DELFINO'S DIATRIBE: IT'S THANKSGIVING, TURKEYS!

*Note -- for some reason, I'm having a lot of trouble with the html in my list so many of my links aren't active. If there is a piece you have more interest in, please email me at jessdelfino@yahoo.com and I'll send you the pertinent link.

Welcome to my monthly newsletter brimming with news, show listings, the treasure trove (great shows, people and things I recommend), links, castings and other goodies. Send listings of interest or add yourself to the mailing list by emailing me at jessdelfino@yahoo.com. To be removed, ask out loud to God.

IN THIS ISSUE:

• Whatcha Been Up To, Jessica? News & Tidbits

• In Politics: Arty Activism, Local and World News of Note

• What's New, Next, Nigh: Upcoming Shows & Events

• The Treasure Trove – People, Places and Things I Love

• Apartment For Rent

*******************************************

WHATCHA BEEN UP TO, JESSICA?

• Holy Pajamas! Jessica Delfino was featured on Playboy.com this month! Sorry, no boob-age viewage.

• Also not for mom's eyes: I'm in Time Magazine talking about my "Mile high club" experience. I also have an illustrated booklet of the ordeal for sale. Buy one for anyone you know who is obsessed with mile high experiences, or for anyone who wants to have one but doesn't know how to make it happen. BTW, the Mile high club isn't "really" a club. It's more a horny group of frisk-takers, haw, haw, haw.

• My new CD, "I Wanna Be Famous" received a nice review on Hyreviews.com. For those of you who know Hy, he's had some setbacks regarding his health, so email him at Hy@hybender.com and send him your best wishes. It will only take a moment and could provide some serious holiday cheer. Santa is coming, after all, and he knows if you've been naughty or nice. So if you want that GI Joe mansion to go with the GI Joe Corvette, you better get to typing.

• Vagina Festival went off without a hitch. My vagina was there. It had a great time. It wasn't a group of lesbians listening to Ani Difranco. It was an all encompassing performance and art experience that any woman or man could gain something from. Visit www.vaginafestival.com for more about what you missed.

• As some of you may know, I grew up in Damariscotta, Maine. I was reading about 'Scotty (that's what the locals call Damariscotta) on Wiki and had a nice moment when I realized that someone listed me as a "notable resident" on Damariscotta, Maine's Wiki page, along with Erasure / Depeche Mode's Vincent Clark. Read more about Damariscotta HERE. It's feels so good to be noted.

• Naughty Nautical Nite Update: The show is ending, forever, as Dame Darcy is moving to Portland, Oregon in two weeks. But a NEW show is coming out of the ashes of NNN, which I will tell you more about VERY SOON. So keep your earballs tuned IN.

*******************************************

IN POLITICS:

• Newsjam 2 is up now. For our Newsjam fans out there, Newsjam 3 will be up soon, so pay attention! You can also check www.youtube.com/newsjam at random and cross your greasy little fingies!!

• Barack Obama won, and so did this guy. Well, let's just call him a guy until given further instruction.

• Ollie's Place is a no-kill open-cage animal shelter on 26th St and 3rd Ave where you can adopt a sweet kitty. Upstairs is a room with 25 open cages where kitties roam free. It's got to be seen to be believed. If you're thinking of adopting a kitty cat, this is a great place to go. They are always hiring volunteers and run on donations so please give your $ & time to them. Unless you're allergic. Then, just give your money.

*******************************************

WHAT'S NEXT, NEW, NIGH: Upcoming Shows

• 11/28: Foregoing traveling home to Arkansas for Thanksgiving? Have some local fun with comedy & burlesque. Get your babes, buns and beers at The Cup, 388 Van Duzer St., Staten Island. 8 PM - $8.

• 12/04: If "readings" are your cup instead, check out long running "Inner Monologues" with a bunch of sexy, funny ladies at the helm (with the help of a few dudes as well). Everyone knows that literate women are hot. Bar on A, 10th St. and Ave A. 7 PM – Free show.

