If you've been looking for a cause to join, an effort to support, or even a life philosophy to embrace, I may have found one for you. It's quite ingenious. It's called the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement. You may think I'm joking about such a cause actually existing, and I'm sure my tongue-in-cheek recruiting attempt didn't help that any; however, the VHEM actually exists and is actively looking for new members.

I found this site as I was stumbling around the internet. StumbleUpon often offers some of the most abstract and bizarre glimpses into the jaded and twisted minds of other human beings. Sometimes it's disturbing. Sometimes it is dark and sad. Sometimes, such as is the case with this site, it takes me deep into the the windy catacomb maze of my deepest thoughts and probes at the undefined aches I feel but cannot express.

I imagine myself sitting at a booth at a large convention. Hundreds of aisles lined with booths fill the acres of this huge building. Clumps of people steadily walk past my booth, talking amongst themselves and occasionally approaching my booth to ask a question or read a pamphlet. After a long, boring day I sit on a metal folding chair behind my table, lazily glancing at the Christian publications I've been promoting. And then my eyes drift across the aisle. I see a man behind a booth, smiling and handing out brochures. People look genuinely interested. They certainly appear receptive and open to the message. What does his booth read? VHEM? What's that? I nonchalantly let my eyes probe deeper into the booth. I soon realize that they're proposing that the human race should voluntarily cease from existing, merely by putting an abrupt stop to procreation. Why? To save the earth and everything else on it. It's ludicrous. It's sad. It's... hopeless. It's selfless?

I used to believe that the most selfless act I could do would be to willingly and intentionally snuff out my own life. It would relieve the burden that my existence placed upon my friends and family – people I claimed to love. If I truly loved them, I would remove the burden from them. This is before I realized that it is not my place to relieve the burden, but rather to bear other's burdens. I would then cast my burdens upon God and allow Him to carry the heavy load, as He has told us to do. But at the time, and in the heat of the moment, I came very near to carrying out what I deemed a "selfless" act. I saw no conflict between selflessness and Christianity. Some of the most godly people I ever studied about were known for being selfless. It was an attribute of Christ that was both obvious and prevalent. And yet, selflessness isn't enough. Whether I stay or go, or whether I purpose to support a cause to rid the earth of human life, my selflessness is misplaced if it derives itself from the wrong motive. Selflessness without Christ is still sin. And this is my first point. Selflessness without a Christ-centered purpose and motive is inherently flawed and utterly and hopelessly untethered. Quantity (how many distinct acts of selflessness) and quality (how pure and genuine the motive) are rendered virtually obsolete, and therefore have little, if any, real value, eternally speaking.

In the headlines just a day ago I read that a popular author hung himself at his home in southern California. Morbidly curious as to what this 46 year old looked like, I quickly googled his name and found a video of an interview with Charlie Rose. For a whole hour I watched the two exchange a mildly interesting dialog. Then, with little more than 4 minutes left in the entire program, the author started to speak about how popularity and fame were enormous let-downs for him. While many seem to ride the "high" of fame for much of their lives, he felt immediate disappointment. He wanted something that would satisfy, and fame, glory, and good reviews of his book did little to satisfy this urgent hunger. He had a "rough patch" that he speaks about briefly, then ends the interview by saying,

"I'm kind of open to suggestions about what one chases. There are real abstract ideas about what art can be and the redemptive quality of art, and kindness to animals, and all the clichés that we can invoke. But the people who most interest me now are people who are old and have sort-of been through a mid-life crisis. They tend to get weird because the normal incentives for getting out of bed don't tend to apply anymore. I have not found any satisfactory new ones, but I'm not getting ready to jump off a building." - David Foster Wallace

There was something in those final words that really captured me. While I wanted so badly for him to have seen Christ with his own eyes before his fateful decision, I couldn't help but value, at least in part, the willingness to be openly vulnerable with millions of viewers. I think it a rare occurrence for someone to so widely open a window to their soul that, in most people, is typically shut, locked, and boarded up. His vulnerability was strangely endearing to me. Though the words were likely uttered from of a state of constant desperation and despair, his willingness to disclose his own struggles and search for truth were valuable to me.

