats what were going to call him. Nowadays they worry about it from a legality standpointtrademarks and stuff like that. None of that stuff was there. I was calling myself the Heartbreak Kid and was in the getup years before it was a patented part of the WWE. And, it wasnt something that anybody had come up with. It just sort of evolved. The dancing, the music and all of thatit just sort of happened. The more I got comfortable in the rolethat just became the character.

JB: At what moment did you realize that you went from a wrestler to more of a celebrity and was it a weird transition for you?
SM: Well, I cant say that I ever consciously felt that I went from a wrestler to a celebrity. I honestly dont know where one stops and the other one begins. (Laughter) The time in which I felt like, OK, I think something is different. People are really noticing? That was after Wrestlemania Xafter the ladder match. My performance in that matchsomething was different. People looked at me as a major component of the company and that was the one that really made people take notice of me.

JB: You mentioned that match and having watched your career myself, you were known for your high-risk maneuvers and for the crazy things you accomplished in the ring. Do you ever look back now and think of yourself as kind of insane for taking some of those risks?

SM: I never looked at it in that way. And now, compared to what some of the guys are doing nowthat ladder match was pretty tame. But, I tried to approach every match with the idea of, what can I do to kind of make them yell. (Laughter) Thats not very deep and its not very complex, but what can I do to make them yell and really enjoy this? You know, tell them a story and take them on a ride. You know, like a rollercoaster. Everybody loves a rollercoaster. Youre yelling and screaming during the whole thing and even though you sort of know where its going, when it jerks you back this way and youre going up that big hill and you know youre going down the other side, but you cant help but to lift your hands up and yell on the way down. That was sort of how you looked at it. What can I do tonight to take them on a ride that they will enjoy? And when its over with, get off and all look at each other and go, That was clearly the best ride at the park.

JB: You arent the biggest guy in the industry. When you were starting out, did you ever feel like you had to step it up an extra notch because you werent the biggest guy in the ring?

SM: Well, I certainly felt like that when I came here (WWE) and certainly when I went singles. This was a place that was dominated by big men and I wasnt going to be thatnot ever. So, the thing iswhat is it that is going to make me different than everybody else? And thats where ability and personality come into play. Those are the only things that we have a little bit of control over in front of the camera. The sizeyou cant control that. Its not an option. So, you have to work on the other and thats what I tried to do. I believe that I accomplished that and I think that opened the door for a lot of people. I try to always make mention of it in promos or even in interviews and what not that rarely, our line of work is not easy. Youve got to be an athlete to do it. An athlete is judged on his ability. Why shouldnt an athlete in this line of work be judged on his ability and what he produces because its like that in every other sport? And the more that I talked about that and the more I brought that to light, I think people realized, Yeah, thats true. Rarely is the biggest guy on the field the best athlete. Rarely is he the guy that you say, Whoa, hes the best player on the team. I think people started to take notice of that and now we have a lot more diversity in our business than I think we had ten or fifteen years ago.

JB: You had to step away from the business because of a serious back injury. Emotionally, what was that time like for you?
SM: It wasnt that tough emotionally. At that time, it was a combination of fatigue, being burned out and obviously the injury. So, when I stepped away I was ready to step away. Would I have stepped away anyway had I not been hurt? Probably not, but I would have driven myself and everybody else crazy staying around. The injury is what got me out of the door, but it was definitely the best thing for me. And I dealt with it OK. Ive been in the wrestling business since I was 19. That was the first timegosh I was 33 and that was the first time I had had anything longer than a week or two off in all of those years, so I was definitely ready for it. And of course, all of the changes that happened in my life at that time were just wonderful and obviously as I look back now I say there was divine intervention with that injury. That injury now, certainly in my eyesreflects the greatest time in my life for me personally. And thats the thing, prior to injury, all I had was this job and I went about this job not in a healthy way. I went at it and my life with reckless abandon. It made me successful, yes, but from a personal standpoint I wasnt the person that I am today. So, that injury now was the greatest moment in my life.

This is an oldie, but I'm a big fan of Chris and his work, so I have to give this one a post.

And for some reason, this blog thing messes with all of the punctuation, especially quotations and apostrophes. I have no idea how to fix it, so if anyone does... let me know!

_____________________________________________

Passion of the Chris
By: Jason M Burns

Christopher Meloni is the kind of actor that every casting director should have in his or her Rolodex. His onscreen persona as Detective Elliot Stabler in the Law & Order spin-off Special Victims Unit is the perfect blend of a tough guy with an honest heart and a modern day warrior set to explode. Each week Meloni becomes the everyman that we all can relate to as his character punches the clock in an attempt to put the scum of New York City behind bars.