• 12/07: Speaking of readings, how about a book release party of very silly poetry? It's the Jabberfucky book release party. Jabberfucking is basically when you replace important words in a poem with the word "fuck" instead. Shakespeare is probably fucking over in his grave right now. 308 Bowery @ 1st St. 2:30 PM – Free show.

• 12/13 & 12/14: LaSuperette, a massive awesome craft fair full of independent weirdo artists and creative types is going to blow you away Sat Dec. 13 and Sun Dec. 14th. I will be there selling my home-made crafts, including Aunt Flo's olde-tyme sanitary napkins and my Christmas ornaments made out of tampons. If you can't make it to La Superette but would like to make a private appointment to see my home-made goodies, email me at jessdelfino@yahoo.com. Merry Christmas from Jessica Delfino & Tampax!



*******************************************

THE TREASURE TROVE: People, Places & Things I Love:

• NYC based photographer Alex M. Smith takes beautiful pictures, like the ones he took of me at my show in London. I'm honored to be on his site alongside the likes of Michael Showalter and Fred Armisen. Hire him to take YOUR pictures. You can see his work up close and in person at "Rebuilding New Orleans", an upcoming photography fundraiser / silent auction, at:

The Union Gallery
62 Walker St., Tribeca.
Dec. 4th. 2008, 6:30 – 9 PM
Previews Dec. 2, 3 & 4 from 10 am – 6 pm

• THIS INVENTION could change the world. (Hint – it goes on your butt.)

• For those of you who have ever been to GRUB, a vegan/vegetarian community-building meal in Brooklyn, this video by Jeff Stark starring lots of familiar faces, should speak to you. Warning: If this video actually speaks to you, you might want to see a doctor.

Join Jeff Stark's AWESOME EVENTS MAILING LIST today to find out about future GRUBs and other great underground NYC shows and art. If you like to do things.

• If you like sassy, funny, pretty girls doing comedy on roller skates, then Amy G is for you. She MUST BE SEEN. Here's your chance. I'll be there too, so look for me and say hi.


Amy G in ROUND SHE GOES
@ Joe's Pub
Fri Nov. 21, 11:30 PM

Get your tickets here

• If you're a fan of Meatcake Comics, then check out Dame Darcy's new book, "GASOLINE". It's really beautiful, and of course, it's an illustrated tale of witches during the apocalypse. And don't forget to go to her art opening at Sloan Gallery, Rivington and Norfolk, THIS Wednesday, Nov. 19th at 7 PM. It's sure to be very FANCY. And it's FREE.

• If you are in England any time soon, I strongly suggest you check out Carnesky's Ghost Train. It's a massive, fully functional circus ride that features the ghosts of Eastern European women who have disappeared in one way or another. It's spooky!

*******************************************

APARTMENT FOR RENT

• My friend's large studio apartment is in one of those rare, beautiful buildings in NYC that has a semi-outdoor garden / courtyard in the middle of the building. It's serene, gorgeous and secure. It's listed at $2200 but make an offer and see what happens.

*******************************************

CASTING CALL

• Casting new FITNESS show! Dance your ass off! Is every weight-loss program just too boring for you to stick to? The Oxygen Network is currently seeking men and women who are at least the age of 21 and who want to accept the challenge in this dance competition series where your loss is the biggest gain. To apply, visit: www.DanceOffCasting.com

TIL NEXT TIME

o Happy Thanksgiving. Email me with tips, notes or to be removed at jessdelfino@yahoo.com.

This is a story about the time I hitch-hiked to perform in the Montreal Comedy Festival. This is my first-hand account about the trip, including some great photos. Enjoy!

http://jessydelfino.blogspot.com/2006/07/i-went-to-canada-all-i-got-was.html

(From jessydelfino.blogspot.com)

*********************************

NAUGHTY NAUTICAL NITE NEWS & UPDATES:

DVD Distribution Deal
Dame Darcy and I have struck up a distribution deal with Warner Brothers to distribute a DVD version of "The Best Of Dame Darcy & Jessica Delfino at Naughty Nautical Nite" – we're very excited about this and will have more details as they arise.