William Cowper, an evangelical Christian poet and hymnodist who shared a close mentor-like relationship with John Newton (author of Amazing Grace), struggled grievously with a severe depression and suicidal thoughts. This is an excerpt from The Hidden Smile of God by John Piper:

William Cowper, for those who, along the way, happened to take a course in eighteenth-century literature, is known as "the poet of a new religious revival" led by John Wesley and George Whitefield. His poetry and letters merited fifty pages in the anthology I studied in college.7 Among those who know him as a Christian poet, many do not know that William Cowper lived with bleak depression as a steady companion all his life, sometimes immobilized in despair, and repeatedly attempting suicide. In spite of this darkness, Cowper today is still touching the hearts of thousands who know nothing of him at all, simply because, in worship, they sing his hymns "There Is a Fountain Filled with Blood," "O for a Closer Walk with God," and "God Moves in a Mysterious Way." - pg.12 (This is an excellent book. It covers three incredible biographies. It's relatively short, and you can read this book online. Click here to read the book now.)

It's interesting to me when I hear Christians say, "Christians shouldn't be depressed" or "you shouldn't feel *this* way if you truly know Christ". Basically, I believe that many, if not most, Christians tend to be grossly arrogant, ignorant, naïve, unrealistic, harsh, and even uncompassionate when it comes to approaching and dealing with fellow believers that struggle with the intense darkness of depression. They forget the countless biblical figures that struggled with it, as well as several well-appreciated, much-embraced Christian preachers, missionaries, and authors who also struggled with depression. I found a great blog entry about Christian depression. You can read it here.

It's extremely attractive to me to find a Christian that is vulnerable. As some famous authors and Hollywood celebrities can spend their whole lives enjoying and thriving on their celebrity status (which David Foster Wallace found utterly empty and disappointing), I believe that Christians can ride a similar "high" when it comes to their relationship with God. In trying to play the part of a "good Christian", they willfully neglect, ignore, overlook, and even cover up the things that make them look vulnerable, namely their sinful nature (selfishness). They try so hard not to be selfish, but it's a losing game. It's like a fish trying to avoid sucking in water for oxygen and instead simply trying to take in 100% oxygen concentration. I'm not making a excuse for sin, not at all. But I am saying that sin is something you are forever attached to, not something you do. Your sinful actions are a result of your sinful heart, which beats from a sinful nature.

So should we try not to be selfish? Absolutely. Obeying God honors Him. In fact, He says that if we love Him we will keep his commandments. But as we're being selfish, do you think we can also be real, genuine, honest, open, and vulnerable about our true nature? Is it truly obedience to God if selflessness comes naturally (or even easily) to us? I contend that God especially values obedience in us when we find it difficult, not when we find it easy.

I guess this is why I draw towards those "screw up" Christians that never really get anything right. They try (and often work pretty darn hard!) to honor and glorify God, but they never feel like they're succeeding at all. I think that about 98% of the Christians I know honestly feel like they're doing a pretty good job. I, on the other hand, see something else...

I believe that love is selfless. I also believe, as C.S. Lewis wrote, that "to love at all is to be vulnerable". So I guess you could say that I believe that being selfless is linked closely with personal vulnerability.

When a Christian can be true to themselves, I feel more comfortable around them. Why? Because we're not judging each other. We're not laying hot coals upon each other's heads. Neither are we placing them upon ourselves. Grace abounds. Righteousness, in any form, is cause enough for celebration, because true righteousness exhibited genuinely in a fallen world such as this, and from a fallen creature such as myself, is strictly and solely the result of God's direct and supernatural involvement, i.e. a miracle.

I get so sick to my stomach when Christians are more concerned with other Christians than they are for themselves. Surely they read my words and worry about my journey. Surely they feel that they're doing well, even according to their church, pastor, elder, family and friends. They're riding a Christian "high" that rarely dips into the sad, dark, discouraging state of their true self.

It's interesting to see non-believers toting such prizes as "selflessness" and "vulnerability" when I look around and see little of that in the Christian realm. People are concerned with image. Christians care about the heart (so... deeper than just "image"), but ultimately they judge the heart by what they see (which defines "image"), even in their own lives. Much like Tinidril in Perelandra (by C.S. Lewis), we easily get caught up in the reflection or our own face.