The interesting thing about Meloni and his abilities as an actor is that we the viewers can relate to him even when hes playing a dark, edgy character with a heart as black as night. As Christopher Keller on the HBO prison drama Oz, Meloni became everything that society fears by slipping into the shoes of a homicidal maniac who lied and cheated his way through life. Whether he was crippling someone in the weight room or raping a fellow inmate in the showers, the character of Christopher Keller was one of the most popular on the show. Through its many seasons, Meloni somehow made the murderer appear human and at times, even managed to make us feel sorry for him.

Is Meloni one of most underrated actors in the business? Probably. His presence on camera can be captivating when landing in the right role and as hes proven with SVU, he has the chops to carry a project to the top of the pack. Guys like Ben Affleck may be finding their names at the top of the marquees, but if they cant connect with an audience, they arent doing their job - - or, they arent doing it right. Meloni does his job and always seems to find a way to connect with viewers even when the deck is stacked against him.

Is he successful? Sure he is. Are his talents underrated? Lets just say that if Severe were a big wig in Hollywood, wed make sure we put him in every project we gave the green light to.

Severe: Special Victims Unit sort of kick started the whole spin-off trend that has been hit network dramas lately. You guys proved that a spin-off could be as good, if not better than its predecessor.

Meloni: I guess. I think its different than CSIs offspring. I mean, arent they all the same thing - - tricky photography and they just kind of tell the story the same way. I think the Law & Orders tell the stories differently. I think we do a good job at what we do. Im very impressed that we never fell into the trap of Rape of the Week. Im pretty proud of the issues that kind of get sewn into the fabric of the script.

Severe: A lot of the scripts that you guys work from are taken straight from the actual news. Has doing the show given you a new perspective on the world around you at all?

Meloni: No. Not so much that. (Laughter) I entered it already with a jaded eye towards the world. I do look at the news and all of that sort of stuff - - always keeping my eyes open for stories.

Severe: The show covers some pretty rough subject matter, and while youre no stranger to that having worked on Oz, did you ever wonder if it was going to work for a network on prime time?

Meloni: Well, yeah. I always think that there is an adherent bloodlust in people, but what Im very pleased to be a part of is that, even though the stories may be rough, I dont think we present them in prurient manner or with an eye towards trying to titillate with gross out or really kind of disgusting stuff. I think we present extreme aspects of human behavior and hopefully get at times, messages across or bring issues to the table or as we so often say, shed light into the dark crevices of human nature.

Severe: In SVUs first season, werent there like three or four guys in the cast that were originally from Oz?

Meloni: Well, we had JK Simmons kind of doing the BD Wong psychiatrist and that was never set in cement. I think they were just kind of testing to see how he worked out in there. I think the fact that hes not with us does not mean he didnt work out. They just went a different way. And yeah, we had Dean Winters. I think they didnt know what to do with his character. I dont know whether it was nice or not to have them. I knew them from OZ and I was like, I dont know if I can get used to you guys. (Laughter) It was weird, like they shouldnt be there. I love them. I love them both. They are great actors and great guys. It was just weird.

Severe: Hollywoods a lot smaller than what people think.

Meloni: Yeah, especially Hollywood in New York.

Severe: Your character sometimes has a hard time dealing with the things he sees on the job because hes a father and has his own family. In real life youre a father. Could you ever do the job that your character does?

Meloni: You couldnt pay me enough. The stuff that the real guys and women in the SV unit see or have to deal with - - the attrition rate - - theyre only able to stick in there for like two years. Thats the average time. A lot of them just burn out, man. Crimes against children and of a sexual nature - - for a man to use his strength to overpower a woman and to commit a crime like that, I mean - - its really - - hes a scumbag. Its rough. It is rough.

Severe: Does it ever get difficult to do from a pretend standpoint?

Meloni: It is because I think - - I would never presume to say, I know what its like at all - - but, if youre an actor who is really dedicated in doing the job that I do in whatever that may be, whether you want to call it pretending or make believe or playing, or hopefully making your craft work - - I think youve got to invest yourself. I think that costs you a little bit, even though it may be make believe. You know, if you read a script about a certain thing happening to a child - - you have to dredge up things from your own personal life in order to make that work. In order to connect to whats on the page.

Severe: Being on a TV show and being beamed into homes week after week, do you find that strangers sort of expect you to be your character when they approach you? Do they feel like they know you?

Meloni: I guess I dont get to know them well enough so that whether I can tell if they think that Im the character or not. It is a weird feeling to have people go, Hey Chris like they know me. But, number one, 99 percent of my experiences have been really cool. People couldnt be nicer and more positive. Then in the really special cases, Ive had people who have been victims of either incest, molestation, sexual assault or that sort of thing and theyve really let me know what a great service that were doing and what a great thing weve done for them to help them come to terms about changing their viewpoint of being a victim to being a survivor, or just really getting a clearer perspective on what happened and who they are now. Its kind of cool.

