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ALEXANDER THE POET



Last Updated: 12/12/2009

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Status: Single
City: EAST BRUNSWICK
State: NEW JERSEY
Country: US
Signup Date: 11/28/2004

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Monday, December 14, 2009 

Category: Writing and Poetry
"The Chosen People" by Alexander The Poet 12.14.09

They say that the Jews
They are the chosen people
Then why the small dicks

THE END

***********************************************

"Mustache Rides" by Alexander The Poet 12.14.09

I often wonder
Did whores enjoy mustache rides
From Adolf Hitler

THE END
4:15 PM 
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Sunday, December 06, 2009 

Category: Movies, TV, Celebrities
"Ode To Puma Swede" By Alexander The Poet 12.05.09

I came across this pornstar on the net,
 And I feel the need to concede
That she gave me such wood I'll not forget,
 I'm talking about Puma Swede!

She claims to be both Swedish and Finnish,
 And possesses F cup sized tits
With that fact, my hard-on don't diminish,
 Rather, it stays and never quits!

IKEA reminds her of her homeland,
 And she's studying web design
When I see her pics, I do take my hand,
 And wack to her cause she's so fine!

Reading sex novels gets her in the mood,
 It makes her grab, her Magic Wand
And she has a thing for Mexican food
 I swear, this girl is one hot blonde!
 
But damn it, to Kieran Lee, she's engaged
 It makes me quite jealous indeed
For that detail makes my cock so enraged
 Cause it's in love, with Puma Swede...

THE END


Research for this poem was found at her official website
http://www.pumaswede.com
12:52 AM 
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Saturday, November 28, 2009 
"When I Was Eye Raping You" By Alexander The Poet 11.28.09

The other day at the shop,
 You know, when I was eye raping you
You never told me to stop,
 I swear, it was such a dream come true!

As I stared at your body,
 Such a crime was being committed
Was so evil and shoddy,
 I knew I could not be acquitted!

You did not feel it at all,
 When I had stripped and went inside you
How it relieved my blue balls,
 Oh Jesus, how it made my dick spew!

You were so pretty and sweet,
 Eye raping you was such bliss and zen
Can't wait till next time we meet,
 So I can eye rape you once again!

THE END
3:36 PM 
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Tuesday, November 24, 2009 

Category: Romance and Relationships
"Why Do You Make My Dick So Hard?" By Alexander The Poet 11.24.09


For a while now, I've had this question,
  And my mind, it has forever marred
But I must ask you, with obsession,
  Just why, do you make my dick so hard?!

Could it be your eternal knowledge,
 In knowing, what makes me feel so good?,
Well there's one thing I shall acknowledge
 You know well, because you give me wood!

There's one other thing I do suspect,
 It's your eagerness to suck my cock
All I know is, it gets me erect,
 It just puts me in a state of shock!

And let's not forget those subtle ways,
 Of how you rub up against my pants
That shit really sets my dick ablaze,
 With you, impotence has no damn chance!

Perhaps there is just no real answer,
 And this question, me, it will bombard
It will eat at me like a cancer,
 To know why, you make my dick so hard...

THE END
6:49 PM 
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Sunday, November 01, 2009 

Category: Parties and Nightlife
"My Hot Virgin Ass" By Alexander The Poet 11.01.09

This poem is about my hot virgin ass,
 Which has never ever been fucked before
And not sure why, because my ass is world class,
 And it is just aching to be a whore!

Please don't be afraid to insert your finger,
 For I swear, that my ass is clear of shit
But if you just might find some feces linger,
 I do ask you nicely that you don't quit!

I think that you may be intimidated,
 By the amount of hair, that's in my crack
So if my hairy ass makes you frustrated,
 I urge you to let me know, don't hold back!

If my ass was on a facebook or myspace,
 It would have many friends, of this I'm sure
But perhaps an ad on craigslist it should place,
 And then it would be a virgin no more!?

THE END
11:28 AM 
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Saturday, October 31, 2009 

Category: Life
"Ode To My Forehead" By Alexander The Poet 10.31.09

Why is my forehead so fucking damn huge?,
 Why is it like that, I want to know?
Is it meant to be a target for splooge?,
 Or lots of advertising to go?

They say high foreheads mean intelligence,
 So why do I not feel very smart?
Instead I am always on the defense,
 Against jokes that just tear me apart!

Mean people like to call it a fivehead,
 How on them, I would like to pass gas!
And if by then, not all of them are dead,
 Atleast then, they would focus on my ass!

But with my forehead, I can't live life scared,
 So then, to avoid quarrels with gangs
I'll do something different with my hair,
 I shall cover my forehead with bangs!

THE END
4:07 PM 
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Tuesday, September 08, 2009 

Category: Pets and Animals
"Big Hairy Monkey Balls" By Alexander The Poet 09.08.09


One phrase I tend to often hear,
 Is, it sucks big hairy monkey balls
Well to me, that's a new frontier,
 From where did that phrase begin at all?

How do we know, they are so big?
 How do we know, they are so hairy?
Perhaps, they're the size of a fig,
 And they're as smooth as a canary?!

So I ask myself this question,
 Are such balls quite possible to suck?
Would doing so, cause erection?,
 Or rather, nonstop cries of "What the Fuck?!"

I think, big hairy monkey balls
 Must not taste that good, but taste real bad
Cause then they would not suck at all
 And they would not make people so mad...

THE END
10:44 PM 
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Sunday, September 06, 2009 

Category: Art and Photography
"My Favorite Hobby Is Staring At Your Tits" By Alexander The Poet 09.05.09

Some folks like to collect lots of baseball cards,
 And some others, comic books
But I share a hobby common amongst bards,
 That's giving tits dirty looks!

See, collecting baseball cards takes lots of time,
 It costs lots of money too
But staring at tits does not cost you a dime,
 Just a slap if they catch you!

Comic books require you to sit and read,
 Which doesn't last very long
But staring at tits takes a good while indeed,
 And no dyke can prove me wrong!

Collecting coins and stamps is for the snobby,
 Anything else, is the pits
Thus, I only have one favorite hobby,
 That is staring at your tits!

THE END
2:33 AM 
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Wednesday, August 12, 2009 

Category: Life
Inspired by a scene in Funny People where Jonah Hill's character mentioned
grey pubes making a nutsack look distinguished...

"My Distinguished Nuts" By Alexander The Poet 08.11.09

It was just another day,
 As I took a look down at my cock
Then I saw one pube was grey,
 And it put me in a state of shock!

I knew what I had to do,
 I needed to eliminate stress!
So I grabbed my balls so blue,
 And I jacked them off and made a mess!
 
But then I started to think,
 Perhaps having grey pubes wasn't bad
For grey hair is most in sync,
 With looking distinguished and so rad!
 
So worry more I did not,
 For I no longer felt like a klutz
For I felt sexy and hot...
 Because I now had distinguished nuts!

THE END
3:00 AM 
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Sunday, August 02, 2009 
The guys over at Lolokaust did an interview with me! Check it out! Thanks guys!

http://www.lolokaust.com/

It will be up on the main page for a week and then it will be archived somewhere.
4:30 AM 
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