Okay, the guest book thing is pretty cool. It might be the sweetest thing on myspace I've found so far. Somehow it puts a bit more humanity in this funky cyber world. Soooooooo, please sign away. xo

I get the hint already. Please stop sending me the penis enlargement spam. I know...sIZE MATTERs. I've gotten the comment bellow at least a hundred times already. It's amazing how many chicks know this Joey dude... what a stud. He needs to hide his pills better though. They all seem to be finding them while he's taking a shower.

Comment:

"All the girls out there are totally lying when they tell you that size does not matter. Want proof?
I am telling you this because it is the honest truth, look I should know, they say that it is all in the way you use it, not how big it is, well I got news for you all, that is pure lies.
I know from personal experience, I will tell you about a secret that Joey has made me promise to never ever tell anyone, but since he has not called me in three weeks after standing me up, I am going to break the promise and tell you how he went from having a tiny wang and in 4 months he is now about nine inches and get this, it is still getting bigger. He has been secretly taking grow pills from this site, copy and paste the address into your browser to see them. JUSCY.COM
I found out when I was at his house, three fridays ago, we were getting ready to go to the mall, so while he was in the shower, I went in his room, sneeked under his bed and found a box with pill bottles in it, there was like 9 full bottles and 4 empty ones, all ordered from JUSCY.COM I was laughing at first but then when he came in the room and caught me looking at them, he freaked out and made me sware to not ever tell anyone about them, especially girls from school or work that he has been dating for the past while, now that I think of it, he has been rather busy with all the popular girls around here, when just last year he was the shyest when it came to girls.
I just never put two and two together until he explained it all to me, I did see his prick and yes, it is huge, pronostar huge, the thickest and longest one I ever seen.
I know this sounds really shallow, but I am considering ordering 6 bottles from the website at JUSCY.COM for you know who.. he does not have a myspace account, so he is not gonna see this. They guarentee that the pills will work on any man, or they give you your money back, living proof that they do work on any guy, seeing is believing. JUSCY.COM

This fall has been financially a bit cold. No touring, and my refusal to get a day job, has left me a little light in the pockets. So today, I ate my first bologna sandwich since I was about 4... ew. I bought the congealed meat to feed my dog her meds, but today I was deliriously hungry, so I gave it a try... seriously rancid shit. I think they just put a pig in a blender with a little thickening agent, pour it into a mold, slice it up, and presto, bologna. What does bologna mean anyway, and is it a step up or down from spam?

So theres this trend going on with mattress dealers here in LA. I'm not sure if its spread to other parts of the country yet, so if not, this won't mean much to most of you. (I've just started doing these blog thingies, and they feel a little bit like public masturbation, but I'm going to go ahead and write this anyway, even if I'm the only one enjoying myself.) So, these mattress dealers have come up with a new slogan, "We will beat any other mattress dealer's advertised price, or your mattress is free!" Now this slogan sounds fantastic to the ear...in fact, it made my eyes twinkle, and dreams of me curled up on my new free mattress, danced in my head. But then I got to thinking, and after some deep, contemplative thought, I realized that dreams of me stretching out on my new free mattress, while reading US magazine with the wall ac unit on, may never come true. I mean, if I found a really cheaply advertised mattress in the paper from one mattress dealer, would another dealer simply say, "my god sir, there is no way I can beat that price...it's just plain impossible. Here son, take this mattress for free and be on your way."

Yes, Ive realized that the mattress slogan is probably a bit of a scam, so I ask all who read this, this question: Has anyone out there ever received a free mattress because an advertised price simply couldnt be beat?

So for a long time now, I've thought having a few too many cocktails before a show didn't really change my overall performance. Some nights I even thought the drinking made me better...Like I was channeling the long lost soul of Jim Morrison as I belted my words out on stage. I thought my stagger was enthralling. I thought the crowd was eating up every second of my drunken banter about shaving my cat, and waking up with skittles stuck to my forehead. I was so proud of how eloquently I handled myself; even as the room was spinning, and I could barely figure out which one of the 4 blurred microphones to sing in to. Yes, I thought I was quite the model rock star.
Now last week, I was given a video of me sitting at the piano, completely shit-housed, singing the theme song from the movie Ghost. You remember the song thats playing when Patrick Swayze and Demi Moore are massaging clay together. Anyway, this video completely cured me of my pre-show drinking habits. Im not sure if it was the fact that my eyes were crossed, or that every note I sang was more out of tune than the worst American Idol contestants audition tape, or if it was just the food that was stuck on my tee shirt combined with my fly being down. Whatever the reason, I seem to be cured, and now save the cocktails for after the encore. Cheers

Thanks so much to everyone who came out for the acoustic east coast tour.  The band and I had a great time and we're hoping to get back out there in the near future!

Love and kisses,
JAB