Severe: It has to be a nice perk to the role because you very rarely get that in this business. Its something you dont expect when you walk into a job.

Meloni: At all! I didnt get into acting to be a public service announcer or an advocate and yet, by virtue of this show and how we handle the subject matter that weve been given, thats kind of how its evolved in certain ways. You know, its nice. Im just an actor, but if the extra part of it is that Im helping people or people are being helped by the virtue of what were doing, then thats just a really nice added extra.

Severe: You have an onscreen persona that I think everyone can relate to. I know you used to work a lot of blue-collar type jobs before you broke into acting. Do you think coming off as that sort of everyman has been helped along because of your blue-collar roots?

Meloni: I think so. Theres something about New York and just being real - - very real. New York is what it is. I think the stereotype is, theyre not going to bullshit you. And they? Whos they? (Laughter) I guess thats the stereotype of the average New Yorker who will give it to you straight. When I first came to New York, I felt like I was born here and I felt like it was where I belonged. I think all of my life Ive felt that attitude. Certain parts of life are very - - its either black or its white. There are very few shades of gray. There are rights and there are wrongs. Theres a part of me that I think is maybe what you see in this particular character - - that attitude. But, there are other parts of me where Im like, No, there are lots of shades of gray. (Laughter) And you know, Im not judgmental, but there are certain things where there are injustices concerned. I think thats what comes off with this guy and I think thats kind of what it is.

Severe: Even looking past that character I still see it carrying over. In Oz for example, you were playing one of the most despicable people on the planet, yet fans still liked you.

Meloni: Yeah. He had lots of shades of gray. (Laughter) I dont think anything was black and white with that cat. (Laughter) Maybe I digressed a little bit. The blue-collar thing 0 - - yeah, Ive always admired the guy who was just straight up, straight forward about an honest buck for an honest days work. He could be whatever he wants to be as long as hes a non-bullshitter. Hes not looking to scam anyone. He just wants to do his thing. Maybe thats what this guy is.

Severe: Do you ever miss those simple days of being on a construction site?

Meloni:  Oh no! (Laughter) Fuck no! You know what though, I still have a dream of one day - - I would love to hire a semi-retired contractor and just build a house - - him and I building a house for me. I would truly love to do that.

Severe: I smell a reality show.

Meloni: Dude, I love the way you think. If youve got any clout, you get back to me. Ill give you a slice of that pie.

Severe: (Laughter) Hey, Im in. It has reality show written all over it.

Meloni: It really does, doesnt it?

Severe: Call your agent!

Meloni: Yeah, man. Thats really good.

Severe: And the best part, you get a free house out of it.

Meloni: Aw, dude! Ive just got to buy the land. Ive got to buy a fat slab of land.

Severe: And then let the networks pick up the check.

Meloni: Aw, dude! That is sweet.

Okay. This one ran in the preview issue of Severe Magazine late last year, but there's some funny stuff here and I had to post it for all the spandex lovers out there!

Also, I wanted to apolotize because I realize that when I've been posting these, punctuation gets all messed up and doesn't show up all the time, especially quotations and apostrophes. I apologize for that and I went over this one quickly to drop them in.

Best

Jason

________________________________________________________

Severe Nostalgia

Poison

By: Jason M Burns

Whether we want to admit it to the world or not, we all have a soft spot in our hearts for the 80s hair metal craze. Even if it wasn't your thing then, you no doubt had a sister who cranked it from her boom box or had been seeing a girl who strutted around in acid washed jeans and rode her bangs as high as they could go. MTV and local radio outlets did all they could to suck off every single band of the moment and their streaming of the music 24-hours a day was a major factor in the overexposure of the genre. Let's face it - - it was inescapable.

Maybe it was all of the spandex and the neon green that surrounded the band, but when it comes to 80s arena rock, there are none greater than Poison. Sure they were beat up by every geek chic critic to pick up a pen, but what they lacked in rave reviews, they made up for in gold and platinum records and a bevy of beautiful women that followed them wherever they went. Two decades later, their peers have wrinkled and bloated before our eyes, but for the boys of Poison, rock has been the fountain of youth. Still in shape, looking young and touring the country, the makers of "Unskinny Bop" and "Every Rose Has Its Thorn" are giving us all a severe case of nostalgia.

Join us as we take a walk down memory lane with Poison singer Bret Michaels and drummer Rikki Rockett.

JB: You guys seem to be on the road every summer. What's it like doing it now as opposed to the early days and what keeps calling you back out?

RR: In the earlier days you're worried about just trying to hang in there. You dont know what's around the corner. OK, "What if our next song isnt a hit? Now we cant tour anymore." (Laughter) "Until we have another hit!" Now, its obvious that we dont have to worry about any of those things because we dont have a hit right now. We're not on TV and we're not the flavor of the moment and yet we're still able to do these kinds of gigs and tour and have a really great career. We play for the people that we love to play for. I'm actually more relaxed about who we are and we're comfortable in our own skin now.