Next Show: Haunted High Seas Oct. 2nd
Speaking of rising, get your ass up and over to the next Naughty Nautical Nite on Oct. 2nd, featuring a wild array of characters, sailors, pirates, mermaids, sea captains, sirens, long shoremen and what have you. Celebrate the HAUNTED HIGH SEAS with us this month, at Naughty Nautical Nite and dress up as your favorite sea specter, ghoulish ocean critter or spooky beach bimbo. Scary!! Prizes will be given out for best costumes.

Thursday, Oct. 2nd
@ Slipper Room, 9:30 PM
with your hosts Dame Darcy & Jessica Delfino and a wild collection of nuts and bolts including sketchy comedy by Harvard Sailing Team, creepy sea songs by Captain Ronzo, burlesque by an assortment of spooky hotties, comedy, music, variety, craziness, costumes, variety and things so demented we haven't even thought of them!
$5!!! For all the fun


delfino and the dame!

NNN casting call
We are always looking for nautical themed acts, mad men and women, DJs, photographers, grilled cheese sandwich makers, mermaids, sailors, silly heads and tech hands to join the wild times. Please email us at naughtynauticalnite@yahoo.com if this is you.

New (updated) NNN Myspace Page
Look us up at our new, updated myspace page:
Myspace.com/naughtynauticalnite

Our myspace page now features new great Video of NNN:
Get a sneak peak of the awesome times here, special thanks to videographer extraordinaire Mike Tapp. (Note: this video is SO beautiful and SO ENTERTAINING!! And I'm not just saying that. Featuring Pegasus Panties, Get Your Summer Beach Bod Ready, Ben Lerman, Lopi Laroe, Dame Darcy & Jessica Delfino, Circles For Hearts and more!)
www.myspace.com/naughtynauticalnite

If you can't access myspace for some reason, you can also see it here:
http://blip.tv/file/950379

Story about NNN by someone who survived to tell the tale
Fresh-faced NY Press writer Justin Richards joined forces with Naughty Nautical Nite for an evening, made it through the storm and wrote about it.

Read his story here:
http://nypress.com/21/36/news&columns/eightmillionstories.cfm

OFFICIAL TALK LIKE A PIRATE DAY:
Sept. 19th
It came and went, but for those of you who celebrate one of our favorite holidays, if you have any fun photos or stories to tell us, please email us at naughtynauticalnite@yahoo.com and we may feature them on our site!

NNN's favorite Nautical Character of the month:
Carvel's FUDGIE THE WHALE!
This ice-cream cake whale is a delicious, not-so-nutritious way to get away with eating seafood for those of us who are vegetarians and opt not to chew on our face-having friends. Mmmmm…taste the goodness. We love Fudgie the Whale!
www.myspace.com/fudgiethewhale
www.carvel.com/fudgiefanatics -- (no it's not a german poopy porno site)

******************************

IN OTHER NEWS:

DAME DARCY – GASOLINE – NEW BOOK OUT!!

Dame Darcy's new graphic novel GASOLINE is being released now!
Visit www.damedarcy.com/gasoline to pre-order yours and see related events in LA and NYC and more details associated with the book release. AND SAVE THE DATE: Thursday, Nov. 6th we're having a huge GASOLINE blow out as part of Naughty Nautical Nite.

I rolled into New York City a few days ago via subway train. I zoomed in on a plane and then took a train that dropped me off just blocks away from my dingy joint.

Being back in New York City has been like returning to the grammar school I used to go to. All the chairs seem so tiny, all the spots I used to hang out seem like old memories I barely experienced for real.

But it's good to be back. I sat on my balcony today and saw a bird, a butterfly and an airplane all whizzing by at the same time.

This city is oddly magical.

Here's something strange -- my bike got stolen about six months ago. It was a very unique looking bike, purple with bright pink handle bars that don't match the bike.

I came around the corner yesterday, and there's my bike, chained to a city U bike lock. It was like running into an old friend at the mall. I strolled up to it and asked it how it'd been. I looked it over for new bruises and wrinkes, observing it's changes and how it's aged since I rode it last. I thought I'd never see it again.

I called the cops and they told me to sit tight. Two hours later, I was still sitting tight. I finally gave up and just put my own lock on it. If I can't ride it, he can't either.