One thing I greatly struggle with in "church" these days is the worship time. It has become so business-like. It lacks true intimacy. It lacks "ideal" circumstances for public vulnerability. That's not what that time is intended for here in America. In America, worship time is intended to get most of the congregation singing to God and worshiping through music, unified in spirit through song. But how can I be unified with anyone if I feel like the majority of people are being fake, not being vulnerable, and are not being fair or gracious in their judgments of me if/when I choose to be vulnerable? In the end, it just becomes a bunch of songs that we sing together, individually trying to find that "zone" where we're worshiping God with our hearts and not paying attention to anyone else or what anyone else thinks. Meanwhile, having become so disillusioned with corporate worship, I've been simply trying to ignore the copyright symbol on every digital slide the projector displays. Gee, 1 million other people are singing or mouthing these words today, too... how intimate. I'm sure glad we got that copyright symbol on there, so everyone knows that someone else "owns" this worship song that's supposed to express my deepest and most vulnerable parts of my heart in worship to God.

Now, of course, much of what I'm revealing in my words could be easily criticized and shunned. I'm exposing a lot here, and I feel vulnerable even posting these simple thoughts. I know that I'm not right about everything, and I know that I'm often wrong in my views, perspectives, generalizations, etc. I make no claim that anything I've mentioned is truth. I merely back it up by saying that my words truly proceed from an aching and wounded heart. That which I utter will always be an honest reflection of the true nature of my deceitful and wicked heart. Be critical or contradictory if you choose, but I do submit my typical disclaimer here that I, in my finite mind and corrupt heart, can only give you me, and nothing more.

Show me a man that struggles deeply with obedience, and I will show you a man that feels, more than most people, that he needs grace, forgiveness, Christ. Show me a man who's first reaction is a genuine, honest, and often sinful response, and yet loves God deeply, and I will show you, over time, a man who's heart God is transforming in the deepest crevices of the heart. Show me someone who has lived in and been pulled from the deepest, darkest pits of despair and pain, and I will show you someone who loves God more deeply than ever before. Show me someone willing to sacrifice their own image for the greatness of God, and I will show you the salt of the earth.

A word of warning: This blog entry is not really "PC". If the word "retarded" offends you, go ahead and skip this read.

A future President is praised for his heroism. His greatness. A man, greatly unknown to the world until a few short weeks ago, wins 8 golds at the Summer Olympics. Greatness. A chef, interviewed by Jay Leno a few nights ago, speaks of meeting the Queen of England and being voted the "best chef in England" for 12 consecutive years. Greatness. It seems that everywhere I look, people are succeeding with their ambitions. Forget the countless others that fall short. This is a time for greatness. It's like it is wired into our brains - "do something with your life". This "something" ominously hovers and lingers in our minds and hearts, probing and pushing us like an older brother sitting on his sibling and mercilessly tapping him on the head. We're not sure what it looks like. As we look around, this "greatness" takes on many different forms for different people. Some are swimmers. Some are chefs. Some aspire to be, arguably, the most powerful individuals on the planet. And then there are people like us.

Just a few days ago I was looking at a picture that was taken over 15 years ago. It was a picture of a blond, skinny 9 year old with two elderly people. The boy was me. The elderly folks were my great-grandparents. I lay on my bed, looking at this picture, captivated by the deep mystery of age, generations, death, and, oddly enough, greatness. You see, I couldn't remember my great-grandfather's name. Half of me was embarrassed, the other half, mystified. How could I not know his name? Of course I know his name. It's.... It's... um. Darn. What is it? I only remember calling him "Grand-daddy".

Unrecognizable tears started streaming down my cheeks. What they meant, I'm not sure. Where they came from was uncertain. What I did know in that moment was that they were tears of grief. I wasn't grieving the death of my great-grandparents, nor my own forgetfulness... I guess I was grieving the blur of it all. The blur that we refer to as a "lifetime". Many of us are given but a brief moment in our lives to do something great. In reality, few are given as many years as my great-grandparents had. And yet here I sit, and I can't remember his name, much less recite to you the many things he did with his life. They came, they went, and somehow, they vanished. Like a single bone in a mass grave, the accomplishments and history of one man have been thrown in with the myriad of others before him and among him.