JB: What was it like when the industry turned over on itself and suddenly it was no longer cool to be Poison?

BM: Everyone was telling me, "You've got to make grunge music, you've got to do this, you've got to cut your hair short and you've got to change your image." I just said, "Look, I respect grunge, I respect Alice in Chains, I like Nirvana's music, but don't fucki'n tell me how to live." Our record company, who never told us what to do, all of a sudden they tell us we need to act depressed.

JB: It must have been weird because prior to that, I'm sure the labels were telling other bands to be more like Poison.

BM: We had been on a show and we had just finished doing "Stand." I'll never forget coming back to the ranch in Malibu and I'm sitting there and we're watching it. People are all sitting around and I'm listening to even some of my own buddies (who I thought were buddies) and they were saying, "Hey this is good, but maybe what you need to do is cut your hair and this song is kind of happy, so maybe if you wrote more angry..." A year ago none of these guys were saying these things. It almost made me feel like, which is what I never want to feel like, is a product. I started to feel like we were toothpaste and they were going to give me a new cover. We're going to sell Coke, but its going to be called New Coke.

JB: With lemon!

BM: I'd rather be Classic Coke.

JB: What you guys did in the 80s and still do now is put on a real rock show. You havent really changed your performance style at all. Why is that?

RR: I think we're pretty good at what we do and we feel like it's been bestowed upon us to carry the torch and provide maximum rock n' roll entertainment the old school way. (Chuckle) We're proud of that and we wear that with a badge of honor. We're doing it because we like it and because the people like it.

JB: We've all seen the "Behind the Music" and we all know about the struggle you guys went through early in your career. Did those struggles make the success that much sweeter?

RR: Of course! You can't appreciate the daylight until you've seen that kind of dark. We paid our share of dues back in Pennsylvania before ever hitting Los Angeles. Most of the story gets picked up in LA, but there was an awful lot of stuff that happened before that. We do want to document that at some point in time. We want to come out with something and really tell the whole story because there's a lot to tell. We may have to move out of the country afterwards, but we will put that story out one day.

JB: On Bret's solo album Songs of Life, there's a song called "Loaded Gun," which seems to be coming from the same place lyrically as "Every Rose Has Its Thorn." Is there a connection?

BM: Yes. "Loaded Gun" for me was almost lyrically a "Fuck you" to the girl that broke my heart that I wrote about in "Every Rose." You know when you get angry and sometimes you express it through a song like "Every Rose," which is somber and then other times you really think about it and you go, "Fuck you!" Excuse my language, but "Fuck you." Fuck you for fucking me over. She was looking for the bigger and better deal and then she got burned. Thank God. I hate to say it, but I'd be lying to say that it didn't feel good to know that she got burned by the guy she fucked me over for. Sorry to say it like that. I don't want to go on a rant and rave, but I don't care who you are, a broken heart is a broken heart.

JB: That all happened prior to Poison's success, correct?

BM: I was a struggling musician back when I wrote "Every Rose." I mean really struggling! This other guy that she was dicking around with just happened to be in a bigger band at the moment and I truly mean at the moment. The moment didn't last long and I'll leave out who the band was, but the trueness of it was that he had a nice car and I didn't. Maybe it was for the best because she would have done this to me anyway. Plus, "Every Rose" sure didnt suck to write. (Laughter) Maybe that was my payback.

JB: You guys were selling millions of records and selling out venues around the world, yet you were still being dogged by critics. Did it ever seem like two separate worlds?

RR: I do think there were a couple of reasons for that. One, we made the grave mistake of being modest. And I'm not saying modesty is a bad thing, but in our case we were a little bit too modest. We'd sit there and say, "We're not the greatest players in the world, but we're out here doing this." People would take that literally and go, "Oh ,see they're admitting they suck." They were just taking what they wanted out of our statements and I wish I never said anything about it because nobody was judging us until we decided to open that can of worms. It's one of the only things I regret.

JB: Has music ever done anything to piss you off?

BM: No, because if it would have it would have been self-inflicted. I get to write music and go out on the road and tour and I happen to have some really great fans. The only thing that I've ever done, which I pretty much didn't like about myself, was when me and C.C. got into a fight and I beat the crap out of him... twice. That's the only thing I really haven't liked about myself. Its weird when you fight with a best friend.

JB: There have been two decades of Poison and Poison music. As time passes, do your views on the band change at all?

Okay, this one has actually been published few places in the past so some of you may have already seen it, but I know there are a lot of Hank fans out there, so read and enjoy.