New York, New York, it's a hell of a town.

Hello Hilarious Interview with Ms. Delfino

This interview, which was also linked to on Comedy Central's Insider site, is about fashion, comedy, and fashion in comedy. Check check check it out!! Big ups to Eliza Skinner for her sass and to Julia Newman and Doug Jaeger for the lovely photos.

http://www.hellohilarious.com/2007/03/30/fancy-pants-jessica-delfino/

Dear Good People of the world:

I have so much to write about I can hardly contain myself in this container I am in as I write this. That's what I call my apartment, because it is so small. Wow, and while I'm complaining, I should mention that it is hot in here, too.

Speaking of complaining, why does it cost $2000 to fly to Ireland? For that amount of money, I should be able to ride in a lounge chair on someone's back, while he doggy paddles me there. I finally found a ticket for $433, but a few weeks back, tickets were muy expensive.

And speaking of flying, it is now time for:

-----------------

DELFINO'S DIATRIBE

-----------------

NEWS:

MY FIRST COMIC BOOK!

I have terrific news! The first issue of my full-color comic book / "graphic" novel "TRUE STORIES BY JESSICA DELFINO" is now available for purchase by the comic book lover in you. They are large, beautiful, shiny, and full-color, as mentioned above, and are $25 each, which includes shipping and handling. Episode One: "The Mile High Club" is based on a true story of my own experience of love and lust in a bathroom on an airplane, 4000 feet up above in the blue skies of America.

BUY MY COMIC BOOK HERE

TRIP TO IRELAND:

I've never been to this "Land of Ire" which I have heard tales told of, but I'm looking forward to my first international trip across the ocean. I will be performing in the Galway Comedy Festival, along with the awesome Rosie Rebel (http://www.myspace.com/rosierebel). Any suggestions, hints or tips regarding my trip to Galway? Please email me.

MARCH'S "L MAGAZINE" - THE SEX ISSUE:

Pick one up to read a story about the time I lost my virginity, along with the lost virginity tales of Jonathan Ames, Rachel Kramer Bussel, Molly Crabapple and more.

READ MY VIRGINITY STORY ONLINE

THE RED PETERS SHOW - SIRIUS RADIO / HOWARD STERN CHANNEL 101:

I was featured on show #23, Feb. 27th, 2007, as a listener submission. The radio won't play my songs, but who cares? Between my past life as a graphic designer to my current life as a dirty folk singer, if it weren't for the internet, I'd be starving to death.

http://www.redpeters.com

Sign up for this monthy-ish newsletter by e-mailing jessdelfino@yahoo.com.

---------------------------

SHOWS IN MARCH:

This is a list of the shows I have booked in March. Though I have love for all these shows (or I wouldn't be performing in them) I've placed stars are next to ones that I think you should absolutely not miss under any circumstances.

Wednesday, March 14th: Please join me for a bloody good time at a RED CROSS BENEFIT show I am doing at Madame X, 94 W. Houston, 7 PM - Midnight.

Friday, March 16th: Crack up at my hi-jinx in close quarters at NO NAME & A BAG OF CHIPS, a long-running intimate comedy series featuring comedy, music, magic, home-baked goodies, and the cozy comforts of Mo Pitkin's Sadie's Lounge - 34 Ave. A, 7:00 PM. FREE! http://www.mopitkins.com

Sunday, March 18th: Party in style to my guitar stylings at hottie Margaret Dodge's show DODGE CITY, Parkside Lounge, on the corner of Houston Ave at Attorney St. 9 PM. FREE!

*Monday, March 19th: Watch me and my homies Carlen, Adam and Heather make merry with a variety of notable street performers at STREET MEAT, at Cake Shop on Ludlow btw. Rivington & Delancey, 8 PM. http://www.adamnewman.net

Wednesday, March 21st: Come dance around and have some jolly good fun at the RETRO TRASH BENEFIT SHOW at Porky's, 55 W. 21st St., 6 PM. Featuring myself, Rench, Lucy Buttons and More.