Finally the tears begin to make sense to me. Slowly the image becomes less and less blurry, like those Magic Eye pattern pictures that display a 3-D image when you look at them a certain way. I realize now that I'm grieving because I feel like I don't have enough time.

Time for what? Greatness? Time to do something that I'll be remembered by? Time to become the man I think I ought to be? Time to "figure things out"?

Look around us. People are dying. I see a family dealing with an extremely difficult situation where the man of the house is steadily approaching an "untimely" death. I remember Danny Scianna, a boy who I worked with in AWANA at my church, who died at the age of 11. I hear of car accidents, diseases, paralyzing injuries, and the list goes on... and I just can't believe that we're surrounded by all of this, and yet we still value the "greatness" that we see on TV. Something tells me we're really quite confused, jaded, and tainted by our society. There's something that we just don't understand in Jesus' exhortations.

Even in the church today, we're so concerned with being "good Christians". I grew up in a church that glorifies "Christian greatness", whatever that is. I guess it's someone who makes the most godly decisions, has the most wisdom, makes the fewest life-altering mistakes, can recite the most scripture, and is generally seen as a "beacon" of godliness and truth. We idolize people for this. Heck, I think many of us would dip ourselves in a smelly pile of shit if we thought the people in our church would view it as a humble and godly act. We're so eager to be seen as godly. We ache to win the Oscar for best performance, happily appeasing the adoring audience. I'm not questioning the genuineness behind our motives. I think we really want to be genuine and real in our godliness, I do. But I think we have the wrong idea of what makes someone godly. We seem to rate spiritual maturity as we rate intelligence. There are some that are intellectually retarded, and then there are those of us that are "spiritually retarded", meaning we don't carry our Bible's everywhere, don't stand up in church to talk about how powerfully God worked in our life this week, and aren't usually found raising our hands during worship time. Heck, most of the time we find it pretty hard to worship alongside other believers.

Frankly, I decided years ago that I wanted to become more "retarded" when it came to spiritual matters. Maybe it's just me, but I feel like I have met so many mentally disabled people (intellectually speaking) that have such a bigger heart than the countless "intelligent" people I've come across. Why is it that I can get the approval of a retarded person, with a hug to boot, and yet I somehow value the approval of a more intelligent person more? Is life about intelligence? Should we not care more about loving one another than seeking our own "greatness" and widespread acknowledgment?

I firmly believe that there will be a great many mentally handicapped people in Heaven. I don't think they'll be made to be more like us. I think they'll just become more like God intended them to be, without sin. Perfect. NOT necessarily more like us. Maybe they'll even look the same (not exactly something we view as "perfection" in our society). Maybe they'll think and talk the same (definitely not something we see much value in). One thing that I think will likely be close to the same, though, is their heart. I believe, as I think Randy Alcorn has also mentioned, that they may even be given great responsibilities in Heaven. I believe they will be greatly rewarded for their compassion, acceptance, and love. While it will be their faith that saves them, their rewards in these other areas will surely be in no short supply. I believe that, even in this life, we have much we can learn from them.

I don't want "greatness" like we think of it. I don't want to be known for my intelligence, nor my godliness. I don't want to be the man that feels pressured to deliver a powerful sermon or exemplify "godliness" out of my own selfish ambition. I'd rather be retarded. I'd even rather be seen as "spiritually retarded" (stunted, needy, whatever). I'd rather be deeply humbled by my own realization that I'm a step below the cut, and yet have greater genuineness and a heart that truly needs God and depends upon His life-giving grace. I don't want to give love and grace to people because I know I ought to. I want to give love and grace naturally and genuinely, and only as a result of God's direct and intimate involvement in my heart. If my response ever be a godly one, let it be from God. If I ever give a wise reply or godly insight, let it be from God. Everything else, including everything I write in my blog, we can just as soon pass off for the "ramblings of a retarded guy" and we can all move on.

I feel that it's only when we let our desires for "greatness" fade that we'll truly allow God to begin working in the deepest, darkest corners of our hearts. All I really care about is giving 100% of me to God. I think it'll cost me something. I think it'll cost a lot, actually. Perhaps everything. Perhaps it'll require me to become more retarded and lose the good opinions and praises from spiritual "elites". Whatever be the cost, "greatness" included, let it be so. I have no problem casting these idols into the fire so that I may gain a deeper understanding of God's heart.*

-I was listening to Chris Rice's song, "Power of a Moment" (a good one), but now I think I'm gonna listen to those heathen Black Eyed Peas singing "Let's Get Retarded".