___________________________________________________

The Fluffy Bunny

By: Jason M Burns

Forget about NBC's "Fear Factor." I'm creating a new show called "Intimidation Factor" and the premise is simple. Regular people are forced to sit in the same room with former Black Flag frontman Henry Rollins and the contestant who can sit in his or her chair the longest without squirming is the victor. The only problem that the show faces in being picked up by a network is that A.) it would be a very short program and B.) the bigwigs at the networks would have to sit in the same room with Rollins before they ever gave the show the green light. Insert suits in seats wriggling uncomfortably and the future of "Intimidation Factor" suddenly hinges on the actions of a roomful of nervous "yes" men.

It's not that Rollins is a bad man or even your typical rock n' roll asshole, but it's simply undeniable that his physical appearance and soul scraping glares leave you thinking more about walking in the opposite direction in an act of self-preservation than shaking his hand and tossing him a smile.  Like a Greco Roman wrestler with an axe to grind, Rollins controls a room like an alpha male and he does it without breaking a sweat. Whether he's staring down U2's Edge in an act of disrespect (a funny anecdote he shares willingly if you ever have the chance to ask him about it) or taking a strong and powerful stance against racism, Rollins is as real as they come and he's not afraid to speak his mind.

Punk rock fans know him from his turn in Black Flag, a gig that ended in 1986 when the band went their separate ways, but Rollins never gave up on music. He released his first solo album in 1987 before bringing together the Rollins Band one year later. Lurking in the underground for nearly half a decade, the Rollins Band finally found mainstream success in 1994 with the release of Weight and the single "Liar."

Outside of music, Rollins has found work in various mediums including successful turns as an actor, novelist, voiceover talent, political activist, and spoken word entertainer. While he's sprinkled pieces of himself throughout the world of entertainment, this is the first time he's dipped his toe into the Severe pool.

Just keep in mind … he's intimidating because we know that if he was ever to snap, it's clear that it's going to be our ass and not his. Here's to Henry Rollins not snapping!

JB: You always seem to be doing something. Does the work ever stop?

HR: Well, I always thought that was the job … do a lot of work! I thought the artist's job was to just really hammer away at it and so that's what I do.

JB: Well if you're always hammering away at different things, when do you find time to write new music with the band?

HR: Well, we get together and work very furiously. Everyone in the band has a lot of ideas and a lot of enthusiasm when we work. Everyone is very happily employed and usually we don't get to all of the ideas. Like the songs on the "Nice" record: "Hanging Around" was written in Louisville, KY at sound check and played that night. "We Walk Alone" and "Gone Inside the Zero" … those were written at sound check in Perth, Australia. We're writing all of the time.

JB: And you're pretty open about the fact that you don't like going in the studio all that much.

HR: Well, it's not the kind of work I enjoy. I really like it when it's done, but it's a lot of sitting around and splitting hairs in rooms with no windows and too much coffee. It's a wall I beat my head against and it feels really good to stop.

JB: You mentioned the album "Nice" and I just wanted to go back to that for a second. When people think of Henry Rollins, I bet the word "nice" isn't the first thing that pops into their heads. Where were you coming from when you named the album so … nicely?

HR: Well, that the music isn't all that nice and so when you call the album "Nice," it's like calling the Rollins Band a fluffy kitty. It's like having a great white shark as a pet and calling it a guppy. I just thought it was hilarious. And so, we put a naked chick on the front cover and covered her in money. We hired a model who takes her clothes off for a living and threw a bunch of 100 dollar bills and 20s all over her and snapped photos. Not me … a photographer! It's a very pretty girl … naked …  covered with money … on a red carpet.

JB: I'm sure people looked at that cover and thought, "NICE!"

HR: Yeah, some of them. I really don't think I would mind a naked woman covered with money on my bed this evening. It would be a world of good. I would probably consider it to be very … nice.

JB: I remember listening to a song that you wrote, which was about mortality and moving on to that rock stage in the sky. Are you one of those people that thinks about his walk with the reaper?

HR: Well, everyone does. That's one common denominator we all have. Everyone thinks of his or her own demise. EVERYONE! Every nun! Every millionaire! Every junkie! Everybody! I just don't see myself going out in a very normal way.

JB: Is death something you fear?

HR: No, not at all. There's nothing I can do about it. I don't voluntarily run in front of speeding bullets or trains, but I don't think it does you much good to be scared of the one thing you are sure that's coming. Though, I hope to prolong my time here as long as possible.

JB: You touch on a lot of subjects that people can relate to in your writing and spoken word performances. Did you ever think that by getting into music that you'd have an affect on the people you reached?

HR: No and I hear that a lot from letters and people saying, "Hey, something you did inspired me." I never thought that would ever happen nor did I really ever write anything to try and cause that affect. I just write how I feel, which I think is perhaps some of the appeal. I just kind of go at it very unrestrained. I just kind of go for it flat out and there is a slice of people in the world who appreciate that. That's all I've ever done … get what's inside of me outside of me.

