Our freedom of speech is currently under attack! Four years after the Outlook exhibition outrage (where a couple of art pieces were taken down) Greek police strikes again with a new act of brutality. Last weekend, during the "art athina fair", a video piece by director Eva Stefani was confiscated for its "insulting and immoral content", an act that is commonplace in totalitarian regimes.

I feel unsafe when such acts are committed in my country and the government refuses to take any action. Of course acts of brutality and abuse do happen in democracies and innocent people pay the price. I wonder whether it is legal to confiscate a work of art that is in a private space with a ticket fee enclosed in an area where there is a +18 warning. 

I personally don't believe in national symbols and I never understood their importance since they are only used as a means of distracting the citizen from the real issues. National symbols become a weapon in the hands of incompetent politicians.

As a thinking person and especially as a woman I am constantly offended by the things I see in the media. They are insulting us on a daily basis and we are unable to react. And yet what can I do but turn my TV off and refuse to participate in the media circus? and even if you create your own microcosm, you still live in a larger community and you are often obliged to take action.

Those who argue that the video piece insulted the national sentiment are in turn insulting our intelligence and depriving us of our basic freedoms.

 

They take the leap. They hug and they kiss as if for the first time. But after a while she knows. She knows it's not him. She knows she cannot/does not/will not feel anything for him. He is not the one. Not the one for her. She knows she is making a big mistake. And yet, she is not brave enough to accept it. She continues to fool herself that he may be the one.

 

His insecurity had gotten the best of him and he had attacked her. He had accused her of things she was not guilty of. She felt distraught by his cruel words. At the same time, she felt the power he had over her. And yet he was not the one…she knew that. What was he doing in her life? Why did he appear? "No, it's not worth it" she thought to herself. She had to distance herself from him. She knew he wasn't the one…

She had to listen to her heart. She was still stuck on someone else. The man she couldn't get out of her head. The man her body still remembered. She knew there was no future for them but she didn't care. It was the intensity she longed for, the passion she had felt for him and the need she felt in her loins. And so she decided that she didn't want to be with anyone else until she was ready to experience those feelings again.

Lost, she wonders around looking for answers, searching for herself. The self she gave away to him. Broken body, shattered soul; she walks around as if dead. Her demise came with a love that brought her to the brink. On the edge she stood and felt the emptiness engulfing her. She stood there gazing at the great unknown. It was time to choose between an empty life and a life fully lived.

 

Intense pain and happiness, could she bear it? She wondered how her life would be. How would she handle the intensity of her feelings? Used to detachment and mediocre emotions, she felt like a newborn baby who had to learn the alphabet of living. She had to learn how to love for the first time but she had to give up herself first. Give up and surrender. She doesn't know how to trust him, how to read him but he does. He knows her, better than she knows herself. Her deepest fears, her wildest dreams, he knows them. Her needs, her desires, and her hang-ups…he knew them all. What else could she do but surrender? Give in to that which she doesn't know. The seductiveness of the unknown. She felt as if she was walking on a tightrope. Walking away from a dreary comfort, heading towards pleasure, pain, bliss and discomfort. Feelings she had briefly allowed herself to feel but only for a moment. Now she had the chance to fully experience them at any cost. Would she do it? Could she do it or had she lost any capacity to open up? Could she trust that stranger who knew her so well? "These things cannot happen in real life" she thought to herself.

 

 

Torn between her hope that something real was waiting for her and the disbelief that these things really happen, she was unable to decide. And yet it was too late to turn back. During those three weeks, she had felt something that was more real than anything she had felt in the past. Unable to process her strange feelings, she hesitantly moved forward…She met him again. A long, passionate kiss brought them closer than ever. As they disengaged from each other's arms, they looked into each other's eyes, uncomfortable and shy at first. As each second passed, they became braver and felt more at ease as their physical bodies examined each other. What did they feel, if anything? Did the chemistry they sensed at first, exist? Or was it an illusion? Was it wishful thinking or did the universe bring them together? Two lost souls, two wanderers who were longing for their other half? For years they were looking for someone to free them, to complete them, to help them ask their right question and receive the right answer. The magic was there it was up to them to reveal it and fully and experience it without fear. Begin from the beginning, tabula rasa, blank slate. Create a new present freed from the past. Build a hopeful future filled with love, contentment, passion and creative energy.


As these thoughts and emotions rushed through their minds, they felt detached from each other, isolated in their own individual microcosms. Something had to bring them back into the moment, the present; otherwise the magic would be gone. And then their chance would be gone. They would have to return to their emotionally vacant lives knowing they had lost the one chance for happiness and completeness. What to do in a moment like this? Return to old patterns of behaviour or take a leap of faith? Were they brave enough or so deeply settled in their old, familiar ways that they couldn't face the unknown that appeared in front of them?

It was a rainy and humid night. I couldn't sleep. I paced up and down in my living room trying to work off my restlessness. I have to go to sleep, i kept telling myself but to no avail. I turned off the television, hoping that once again it will work as a sedative. But at 3 am all there was on offer was telemarketing bits and a bit of soft porn. I turned it off and decided to go to bed. I switched off the light and waited...I wonder does counting sheep ever work?