-On a lighter note, though keeping with the current theme, I found this video online tonight (I think I saw it years ago) and thought it was so uplifting and encouraging (and funny!) that I can't help but share it. Enjoy!~ Please comment if you have thoughts or insights on anything!!!

National Anthem Fenway Park

It was Disability Awareness day and the folks at Fenway did a lot of great things for kids with challenges..here is one who sang and when he got nervous the Fenway Faithful helped him out

Hey folks. I just found this on the internet tonight.  I felt bad for the poor young man, and couldn't help but post his eyewitness account on my blog.

I was riding home from school today on my bus, listening to music and not paying attention to anything. As we were stopping at one of the bus stops, a girl in the back started screaming. I looked back and saw her pointing out the window, and I followed her stare. Out in an unfenced yard were three guys. Two of them standing, one of them was on the ground, bloody. The taller of the two men had a baseball bat and was about ready to smash it into the downed man's head again, when the men realized a whole busload of kids was looking at them. As the bus driver radioed in the 911 call, the other man, who hadn't been doing anything, took a pistol out of his pocket and shot the guy in the head. At this point, the whole bus was in shock and glued to the morbid scene. The two men got into a car and sped off. When I came home I was visibly shaken. I told my mom what I had just seen. Then she got scared and said, "You're moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air." I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said "FRESH" and it had dice in the mirror. If anything I could say that this cab was rare but I thought "Nah, forget it, yo homes to Bel-Air!" I pulled up to the house about 7:00 or 8:00 and I yelled to the cabby, "Yo homes, smell ya later!" Looked at my kingdom, I was finally there, to sit on my throne as the Prince of Bel-Air.

-Anonymous

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If there is song that defines my walk with God, it's Welcome Home (Click Here to Download) by Shaun Groves. My incessant and selfish stubbornness consistently ends with a prayer echoing the lyrics of this amazing song. As I lie on my bed this morning, my heart joyfully and adamantly chooses my one Love, Jesus. Why do I ever seek after anything else? It's empty.

Jeremiah 2:13 says, "For my people have committed two evils: they have forsaken me, the fountain of living waters, and hewed them out cisterns, broken cisterns, that can hold no water."

This is me. I constantly demand my own way, my own route, my own plan. I consistently seek pleasure in things that do not satisfy, and simultaneously forsake my Lord. I forsake the one thing that will ultimately give me joy, peace, and basically any real satisfaction whatsoever.

My heart has no more "fight" in it. I no longer want to fight for things that give me temporary, transient, empty happiness. I want the real stuff. I want the lasting stuff. I want joy. I want to live out my purpose. I don't want to sit idle, day by day, wasting my time on frivolous activities and sinful, pointless pleasure.

I belong to You, Lord. My heart belongs to You. My life, my future, and all of the days Your grace will provide me with until the end of the age and beyond are Yours.  I declare boldly that I am Yours, and only Yours.  I belong to you wholly and completely, and I worship you for being so gracious as to take me, a sinner and failure, and purify my guilty and wicked heart.

Welcome Home

Take, me, make me
All You want me to be
That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking

Welcome to this heart of mine
I've buried under prideful vines
Grown to hide the mess I've made
Inside of me
Come decorate, Lord
Open up the creaking door
And walk upon the dusty floor
Scrape away the guilty stains
Until no sin or shame remain
Spread Your love upon the walls
And occupy the empty halls
Until the man I am has faded
No more doors are barricaded

Chorus:
Come inside this heart of mine
It's not my own
Make it home
Come and take this heart and make it
All Your own
Welcome home

Take a seat, pull up a chair
Forgive me for the disrepair
And the souvenirs from floor to ceiling
Gathered on my search for meaning
Every closet's filled with clutter
Messes yet to be discovered
I'm overwhelmed, I understand
I can't make this place all that You can

repeat chorus

I took the space that You placed in me
Redecorated in shades of greed
And I made sure every door stayed locked
Every window blocked, and still You knocked

repeat chorus

Take me, make me
All You want me to be
That's all I'm asking, all I'm asking

(To download the song, right click on the link towards the top of this page.  Click "save as", then save it to your computer)

-Go rent the movie Chocolat. It is wonderful.