JB: On the opposite side of that, do you ever get approached or receive letters from parents saying that your music and your messages are to "real" for their kids?

HR: No, because what we do isn't graphic. There's really no reason to hide your kid away from anything that I'm saying. I'm not the one with the mask jumping up and down on stage with a chainsaw. That's not me.

JB: You did a Comedy Central special a few years back, which was basically a taped version of one of your spoken word performances. Comedy Central is the land of the funny. That being said, do you think you're funny?

HR: I play to packed houses all over the world when I do my talking shows, so I guess someone's getting it. The being funny on stage thing is very natural for me. Of all the stuff I do it's probably the one that comes the easiest. It's probably the one thing that I'm good at.

JB: You were once being interviewed by Ben Stein when you decided to eat a piece of paper that had been vomited on. Should we even ask?

HR: It was like a dried, kind of splash and I knew it would freak him out. It was just a little dog drool. Come on, everyone has had a dog lick their face. It's no different.

JB: If you were forced to stop making a living in a creative way, would there be anything for you to do? Is there anything you could see yourself doing?

HR: Yeah. I wouldn't mind working for an agency like the Southern Poverty Law Center. They're the ones that kind of fuck with the Klan.

JB: Do you think racism is diminishing in this country … even by a hair?

HR: I would like to think so. I would like to think that a lot of our youth are not going to go the way of their misinformed parents. And I think that the crossover of rap music is potentially a good thing. It gets a white audience to a black perspective, or perhaps an aspect of the black perspective, so that the world is not so in the dark as it was previously. I say that with the most hopeful of tones. When I was in high school, I listened to a lot of quote, "black music" because I was raised with it. Stevie Wonder is about as good as it gets. But, my classmates were not always into that and they weren't racist at all, they were just guys in high school. For them it was Nugent and Aerosmith and you'd never get them to listen to Aretha Franklin because they weren't exposed. Nowadays, most rap records made by black guys are bought by white kids and, I don't have a problem with that. I think that's kind of cool. Maybe young people will become more aware of the fact that there are more people in America than just people that look like them. Perhaps it will open up a dialogue or some kind of consciousness or awareness so that they can see what's going on and see how certain groups in America have been disenfranchised … like non-white or non-heterosexual people. They have been given quite … well … not the ride that's in the Constitution. For a lot of people in America, it has not been a cool rock n' roll country and so, maybe that will change with music crossing over and more voices getting out there. That's my hope.

Sharing A Drink With … Marc Summers

As kids, we all dreamed of the day when we'd be given the opportunity to burst through that famous Nickelodeon obstacle course. We'd dig the flag out of the giant nose filled with snot green goo and fly down the chocolate syrup covered slide, finding ourselves crossing the finish line with seconds to spare. And who would be there waiting to award us with free pairs of Reebok sneakers and trips to Universal Studios - - Marc Summers! From Double Dare to The Food Network's Unwrapped, he's been the host with the most for over 20 years and now he's sharing a drink with Severe.

What's your poison?

I'm a smoothie guy. There is a drink from Jamba Juice that I get often. It has passion fruit juice, mangos, bananas, and then I add strawberries and immunity boost. I am into tropical fruit - - anything from Hawaii.

Cheers! Anyway, we all know you from our Double Dare obsessed youth, but you actually started out as a comedian, right?
Yeah, I started off doing stand-up at the Comedy Store in 1976. It's kind of funny - - the first national TV show I did as a stand-up was a program called The Norm Crosby Comedy Shop and they recently released a "100 Best Comics Of All Time" DVD and they included me on that. I haven't seen that performance in so many years. I was like 25-years-old and it was just strange as hell to see me with wide lapels and an afro, sitting there telling 7-Eleven jokes.

Was it a tough gig starting out?

Billy Crystal said something to me once - - he said, "When nobody knows who you are, you have to go out there and be funny because once people know who you are, they laugh at just about anything." And that's true. It's easier when people are familiar with you as opposed to "Here's bright new comedian Marc Summers" cause you really have to establish yourself quickly.

What was the best joke in your arsenal?

Oh, man! Well, I used to close my act with a 7-Eleven routine, as I guess all of us did back then, and I'd say, "Have you ever noticed that they have the same two items at every 7-Eleven you go to - - Playboy Magazine and beef jerky." And it just always worked. It was just one of those jokes that if you think about it, it make no sense, but it always got a laugh.

You were also a magician at one point. What was that like?

Well, when magic was a hobby it was fun, but when it became a way to make a living, it became a pain in the ass. I really don't do magic anymore, but there are people who remember me doing that, which kind of makes me laugh.

You are an icon to an entire generation. Is it surreal getting approached by Double Dare fans?