*Thursday, March 22nd: "F" Poland Springs, T-Top Trans-Am will make you know for friggin' real what it means to be from Maine. Come see the spectacle at JIMMY'S #43 EAST, 43 E. 7th St. 8 PM. $5

*Saturday, March 24th: THE SHARK SHOW boys will delight you, entertain you and tickle your favorite parts. Let them do that, won't you? Featuring me and others. More info: www.thesharkshow.com

Sunday, March 25th: T-Top Trans-Am will be making an appearance in ROSIE REBEL'S DANCE A THONG! Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery. More info: http://www.bowerypoetry.com

*Monday, March 26th: CXB's NIGHT OF A SHITLOAD OF STARS will knock you on your ass with a fast-paced array of dazzling performers doing things that performers do. 8 PM, $5 sugg donation, Bowery Poetry Club, 308 Bowery

*Tuesday, March 27th: Surf Reality is alive and well at RADICAL VAUDEVILLE at Mo Pitkins, 34 Ave A, 10 PM. Featuring sketch comedy from Mo's Hos: Rosie Rebel, The O'Debra Twins, Steph Sabelli and me, Jessica Delfino. Plus gams and jams. $5 http://www.surfreality.com

Thursday, March 29th & Saturday, March 31st: FEMME-TASTIC is one of those shows that you might not expect much from, but get ready to feel like a retarded jerk for thinking that way. Featuring lots of funny and talented broads, such as me. The Gene Frankel Underground Theatre, 24 Bond st. (btwn. Bowery & Lafayette) RSVP: 212-252-2402 or info@groovemamaink.com

Damn...I sure do a lot of shows.

For show updates, you can visit my calendar here:

http://www.jessydelfino.blogspot.com

**click on "upcoming shows"

or here is the direct link:

MY CALENDAR

-------------------------

SHOWS OF PALLIES OF MINE:

My friends do a lot of shows, too. If you are in NYC in March and want me to recommend a show to you, please email me.

Some of my friends:

Reverend Jen - This elf-maiden princess preacher, poet, writer and artist has been running an open mic in NYC for the past 11 years. Her show has become something of an institution among odd musicians, strange comedians, wanderers, visitors, wierdos and other chameleon personality types. Her show takes up residence at a new spot this month - Hot East Village night spot, Mo Pitkins. 34 Ave. A. Come to the opening night celebration, Wednesday, March 7th, 9:30 PM, $4.

http://www.reverendjen.com
http://www.mopitkins.com

Chris Elam and Misnomer Dance Theater - I've seen Chris and MISNOMER DANCE THEATER perform at PS122 in NYC several times and they do some pretty amazing things with their bodies. If you like dance, you will love them. Even if you don't like dance, you'll probably still like them. If you've been meaning to check out some dancey stuff and get some culture in your life, they will be a good group to someday see. They are having a show at Skirball Center, 566 LaGuardia St., NYC (NYU). 6 PM reception, 7 PM show, 8 PM party. Tickets range from $15 - $35.

http://www.misnomer.org/soiree.html

Jollyship The Whizbang - A rock-opera puppet pirate extravaganza that you should know about. Funny, smart, cute, great. See them at Ars Nova this month! Tues. March 13th and March 20th. $15.

http://www.myspace.com/jollyshipthewhizbang
http://www.arsnovanyc.com
---------------

Other things of note:

Sweet D's catchy, funny, awesome rap video:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=tRIY5H7pDuo

Great web site for cool, wierd band:
www.exegesis.com

Cool people doing cool things:
www.thehappycorp.com

More cool people doing cool things, Jersey style:
www.fifty8.com

Histrionic Fear-Metal
www.myspace.com/hauntedpu55y

Interview featuring me, with ugly pictures
www.mrskin.com/Skinterviews/index.htm

Pal of mine video/spoof of Madonna's Borderline:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=_HTQ33NMuSw

Bitches putting you in stitches:
www.gynocult.com

Bill Murray's Myspace page!
www.myspace.com/billmurray

------------------

Until next time,
Ms. Delfino
www.myspace.com/jessydelfino
www.myspace.com/jessicadelfinotunes