As I am considering my options i hear a deafening noise coming from the floor above me. It sounded as if someone had dropped a bunch of marbles on the floor. They rolled, and rolled, and rolled... I couldn't believe what was happening to me. Is someone trying to piss me off? I wondered and tried to figure out who lived above me. Silnce ensued and I thought that perhaps it was just an accident. As time goes by, i finally start to relax.


A few minutes later, i hear a man singing...no... it was more like screeching accompanied by banjo playing. I jump up off my bed and try to listen closely. The whole thing was so surreal that I couldn't believe my ears. The singing and the banjo playing continues and I am furious.I get up and head to my kitchen, i pick up a broom and start banging it on the ceiling. Nothing. The noise continues. And then it stops. Silence. Five, ten minutes later and I'm thinking maybe that was it, when my deranged neighbor decides to use something that sounds like a drill. 'Is he drilling a hole at 4:15am?' I wondered out loud. That's it, i'm thinking and I feel ready to face the enemy.


I put on a nightgown and I head upstairs. I knock on his door. It's open. I enter and I see him hanging up a painting on the wall. 'Are you insane?' I start yelling at him. He ignores me. I approach him...



At the court of law, when they asked me why I did it, i simply said: 'it wasn't my fault he just happened to run into my kitchen knife...

I hate slow people! Having said that, I'm trying to take things slow in various aspects of my life. Sounds contradictory? Well it isn't because I'm talking about a different kind of slow. A few months ago, I bought a book that I knew I needed to read because it's part of the changing process I'm going through. The book I'm talking about is called: "In praise of slow" by Carl Honore. From the first pages I realised I have been 'suffering' from this condition known as 'time sickness'. According to this physician who coined the term it is 'the obsessive belief that time is getting away, that there isn't enough of it and that you must pedal faster and faster to keep up'. It is so true of what I'm feeling... I learnt to move very fast by living in New York for 10 years and I managed to bring this here to Athens. It's a big city after all and I adjusted just fine to its rhythm. And yet, what frustrates me about living here is that this country seems to be moving very slow in some ways that I do not consider good that affect my everyday life, like for buraucracy for example.


The point is though, that people who live in big cities try to cram as many things as possible in their daily schedule. I am a poster child for this condition. I can't do just one thing at a time unless it's watching a film, without feeling restless. I feel I'm missing something and that I'm not living life to its fullest. But in reality, if I;m reading something and I have the TV on, I'm not really concentrated and a few minutes later I have forgotten what I have read. So, what's the point?


Fast cars, fast internet, fast food, quick love affairs, fast sex. This is what our society has come to. That's why people get killed, that's why they become obese and that's why we have such a high divorce rating. In the end we are a bunch of exhausted, highly unsatisfied individuals.


So, as I'm reading that book and I realize I am a victim of speed, I vow to change my pace. My major new year's resolution would be to enjoy everything as much as I can without worrying about what's next and what I may be missing...


Check out: www.inpraiseofslow.com

Since I have come back from my amazing holidays, I have been a bit depressed. I am not really enjoying being back in the city and so I decided to try and do things as a way of preserving that holiday spirit and mood. These are some thing I'm doing in order to achieve that:

1.Listen to music that reminds me of the places I visited and conjure up my memories of it.

2. Wear a sarong around the house..may sound strange but it does work.

3. Eat the same food I did while on holidays. Lots of fruit and Turkish dishes.

4. Burn candles and incense and avoid turning the idiot box on!

5. Read again the books I was reading while on holidays, although I have to admit that I didn't read as much this summer. Still reading that book on the history of LSD.

6. Avoid doing any real work at any cost!

7. Try and go swimming on the weekends.

8. Be reminded of the images and sounds of your holidays on a daily basis.

This is what I have come up with so far. I hope it helps some of you out there!

 

the muse

In one of my oldest memories, I remember my mother sitting on her favorite armchair wearing a fluffy light blue housecoat. She is staring outside the window smoking while Im sitting on the floor, playing. Every so often, she turns around to look at me but I have the feeling that shes not really looking at me. Her mind is somewhere else. At that moment, I know its best not to talk to her. When she puts her cigarette out and before she lights up another one, she gets up and sits with me on the floor. She asks me what Im making. For a moment, I know shes mine.I hug her and I smell on her that familiar scent of soap and cigarettes.

Many years have gone by and yet every time I see that fluffy housecoat hanging behind her bedroom door, I remember those quiet but filled with meaning moments, when my mother would be lost in her thoughts while smoking her cigarette. I have come to realize how precious those moments were to her. I now know that only then she accepted the sweet sorrow she often felt and which she tried to escape from by keeping busy.