Yeah, I'll tell you what's strange. I've had more 30-year-old people come up to me and say that they were on the show or that they were in the audience of the show or that they always wanted to be on the show - - and - - they want to talk about it like crazy. One person said a very cool thing to me last night. "You're the voice of my childhood." I'm just fortunate to have had the kind of career I've had - - I mean, it's been 30 years for God's sake.

It must be cool to know that because of Nickelodeon's GAS network, a whole new generation of kids is being introduced to Double Dare.

Yeah, and that's so weird because there is no frame of reference for those kids. I mean - - the things we talk about are old Chevy Chase movies. They can't answer the questions, but I guess the activities, the energy and the attitude and whatever it is we were doing works no matter what age you are.

We watched the show recently in reruns and - - the questions were hard! Those kid contestants had a better chance at Who Wants To Be A Millionaire.

They were hard and it's funny because there was a pattern obviously. The first one we wanted people to answer and the second was sort of a toss up because it was generally so ridiculous. We wanted to go to a physical challenge because focus groups said that's what they wanted to see.

Do you ever look back at the old shows?

Every now and then I'll be up on the computer at two in the morning and I'll flip by and there will be what looks like my evil twin brother doing a Double Dare episode, which sometimes I remember and sometimes I don't. It always kind of makes me smile to see it.

Did you ever look at Double Dare as a double-edged sword?

Oh, no question! For years I was "kiddie show host" Marc Summers. When you first break through in a career, it's just the coolest thing in the world and then all of a sudden you're 42 and you go, "I don't want to be a kiddie show host anymore." And I did so many other things - - I mean, I was on the Home Show covering the first Gulf War and doing news, fires, tornadoes and floods and they still referred to me as the Slime Guy.

So how about now?

I think it went full circle. I loved it at first, then initially I got a little bugged about it and now at this point in my life, I'm just thrilled that everybody knows who I am. It's not a problem anymore because I think the success of Unwrapped has kind of changed things.

Unwrapped is a cool nostalgic show, but won't you run out of cool nostalgic products to talk about before long?

I thought we would, but we've broadened the show. Initially it was the history of cookies and soda pop and then we started to do "things with holes," which was donuts and Lifesavers. So, now we're so far outside of the box that I think it's kind of endless now. I think we've got a couple of more years in us anyway. It's the highest rated show on the channel still, so that's cool.

Have you ever heard any odd rumors about yourself - - like the Scott Baio is dead kind of thing?

I don't really get involved with that stuff. I mean, certainly the OCD thing took on a life of its own for better or for worse, but I never really heard any urban legends about myself like - - "The Beaver was shot in Vietnam" kind of stuff. They may be out there, but I'm not familiar.

Look for new episodes of Unwrapped to air on The Food Network through April.

So you want to drink like Marc Summers, but fear what your friends might say when they hear you order something called a "smoothie?" Don't worry - - we've got your back! Regardless of their somewhat dainty name, smoothies taste damn good. With a little help from your friends at Severe, you'll be turning your kitchen into a juice bar before you know it.

Scenario: It's a Wednesday night - - you have a lady friend over for a night of relaxation and you want to impress her with your fruit blending skills. We recommend the Severe Smoothie. What's that you ask? We're about to tell you.

Mix ½ cup of fresh mango, ½ cup banana, 1 cup pineapple juice, ½ cup nonfat vanilla yogurt and 1 cup fresh or frozen strawberries into a blender - - blend - - and serve with a smile. Before you know it, that lady friend of yours will be saying, "Damn you're smooth!"

For all of the Buffy fans out there...

______________________________________________________

The Couch Potato

By: Jason M. Burns

Nicholas Brendon talks to Severe

He brought geeky testosterone to the Scooby Gang in the television version of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" and went on to prove that there's humor to be found amongst the salt and pepper in Fox's critically acclaimed, but tragically unwatched series "Kitchen Confidential." Naturally funny with class clown qualities, Brendon has made a career out of appearing in smart, multi-layered television series. Hence why he's now appearing in this column.

Severe: How are things?
BN: They're Severe, man. They're Severe.

Severe: Nice. Your verbal banter is not lost on us. So, why does a show like "Kitchen Confidential," which has the chops in both writing and acting to succeed, not get support from the network its on?

BN: I honestly wish I had the answer for you. If I were to think about it, it would drive me crazy, so I in turn just don't think about it.

Severe: Why didn't the show find an audience?

BN: They didn't do any advertising for it. All I know is that it's a semi-tragedy that we've fallen apart.

Severe: Well, from an outside perspective it seems like the networks are putting all of their dollars into advertising their dramas… shows like "Lost."

BN: Yes. "Lost" has killed the comedy and there were enough things killing comedy. We didn't need something to help it.

Severe: A lot of television actors say how they want to step away from the small screen and make the leap to film. Do you feel that way?
BN: No way, man. That's lame! I don't know if they're actors as much as people who want to be celebrities. I have to be honest with you, some of the best stuff that I've seen is on TV. So I can't say, "fuck." Big deal. There is more substance… at least with the stuff that I've done in television… than movie stuff that I've done, seen, or read.