-My church attendance, or lack there of, does not define my walk with God, nor does it measure the extent to which I love Him, desire Him, or seek to obey Him. It means I'm in a transitional time, where I am in the process of being transplanted into a body where God wants me. If you still have a problem with that, talk to my Superior. Thanks, in advance, for praying for the fate of my soul, too.

-Worship music has been so commercialized, it no longer feels intimate to me. Songs sung at church have "copyright" symbols on them. We all know the songs because we all own the albums. Give me a song that only 10 people know, and I will sing it from the bottom of my heart. Worship should be intimate and personal before it migrates to a large congregation.

-I'll be perfect in Heaven. I'm not going to waste time trying to convince people here that I'm nearing spiritual perfection. I'm going to spend my time exposing the embarrassing, naked truth of my humanity and need, and professing my one saving mercy, Jesus Christ. If I get shunned or excommunicated by Christians or the church for being myself, so be it. The foundation of my spiritual life has nothing to do with the approval of man.

-Any righteousness in me is a direct result of God's work in my heart, not my own doing.  Anyone can be a "good Christian" and be praised in the local church congregations; but then again, I don't think most of us really have the slightest idea of what "righteousness" really looks like on a day-to-day basis, and I believe that witnessing the life of Jesus would have absolutely blown our socks off.  I believe that being honest and genuine in our faults and shortcomings give a wider access to the work of God in our hearts and minds.

-Living an American Christian life requires minimal effort. Living an honest, open, God-honoring Christian life likely requires a consistent and raging battle, deep conviction, absolute need, constant repentance, humility galore, and maybe even a little poverty, sickness, and other physical ailment (this doesn't mean we need to go out and get sick - but I do believe that such things help us really learn the nature of God and His goodness, grace, mercy, etc., if they are to happen to us or those we love).

I suspect there isn't enough sweat, blood, and tears we could squeeze out in this life that would bring us anywhere close to where we ought to be. We like the easy route, anyway, so it's just as well.  We pity those that don't have the luxuries we enjoy in this extravagant American Christian life, all the while failing to see the depth of their love and knowledge of God, salvation, grace, etc.

-I don't much care for Christians any more than I do liberals (though I have liked a few liberal Christians, hehe!). Christians have this knack, in their striving for "holiness", for taking full-body baths in anti-bacterial hand soap, killing off the "good bacteria" that makes them "human". Christians, please send me those "messed up people" who "don't get it" and "need prayer". I relate to them better, and they actually believe me when I say I need salvation and grace as much as they do. My "testimony" isn't about who I was... it's about who I am, and who God is.

You really don't have to read this blog entry.

It's just my inner struggles of the Christian life and my American culture. Not sure it's really worthy of your time, as much of it is actually directed at myself more than anything. It's rambling, and I am tired. I haven't smiled for the past 5 hours, and I can't imagine that this will really be all that interesting to read. Feel free to skip down to the bottom and leave a simple "hello" comment, though. It'd be nice to hear from those of you that took the time to stop by!

It dawned on me today, as it has several times in the past, that my generation really doesn't know what it's doing, and neither does yours. Everything I learned about life I learned from my experience – my location, my culture's values, my parents, my grandparents, my television, etc. All of these things are quite transient and temporary. As we look back into the history of the world, few things have remained constant. The Bible, of course, is one of the only consistent things throughout history. Besides that, what do you and I really have to go on?

If you really sit back and think about it, life is quite different than it was for our great grandparents, and drastically different than it was just 400 years ago. Personal computers, alone, have only been around for about 26 years or so. Now, everything we do somehow seems to revolve around this necessary desktop item, and I'm not even talking about the Internet, but merely a simple computer chip, motherboard, monitor, etc. The great changes that have taken place in this century alone are quite overwhelming, to put mildly.

It makes me think about our own culture, and even deeper than that, our values. It makes me look at our own culture of Christianity. It drives me to search for core values and consistencies through which I can draw a single straight line through the many eras before us and see God's hand as it guides us through a very basic, or possibly even specific and personal, foundation for life, purpose, and the "right values".