Every time I visit her and I see her wearing that blue housecoat, I am filled with anger. I remember being a kid and playing with my toys and I felt neglected. She wore that same housecoat, she smoked and tried to avoid me. I felt ignored and I did everything in my power to make her notice me. She would get pissed at me and tell me to be quiet. But I was bored playing alone and I longed for her attention. Those moments I felt she was miles away from me

Once upon a time in a far away land there were two girls, Jenny and Marialita who had been friends since they met years ago at the nursery playground. They were inseparable and they liked to do everything together even though they were two very different personalities. Jenny was tall, slim, blonde with green sparkling eyes, carefree and innocent. Marialita was shorter, curvaceous and had dark curly hair that suited her restless personality.

It was a crisp spring morning when they decided to visit their neighborhoods vintage store to shop for a dress. The restless girl chose a strapless summer dress with little daisies on it. Her friend disliked the dress right away thinking that it was not right for the blind date her friend was going to that night. Despite her friends objection, Marialita decided to buy it.

The time for the blind date arrived and Marialita went to meet the mystery man at a busy corner in the center of the city. As she was waiting for him, a shiny black sports car stopped in front of her. It was James, the mystery man signaling her to get in. She hesitated for a split second when she saw him as she did not feel any sparks or excitement. She got in nevertheless because it was too late to run away. He may be a frog who is waiting for me to kiss him and turn him into a lovely, sensitive prince she thought to herself. Soon she realized she was deluding herself as she felt the indifference his words and attitude revealed. She realized he was an evil frog and if she kissed him, she would turn into an ugly salamander. She curled up in her seat and hoped the evening would end soon.

As they drove away from the city center trying to decide where to go, a small beautiful restaurant appeared in the middle of nowhere. They decided to go in and an old Japanese man greeted them. He showed them to their table and asked them what they would like to have. James asked a million questions about the food, the little man answered him patiently and finally suggested an exotic meal that no one had ever tasted. James felt very special and agreed to be the first one to try it.

One, two, three mouthfuls and the young man falls off his chair, pale as a sheet. The exotic dish he had tasted was filled with poison that burned his insides. Poor Marialita tries to help him but to no avail. She looks for the little Japanese man but he has disappeared. What she finds though is a small piece of paper. It says Your arrogant frog has fallen into a deep sleep. If you can forgive him, he will always be devoted to you. Marialita surprised and puzzled by the note, she starts imagining her life with James. She pictures their fights, his arrogance, his evil ways. Suddenly, she feels a sense of relief, she sits back on her chair and continues to sip the drink the old man had offered her before he disappeared forever. There was no point to it as she had made up her mind long time ago that men dont change

Once upon a time there was a young woman who all she wished for was to find the love of her life. She spent every moment of her waking life daydreaming about it. She went on dates, she visited dating sites on the Internet, she tried the singles ads, but nothing happened. She wanted Mr. Perfect, but all she got was Mr. Wrong and Mr. Perfect for Right Now. But she wasnt disheartened. Time went by and she wondered if the man she was waiting for really did exist.

One day, as she was surfing on the worldwide web, she stumbled across a site that sparked her curiosity. It was a worldwide delivery package service. Order what you wish for and it will be delivered to your place of residence within 24 hours, satisfaction guaranteed. She checked out the options about the type of wishes available to the customers of this service. The perfect gift, the perfect trip, the perfect house, the perfcet man.

She thought about it for a minute and decided to give it a try. She clicked on the soul mate option. She filled out a questionnaire and sent it off. She filled in her address information and turned off her computer feeling elated.

Throughout the day, she felt restless. She couldnt concentrate on her work. The next day, she woke up, made a cup of coffee and checked her e-mail. There was a purchase receipt from the delivery service. Her soul mate was en route. She started thinking what she was going to wear when she was going to greet her package. She decided on a colorful little dress, not too slutty but not too prude either. As the delivery time approached, she got progressively nervous. What if this is a hoax? she wondered. The minute that thought crossed her mind, she heard her doorbell ring. She went to the door and opened it. A handsome delivery guy dressed in jeans and white T-shirt was waiting outside her door. Next to him, was a huge package. The delivery man gave her a sheet to sign her name. She looked first at him and then at the package. Thats your order he said smiling at her. She paused for a second. You have to check it to make sure its what you ordered, he continued. She went into her kitchen, grabbed a pair of scissors and started poking the package. Be careful started saying the delivery man but it was too late. Ouch! yelled the package. She stepped back scared that she had injured the man of her dreams. The delivery man helped her open the box and out came a gorgeous man, with his hand on his bleeding neck.

She stood there, dumbfounded looking at the two men. Are you insane lady? You almost stabbed me the man yelled at her as he was trying to stop the blood from running down his starchy white shirt. Im sorry she mumbled. The delivery man felt sorry for her and shot him a dirty look: she didnt mean it, man he said.

Shame was followed by anger and she decided she have had enough. Im sorry but you have to take him back she said. Hes not what I expected. The delivery man looked at her smiling. No problem he said and put the man back in the box. She stood there looking at her soul mate disappearing.

The delivery man headed towards the elevator, paused and turned back. Since you declined the package, he asked her, would you like to go out for a drink with me? She smiled at him and said: I thought youd never ask, she said and gave him her phone number...