Severe: Is your life still a daily dose of Buffy fans wanting their Xander fix?
BN: It's good, but it will be nice when I play another character that people know, so then I can give them a dose of both at the same time.

Severe: A genre based, sci-fi show like Buffy can stick with you for a long time.

BN: Oh, it is going to stick with me for the rest of my life. That's great though too. I'm going to have fans until the day I die. The thing about these shows too is that we get new fans everyday. All of the Trekkies that are out there now weren't watching the original "Star Trek," you know?

Severe: Is there a name for Buffy fans like with Trekkies?
BN: I bet you there is, and if I had one in my house right now, they'd be so happy to tell you. I wish I knew.

Severe: Is a Buffy movie still a possibility?
BN: I haven't heard anything on the Buffy movie. I don't think that's going to happen, although right now I would love for it to happen. Make some phone calls. See what you can do. (Laughter)

Severe: You're openly newly sober. How much has your life changed since you made that commitment to yourself?
BN: Immensely. It's like night and day. I've been trying to do it for two years and I finally got it six months ago. It's amazing how much my life has changed.

Severe: Is wondering if you can sustain sobriety always in the back of your mind?

BN: I was just talking to a friend today about this. There is one great thing about drinking… and I quit smoking too… the one great thing is, looking at the ocean about to have a huge sip of a triple strong margarita and lighting up a smoke… and knowing that you're doing something completely naughty. That's the one good thing. After that first drink… I'm the type of guy that gets arrested. I like to fight police officers. So, you look at that one thing, and it's not even a really good thing. Now I look at being clean and my life right now and it's a no contest.

This is a brief one... a one page deal, but I've had people asking me to read it, so I figured I'd post it up here.

Musical Viagra

Hawthorne Heights

Sounding off: singer JT Woodruff and drummer Eron Bucciarelli

Severe: "Silence In Black and White" recently went gold. Does that signify a major turning point for the band and was it something you anticipated?

Bucciarelli: To us it doesn't signify a turning point at all. We're still the same group of five guys that we were before our record had sold a single copy. We definitely did not anticipate our record selling even half of what it has.

Severe: Where do you plan on hanging your gold record?

Woodruff: My gold record is hanging above my fireplace. I know that sounds cliché, but I guess I am just a traditionalist. I have waiting for this my whole life!

Bucciarelli: Not sure yet. It's still sitting on the ground in a side room of my house. I don't have a lot of wall space. I'm sure I'll figure something out.

Severe: Do you still have to convince parents and family members that being in a band really is a full time job?

Woodruff: No, I don't have to convince them any more. My parents have always been really supportive. When I have struggled, while working at a gas station, they still wanted to hear my band's songs.

Bucciarelli: My parents are very supportive of my career choice and have been from the start. I don't think they realize how busy we actually are right now judging by their phone calls and messages.

Severe: Most people see being in a band as limousines, parties and lots of incoming dollars, but that's really not the case. What are some of the biggest misconceptions people have about working bands? What were some of the biggest misconceptions you had?

Woodruff: People always think that bands are high rollers. This is because in big budget music videos people are always driving cool cars and blingin'. What people don't really know is that all of that is just rented to hype the band or artist. I used to think that any band could get a video or radio single if they were on a label. I was way wrong. It is a lot more complicated than that. It is a bunch of variables that people don't know about.

Bucciarelli: One of the biggest misconceptions is that if you're video is on MTV/Fuse, then you must be rich. Totally not the case. We're not starving by any means, but there won't be any limos or Mercedes in our near future for sure.

Severe: Have you had to learn any tough lessons along the way, from starting out in Ohio to where you are today?

Woodruff: The only tough lesson I have had to learn is that no matter how many people love your band, there is always going to be ten times as many that hate your band. Nobody likes to deal with rejection.

Severe: Everyone always says that their band members are like brothers, but we had brothers and we used to beat the hell out of each other. Are there ever any scuffles in the band, especially when spending a long time together out on the road?

Bucciarelli: Whenever you spend a month or two in a van with five or more people, little things definitely get under your skin. That's why it's so important to go do things on your own every once and awhile, otherwise you might snap and beat the shit out of someone for being stupid.

Severe: The bands of the 80s were known for their groupies. How are the groupies these days and do they go to extremes to meet you guys?

Woodruff: We don't really have groupies. 

Bucciarelli: We've certainly had some run-ins with weird fans, but we haven't had very many fans (if any) go to any extremes to meet us. We try to make ourselves as available to our fans as possible. They are the reason we're here and we appreciate that immensely, so we owe it to them to make ourselves available.

Woodruff: They don't have to try very hard, because we understand their needs.  Without them, we are nothing.