I have a sneaking suspicion that under such a model of learning (generation to generation), we have maintained the status of "lost sheep" and really are no closer to God than people were thousands of years ago. If anything, I fear we've fallen further away. I'll give you an example: Having lived in Africa, then moved back to America, I've seen such severe and disgusting corruption with our views about money in the West. It has settled so deeply and solidly into our core values that we can't even seem to feel very convicted about "money passages" in the Bible because we have lost our ability to interpret fully what God intends. I sincerely believe that if we had the faith and sincerity of heart to follow God as He wants us to, with our money, we would live well below the standard of living in just about any part of America you can point to. We would be living beneath the poverty line. We would be shunned and mocked for placing ourselves in such a vulnerable and "dependent" role in society (though we would know we're not depending upon society, but God's hand).

I have run into so many Christians who adamantly reject the idea of being "poor". But what about the verse that says, "if your brother is in need, give to him."? (I suggest you visit http://www.generousgiving.org/page.asp?sec=9&page=172 for more verses on money). Well, if that is truly what God wants, wouldn't America exhaust herself by giving to continents in dire need of money, such as Africa? Couldn't you find enough people in need in a single day to blow your life savings upon?

I submit that "good stewardship", as it is called here in America, has nothing to do with hoarding money or saving for a rainy day. It has everything to do with dealing properly with the resources God has entrusted to us to dispel and give out. Good stewardship does not include trips to Hawaii, a gondola ride in the Alps, or a pleasure cruise off the coast of Alaska. Good stewardship does not mean giving into a church fund so you can all meet in a bigger building, but giving to the church in Africa which has no roof and can't afford locks for the doors. Good stewardship does not include packing away money for retirement or saving money for that accident you *might* get into someday. It doesn't even really include getting "insurance". Sound stupid yet? I bet...

I don't think God's model for money fits very well in America. I don't think God's model of Christianity fits very well here, either, sadly. I look around at a bunch of Christians who unknowingly shackle themselves to the idol of money, unwilling to part with the standard of life they've grown up assuming (from previous generations) they deserve or have earned. I look at myself, shackled by the foot, and wishing to myself that I could just shackle my hands as well (making more money, and owning more things, having more security, etc.).

I realize that I'm kind of making "money" the "enemy" in this entry. You must take into account, though, what 1 Timothy 6:10 says, "the love of money is the root of all evil", and also what it says in Matthew 6:24, "No one can serve two masters. He will hate the first master and love the second, or he will be devoted to the first and despise the second. You cannot serve God and wealth." At the same time, this blog is not just about money... It's about values. It's about root issues that we subconsciously (and often, consciously) accept, adopt, and apply to our lives.

I think of Hebrews 12:4. It says, "You have not yet resisted to the point of shedding blood in your striving against sin". Oh, how true this is. I haven't even resisted to the point of missing a few meals in a row, much less blood. The sin is idolatry and selfishness, and the price is my eternal destination. If Luke 6:24 doesn't make you shake in your boots, I don't know what will. It says, "But how horrible it will be for those who are rich. They have had their comfort." Does this not apply to you? Does it not apply to America? Does it not apply to American values and the American church?

I suspect that the "wonderful blessings of living in this country" that we praise God for today will eventually be something that we look back on woefully, wishing we hadn't been born into such abundant wealth. I suspect there will be many "Christians", and maybe even YOU, gnashing your teeth in a hot place, trying to remember those verses you didn't take seriously when God spoke of wealth and money, and maybe even wondering to yourself for the rest of time what the heck went wrong, and where you started down the path to eternal damnation.

Money is one value. It is one aspect of our culture. There are hundreds of other aspects, all of which we have adopted and applied to our lives without much challenge or question. We starve others of so much more than mere dollars, but also grace, forgiveness, encouragement, affection, truth, etc. When will we really take the time to challenge and fight against the "givens" in our society? When will we really get radical about our faith? When will we finally realize that the unmet needs of those in other parts of the world are slowly but surely slipping a noose around the necks of "godly" church-going American Christians?

If you feel the need to argue, maybe you're forgetting how wealthy you really are in this country.

Then again, you haven't even really applied Bible verses about money to your life, so why should you take the time to ponder some guy's blog? Time to get back to the daily grind.